another choices blog

vic (she/her) | 18+ | fic list ✶ a soft spot for mean love interests

[raleighcarrera]

routine

ride or die | colt kaneko x mc (ellie wheeler)

an au where everyone is college friends, colt’s best friend is getting married and logan’s fiancé, ingrid, picked the girl he’s been harboring an unhealthy crush on for eight years to be her maid of honor. as the best man, he’s not exactly looking forward to having to spend so much time with her.

this is a companion fic to cliché, told from colt’s pov.

tags: @lovehugsandcandy, @pixeljazzy, @troublemakerinspace, @yaushie, @tempesrature, @zigtheeortega, @jaxmatsuo

~18.6k words | M (18+)

colt and logan were grabbing a beer at the dive bar down the street from the garage, a thursday night tradition they’d held onto since they first graduated, four years ago. 

even before they’d moved out of the dorms it was time that had always been set aside for the two of them, ever since the housing lottery dumped them together as freshmen roommates who just so happened to share the same late night class in the weird building off campus next door to the pool hall that didn’t card students. 

things had changed a thousand times over since then. they spent a lot less time together now that they weren’t living in the same place anymore, and they’d both gotten jobs that were mostly befitting of actual adults, and --

“i’m going to ask ingrid to marry me,” logan said, smiling in that carefree way he always did.

-- there was that. 

condensation from colt’s beer bottle dripped down onto the bartop. he blinked, then grinned back at logan, reaching out to clap him on the shoulder. “finally,” he said. “when?”

logan exhaled shakily. he looked relieved that the news had been received positively, like colt didn’t already know that he’d planned on proposing for ages. like colt hadn’t given him the name of the jeweler he knew who took cash and always had an influx of diamonds on hand six months ago.

“tomorrow,” he answered, pushing a nervous hand through his hair. “i made us reservations at the outlook.” 

colt nodded, lifting his beer to his mouth. god. was he really old enough that his friends were starting to get married? “cool. let me know how it goes.”

logan’s anxious grin stretched further. “you’ll be my best man, right?”

he laughed, tipping his head back to drain what was left at the bottom of his bottle, waving the bartender over to close their tab. “first you’ve gotta get her to say yes.”

*

everything seemed to happen in a blur after that. it felt like living through a bad dream as the news came to him in bits and pieces. ingrid had said yes -- of course she had, that was to be expected -- they’d already booked a venue, alright, fine -- the wedding was in three months -- jesus christ, that was soon, but it wasn’t like he had anything else going on...

and the final kill shot, the piece that made his determination to roll with the punches evaporate like smoke: ingrid had asked ellie wheeler of all people to be her maid of honor.

“your sister said no?” colt asked her, scowling, uncaring of the fact that he sounded like he was fishing for information. ingrid had his number by now anyway, and he’d long since stopped being embarrassed by it. 

“my sister is a seventeen year old with an attitude problem,” ingrid sniffed, examining her own fingernails while still managing to convey clearly that she was judging him and judging him hard. “i didn’t ask her.”

he stood still for a moment, waiting for her to continue, chewing on his own tongue. when she didn’t, the hands he had in his pockets lifted exasperatedly. “ellie lives in new york,” he reminded her, “how is she going to help you plan your shotgun wedding?”

“i told you not to call it that,” ingrid interjected calmly. she lifted her eyes, then, assessing him cooly. “she’ll be home next week on spring break. we’ll do most of the big stuff before the engagement party on friday and figure everything else out later. don’t worry, it doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

colt rolled his eyes at her. actually, he didn’t say, it has everything to do with me, because most things tended to, in one way or another, especially where ellie was concerned. “whatever,” was what came out of his mouth when it finally opened.

ingrid saw straight through his best effort to play it cool. “look,” she said, pursing her lips, “after the toasts are over the two of you can kill each other, for all i care. but maybe this is an opportunity for you to pretend to be an actual human being for once and, i don’t know, talk to her?”

“oh my god, did i ask you?” he demanded childishly, voice defensive. “it doesn’t matter to me who you pick to be your stupid maid of honor.”

“well, it sounds like it kind of matters to you a little bit,” ingrid said. her voice was much more even than his was, and he felt his sour mood worsen. 

“yeah, i’m sure ellie was thrilled when you told her.” jesus christ, he wasn’t fishing. never mind that he’d wondered what she said desperately and hadn’t had a chance to ask before right now. 

thank god there were only three months until the wedding. it’d been a week and a half since logan had proposed and colt could already feel himself going insane.

“she definitely didn’t do this,” ingrid scoffed. the thread of amusement in her voice seemed to imply she found colt hilariously pathetic, so at least they had that in common. “and if you don’t want to talk about it, fine. that’s one less thing on my plate. i have a million other people to yell at, it’s not like you’re special.” 

“fine,” colt grit out, “then let’s never talk about it again.”

*

their agreement to drop the topic lasted all of three days, until their appointment to be fitted for tuxedos so happened to coincide with ingrid’s appointment to have her bridesmaids try on their dresses. 

colt realized he probably should have seen that coming, but in truth he’d forgotten about ellie’s spring break, burying the news to the deep recesses of his mind where he was still repressing the crush he’d developed on her the very first day they’d met at freshman orientation for the honors college at their university.

unfortunately, if he poked at that particular bruise, colt could remember the day like it was yesterday. ellie had been the picture of naive excitement wrapped in school spirit, with actual ribbons in her hair and less-actual stars in her eyes. she’d bumped into him at the table where the name tags were scattered randomly, where something had compelled him to stand searching for his own name for five minutes even though he had absolutely no intention of wearing the thin piece of plastic bearing it once it was found.

ellie had leaned across him to grab her own name tag, on the far right side of his body, and brushed his chest when she straightened with a polite “excuse me.”

back then she’d had to tilt her chin up to look him in the eyes and probably still did, not that he’d know. her lips had parted in surprise and he’d grinned back at her obnoxiously as his own gaze slid over her perfect face. “but if i excuse you, you won’t do it again.” colt had plucked the name tag from her hands as she stared at him incredulously. “...ellie. nice to meet you.”

“gross,” was all she’d said in answer, snatching it back before she turned on her heel abruptly, stomping away. 

and that was pretty much all it had taken to infatuate him. it wasn’t like he’d liked her any less once he’d actually gotten to know her and found out ellie was smart and funny in addition to being beautiful, that she was driven and loyal with a wit quick enough to rival his and sharp enough to sting in her own unique way. 

the way he felt about her festered the entire time they were in school together and just got worse and worse until pretty much all their friends knew he was into her and handling it poorly, shaking their heads like they felt bad for him every time he and ellie got into some new spectacular argument, something that was happening on a near biweekly basis by the time they were seniors.

now colt was seeing her for the first time in over a year, since he’d last done his best to avoid her at logan’s twenty-fifth birthday party and wound up taking home two girls after he saw her give her number to one of logan’s friends from high school. he didn’t want to think about all the things she’d be able to push him to do over the course of the next three months -- mostly because logan and ingrid had already threatened him over even the idea of doing any of them. 

it was hard not to fall right back into his old bullshit, though, when she tripped out of the dressing room at the boutique in a bright pink ball gown covered in ruffles, hair pulled back messily out of her face with one puffy sleeve slumped down her shoulder. she’d likely only been trying on dresses for a few minutes -- he wasn’t that late, okay -- and already looked miserable but was trying gamely to hide it.

ellie was probably succeeding in looking fine to anyone who hadn’t spent as much time staring at her face as he had. from where he was leaning against the far wall of the room, he heard her say, “it’s not... that bad.”

he couldn’t help himself. colt smirked at her, calling out, “not if you’re little bo peep.”

he saw her stiffen, shoulders tensing behind neon taffeta. his arms folded across his chest as he tried his best not to appear too delighted by her reaction. without turning her head, ellie said, “hi, colt. nice to see you, too.”

colt took a step closer, emboldened by her acknowledgment. the movement made her look at him, and he ignored the way his own heart beat traitorously faster as their eyes locked. “as if anyone could miss you in that thing.”

ellie sighed. “do you always have to be the most insufferable person in every room you’re in?”

he tucked a hand in his pocket, shrugging. the movement was a cross between aw, shucks and who, me? “not, always, no,” colt said, “but i like to win.”

he didn’t have a chance to hear whatever remark was on the tip of ellie’s tongue. “it’s disgusting,” ingrid declared abruptly, before ellie could snap back at him, “please take it off. can you try on the purple one next?”

as soon as she disappeared back into the dressing room, ingrid whipped her head around to stare at him, eyebrows arched challengingly. beneath the way she was obviously mocking him it almost seemed like there was a thread of concern.

colt turned away quickly, pretending to be busy looking at something on his phone. 

it was annoying, how badly he wanted her. how badly he always had and always would. the distance had dampened the way he felt, certainly, but having ellie here, now, in the flesh -- looking and sounding the same as always, tugging painfully on the nostalgia he pretended not to have... it was almost worse than it had been the first time around, when he’d had to sneak glances at her in the dining hall or advanced chem theory.

for christ’s sake. why couldn’t he just get over her? it wasn’t as if she’d ever given him the time of day. ellie had always made it completely clear that she thought he was worth absolutely nothing. he had nothing to hang on for and yet she kept him hooked. it was infuriating.

when she finally tried on a dress that ingrid deemed acceptable her face split into a relieved smile. almost absently, ellie smoothed her hands down the pretty blue skirt she was wearing and it struck him, suddenly, that he’d be expected to walk down the aisle with her, arm in arm -- that she’d be wearing that when he did, just three months from now.

ellie looked up and caught him staring. colt stomped off before he could do something stupid, like smile at her, making a beeline for the other side of the store, where logan was back from wherever he’d disappeared to. when colt caught up to him, he looked happy and guilty and smelled like nicotine.

colt elbowed him in the side. “you asshole.”

“sorry,” logan said unapologetically. one of their other friends, alex, snickered from beside him. “you looked busy.”

“strike out again?” alex asked obnoxiously. when they were juniors, alex’s girlfriend had dumped him in the library during finals week. colt had found him a few hours later in the third floor lounge crying and listening to taylor swift on his phone. alex had asked him not to tell anyone and he hadn’t, though he couldn’t help but recall the memory, now, grinning meanly back at him. 

alex seemed to know what he was thinking about and wisely made himself scarce. 

“when can we get out of here?” he asked logan. colt suddenly wanted desperately to be back at the garage, by himself, ignoring his problems. 

logan’s mouth twisted sympathetically, like he had any idea how tense he felt. “should be finishing up soon. sorry, i know it’s been all day. take five, i’ll grab you if i need you.”

but it wasn’t logan who found him checking his messages ten minutes later. of course the person shoving the tuxedo into his hands was the last person he wanted to see or speak to, even as ellie did her best to corral him back into the open dressing room behind his back. “what is this?” colt asked her, scowling down at the fabric in his hands.

