bones jones rules supreme

i have to live in my brain all the time and now you get to see what it's like in here

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

and so the

Twizzler

becomes the

Twizzled

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

stanky leg

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

one of my coworkers (a grown ass man) spilled a drink in the drive through and he said “aw, now y’all are gonna beat my ass” and i can’t stop thinking about it

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

oh hell nah

they all up on spunch bob shit

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

fellas, is it gay to give someone cpr?

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

at this hour of 11:20 pm, i find myself craving breakfast foods

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

i love being the “”smart kid”” at a terrible school because i could turn in some absolutely unreadable bullshit and the teacher would still be like “great work!”

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

can’t stop thinking about Him (spunch bop) 

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

i don’t know what homestuck is and at this point i’m too afraid to ask

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

whatever the exact opposite of a foot fetish is, that’s what i have

[papa-krampus]

so you’re telling me that harrison ford isn’t the man who founded the ford motor company? nah that don’t even sound right bro

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

i don’t understand how people can go to the bathroom while they’re on zoom..... like doesn’t it make you feel weird to hear your classmates and coworkers voices while you’re taking a piss? don’t you get anxious that you accidentally left your microphone on? how do yall play with fire like that

[gengarpng]

You know what? Fuck you.

*unshrinkies your dinks*

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

for legal reasons, i sure hope jeff bezos DOES NOT get robbed

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

the first thing a fetus develops is its anus. even before you have a soul you have a butthole

charlie white (aka moistcritical)

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

seinfeld is like if friends had only chandler, monica, ross, and joey and all of them were mean and poor

[random-thoughts-from-my-brain]

don’t ever disrespect weezer like that again