This poem is more so of a letter than a poem, though it is mostly that too.
Over a year ago, I was obsessed with you.
Thinking about you everyday.
My very mood was dictated off of how you felt and thought of me.
For three months back in 2024 I was in a state of limerence over you. Though I did not realize that was what it was…
I loved you. Even if not in a romantic way.
You promised me that you wouldn’t leave without saying anything,
I remember you reassuring me of that fact.
That security had calmed my heightening anxiety that had constantly arose in my stomach,
That sickening anxiety that has been holding me back from everything my entire life out of pure fear of rejection or pain.
Held me back from telling you how much I truly cared.
Don’t get it twisted, the love was never romantic.
I was just a mentally ill person who just so happened to get attached to you because compared to everybody else, you were the nicest.
And you gave me attention by feeding into the same interests that I had at the time that we just so happened to share.
You promised that you wouldn’t leave without saying anything,
Everywhere I went you you gone,
You defended me through everything.
And yet last year on march 10th you were gone,
and without the explanation you promised me you’d give.
For months, I couldn’t get over it.
But holding on was eating me alive,
Even though I couldn’t really control that holding on.
But I did let go, eventually.
It pained me to do, but I had no other choice.
It was either let go and leave you in the past,
Or cling onto the memories I shared with you in hopes that you would come back,
when I knew that you wouldn’t.
I realize now that it was stupid of me to believe that you’d come back,
But I also realize that I shouldn’t beat myself up for it.
I didn’t know that you were going to do that,
I did nothing wrong to you,
as far as I’m concerned and aware of, I am not the on at fault here.
But that doesn’t really matter now.
I wonder sometimes if you grew to be uncomfortable by my presence,
Or got pressured or convinced to do so by the people around you,
And maybe that’s why you left.
But I will never truly know.
even if my curiosity isn’t.
Reznov/Vitya, I know that you will never see this poem.
But should you ever see it, and want to come back to me,
And give me an explanation,
Give me the reason you promised you’d give two years ago,
My arms, and my DMs, will always be open for you.
Sometimes you need to make closure for yourself.
And if that means for me finally getting over you and the feelings I had towards you,
then I suppose it is what I’ve come to have to do.
Those feelings weren’t easy to get over, I’ll admit.
But I’ve accepted your walking out on my life now.
Even if I may never get a reason from you,
Whatever that reason may have been,
Especially in cases like these where the answer may never be given to you.
So you either have to make an answer for yourself,
Or accept the absence of it and go through life without one.
This poem, is me doing the latter.
I accept now that I may never get an explanation on why you suddenly wanted to walk out of my life,
Waiting for you to come back,
should you ever choose to do so.
I have accepted that you may never will.