“a tuxedo,” she answered tersely, “presumably you’ve seen one before? like, an hour ago? those are all called tuxedos. maybe you never learned the word?”

colt rolled his eyes at her. bizarrely, the snark in her response pulled some of the tension from his shoulders. it was familiar. “why are you giving it to me?”

“because i want you to put it on,” ellie said, as though he was the dumbest person she’d ever spoken to, “now. like, immediately.”

still, he just stood there. “i already tried on forty of them.”

“then one more shouldn’t make much of a difference.” she shoved his shoulder expectantly. “go.”

colt felt his ears burn as he left to get changed, studiously ignoring the looks the other groomsmen were giving him. whatever. like they weren’t all doing it, too. 

“oh my god,” ingrid said dramatically when they emerged, one by one, “you guys can do something right. i’m so happy. okay -- fuck it, let’s go get drinks. i’ll get the first round.”

at least they were one step closer to the end of this nightmare. and no one could say he hadn’t earned the drinks she’d be buying them.

*

at the bar, colt went straight for the good stuff, uncaring of the fact that his double whiskey neat was out of place amongst his friends’ glasses of beer and wine. 

he regretted not making it a triple when the entire table descended on ellie with a barrage of questions, leaving him to sulk moodily in the corner of the booth and pretend like he wasn’t interested in her answers.

it was actually kind of a lot of work. he was pretty sure he was the only person in their friend group who never spoke to ellie outside of events like today and logan’s birthday party, so he was, admittedly, a little desperate for information. he had no idea what was going on in her life, and colt was curious, too. what was it about new york that she liked so much more than her hometown? was she seeing anyone, back on the east coast? surely she must have been dating.

his whiskey was gone too quickly. ellie stood to head back to the bar and he had half a mind to follow her, sitting up from where he was slouching only to wonder what the fuck he thought he was doing at the last second and settle again, glaring at his empty glass.

“oh, dude,” logan said suddenly from beside him, sounding sympathetic and strange, “uh, absolutely nothing is happening right now. promise.”

colt looked up curiously and stilled, gritting his teeth. the bartender was hitting on ellie pretty obviously, if her body language and his charming smile were anything to go by. he frowned at them, not even bothering to try and temper his glare.

unbelievable. maybe it was better he didn’t know anything about what she was up to in new york. he knew it was stupid and pointless, but he was jealous all the same. as if she could sense his glare from across the room, ellie glanced back at him over her shoulder. colt felt his face flush, and turned away, averting his eyes.

“next time you could literally say nothing at all,” colt told logan, snatching his beer off the table. 

“that’s fair,” logan said agreeably, letting him. 

the sound of wolf whistles drew his eyes up again. ellie was walking back to her seat at the other end of the table, a cocktail napkin fluttering in her fingers. his own twitched with the desire to hit something as the girls started cheering around them.

“is that a phone number?” julia demanded, her grin wide. she reached over and plucked the napkin out of ellie’s hand. of course it was. “jesus, ellie. you’ve been back in the city for, what, an afternoon?”

colt chewed on the inside of his cheek. he liked julia, mostly. she definitely did not deserve to have the legs of her chair kicked out from under her. 

“give it,” ellie said, stepping forward as the rest of the girls passed it around the table, out of her reach. he hoped, for ellie’s sake, that they would keep it away from him. “oh my god, he was just being nice.”

colt bit back an eye roll. “no, please,” gemma laughed, holding the napkin up over her head across from him at the table, “tell us again how you’re too busy to date.”

he had half a mind to help ellie out, just so this would end. but he stayed resolutely seated, grip tight on the empty glass in his hand, and after a moment, ellie bounced up on her toes and snatched the napkin back. “i am too busy to date,” she said, folding it up and tucking it into the pocket of her jeans. “and i live across the country, remember?”

“hey, that doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun while you’re home this week, right?” brent asked. “speaking of, ryan moore keeps asking me about you.”

he liked brent, mostly. brent definitely did not deserve to have his tires slashed. 

colt only realized he had been staring at ellie when she caught his eye. this time, he didn’t look away from her, even as she lifted her wine glass to her face and pressed it to her flushed cheek. “can we talk about something else? my love life can’t be that interesting to you guys.”

logan reached out and ruffled her hair. “hey, you’re our last single friend. you can’t blame us for being invested.”

“colt’s single,” ellie said. how did she even know that? he felt his lips pull into a scowl.

did she... care?

“colt doesn’t count,” ingrid interjected, before he could dwell too heavily on that revelation, “he doesn’t have any social skills. you are a catch. you just need to put yourself out there.”

he glared murderously at her. she ignored him. 

“and i promise, once i have my ph.d, you can set me up with anyone you want,” ellie said dismissively. “hey, will someone please play pool with me? i haven’t shot in forever.”

as though it was not his own, colt heard his own voice answer, “i will.” ellie slowly turned towards him and colt felt his face morph easily into another smirk, starting to calm as something vaguely resembling normality reappeared. teasing ellie had always been second nature. “who knows what’d happen to your virtue if you went over there alone?”

ellie’s eyes narrowed at him. “thanks.”

just the sight of her bitter glare dispelled the knot in his chest. by the time they reached the pool table, he felt like himself again, and hummed happily under his breath as he racked the balls, slipping ellie a pool cue without looking.

she snatched it out of his hands unceremoniously. “you’re awful.”

colt grinned at her. ben the bartender could suck his dick. “thank you. break?”

ellie leaned over the table to line up her shot. two of the solid colored balls slid into the corner pockets. 

he surveyed the table, planning out his shot while racking his brain for something to say to ellie that wasn’t antagonistic. pretend to be an actual human being for once, ingrid had said. alright.

“so, what’s your deal?” was what came out when he opened his mouth. colt stared at his fingers first, and then the striped number eleven ball, which sailed smoothly into one of the table’s side pockets. “you a rocket scientist or whatever yet?”

colt stifled his cringe and lifted his head to look at her, just in time to catch ellie’s eye roll. “my degree is in chemistry,” she answered, again in that tone that called him an idiot without saying as much, “so -- no. i still have two more years in the program.”

“yeah, but what are you going to do with it?” was this how he talked to the rest of their friends? his tongue felt like lead. “once you’re a doctor,” he clarified.

she ignored him in favor of focusing on the table, and knocked one of her balls in. once it was his turn to shoot, she answered, “if you need to know, my specialization is in environmental science. one day i’ll hopefully work alongside some of the best in the world to ensure environmental hazards are at an all time low.”

“so whaddya moving to miami for?” colt asked. maybe asking questions was the trick to talking to her. already this was the longest conversation they’d had in years. he hardly noticed his shot knocked two balls into the corner pocket at once. “their environment is already pretty sweet.”

“the department is sending me to collect data from the water and air outside of the city,” she answered, her eyes on the table. “it’s for my dissertation. it’s only for the summer.”

despite ellie’s adorable concentration, her shot went wide, the ball sliding around the table with a slow spin. he laughed under his breath, almost hoping she wouldn’t notice. colt knew the sound was fond. “shame,” he murmured, thinking absently of how busy ellie would be over the next few months, “i’ll be stuck dealing with this mess on my own.”

in one of his many private panics over this stupid situation, when he’d reached the bargaining stage of grief, colt had done his best to convince himself that things wouldn’t be so bad because they probably wouldn’t even have to see each other or interact that much. now that it seemed like he was getting his wish, he was sort of disappointed.

“somehow i doubt that,” ellie said, “it’s only a timezone change. there’s still phones and video calls and plenty of ways for all of you to bother me.”

colt focused on the table, trying not to think about the fact that he’d never once actually used ellie’s phone number or talked to her outside of the errant group text. he made quick work of the last three striped balls, sending them off one after another. “only if you pick up,” he said, “the way the rest of them talk about how hard you are to pin down you’d think you were the president or something.”

it was more than mildly irritating. he knew it was a product of the fact that everyone else was local and ellie was never around, but half their friends hardly ever shut up about her. it made not thinking about her needlessly difficult. 

“i have a demanding course load,” ellie huffed out defensively, “so we should get started on planning their bachelor and bachelorette party before my flight back on sunday. that should be the only thing that’s still up in the air after all our appointments this week.”

oh, god. he had almost forgotten about that disaster. when was this nightmare going to end? if someone had told him five years ago that he’d be planning a bachelor party with ellie wheeler, he would have keeled over. “don’t even get me started on the concept of a joint bachelor party,” colt sighed, to cover for the way he was dreading spending time alone with ellie planning it. he leaned over the table in front of the eight ball. “it’s going to be the lamest trip of all time. side pocket.”

“i don’t know,” ellie murmured, resting on her cue as the eight ball sailed effortlessly into the side pocket as indicated, “i think it’ll be fun.”

he straightened up and smirked at her, spreading his hands out wide. of course she thought so. “you would.” colt nodded at the table, barely daring to blink. had they really had an entire interaction without snapping at each other? “looks like you still suck.”

ellie shoved her pool cue back into his open hand. “one thing you’ll never know,” she promised, spinning on her heel and striding back to the table as quickly as possible.

there it was. despite himself, his smile lingered as he followed behind her slowly. so, fine. maybe he’d missed this -- just a little. 

it wasn’t like he’d been sitting around pining for the last eight years. there’d been plenty of girls, but there was no one like ellie. 

logan looked at him questioningly as he came back to the table. he lifted his hand in a curious thumbs up.

colt shrugged back at him, holding his own hand horizontally and waving it back and forth, as if to say, it was so-so.

logan’s cheerful grin and answering nod seemed to say we’ll take it, and privately, colt agreed with him.

*

it was late when they left the bar, but colt headed back to the garage instead of going home, unsure if he was pleased or not to find the lights still on as he parked his bike outside.

jamie was in the back working when colt loudly set his helmet down on the table, announcing his presence. he slid out from under the car, twirling a socket wrench in his hand. “hey. how was it? you embarrass yourself enough to need to flee the country yet?”

“nope,” colt answered, pulling a gatorade out of the fridge. “but give it time. there’s still the engagement party.”

“dude,” jamie said, managing to inject heavy judgement into the word. “stop making me feel bad for you, it’s weird.”

“some would say unnatural,” colt agreed, grimacing down at the bottle in his hands. “did you drink all the blue ones?”

“some of us have been working.” jamie ducked the rag colt threw at him without blinking. “i guess only the boss gets to play house with his college sweetheart on a monday afternoon.”

“give me a break,” colt groaned, “it’s torture. the wedding shit would be bad enough on its own. now picture the hottest girl in the world is standing next to you while you’re doing it, telling you how awful you are over and over again.” 

“and i’m sure you haven’t said a word,” jamie laughed. 

colt looked around for something else to throw at him. preferably something that wouldn’t impart lasting head trauma, but he wasn’t picky. “whatever i pay you for, it’s not this.”

jamie held up his hands placatingly. “just trying to help. never seen you so twisted up over a girl.” 

he had a point. they were going on a decade of this mess, and he still barely knew how to just talk to ellie. colt sighed. “it’ll go away,” he said unconvincingly. it had to.

jamie shot him a look but ultimately shrugged, tossing the wrench towards colt’s free hand. “want a turn on this thing?” he asked, standing up off the floor and stretching, “my back is killing me.”

