A TransArtist's Requiem

This place is my safe space. However, it may not be safe for you. Content warning: depressive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, self- harm, violence, sexually explicit material. A conglomerate of all the writing, arts, crafts, and other stuff I do. Mostly, I'm using this as a way to deal, acting as a journal and home for my writing.

[raeiswatching-blog]

Hearth

That night, I watched your eyes hover with intense focus and fervor. Your hands moved across the pit, placing kindling and logs ever-so precariously. It was the same look you gave me before you kissed me. Cold, blue eyes that unknowingly held a feverish heat. Heart and hearth. Home. I don't fall for people. Most people talk about falling in love like they're jumping from a cliff. And yes, I've felt the rush that comes from running up to the edge and looking down into the abyss that so many people call love. But, no matter what I do, I cannot and will not make my feet leave the ground. I can never see the ground on the other side, so I will never jump. At least, that's how I thought love worked. Maybe it feels different for me, because I'm broken. No, not broken. Don't. Ever. Say. You're. Broken. You. Are. Not. Broken. Isn't that what you taught me? Different. But, for me, it felt like breathing. An incipient flame nested inside my heart. Hearth and home. It's small, but it's warm, and it's mine, and, God, do I not want to let this go. The outside may become cold and bitter, but this keeps me warm. In my heart and home.

[deadendland-deactivated20201222]

Honestly one of the worst feelings in the world is when you’re passionately talking about something you love and someone says you’re being annoying 

[simonalkenmayer]

Those people do not deserve your time or expertise. They certainly don’t deserve your passion.

[deactivated-this-account-deacti]

Don’t ever, ever, feel bad for having hobbies and interests. Feel bad for the useless sod who can’t fathom doing anything enjoyable and has to complain that you aren’t staring blankly at a bare wall.

[usbdongle-deactivated20200531]

im so fucking gay for dragons my dudes

[raeiswatching-blog]

Did you know that I'm still falling for you? I walled myself off, again. But I can hear that tiny voice calling out, waiting patiently. I'm sorry that I can't be selfish. My prior commitments make me unable to. I wish someone would help that commitment see that he's being a selfish brat. I'm not going to let that demon push you into me for revenge. I'm not going to let him take you away from me. I'm not going to force myself to stop being in awe of who you are and what you've done. But, I'm still sorry that I cannot and will not be yours for the time being.

[raeiswatching-blog]

12/10/16

I've been thinking about what I want to do for the rest of my life. You know, about how much I love learning, school, teaching, gaining knowledge... And I think I want to become a doctor. Or at least some sort of scientist. I want something that challenges academically, intellectually. If I could spend the rest of my life learning, I would.

[rsbenedict-deactivated20181216]

Meet Betsy DeVos, Trump’s pick for Secretary of Education. She funds an institute that wants to bring back child labor and get rid of public education.

[captaincolossal]

Betsy DeVos is from my area (West Michigan) and let me tell you: she comes from not one, but two of the most corrupt, entitled, extreme conservative families in the area.

Something else, that I feel like people really should be aware of is that our state government (led, of course, by Rick Snyder of the ongoing Flint Water Crisis) just stated that literacy is not a right.

Yeah.  Literacy is not a right.

What happened is that some students in Detroit tried to sue the state because they have been denied access to literacy (through disinvestment and indifference to Detroit’s public schools).  And the official response is that state legislation only requires that there be a system of free public schools.  So yeah, there are schools.  Schools without money or resources.  But they’re there, and literacy is not a right (apparently).

Meanwhile, Betsy DeVos is a huge supporter of charter schools.  Which means that she’s strongly anti-public school.  She never went to public school, nor did any of her children.

Also: the DeVos family contributed over $9 million to the Tr*mp campaign.

[yoncegay-deactivated20161122]

50 notes and i’ll throw his backpack in the dumpster

[yoncegay-deactivated20161122]

[postmarxed-deactivated20190429]

reblog to honor this persons sacrifice 

[raeiswatching-blog]

12/9/16

Car is fixed. Thank God. Still haven't heard back from the self- service people who were supposed to get back to me about looking over my paperwork for my name change. Some things are incredibly frustrating, and this whole process is definitely one of them. I also continue to be let down by health insurance companies, as I cannot find a single doctor in my network that will perform my surgery. So, I don't know how that's going to go down. Currently, there's no way for me to be able to afford it out of pocket.

[gifsboom]

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

These cats look so puzzled oh my gosh :D

[unconstrainedme]

This is the sort of quality content I expect from my dash :D

Bless the confused little murder machines

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

“WHAT ARE THESE ORBS

Why they stick to us”

[raeiswatching-blog]

12-7-16

First flat tire in my life. Was trying to get my boyfriend to work. That didn't happen. (A co-worker picked him up for work, so he did end up going. Don't know how he's getting home though.) I need to breathe. My anxiety is overwhelming. I think I'm going to wait a half- hour and try and calm down before I call the tire place. Or the tow company. Something. I don't know. Rest. Ryan. Rest.

[nevaehtyler]

Flint, Michigan hasn’t had clean water since April 24, 2014.

[assgod]

For more context that is 939 Days

[cotardkindrome1999]

Important!

[luxuriant-starlight]

TWO AND A HALF YEARS WITHOUT CLEAN WATER. DON’T SHUT UP ABOUT IT. THIS IS WHAT THEY WANT.

[raeiswatching-blog]

I just want someone to go out of their way to tell me I'm attractive.

[x-anima-x]

Part 1 of illustrations by Santiago Caruso for “The Bloody Countess.“ 

[raeiswatching-blog]

November 29, 2016

My boyfriend is ridiculously attractive, and charming. Girls fall for him in a heartbeat. Guys fall for him in a heartbeat. That's what makes me so afraid. If anything went seriously wrong, and we broke up... ... I mean, it's easy for him to find someone. But, I'd be stuck without a sexual partner for months. Years. I have not been told that I'm attractive, except by close friends. I guess being a trans guy ruined my hypothetical single life. I mean, it hurts my poly relationship status as well. But, fuck if I don't just want to be told that I'm attractive or sexy or something.

[raeiswatching-blog]

11/19/2016

Went to larp after work, even though I didn't feel like it. Quanah is right, I blame my problems on everyone else. God, I'm so worthless. He doesn't mean it that way, but fuck if it doesn't feel like it. Accidentally kicked off an arc of storyline by just asking questions. Boyfriend also doesn't believe that it should be this easy. But, maybe, I am a better role player than everyone else.

[overdistraction]

When Blizzard has no chill (x)

[yenwenlen]

[raeiswatching-blog]

11/18/2016

Today, I bought myself a 3DS XL for the new Pokemon game, all the previous games, and because I wanted to actually feel like I had something of worth that belonged to me. But I also bought a pour over pot, a French press, and a matte black Starbucks cup. I've bought a lot of stuff over there past few days. I mean, they're all useful, and I've been hoarding money away for surgery and my name change, but I just wanted to treat myself, you know?