sinclair is really particularly eggmoding in season 4. long ass essay breaking down sinclairs repressed gender dysphoria. maintagged too, everybody look at my transfeminism poast
not eating lunch. regularly. classic egg disordered eating. in this context i think its not at all about getting smaller or reducing masculine secondary sex traits (quite a common motivation, for example melissa from dorley hall. but i think sinclair is more resentful of her smallness (short, notably shorter than justine/daphne, quite narrow in the comics but its less pronounced in the show) and blames it for her being transmisogynized, shes not interested in getting Even Smaller) its entirely about control over her body and dissociating from her needs. she sees her body as a machine that she needs to make more efficient, more output (work hours) with less fuel, and has no concept of enjoying the experience of life.
im really really obsessed with her wearing scrubs during the portal scene. not a sterile environment at all, nobody else is wearing ppe, its just her. ive already considered in the past that she does things like wearing a full suit to a bio101 course because she doesnt like thinking abt her body or how it looks, so she just wears more formal stuff by default, like as a uniform; so she both doesnt have to choose clothes and doesnt draw attention by being underdressed (shes also autistic and may not have a concept of being overdressed). uniforms tend to blend in to the background, even tho shes overdressed in this context lol the idea is there. formal clothes also broadly tend to be both more structured and more covering, so they hide the body too.
so the scrubs take this idea even further. again, this outfit doesnt really fit the situation; but its a uniform, it blends into the background, the full outfit goes together without any consideration for fashion choices, its even more full coverage and shapeless, and its more gender neutral than formalwear. it doesnt make any statement at all beyond "medical professional".
i think part of the reason she went for scrubs on that day/is implied to wear them at all times is because she got used to wearing them for work (compare to only occasional labs in college, and only just starting at the gda in earlier seasons. at this point shes probably been required to wear scrubs almost every day for over a year) BUT another aspect is the social environment.
instead of being around young adults in college (statistically likely to be more liberal) shes now around older adults, in a militarized government setting no less. the military is of course chock full of strong gendered expectations, especially masculinity; and this extends to lab and desk work linked to the military as well. many people working at the pentagon would be exmilitary (along with ppl raised by military and on base, and plenty would just gradually internalize the ideas from those <- groups) so they have more strict ideas of gender roles that they would expect sinclair to live up to, and are more likely to be more negative when she doesnt.
even without any direct notable transmisogyny events, and/or without her coworkers in the same lab thinking like that; microaggressions, subtle biases, and overhearing conversations can all happen in communal spaces (passing in halls, cafeterias, collab work with other departments) so it for sure would put stress on sinclair and her relationship to her gender.
having a girlfriend is similar, though less pronounced. again, im not saying daphne/justine is directly transmisogynist, i think she isnt; but the expectations of a het relationship are still there. romantic/sexual relationships are chock full of gendered expectations, weve all seen it (men are expected to ask out women, pay for dates, have piv sex, etc) so i wont make this post longer than it is.
i also think sinclair doesnt really care that much abt this relationship, its just what others expect of her "as a man". for example, staying up late working to avoid spending time with justine and ESPECIALLY to avoid the possibility of sex (along with just plain avoiding lying awake at night thinking abt her problems. occupying her time to avoid introspection, much like the lunch breaks). same deal, it stresses sinclair out even tho she cant conceptualize why that is or what to do abt it.
SO. BECAUSE OF ALL THAT. sinclair starts to feels really weird about herself, her presentation, how others see her, etc. she tries to manage this by going for the more covering, more gender neutral, more overlooked uniform. INCLUDING even gloves (hand dysphoria, also the stress is exuberating her sensory issues (obviously shes autistic)) and shoe covers (shoes are a very gendered article of clothing, they can be distinct so covering them makes ppl fade more, shoe sizes might contribute as well but i think thats less important) and, as a secret 3rd thing, i think she uses this stuff as an excuse to avoid ppl. like "cant talk rn im in the middle of smthng, i just stepped out of the lab for a second, i need to get back so leave me alone"
in conclusion; estrogen would save her. btw did you know wiktionary says that "exuberating" with the definition of making more or being in abundance is obsolete. i only learned this when looking it up after spellcheck didnt recognize it. if nobody else is saying exuberate like that, where did i even learn that definition ❓
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