“sure thing, gramps.” there was something like gratefulness in his voice. his head always felt clearer when he was underneath a car. 

colt’s mind wandered as he poked around with the car’s alternator, thoughts drifting to ellie and the engagement party on friday without any conscious effort. how hard could it be, to have a normal conversation with someone? surely he’d done it before, at least once in his life. he could be... polite, probably. 

well, he could try.

*

ingrid put him to work as soon as he arrived at the party on friday. colt grew tired of helping to stock the bar almost immediately, and ducked outside for a cigarette as soon as he was able to.

of course, he was loitering when ellie got dropped off, and thankful for the cigarette between his lips -- it was the only thing that stopped him from swallowing his tongue when he saw the dress she was wearing. he looked her up and down, trying not to gape, and forced a smirk on his face to cover the want he was sure was displayed there. 

okay -- this was easy. all he had to do was tell her she looked nice. that would be polite, and it seemed simple enough. you look nice -- that was all he had to say. he could do that.

as soon as she stepped close enough to hear him, colt said, “some dress. you trying to get laid tonight?”

“you know, ‘hello’ works just fine, too,” ellie answered, pushing past him without a backwards glance.

the front door swung shut with finality. he smacked his head back against the brick wall behind him. moron. 

his eyes swept the parking lot, lingering on where he’d left his bike. it would be so easy to just go home. god, did he want to go home.

colt dropped his cigarette onto the pavement instead, squishing it under his shoes. he went inside.

logan found him avoiding the dining room and unceremoniously shoved a rocks glass with amber liquid inside it into his hands. he waited until colt took a sip of it to ask, “so, why does ellie look like she swallowed a lemon?”

“i didn’t do anything,” he said defensively. not on purpose, at least, and that was a first.

logan nudged him gently with his shoulder. “want me to talk to her for you?”

“no.” colt’s voice was emphatic. “god, no. you can’t say anything to her. i’ll kill us both.”

at some point over the course of their friendship, his threats had stopped mattering to logan, who only laughed at him now, his eyebrows arched high. “would it really be so bad?” he asked, “if she knew?”

“are you high?” colt demanded, “if you got high without me --”

“relax,” logan grinned, “i was just asking. your secret’s safe with me.”

“you and the rest of orange county,” colt muttered, but followed logan obligingly to talk to a group of their friends.

his eyes found ellie from across the room despite himself. she was trapped in conversation with one of ingrid’s friends from home and seemed to be drinking with a single-minded determination to get as drunk as possible. 

she really did look nice.

the party passed by slowly. he regretted having driven about ten minutes after he stopped drinking and eventually started to regret ever befriending logan or agreeing to be his best man in the first place as everyone else in attendance got to leave and go home and he was forced to stick around, absently flirting with the idea of picking up a girl to take home and being interrupted by ingrid every time he tried. 

“what’s your deal?” he asked her finally, after she’d steered him away from some girl in a backless dress who knew one of them in one way or another. “i was talking to her.”

ingrid rolled her eyes at him. “ellie needs a ride home,” she said, reaching up and shoving him forward by his shoulders. “good luck.”

she was gone when he turned around to glare at her. sure enough, when he stepped forward, ellie was lingering by the table with the gifts, pretending to clean up. colt stared at the way she was shuffling around, teetering unsteadily in her high heels, and felt his eyebrows climb to his hairline.

“are you drunk?” he asked, lips spreading into a delighted grin. it had been ages since the last time he saw her even remotely tipsy. the way she jumped, startled by his question, only made his smile stretch further. 

“no,” she lied, “and shhh. someone will hear you.”

“god forbid,” colt laughed. god damnit, but ingrid was right. there was no way he could put her into an uber. “you want a ride home?”

ellie blinked at him. “from you?” she asked, her own eyebrows arching high.

he shrugged, somehow managing to keep his voice casual. “if we get out of here now we can probably avoid carrying presents to the car.”

evidently, that was all it took to convince her. she followed colt out to the parking lot with a laugh, tripping forward with her toes clipping the backs of his dress shoes. ellie pulled up short when he stopped her in front of his motorcycle. she propped a hand on her hip and asked, “you still ride this thing?”

colt stepped closer, trying to keep his smirk from turning too fond. it wasn’t ellie’s fault she was hopelessly endearing, like this. “it’s part of my image,” he answered, clearing his throat after their eyes had stayed locked for just a beat too long. he dropped his gaze to the helmet in his hands, holding it out to her. “here.”

ellie pulled it on quickly, slinging her leg over the bike like she’d done it a thousand times before. admittedly, he’d thought of this a time or two in all the years they’d known each other. the way she slid her arms around colt’s waist and pressed her cheek against his shoulder came uncomfortably close to the few daydreams he’d indulged in.

he took the turns carefully, too conscious of ellie’s even breathing against his back to relax. the drive was quiet and peaceful, and they were back at ellie’s dad’s house far too quickly, the street sleepy around them when colt pulled the bike to a soft stop.

ellie slid off the bike with an adorable yawn, clumsily yanking the helmet off and handing it back to him. “thanks,” she murmured, glancing at the house and cringing. all the lights were on behind them -- the only house on the street that was still illuminated. ellie lingered silently beside him, fidgeting.

colt hesitated, unsure of what she wanted him to do. it sort of felt like things were going well, for once, and he was loathe to ruin them. after a moment, he killed the engine, pulling his own helmet off so they could look at each other. “you okay?”

“yeah.” ellie pursed her lips, then exhaled, blowing a messy lock of hair out of her eyes. “i guess i am a little drunk.”

he grinned at her, arms dangling over the bike’s handlebars. “i know,” he said playfully, “i saw you guzzling chardonnays back there.”

ellie leaned in close. colt tried not to stare at her mouth. “stalk me much?”

“you wish.” colt followed her gaze to the house, noticing the curtains twitching in the front room. ellie sighed like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. he quirked an eyebrow at her. “is there a reason you’re still standing here?”

she rolled her eyes at him. “it’s complicated.”

“don’t tell me little miss perfect has daddy issues,” colt teased with a laugh.

ellie planted her hands on her hips again. “what, you thought you had the monopoly on them?” she shot back.

colt blinked at her, surprised by her boldness. apparently she knew him a little better than he thought she did.

his dad had died when they were seniors, leaving behind the shop and little else. the six months that passed after his funeral and before graduation felt like they were happening to someone else. admittedly, he was drunk for most of it. 

the timeline was fuzzy, but ellie had checked up on him once, he thought. he was pretty sure he’d told her off for it. he hadn’t exactly been the best version of himself, then -- there were too many things to dwell on, words that were left unsaid and actions he’d regretted not taking. 

now, colt only laughed again, pushing the painful memories away. “touché,” he murmured, “i probably deserved that.”

but ellie still didn’t move, standing at the front of the bike. they stared at each other, silence hanging in the air between them. it had to be the longest amount of time they’d gone without arguing since their freshman year.

“what are you staring at?” colt asked finally, unable to stop his curiosity. he wondered what she saw when she looked at him so consideringly, eyes burning down to his very soul.

apparently she didn’t mean to be as intense as he was reading her. “nothing,” ellie said, “you’re being weird.”

right. okay. it looked like she wanted him to go back to arguing with her, then. he could do that. “no i’m not.”

“yes you are.”

except -- no, he didn’t actually want to do that. ellie didn’t need any more reasons to be annoyed with him. “okay,” colt declared, “you’re trashed. do you need me to walk you inside?”

she smiled at him, then, eyes twinkling beneath the street lamps. “no. but thanks for driving me home. that was almost decent of you.”

colt was helpless to do anything but smile back when she looked at him like that. “well, i’d hate to be fully decent.”

ellie stepped back, and he turned the key on the bike immediately, before he could do something stupid like walk her up to her porch and kiss her goodnight. colt lingered in the street until she wobbled up to the front door and turned back to wave at him, ducking inside with a wiggle of her fingers. the porch light clicked off as soon as the door shut behind her.

he sighed, pushing a hand through his hair before shoving his helmet back on. it was uncomfortably warm inside. 

come to think of it, so was the rest of him.

*

time before logan’s bachelor party passed quickly. they were busier than ever at the shop, and he spent most of his time either asleep on the couch in the break room, invoicing in his office or elbow deep in some car’s hood, sweaty and exhausted. 

logan cancelled their standing meeting for drinks one random thursday at the end of april after he’d already cut out early and headed down the street. colt entertained the thought of going back to work for ten seconds before heading home, enjoying the hottest shower he could stand and falling into bed at seven o’clock. 

he stared at the ceiling, mind racing. there were things he wanted to talk to logan about tonight for the stupid party, plans he had to go over with him. logan had begrudgingly served as an unwilling go-between for colt and ellie over the last month and it’d been mostly effective; he’d yet to do anything to massively offend her, and a bachelor party he was more or less satisfied with was mostly planned and on the books for next month.

but logan was busy tonight, so he’d have to call ellie himself to iron out the finer details that were left. and that almost certainly meant he’d end the night with his foot stuffed in his mouth. 

colt fumbled for his phone and thumbed over to a facetime call before he could talk himself out of it, figuring he should get it over with as quickly as possible. 

his phone rang twice in his hand. ellie answered without looking at the screen, sounding exasperated. “what now?”

“hello to you, too,” he answered amusedly, studying her face. ellie looked tired, and he held back a wince as he realized he hadn’t even considered the time difference between los angeles and new york. 

she was obviously in her pajamas, the sight of a pair of flannel pants just barely visible beyond her cropped tank top and the stretch of bare skin under its hem. something in the background of her kitchen was beeping incessantly, and the sound of her voice calling his name snapped his gaze back up guiltily from where he’d been staring. “colt? what do you want?”

“we have to go over some things for the bachelor party,” he sighed, shifting back against the pillows on his bed. 

“bachelor and bachelorette party,” ellie corrected. he could just barely see her apartment behind her shoulders. it looked like a war zone, with boxes and text books and clutter covering every inch of the floor and tables. she must’ve been in the middle of packing.

“whatever,” colt said dismissively, stomach twisting like he felt... bad, that he was putting something else on her plate. “is now a good time?”

ellie cast a glance around her apartment balefully. “i guess. one second.”

he had a brief view of the ceiling in her kitchen as she set her phone down. a moment later, she came back into view, a styrofoam cup of instant noodles in her hands.

“seriously?” colt asked, “isn’t it ten p.m. where you are?”

“i’ve been busy,” ellie answered defensively, between large bites, “some of us have lives.”

he rolled his eyes. ellie’s quips always hit uncomfortably close to home. “did you book your flight yet?”

she paused, then, fork held aloft with noodles hanging off of it. “i think so,” ellie answered, sounding distracted. after a moment, she exclaimed, “yes! it gets in at six. i’ll meet you guys at the hotel.”

colt bit back a groan and settled for a scowl. what he wouldn’t give for a solo flight to vegas. “okay. the rest of us are driving down together, god help us all.” to say he wasn’t looking forward to it, and the road trip playlist julia had already sent him, was a massive understatement.

