It’s asked innocently, sitting over bagels. A logical next step in a blossoming friendship, she only has the best of intentions. We’ve talked about other personal stuff; her boyfriend, my frustrations at work, a recent breakup. But somehow this feels different...raw.
I told her I felt put on the spot. I told her I know she didn’t mean to make me uncomfortable, but that this is a question I get often and I don’t feel comfortable answering. It’s not because there’s a painful backstory (relatively speaking, my parents were incredibly supportive) but because I can’t imagine a time I would feel comfortable asking a straight friend for that kind of personal and potentially painful history. But somehow, it’s OK to ask that kind of intimacy from gay friends - as if my stories and my history and my suffering and my joy belong to the world.
My story feels so vulnerable. I came out young and I often joke about my sexuality and am very comfortable discussing it in the here and now, but talking about how I came to be this way can make me feel embarrassed and shy if in the wrong context. It’s this private part of me that is so holy, and I can’t just share it over bagels. The whole process of coming out can feel so incredibly public in a way that straight people aren’t expected to experience - they are entitled to privacy within their developing sexualities. We, to be taken seriously, have to announce. We have to talk about and share and let others in, in a way that isn’t easy or even safe. So I like to keep my little story private, tucked away inside for a friend or a lover who I’d like to share it with when I feel like that’s what I want to do - not because I was asked to, again.