“relax,” ellie said good-naturedly, “it’s only, like, four hours to vegas, anyway.” 

“do you want to sit in a car for four hours with everyone?” predictably, her expression twisted into a mirror image of his. “i didn’t think so.” and then, for the reason he’d actually called her, “how are the dinner reservations coming along?”

“good,” she nodded. “we’re all set for friday and saturday night. we can walk to both restaurants from the hotel.”

colt mentally racked his brain for the rest of his to do list and found himself surprised when it came up complete. that was it, then. somehow he’d managed to plan this entire bachelor party with his sanity still in tact. “that should be everything, then.” on screen, ellie tipped her head back to drain what was left of her noodles. he stared at her intently. “except for whatever girly shit you have planned.”

“hey, you’re going to have to be the one to tell logan that your bad attitude is what got all of you excluded from mani-pedis and facials,” she shrugged, resurfacing to rest her elbows on the counter, leaning in towards the screen. “just so you can do what on saturday? smoke cigars and play darts?”

“someone has to draw the line somewhere,” colt said. they’d had this argument no less than four or five times over the last month, both through logan and alone. there were a lot of things he’d happily do for ellie, and an even longer list of things she could talk him into easily -- spa treatments weren’t one of them. 

“you’re impossible,” she sighed, but it was more tired than exasperated. her mouth stretched wide with a yawn, and then ellie pulled a face at herself, shaking her head. she looked like she was about to collapse in front of his eyes. 

colt smirked at her to hide his concern. “you’re the one who looks about ten seconds away from combusting,” he said. “you can say no to things, you know.”

“i’m fine,” she insisted, “and i do say ‘no’ to things. when i have to.”

“right.” the way she lied straight to his face was almost impressive. he was pretty sure the word ‘no’ wasn’t even in ellie’s vocabulary, at least not when it came to school, extracurriculars and her friends, him excluded. “it’s not like we haven’t known each other for eight years or anything.”

ellie rolled her eyes at him again, waving her hand dismissively. “everything’ll calm down after the wedding.”

“whatever you say,” he shrugged. it wasn’t his problem if she wanted to run herself ragged. if he kept this up, she was going to think he liked her or something. the next words out of his mouth escaped before he had time to hold them back. “just don’t miss your flight to vegas, okay? i’m going to need someone to talk to who doesn’t make me want to blow my brains out.”

ellie looked confused. colt slammed his thumb down on the red button on his phone, hanging up before she could say anything back. he felt sick. 

this was exactly why he never said anything nice to anyone, and especially not ellie. colt tossed his phone onto the nightstand with a groan.

he needed to get a grip. he was embarrassing himself, and things were only going to get worse the closer they got to the wedding. 

it wasn’t like any of it mattered to ellie, anyway -- his niceties, or the effort, or... anything else. it didn’t matter.

colt’s exhaustion was bone deep. he fell asleep with the lights on.

*

the drive down to vegas was exactly as taxing as he expected it would be. the girls made them stop at almost every rest stop they came across on the highway, and logan refused to turn the radio off no matter how many times colt glared at him from the passenger seat.

but eventually they made it to the strip, and the nine of them ambled down to the hotel’s casino dressed up and ready to go out, crowding around a few card tables and queuing up to gamble so they could enjoy the free drinks the cocktail waitresses were doling out.

ingrid forced a round of shots down everyone’s throats, and before long, there was a vacancy at one of the craps tables that colt wasted no time taking advantage of. he immediately headed for the front, pleased to feel like he was in his element, for a change, and the rest of the group shuffled in around him as he readied to roll, logan pressed against his right side with brent coming up on his left.

“don’t stand there,” logan told him, leaning around colt to push insistently at brent’s shoulder. “it’s bad luck.”

brent looked at him strangely, but squeezed into a spot further down the table without question. the group shifted up to accommodate him, and christie slotted into the now open space at colt’s side. “you can’t stand there,” logan said again. he didn’t bother to come up with a reason, this time.

“i know what you’re doing,” colt told him, watching the girls squeeze together at the far end of the table, leaving an empty space at his left side. “i don’t need your help.”

logan snorted. “man, you need all the help you can get,” he said, not unkindly.

colt scowled at him anyway. “it’s true,” ingrid chirped from beside him. “you’re kind of tragic.”

“i thought we were never talking about this again,” colt reminded her, shaking the dice in his hand. “what happened to that?”

“that promise had an expiration date.” ingrid crowed excitedly when the dice landed over the line, two fours staring up at him. the dealer pushed a stack of chips his way. “but i’ll drop it if you buy us some better drinks.”

“done,” he agreed immediately, flicking a hundred dollar chip into her hands. she slinked away from the table as he readied to roll again. 

the rest of the world faded away as he focused on the table, running probabilities in his mind. there was something calming about focusing on this one activity, using his brain to calculate the numbers and keep track of the rolls.

until a cloud of perfume breezed through, shattering his concentration, and a tiny, warm body squeezed into the purposely open space at his side. “hi!” ellie grinned at logan, reaching past colt to hug him. from over the top of her head, logan gave him a smug grin, like colt was supposed to thank him for chipping away at his sanity.

colt turned the dice over in his hand as she hugged the rest of the people in reach except for him. their friends were already mostly drunk and cheering excitedly, and ellie was smiling, too, in seemingly good spirits despite the long flight. colt racked his brain for a single non-lame reason to talk to her. 

he waited until she turned back around, eyes searching the casino floor for the cocktail waitress. then he held his hand out, pushing the dice into her face. “blow.”

ellie looked up at him, then -- so she did still have to look up at him to meet his eyes -- and arched her eyebrows curiously. “excuse me?”

“blow,” colt repeated, “it’s for luck.”

ellie frowned. “i’m not going to --”

“come on, ellie,” logan interjected with a grin. maybe colt did owe him a thank you. “he’s up, like, two thousand dollars. you have to!”

“this is so demeaning,” she grumbled, but pursed her lips and blew on the dice as requested. colt stared at her the entire time, not even breaking eye contact to roll. for this to be anything other than insufferable, he needed a winning roll.

the table broke out into cheers, and he finally tore his gaze away from hers so he could collect the stack of chips the croupier pushed his way. relief, then determination settled within him. “okay,” colt said, picking the dice back up into his hand, “what’s the next one?”

ellie’s face contorted with confusion. “huh?”

“what am i rolling?” he clarified patiently. 

“oh.” the rest of their friends were all looking at them. without looking, colt knew ingrid and logan had twin grins on their faces. after a moment, ellie hesitantly said, “seven.”

“okay,” he agreed, “any seven.” he lowered his hand beneath her mouth again. “come on.”

ellie leaned in a little closer. her breath was warm on his palm, glossed lips glinting prettily under the low light of the casino. she looked up at him from under her eyelashes. “you know, i’d love a drink at some point.”

oh, god. was she flirting with him? he suddenly couldn’t tell. jesus christ, this was mortifying. colt swallowed, doing his best not to go red. “if we get this one i’ll find you a whole bottle of dom,” he promised, refocusing on the dice in his hand. “blow.”

she did. he grit his teeth against the shiver that was threatening, staring at the table as the dice dropped down to the felt. ellie’s anxious grip on his arm kept him focused, and he only allowed himself to grin when he saw the dice settle, five and two. 

he looked over at ellie and found her already grinning back at him. okay. okay, they were doing this. “another seven,” she instructed without prompting. her head was already lowered towards the dice in his hand.

he rolled a three and a four. a small crowd was starting to gather around the table, but ellie ignored the cheers and commentary they were attracting. she didn’t even seem to be looking at their friends. she below on the dice again and again between rolls: a one and a six, then an eight, a six and another ten. they hit every combination of seven again, one after another. 

something about the synergy between them left colt lightheaded. as she called out the numbers and he rolled the dice it felt almost like foreplay and aftercare at the same time, like he knew what she was going to say before the words left her lips. they felt like a team.

he probably could’ve stood there all night, with her, but eventually ingrid’s shocked whisper of, “holy shit, that’s twenty thousand dollars,” broke through his daze, drawing him up short.

colt blinked down at the chips in front of him. holy shit. it was twenty thousand dollars. 

he was reckless, but even he knew when to call it. he scooped the chips into his hands, tipping the dealer with a grin. “come on,” he said, mostly to ellie, though the entire group headed for the roulette table he nodded at.

“where are we going?”

“we’re gonna double it,” colt said confidently, even though the plan was still forming in his mind, only half-baked. the thought had just occurred to him. “red or black?”

ellie looked at him like he’d gone insane. the attendant at the table, and everyone within hearing distance, was staring at the pair of them. colt watched her eyes flicker restlessly over the screen at the table and resolutely shook his head. he knew she was trying to do the same thing he had before she’d arrived. “just pick.”

“black,” she blurted out. colt dropped the tall stack of chips down onto the black rectangle at the edge of the table, lips twitching into a grin when she continued, “oh my god, i’m going to throw up.”

he didn’t exactly feel very far off. this was either going to be the coolest thing he’d ever done or he was about to massively embarrass himself in front of the girl he liked and all their friends. colt wound his arm around ellie’s waist, pulling her in closer. well, if he was in for a penny...

she held onto him just as hard as they watched the ball spin around the roulette wheel. slowly, it dropped neatly into one of the slots.

“twenty-nine,” the dealer said, smiling at the both of them. “black.”

sound exploded all around them. their friends were suddenly jumping up and down around them, slapping colt on the back, cheering and screaming. the spectators who’d been watching them joined in, though, out of the cacophony, the only noise he heard clearly was ellie’s deliriously joyful laugh as she looked, beaming, from the stack of chips on the table to colt’s face.

he grinned brightly at her, reaching out to shove her shoulder excitedly before dragging the chips off the board towards their end of the table. the garage’s bills for the next year stared back at him in four stacks of ten.

before he could land on something to say, logan pushed between them, a beer bottle dangling from his fingers. “jesus christ. that was insane. way to make an entrance, el.”

“me?” ellie demanded incredulously, “what kind of person puts twenty thousand dollars on black?”

so she was impressed, then. that almost made the premature grey hairs he could feel coming in worth it. “what can i say,” colt shrugged, eyes locked on her still-smiling face, “i’m reckless.”

ellie slowly shook her head at him as the rest of the players at the table moved on to the next round. god, she was beautiful. “i can’t believe that just happened.”

something that felt almost like a confession started clawing its way up his throat. colt grappled with a sudden desire to tell ellie how he felt, swept up in the moment. for ten glorious seconds, he forgot all about why that was the worst idea in the world. 

he reached out and grabbed her wrist to stop himself from kissing her, shoving a few chips into her hand. “here,” he said, strangled, “your cut.”

ellie blinked down at her palm like she’d never seen a casino chip before. “five thousand dollars?”

“hey, all you did was blow on some dice.” there. that sounded at least moderately more normal.

“no, i --” she shook her head, trying to push the chips back onto his pile with a laugh, “you don’t need to do that. it was fun.”

fun. she had fun. 

colt smiled at her, more sweetly than he thought he was capable of. okay. it was officially time to cut his losses and run, before tonight nosedived completely. “whatever,” he said, “remember i did the next time you’re pissed at me.”

he walked off confidently, forcing himself not to glance back at her over his shoulder. 

that had gone cautiously well. huh. 

logan caught up to him while he was cashing out, sidling up beside colt at the window with a beer in each hand. “dude,” he said excitedly, “i’m never going to be able to top this when you get married.”

“probably not,” colt agreed with a laugh, slinging the arm that wasn’t holding the check from the casino around his best friend’s neck affectionately. “but maybe we’ll have enough fun this weekend for both of us.”

*

dinner was mercifully normal. colt drank as much as he was physically able to and sought reprieve in the hour he got to spend thinking about something other than ellie, though the few glances he caught her sending his way made his heart beat irrationally faster as he mainlined jack and cokes between courses. 

he was close to drunk by the time they made their way to the nightclub, and let himself relax once he saw that everything was set up perfectly for them, exactly as he’d planned it. they had a booth to themselves and bottle service with sparklers waiting, themed shots and props for both logan and ingrid laid out to play with.

but most importantly, everyone was happy and drunk, especially logan. that was all that mattered. he’d done his job as the best man and was now free to reap the rewards of the evening, knocking back shot after shot with their friends until he was unsteady on his feet and wondering if he could get away with smoking a cigarette without leaving the club.

“you should ask ellie to dance,” logan screamed in his ear, some point north of two o’clock in the morning. 

colt turned his head and scowled at him. the flashing lights from the club played across logan’s smug expression in reds and blues. “would you stop?”

“look,” logan said, scrabbling drunkenly at colt’s shoulder and tugging him close, “if you don’t ask her to dance, ingrid’s going to get her to fuck that guy.”

he looked up, eyes trailing back to the booth. sure enough, ingrid was having some kind of conversation with ellie that involved a lot of hand waving and pointing to an unassuming looking guy standing off to the side of the dance floor, who lifted his hand to wave at ellie when she waved at him first.

“i hate you,” colt told him seriously, squeezing his eyes shut tight. this was ben the bartender all over again. mother fuck. 

logan punched him in the arm. “just ask her!” he shouted, then ran off back to the booth. colt watched as he dragged ingrid away to dance again, leaving ellie alone with what was left of their bottle service. 

his window of opportunity was probably closing. shaking his head, he jogged back up to the table, stopping directly in front of ellie to get her attention.

okay. all he had to do was ask her to dance, nicely. he could do that.

“hey loser,” was what came out of his mouth when he opened it. shit. okay, he could still recover. “you wanna dance?”

ellie stared at him like he was crazy. fair enough -- he felt pretty fucking crazy. “with you?”

“i thought you were supposed to be smart,” colt said, forcing his lips into an easy, carefree grin. maybe if he made it sound like no big deal, she’d agree. “come on.”

he held his breath, but ellie stumbled to her feet and followed him so they could find a spot on the dance floor together. they carved out a space in the sea of bodies, and colt rested his hands on the dip of ellie’s waist, pulling her in closer. this, at least, he was familiar with, even if the partner in front of him made his brain feel like it was leaking out of his ears.

“you know how to dance?” ellie asked in absolute, total surprise, “since when?”

colt lowered his mouth to her ear so he could be sure she’d hear him. “since always,” he answered, “you just repress all my positive traits.”

“you don’t have any positive traits,” she shot back, though her arms wound around his neck a moment later, and she pressed in close, too, until they were glued together from chest to thigh.

“ouch,” colt murmured softly into her ear, “that really hurts.”

ellie didn’t have a retort for that. she tipped her head back to stare at the flashing lights in the ceiling, smoothly moving her hips against his. 

it took everything he had to stop his dick from getting hard, and it was probably only the drinks he’d had that saved him in the end. 

there was nothing to stop his chest from growing tight, though, as he looked down at ellie, backlit from the swirling lights in the club, which flickered in time to the booming bass of the music. the line of worry that was usually pinched tight between her eyebrows was smoothed out, for once, and her eyes glinted as they glanced up at colt curiously, in a way that was reminiscent of the way she’d look at logarithms in their shared calculus course in college.

he swallowed. he could kiss her now, probably. it’d be easy enough, with her hips under his hands and her mouth right there. they were both drunk enough to laugh it if off if she kneed him in the balls because of it, probably.

but he didn’t want to kiss her if he thought there was a chance she might knee him in the balls afterwards. 

maybe this could be enough. she’d been smiling at him, a little, and they’d had a conversation without any serious insults in it, and she’d let him put his hands on her more than once. maybe he didn’t have to kiss her, maybe this could be enough on its own.

ellie tipped her chin up and grinned dopily at him, eyes crinkling at their corners as the song changed. she swivelled her hips to match the new beat, but otherwise made no effort to pull away.

god, did he want to kiss her. nothing was ever going to be enough.

his teeth hurt with wanting, and he grit them against the frustration that was building. he was so tired of wanting -- it felt like all he ever did. 

colt knew that particular character flaw well. he was never satisfied, he was greedy and demanding and particular. he’d heard it all before.

his life had hardly turned out the way he’d wanted it to. even if he did kiss her, what the fuck did he think was going to happen next? ellie was halfway to her ph.d and he was a mechanic. in a best case scenario, they’d have sex once or twice before going their separate ways.

this time, when the song changed, he pulled away, glancing at his watch. “come on,” he told ellie, reaching down to grab her hand in his before he could talk himself out of it, tugging her off the dance floor to gather up their friends. colt shook his head, trying to get a fucking grip. his eyes landed on a couple by the door with a bottle of dom in a bucket between them. “it’s time for part two.”

*

it was light work to open the locked door that led to the hotel’s closed indoor pool, even with the rest of their friends giggling around him. everyone was quiet in the way drunk people always thought they were being quiet, which was to say not much at all, loudly shhh-ing each other as they filed inside and started stripping off.

colt closed the door behind himself and watched as every member of their group shed their dresses and suits quickly, dropping them carelessly to the floor before cannon-balling into the pool’s deep-end.

only ellie looked around self-consciously before pulling her dress off, and only ellie waded in from the steps at the shallow end. his heart made a funny little twist again. 

he stripped off and followed her, swimming out towards the group.

“hey,” colt said when he drew close, lips twitching at the way ellie startled and spun around quickly, splashing his bare chest. her eyes followed the movement, lingering along his bare shoulders before she looked away.

“we’re totally all going to jail.”

“that’s the plan,” colt returned, smiling openly at her. 

evidently ellie was more drunk than he’d realized. she held onto the wall of the pool at her right side, treading water, lips pulled into a frown. “why’re you being so nice to me?” she asked abruptly, “it’s weird.”

colt laughed, bracing his arm on the side of the pool beside hers. again water sluiced off his skin, and again ellie followed the motion with her eyes.

maybe he should’ve kissed her. maybe he wouldn’t have gotten kneed in the balls. but being nice to her was its own sort of reward, he supposed, even if it felt so fucking strange to be after anything other than a body in his bed. 

“guess i like the reactions i get,” colt answered after a moment, doing his best to toe the line between sincerity and anything too revealing. “plus, it looks like you’re my good luck charm.”

“that was pretty crazy,” ellie acknowledged with the soft smile he’d been trying to coax out of her. success. “i’ve never done anything like that before.”

that much had been obvious, mainly by the way she’d been grabbing him so hard her nails had left marks through his sleeve. but it made him kind of sad to think about the fact that her life was still so... academic, as devoid of fun as it always had been for as long as he’d known her. “there’s so much i could show you,” colt said, the words halfway between a promise and an offer as his eyes searched her expression.

just as ellie opened her mouth to answer him, logan and brent swam by, kicking up water with a splash. a wave of it hit them both in the face. “come on!” logan called out, “we’re doing back flips.”

colt reached out to grab her wrist and stop her, but ellie’s eyes were already averted as she swam out after them, gone before he could make his move. 

it was more subtle than a kick in the balls, definitely, but it still felt like an answer.

*

he went back to his life like nothing happened. part of him worried he wouldn’t be able to, but his excuses to talk to ellie were pretty much gone now that the trip was over and so it was easy to compartmentalize his thoughts of her and shove them to the back of his mind.

it was hardly the first time he’d had to do that in the last decade.

the shop continued to be busy and colt continued not getting laid and not examining why he hadn’t called any of the girls he knew could end his dry spell instantly. he worked and jerked off and went out with logan on thursdays, same as always.

logan continued to be himself (insufferable). case in point: “oh my god, what are you smiling at like that?” 

colt looked up from his phone too quickly. he’d been mindlessly scrolling pictagram while they waited for their drinks, up until he noticed that ellie had shared something and blanched when he saw what it was.

she was drinking the dom perignon he’d promised her when they were gambling and then stole from the club in vegas. the bottle was open and perched on her floor, in front of a set of windows with palm trees in the background. her apartment was littered with taped-up boxes.

she’d brought it to miami with her. was that supposed to mean something? why did it feel like it meant something?

“fuck off,” he told logan absently as the bartender set their drinks down in front of them. colt tapped over to his messages. dork, he wrote, swiping up under her picture. how is it?

ellie’s response came before he had time to get nervous. pretty bad.

his smile widened. from beside him, logan made an inquisitive noise, leaning in to try to see his phone. colt reached out to shove him away. guess i’ll have to work harder to impress you, he said, biting down hard on the inside of his cheek.

okay. okay, this was it. she was sober, probably, and either going to tell him to drop dead or flirt back. 

the bubble that indicated she was typing appeared and disappeared a few times. after a moment, her message popped up: guess so.

he exhaled. “dude, who are you talking to?” logan demanded from beside him, grabbing for his phone again.

colt set it on the bartop face down. “can you mind your own business?”

logan shook his head with a grin. “nope. who was it?”

he sighed. one of the most annoying things about logan was that his mom was dead, and he didn’t have any sisters. “no one,” colt said instead, lifting his beer to signal the end of the conversation. “are we working on your vows or what?”

“like you’d have a single genuine thing to say,” logan scoffed, rolling his eyes. he shot colt a look, but obligingly pulled up his notes app, sliding the draft over.

just a glance at them gave him hives. “they seem long.”

logan grimaced. “ingrid hand wrote hers. they’re three pages.”

“jesus,” he muttered, putting his drink to his lips again and draining it. “okay, i guess i can help you.”

“thank god,” logan said drily. underneath his smirk, he looked relieved.

*

colt took the bike out to santa monica for the wedding, sitting in traffic on the freeway and cursing the prep-school reject who’d kept him at the shop late, asking question after question about his suspension. 

when he finally got to the hotel and checked in, he was cranky and tired, too hot for a suit at all, let alone a tie. fortunately, all that was on tonight’s menu was the stupid rehearsal dinner, and he wasn’t too proud to admit that the thought of seeing ellie again brightened his mood a few notches.

uncaring of the clock, he took his time getting ready, noting how quiet the floor was when he walked to the elevator. everyone was downstairs already -- probably even ellie had made it in.

sure enough, when he strolled out into the lobby, he saw her hugging each of the groomsmen hello by the bar, accepting the champagne flute logan held out to her when she was done.

just as he stepped up to them, colt heard her ask logan, “where’s colt?”

he grinned at the back of her head shamelessly. “miss me?”

ellie turned around to blink at him in surprise, eyes lingering along the open front of his shirt. from behind her, logan shot him an over-the-top thumbs up, eyebrows bouncing up and down lewdly.

there was a noticeable pause before ellie said, “just wondering if tonight might actually be peaceful or not. i guess it won’t be.”

her tone sounded more teasing than provocative, making colt’s lips twitch before he could grow annoyed. he leaned around her to catch the bartender’s attention, gesturing at the glass in logan’s hand. the movement brought him close enough to feel the residual warmth of ellie’s body. he shrugged carelessly. “i promised i’d behave this weekend.”

“yeah, and you’d better follow through or ingrid’s going to come after us both,” logan grinned, waiting until colt had his glass in his hand before sticking his own in between the three of them. “cheers.”

“cheers,” ellie smiled, clinking her champagne flute delicately against both of their drinks in turn, “congratulations. i’m so happy for you guys.”

“you can back out at any time,” colt told him seriously, and then, when ingrid walked over and hit him on the shoulder, “ow. what? you can back out, too.”

she linked her arm through logan’s, tilting her face up for a kiss. “no one’s backing out. come on.”

they filed into the restaurant, where everyone’s families were already waiting at one end of the long table. for once, fortune smiled on him, and colt found himself face-to-face with ellie, who was seated at ingrid’s right directly across from her. he smirked from the other side of the table, bumping his foot into ellie’s underneath the tablecloth.

she drew her ankle back and kicked him hard, high heel smashing into his shin. colt winced at her over-exaggeratedly, gratified by the smile she smothered with her palm.

he barely tasted his dinner. each bite was interspersed with a sneaking glance across from him, his eyes tracking ellie’s delicate grip on her wine glass, the way her mouth moved when she talked to the people sitting beside her -- everything up to and including how she held her fucking fork. he was, admittedly, captivated.

colt was distantly aware of people trying to make conversation with him and of giving responses that were probably mostly polite, of drinking casually and smiling and eating cake, brushing off questions about his toast. he only realized he’d probably done everything right when dinner ended pleasantly and everyone lingered just outside the restaurant, hesitant to say goodnight. 

a sharp elbow to his side startled him out of his staring. ingrid was looking at him expectantly, and when he caught her eye she only nodded meaningfully over at ellie, who was chatting pleasantly with someone else. “go,” ingrid mouthed at him threateningly.

as a rule, he hated taking other people’s advice. no one was supposed to think they could tell him what to do. 

but... ingrid sort of had a point. if he had been waiting for the right moment, which he was half convinced was part of the reason he’d never tried anything, it seemed obvious that moment had arrived.

before he could talk himself out of it, colt stepped up beside her and lightly grabbed ellie’s elbow. “wanna go for a walk?”

ellie blinked at him. “huh?”

god, she was cute. “come on, the beach is right there,” colt said, powering through before she could tell him no. his hand slid down her bare arm to curl around her wrist, and he tugged her towards the french doors that would lead them outside onto the hotel’s back patio.

he figured she wasn’t going to stomp on his foot and run away when ellie slipped off her shoes while they walked down the steps together and out into the sand. the stretch of beach before them was privately owned by the hotel and closed for the night, so there was silence surrounding them when they made their way down to the ocean, alone. 

colt realized all at once he hadn’t actually thought ahead to step 2, only following the desire to get her alone on a whim. fortunately, ellie saved him from shoving his own foot in his mouth, asking, “how’ve you been?”

“fine,” he answered, not much interested in telling her how boring his own life was, compared to hers. “how are your… water samples?”

her eyebrows arched like she was surprised he’d remembered at all. colt tried valiantly not to preen. “um, good,” she answered slowly. “well -- not good, they’re contaminated, but... good for me? to have something to study?”

he did his best to bite back a smile. “that’s good.” it seemed surreal, to think that they were actually managing to make pleasant conversation. 

“are you nervous for your speech tomorrow?” ellie asked, and this time he did smile, shrugging his far shoulder, where his hand was in his pocket. 

“no,” colt answered honestly, “i’m just gonna wing it.”

ellie stopped dead, staring at him in horror. “you’re going to -- i’m sorry, what? you cannot just wing it.”

of course she was nagging him about his toast. he’d never expect anything less, from ellie, who’d been a meticulous planner for as long as he’d known her. he bet she’d already rehearsed her speech a thousand times, right down to the parts where she’d pause for laughter. she was so indignant about his lack of preparation that it was almost overwhelmingly cute, drawing a soft laugh from him when he stared at her smiling face.

“don’t you ever get tired of being so self-righteous?” colt asked, his voice a playful tease. hopefully not. her goody-two-shoes sensibilities, and the thought of corrupting them, were two of his favorite things about her.

“no. don’t you ever get tired of being so…”

he realized they’d both stilled in the sand as her voice trailed off into nothing. ellie turned to face him more fully, and as soon as their eyes locked, colt recklessly took a step closer. “so what?”

flustered, he watched her fumble around for the word she wanted for just a moment. time seemed to slow as he realized his window of opportunity was about to pass him by, like it almost had in vegas. he couldn’t have that.

besides, he was pretty sure he wasn’t about to be kneed in the balls, and that was as good a sign as any. without thinking too much about it, colt leaned in and kissed her, keeping his hands to himself. the sound of his pounding heart was so loud in his ears it eclipsed even the noise of the waves hitting the shore. 

all the times he’d imagined doing this over the last eight years -- finally giving in and shutting her up with the press of his lips against hers -- didn’t quite compare to the real thing. despite how much he tried not to think about it, he’d absolutely wondered about the way she might respond and the sounds she’d make, which didn’t even come close to the little sigh she gave when he lifted his hand and cupped her cheek.

he could hardly believe he was finally experiencing something that’d existed only in his dreams for so long. but ellie was kissing him back, her arms around his neck and her fingers in his hair, her lips soft and pliant against his. it was happening.

there was a familiarity between them he hadn’t expected. colt had imagined any kiss to be as heated as their arguments, but ellie was kissing him with a life-ruining gentleness, a tenderness to her movements he’d never experienced from anyone, before -- least of all a girl who, most of the time, hated his fucking guts.

she looked so beautiful when he pulled away. the moon illuminated her face, which was surprised but satisfied, her expression serious where she was staring back at him. “um,” ellie started, licking her lips, “i --”

in a minute. he’d let her say whatever she wanted to in a minute.

colt swept in and kissed her again, holding her close against his chest. the broken syllable that had escaped her lips twisted something within him, and he stopped holding back, intent on enjoying this one moment of finally having what he wanted for as long as ellie would allow.

ellie had her hands in his hair, doing nothing to stop his mind from spinning into overdrive. yet again, he’d failed to think ahead to what was next, and he was left wondering what his play was even as ellie’s lips seemed determined to send every last thought straight out of his head. 

finally, he let her up for air without an action plan. ellie’s lips were swollen as her fingers slipped slowly down to his shoulders. he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear her answer, but colt still forced himself to ask, “do you want me to apologize?”

ellie licked her still-parted lips again. the dazed look in her eyes made him smile, a little, the corners of his mouth quirking upwards. “no.” his shoulders relaxed under her hands. “an explanation would be helpful, though.”

christ. where was he supposed to start? 

...could she really not know?

he opened his mouth to tell her everything, hands sliding lower and lower down her back. the words were on the tip of his tongue -- jumbled and imperfect, but there, somewhere -- i think i’m in love with you or something -- 

but then ellie arched her eyebrows at him, and colt found himself taking another baby step instead of the broad leap he’d been psyching himself up for. “i want to spend the night with you,” he said plainly, lips spreading into a grin. this, he knew how to do. “if you want.”

ellie took a moment to let him sweat over it, like she hadn’t been trying to suck his soul out through his tongue thirty seconds ago. colt tried not to laugh as he watched her pretend to mull her decision over, biting his cheek to stop himself from saying something when she looked from him to the hotel and back again.

it was probably for the best he hadn’t said anything more revealing. this was going cautiously well -- he didn’t want to give himself a chance to fuck it up and change her mind. not yet.

finally, she had mercy on him. her head bobbed with a nod. “yeah. let’s go to your room.”

ellie swung her arm down and linked her fingers in his, leading him back towards the hotel. colt stared at her, wondering if she’d look around guiltily once they were back in the light of the lobby, if she’d try to avoid any of their friends who might be running around...

but she didn’t. she strolled in like she owned the place, dragged him over to the elevator and, as soon as the doors slid shut, stuck her hand down the front of his pants.

*

it took him a minute to remember where he was and what happened the night before.

then the mattress beneath him shifted, the warm body in bed beside him moved out of his reach and it all came flooding back at once: the rehearsal dinner, the walk on the beach with ellie, the elevator ride back to his room…

he blinked, clumsily lifting a hand to knuckle sleep out of his eyes. he’d been in such a rush yesterday when he arrived at the hotel that he’d forgotten to close the curtains -- and far too preoccupied last night to even remember they were there. sunlight was streaming into the room, bright and golden. 

colt’s blurry gaze slowly came to focus on ellie, sitting up and hesitating at the edge of the bed. “hey,” he murmured sleepily, greeting her through a yawn. his eyes swept over her body, naked except for the creases the sheets left imprinted in her skin, her hair mussed from the pillows. “what time is it?”

his groan was loud when she said, “seven,” and he sunk back down into the covers with a huff, hardly able to believe she’d even had the nerve to wake him so early.

he’d kept her up pretty late, last night. by all accounts, she should have been exhausted, though her energy was admirable. 

“the fuck are you doing up?” colt demanded, “christ.” they had at least a few more hours before anyone was going to come looking for them, and he had plans for those hours. plans that required her to lay back down immediately.

“we need to all start getting ready soon,” ellie said, raining on his parade before it could even begin. “pictures are at two.”

colt sighed petulantly. he was going to fucking kill ingrid with his bare hands. “it’s seven,” he stressed. she was the one who’d nudged him, after all. she’d have to understand he needed another hour, at least. “she can’t possibly expect you to --”

“she does.”

the groan he gave was much louder, this time. why did she have to be such a rule-follower? he rolled onto his back and pushed his hands through his hair, waiting for his brain to come back on board and dream up a compromise. selfishly, colt found himself not caring at all if ellie was late to get her hair done, or whatever she had planned. surely the conversation they were about to have -- whatever they were about to do next -- was more important, right? they’d been dancing around this for the last eight years.

“we’ll get up in ten minutes,” he offered generously, settling his eyes on her again and reaching out his arm, across the wide, empty space of her half of the bed. “come here.”

ellie very obviously hesitated, digging her teeth into her bottom lip. she didn’t even glance at his outstretched arm. the few seconds before she spoke felt like they lasted an eternity.

colt knew the makings of a brush-off when he saw them.

she cleared her throat, averting her eyes to the floor, where the pile of her clothes was waiting. then she got up, and colt curled his fist into the space she’d left behind before withdrawing his arm, slipping back under the sheets.

something like disbelief settled over him slowly. so -- she was really doing this. after all this time, this was how she wanted to leave things.

fine. that was fine. it wasn’t like he wasn’t good at the one-night thing. he had plenty of practice, even.

so why did it bother him so much when she said “i should really get going,” shoving her clothes back on as quickly as possible? maybe because it wasn’t an answer to any of the questions spinning in his mind -- it wasn’t even an acknowledgment. colt stared at her unflinchingly from the bed; her back was to him as she reached around and yanked her zipper back up. “ingrid’s going to wonder where i am.”

more silence. well -- what the fuck did she want him to say? she hadn’t even given him a chance.

“okay,” was what he settled on, after it’d been too long and the mood in the room had grown awkward. “i’ll see you later.”

they were going to have to walk down the aisle together, after all. fuck.

ellie didn’t look at him when she nodded and chirped, “totally,” rushing across the room to duck out the door.

the room was silent for a split second before the air conditioning kicked on, unnaturally loud. colt realized he’d been holding his breath and exhaled, slowly, staring at the ceiling feeling stupid and unsettled.

thank god he’d managed to keep his fucking mouth shut about... everything. 

distantly, he remembered agreeing to meet logan at noon, before pictures. going back to sleep now that ellie had left seemed impossible, which meant he had five hours to either think himself in circles or lay there disassociating. awesome.

colt stretched out on the mattress, avoiding the parts on the right side that were starting to grow cold. he could spare ten minutes, he figured, to wallow, before he forced himself up to take a shower and have breakfast or whatever.

he’d been all-too willing to part with those ten minutes regardless.

each moment ticked by slowly. he figured he’d made it five minutes before he rolled over to grab his phone off the nightstand, then sighed when he realized it’d barely been three, and sighed again when his messages came up empty.

fuck it. he could wallow in the gym. he could forget last night ever happened, outrun the way he felt on the treadmill. he could make ellie’s rejection not matter.

well -- he could try.

*

he didn’t tell anyone what’d happened.

avoiding ingrid was easy enough; they weren’t seeing her until pictures that afternoon, and she’d be busy, then, anyway -- too busy to remember the shove she’d given him last night and ask how it’d went.

logan had enough on his mind without colt’s whining adding to it. he was so nervous he needed help with his bow tie and cufflinks, and asked colt if he was positive he had the rings at least forty times each hour. if he thought anything was wrong, he didn’t ask colt about it.

it was just as well. all he wanted was a reprieve from thinking about it, even just for five fucking minutes. it was hopeless; she was the only thing he could think about, their night together stuck on a miserable replay loop in his mind. 

he avoided looking at her as they made their way outside and lined up for pictures. ellie had been stunning enough trying on the dress under the ugly fluorescent lights in the boutique. he didn’t need to see her now, done up, after she’d emotionally punched him in the face. the day was dragging as it was.

but there was only so much running he could do. eventually it was time to give logan his last reassuring promise and shoulder clap and fall in line behind him for the procession. 

just as the music kicked up, the maid of honor reached out and touched colt’s stiff arm gently. colt looked down at her and found ellie leaning in close, voice quiet when she asked, “hey, can i talk to you?”

as usual, her timing was immaculate. he stared at her, brow furrowing with confusion. what did they possibly have to talk about now? “now’s not really a good time,” colt said. in front of them, logan started down the aisle.

ellie pursed her lips, looking unhappy. but she slid her arm into his and held her bouquet upright and walked with him anyway, just as they’d practiced. they split at the front without a word, as his eyes did their best to look anywhere but at her.

the ceremony was both too long and too short. he was torn between wanting it to be over immediately and wishing logan and ingrid would keep crying at each other for hours so he could stand there and zone out of the chaos inside his head.

he noticed ellie was crying, too, when he snuck a few glances over at her. she still had tears welled in her eyes when they linked arms again to head back down the aisle, sniffling to herself and trying not to let her makeup run. 

“seriously?” he asked her, resisting the urge to offer up his pocket square.

“come on,” ellie said thickly, “that was beautiful.”

“it was something,” colt mumbled, dropping her arm as soon as he was able to. the excited din of the crowd waiting inside the venue seemed to call out to him, meanly, about how long the night ahead of them would be. he felt exhausted already. he wished he’d been able to sleep in. “i’ll catch up with you later.”

he weaved his way through the dining room and stepped out the front entrance, where the valets were lingering. ducking around one of the sweeping stone walls, colt stepped out of sight and thumbed through his jacket pocket for his cigarettes, counting them out before putting one between his lips and lighting it.

probably no one would miss him at the cocktail hour. everyone would assume he was either nervous for his toast or rehearsing it, not that he was staring into space in the parking lot, chain smoking.

he still felt like an idiot. 

he probably deserved that. deserved it for ever thinking, even for a second, that ellie might actually want to... 

whatever. it didn’t matter anymore. 

by the time he’d burned through the rest of his smokes his hour was up, and colt wandered unseeingly back into the ballroom to find the card with his name on it, taking his place at one end of the long table at the front of the room, far away from the bridesmaids on the other side of ingrid. 

as soon as he sat down, someone from the venue stuffed a champagne glass into his hands and said, “you’re up, best man.”

colt stood up without a touch of nerves, grinning to himself as the sound of spoons on glasses rang out around the ballroom, a hush falling over the crowd. his eyes found logan’s down the table and he cleared his throat, waiting until everyone was staring before he started speaking.

“so, has anyone checked ingrid for a head injury, yet?” he joked, shoulders settling when the room laughed warmly. this was probably going to be the easiest part of his day.

sure enough, the words flowed naturally once he’d started. his bad luck had evidently decided to take a turn -- each of his jokes landed, the sentimental sentences he’d slipped in earning him smiles. he was done with everything he thought he might’ve wanted to say before he knew it. when he finished and sat down again, colt pretended not to notice that ingrid and logan’s eyes were wet.

he drained his champagne, then leaned over and stole brent’s glass and drank it, too. 

it would probably be rude to look at his phone while ellie was talking. 

but he couldn’t look at her, so colt busied himself by finding anything else at all in the room to stare at, halfheartedly glaring at the walls until he heard the band come back on again.

movement in his peripheral vision caught his eye. ellie was trying to get his attention from across the table. he stared at her blankly, rolling his eyes when she arched her eyebrows meaningfully, nodding at the dance floor. he shook his head.

her bottom lip thrust out into a pout that was, frankly, adorable. colt felt his lips twitch despite himself. god, he was so fucking easy for her, his earlier anger and shame already dissolving. later, colt mouthed, turning away before she could frown at him any harder.

logan bounded over like an eager golden retriever before he could break away to grab another drink. “dude,” he said sincerely, sounding genuinely touched. “who knew you had it in you?”

“shut up,” colt laughed, shrugging him off with a grin. 

“seriously,” logan insisted, “i just -- man, i --”

“i know.” 

the warm moment disappeared as quickly as it came. logan’s smile turned smug. he leaned in a little closer, lowering his voice. “so, should we talk about last night?”

“don’t say it like that,” colt said immediately, shoving his shoulder, “it wasn’t you i fucked.”

logan made a noise in the back of his throat. “you could’ve told me.”

“yeah, i was hoping the earth would swallow me whole before anyone found out.” he shrugged, voice deliberately light. “it was a one-time thing.”

logan rolled his eyes at him. “you should talk to her.”

colt snorted indelicately. “no.”

“yes,” logan stressed. 

“it’s not a big deal,” he said, sounding unconvincing even to himself, “we can just forget it ever happened.”

logan stared at him. the expression on his face seemed to sarcastically say oh, can we? 

“talk to her,” he said again, more firmly, this time. “trust me.” 

he clapped colt on the shoulder, already in another conversation as he walked away. sure, colt thought sourly, leaning around brent’s empty seat to grab alex’s champagne, too. talk to her. like it was so fucking easy.

like he had any idea what he was supposed to say.

*

unfortunately, it was unavoidable.

logan and ingrid’s meddling aside, ellie kept staring at him throughout dinner. he could feel her eyes glancing over during the salad and the entree, prickly and uncomfortable while he tried to at least taste what was probably a very expensive and nicely cooked steak.

it was fruitless. he was so fucking distracted.

with a sigh, colt hauled himself to his feet. talk to her. how was it still his biggest hurdle, even after all this time?

he walked over to ellie’s side of the table, somehow managing not to drag his feet. “i’ll take that dance, now,” colt said, by way of an opening, “if you can stop crying long enough to make it happen.”

ellie played along. “people with souls cry at weddings,” she huffed, standing and taking his hand in hers, “i’m sorry you can’t relate.”

“you’re forgiven,” colt smirked, set at ease by the familiarity of their back-and-forth. he used their joined hands to pull ellie out onto the dance floor.

it’d be pretty much impossible to not dance with her. they were at a wedding, after all, and he did still want to, even if ellie had brutally rejected him that very morning and then started acting progressively stranger ever since.

of course, the song changed as soon as they found a spot together, shifting into something slow and melodic. ellie laced her hands together behind his neck easily and, once she pointedly cleared her throat, colt settled his hands on her hips to match. they hadn’t made it beyond a few hesitant steps in place before she looked up at him, eyes serious, and said, “i’m sorry.”

he had to give her at least a little credit; the words took him by complete surprise. colt shrugged. he knew he didn’t play it quite as cool as he was hoping for when he asked, “for what?”

it’s not like ellie had to apologize, anyway. she didn’t owe him an explanation. she’d never been obligated to like him, just because he’d spent the better part of the years he’s known her halfway in love with her at any given moment. 

“for being weird this morning,” ellie explained. “i don’t know what you were going to say... um, if you were going to say anything, but i totally freaked out and i obviously didn’t even give you a chance to get to it, so -- that was uncool. sorry.”

he stared at her for a beat too long, steps stilted out of time with the music. she had been weird that morning, but her explanation now felt even stranger, calling all of his previously held notions into question. what the fuck was she talking about? “don’t worry about it,” he said finally, “it’s nothing.”

there. that should have been enough to put the strangeness between them to bed: she’d apologized and he’d forgiven her and this could be over, now, surely, and she wouldn’t keep trying to talk to him and he wouldn’t keep having to avoid her.

except that nothing with ellie was ever easy. a determined little furrow formed between her eyebrows. apropos of nothing, she declared, “logan said you’ve always liked me.”

logan is dead, he thought to himself, narrowing his eyes down at her. she looked so pretty, all done up in that blue bridesmaid’s dress -- almost pretty enough to distract him from the urge to go find his best friend and choke him, violently. he exhaled heavily, recovering from almost swallowing his tongue a moment prior. “logan’s lucky today’s his wedding day,” colt muttered. 

well. why was she bringing that up now, anyway? his hold on her hips tightened momentarily before he asked, “so?”

ellie laughed incredulously, like she was wondering why he was asking her that. “so -- i thought you hated me.” she sounded nervous. “you never -- i mean, why didn’t you ever say anything?”

sure. how did she think that would have gone? saying something about it was so far from the realm of possibility that it was almost laughable. he barely knew how to talk to her about the weather.

“okay,” he started, vaguely annoyed, “you’re always, like -- smiling and happy and constantly surrounded by people.” he didn’t even need to explain and i am not. “when we were in school you were in, like, student government and on debate team and running a thousand clubs or doing extra lab hours and everyone always liked you --” plenty of normal people who were perfectly nice to her and not a carefully calculated asshole “-- so you wanted me to, what, exactly? just walk right up to you and be like, hey, do you want to see a movie?”

“yes!” she said, mouth open wide in the perfect picture of shock, “you could have just asked me out.”

colt scoffed. evidently they attended two different colleges, in two completely different realities. “right. that would’ve gone over well. you thought i was a total asshole.”

“colt,” ellie laughed, “you were a total asshole.”

so -- fine. maybe he had been, a little. averting his eyes, he shuffled his feet uncomfortably. this probably wasn’t the place for this discussion, but... “i didn’t want you to think i had a crush on you or anything.”

in fact, he’d made it explicitly clear that ellie could never, ever know how he really felt about her. so logan was very dead, just as soon as he finished... whatever they were doing here.

though maybe he wouldn’t be able to weasel out of this conversation anytime soon, judging by how simultaneously surprised and pleased ellie looked, standing in front of him. time seemed to slow as he anticipated her next move with dread. “well, did you have a crush on me?” ellie asked -- his worst nightmare come to life.

did. does. always will? it was all the same to him, a confusing mess of emotions he’d never taken the time to analyze because they had always been there, in one way or another. annoyingly so. he cleared his throat. “you weren’t like everyone else,” colt explained, not exactly answering her question but also not not answering it, too, “you’re still not. but i get that you’re busy. this doesn’t have to be, like, a thing.”

jesus christ. they were adults, after all. it wasn’t like he needed her to be his girlfriend -- nice as that might’ve been. ellie was her own person, and his life was... complicated enough, without a long-distance relationship thrown into the mix.

that didn’t stop him from wanting, though, especially when the expression on her face shifted rapidly, cycling through a series of emotions so quickly it made his head spin. 

this was all happening so fast. it felt like he’d hardly had time to come to terms with the new developments that had unfolded: ellie’s apology and the way they were both laying all their cards on the table, the lifted weight of how he’d felt about her for so long just... gone, after all that time. 

“hang on, i’m still processing,” she murmured, sounding almost dazed. he knew the feeling well.

“done yet?” colt demanded, anxious for this confrontation to finally just resolve itself and be done, one way or another. he needed her to put him out of his misery. “the song’s almost over.”

as if she’d read his mind and heard his prayer herself, ellie darted up onto her tip-toes so quickly it was instinct to steady her with hands at her waist. his palms laid over the cutouts of her dress and, christ, she was kissing him, in front of everyone in the middle of the dance floor.

this was new. it was different from the kiss on the beach, different from the way she’d bitten his lips, his jaw and his neck in the elevator and down the hallway to his suite, different from the final sleepy peck he’d dropped into her hair before he’d fallen asleep last night. they were making out on the dance floor, and it was all at once tender and passionate, promising and teasing, unbefitting of two people their age yet perfect enough to surprise him quiet while also provoking the part of him that felt so smug at finally having gotten his way.

suddenly determined to get them away from prying eyes, colt gripped her hand and dragged ellie out onto the terrace off the side of the ballroom. he was grateful for the moment to catch his breath.

the glass door swung shut softly behind them. ellie strolled ahead, bracing her hands on the stone ledge at the side of the balcony. “i am busy,” she said, somehow managing to have held onto the thread of their conversation when his own head felt stuffed full of cotton.

colt nodded, looking out at the view of the beach below them. “i know.”

he didn’t dare get his hopes up, even as ellie licked her invitingly red mouth and said, “but -- if you really don’t mind that i have to split my focus with school… and the distance... and the time difference...”

“are you trying to talk me out of it?” he asked, sounding amused.

she ignored him. “...then obviously i’d love to date you or whatever.”

“huh.” colt stared out at the ocean. after a moment, he realized he was smiling, and not just because her clumsy delivery had him hopelessly charmed. part of him felt numb, like he was watching this happen to someone else. it seemed insane that it was his life -- that ellie really wanted him. it was a lot to wrap his mind around. “i guess i probably should have just asked out you five years ago, then.”

“it might’ve been easier,” ellie allowed, shifting to lean her shoulder against his. she reached for his hand and laced their fingers together. “but that’s not really our style.”

she had a point. he hated when that happened. colt turned and pressed his lips to the top of her head. “true,” he hummed, and then, “you smell like you have a whole can of hairspray in your hair.”

“i probably do.” colt followed her gaze down to their joined hands. it was hard to ignore the way they just seemed to fit together, like puzzle pieces. “are you sure you want to do this?”

a less confident person might’ve made a remark about her repeated questions. as it was, he simply said, “yeah. i’ve wanted to for a really long time.”

ellie was seemingly amazed by his honesty. “that’s so crazy to me.”

“why?” he tore his eyes away from the view, turning to look at her head on. “ingrid’s right. you are a catch. it’s crazy to me that you’ve stayed single all this time.”

“well, i was --” ellie paused. “-- never interested in compromising. before now.”

the smile that unfurled across his face felt foreign. he was glad they were out on the patio alone together, and not somewhere anyone else would see his face doing the goofy thing he knew it was, soft and genuine and open. it was bad enough that ellie was seeing it, even if her own eyes went gooey, too, from the way he was looking at her. forging ahead with bravado, colt said, “figures i’d be the one to break your streak.”

“oh my god, do not start,” ellie huffed, using their joined hands to push his side until he stumbled a step away.

colt retaliated by spinning her around and pulling her in close, trapping her against the ledge of the balcony before she could move. “why?” he challenged, “what are you going to do about it?”

she had the look of someone who knew they had a wealth of options before them to be carefully considered. the threat that came out of her voice was sweet; she tilted her chin up to brush their noses together. “just wait. you’ll see. i have it all planned out.”

he kind of liked the sound of that. liked knowing she was thinking about him, in any capacity at all, really, and that was part of what picking on her had always been about, too -- any reaction. any thoughts. any comeback, even if they were more snarky than sexy (though the two had always been intertwined in his brain).

if it was at all possible, the look on his face felt like it was getting worse. at the very least, his heart was beating frantically, and he was completely captivated by the fond look in ellie’s own eyes and the way she was smiling at him. how was he actually on the receiving end of that look? the hand that wasn’t holding hers lifted to thumb at ellie’s cheekbone in soft wonder, part of him still surprised to find the both of them out here, together.

“i’ll bet,” he returned, his voice low and full of promise. “that work ethic is one of the things i like most about you.”

“you’ll have to give me a list of the rest,” ellie laughed.

“eh, you can wait,” colt shrugged, gently pressing her in along the stone ledge behind her back on the balcony, leaning over her with another grin, “there’s a few other things we have to catch up on first.”

he knew ellie had caught on when he felt her hands skim over his dress shirt, underneath his jacket. she kissed him again, lips soft and overeager, a little sloppy with an enthusiasm that was shiver-inducing, making him reluctant to ever head back inside.

but ellie was insistent, and so eventually, colt had to let her go, chasing her lips one last time before they finally broke apart, turning around only to ultimately come up short just outside the door.

every last one of their friends was standing in front of the glass facade, staring out at them, their eyes wide and their mouths open. ingrid and logan in particular looked unreasonably overjoyed.

“christ,” colt sighed. ellie instantly went tense and embarrassed beside him. “is this what this is going to be like all the time?”

“no take backs,” she said, squeezing his hand. as if that was ever even the tiniest thought in his mind. she turned just in time to catch his eye roll, and the subsequent glare when he looked away that made the group watching them from behind the door scatter with raucous laughter.

“fine,” he answered, sounding put-upon. he felt his lips tug up into a smile against his will. fuck, but his face was already starting to hurt. he’d done more damn smiling in the last thirty minutes than he had in years. 

beside him, ellie was comfortably quiet, seemingly at peace. she was smiling to herself, too, perfectly content.

ellie was probably going to have to help him get used to how it felt to have everything he wanted.

good thing she was a genius. he knew she’d have no trouble picking it up quickly, and probably the rest of this, too. for his part, colt was happy to follow where she led, grateful to be alongside her for whatever happened next.

he wasn’t usually one for optimism, but for once, he had a gut feeling that it was going to be pretty great.

[raleighcarrera]

hiiiiii

[raleighcarrera]

hiiiiiii

[artbyalz]

Mal Volari is the portrait of the week ⚔️

[choicesficwriterscreations]

[artbyalz]

Andy Kang is the portrait of the week 🌲

Thanks @aces-and-angels for the idea!

[raleighcarrera]

lord cyrus… what would we do to him?

by @paloldrawingstmblr for @trmaw 💕

[raleighcarrera]

tfw you’re trying to make your bestie’s birthday dinner special but the idiot you have a crush on asked if you should put corn and potatoes in the cake 🖤

thank you so much @senatorraines for this gorgeous commission of my favorite mc, kennedy monroe of rutherland !! and thank you @bgalvinoart for bringing her to life !!

[luciacaminoz]

got him out of my system (lying)

[slushrottweiler-deactivated2025]

Mason’s brief moment of peace amongst the Christmas tree lot; before they all start talking.

[gaiuskamilah]

really bad boy or whatever

[luciacaminoz]

a haley's bakery run that doesn't end in disaster

[luciacaminoz]

agent m(otherfucker)

[zigtheeortega]

tatum mendoza and blaine hayes by @cherrypie-96

thank you so much for these gorgeous commissions! missing them both right about now

[cassie-thorne]

just posting shitty works idk idk I'm bored

[tinylittletrain]

foreign affairs fandom i have some food for yall. heres my kennedy and blaine bc i love them sm but i just,, dont write them. they live in my head rent free though (also i needed to actually draw them bc they look different to me than they do in the books so here.)

[drawsmaddy]

Kofi doodle requests are back open for the next few days! If there's something you'd like me do a simple drawing of (perhaps your favourite character in a fun outfit or two characters kissing!) for £10 I'll draw it for you! For an extra £5 I'll colour it in!

You can request a doodle here: https://ko-fi.com/drawsmaddy/commissions

[herinactivity]

the hardys 😄😄 i figured frank’s haircut would be more practical than joe’s but at the same time i didn’t want to do my boy badly so it’s a little longer than i planned. both the brothers have brown eyes (instead of joe’s canon blue) just because 🤍