YAPPEST

Pfp -cortis , Certified yapper, here to yap about absolutely useless shit that no one cares about , most of my posts will be absolutely random with no connection to my other posts whatsoever

[randomaahyapper]

RANDOM AHH YAP ABOUT HOW AWESOME IT IS TO BE A FANGIRL

Yesterday i was having a panic attack , I know this is not the ideal way to start a post but it is what it is. So what happened was , my best friend of 4 yrs decided on a random Saturday that i was 'too close' to the guy she liked. She likes my brother. She told me how i was 'blocking her chances' and proceeded to block me from all her socials. My other friend told me it was good riddance , didn't stop me from crying my eyes out though , I loved her , I treated her like a sister , it was a 'you fight with her , you fight with me ' kinda bond. I think what I'm trying to say is that people hurt you , no matter how much you love them , no matter how much you are willing to forgive them if they JUST apologize , it doesn't matter to them.

[ That was genuinely a yap now let's come to why i actually gave you that information ]

About a few weeks ago , i got comfortable enough to tell my now ex-best friend about my fangirling hobbies. You have to understand that people have shamed for being a fangirl and they have made fun of me about all that shit so i don't just go up to people and tell them how much i love K-pop or about how i would sell my kidney for Cortis tickets , its not a conversation people around me wanna have. So , when i told her about it, it was a pretty big deal to me yet her first reaction was quite literally ' get a life ' , yep , she said that right to my face and while writing this I'm wondering why we were ever best friends. When i was crying , i was alone , i couldn't breathe , I tried doing the things Aidan did to calm Katie down in Alexa and Katie , but it didn't work. You know what did work ? James' video about the new english alphabet song which will always be funny to me , Ateez San and Wooyoung being questionable together , a compilation of Yeji speaking English , Hyunjin and Han being the most chaotic duo known to mankind and Mother Jihyo. That helped guys , it did , figures on a screen helped because i don't know them personally and they are not trying to actively destroy my life , they are not spreading rumors about me , they are not going up to the guy i like and telling him why he should NEVER date me.

BE A FANGIRL , A WEIRDO , A PERSON WHO HAS NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN LIFE EXCEPT FOR THEIR FAVOURITE GROUPS COMEBACK , FUCK THEM HATERS , FUCK THEIR OPINIONS , AND LET THEM ENJOY THEIR SHITTY ASS PERSONALITY , YOU'RE YOU BECAUSE OF THE THINGS YOU LIKE , NOT INSPITE OF THEM , AND YOU ARE FINE JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. BARK FOR MINGI GUYS , LIKE THE REELS WHERE MINGI BARKS FOR YUNHO , ITS FINE......Because when you're having a panic attack [ not that i want you to have one ] the figures on the screen will make you laugh while the people you love in real life tell you its gonna be okay and make no efforts to make you happy.

The figures on the screen will hold you , even if they will never know how much you needed it , even though you never asked for it......

[randomaahyapper]

RANDOM AHH YAP ABOUT NEVER BEING GOOD ENOUGH WITH A TINGE OF HOW MUCH I LOVEE CORTIS

GUYS !! Cortis announced their tour !! Not that I can go anyways ,I'm happy but not entirely happy for the people who can go cause I'm kinda jealous of them yk .

I can't help but feel something else on the side , all cortis members are around my age , some even younger than i am and the talent they possess is actually crazyyy.....i am sitting in my room , drowning in assignments , projects i can't complete , deadlines i can't meet and most importantly expectations i can't fulfill , is it bad to want a break ? is it bad to want validation without the pressure sometimes ? is it bad that i want people to be proud of me even if i am not at the top of my class ? is it bad to want a life like cortis ? I know idol life isn't all what it looks like , it's toxic , tiring , draining and it chews your soul away piece by piece until there's nothing left , now idk about you guys but my real life rn sounds awfully familiar to that , if i was an idol , atleast I'd have friends who loved me like family , fans who stood by me and haters who bagged me that cash . That can't happen tho cause im the most talentless person i have ever known , I'm not good at anything , and if i am good at it I'm never good enough , everytime , everything i want slips from my fingers , just out of reach , my fingers brushing against it but never quite able to grasp it . My friends aren't my friends , people i would risk everything for dont even remember my birthday . Sometimes , i feel like this is it , my last straw , the breaking point , it's here , the one thing that always comes in between my peace is my love-hate relationship with loneliness . I like being lonely , just drown out my thoughts and listen to joyride or what you want , just lay still and forget about everything else including my own thoughts , but sometimes said thoughts are loud and im not strong enough to drown them , so now i dont wanna be alone anymore , i need someone who can silence them for me , but oh , i have no one , see , the vision is that if i was in a band , someone would come hold me , atleast for a while , but that's not the reality , that's not my reality .

Alrightttt i think thats enough for today , if you read allat , I LOVE YOUUU MWAHHH 💗💗 ,STANNN CORTISSSS AND DONT BE SAD , comment if you would like to be friends or smthh !!! 🫶🫂

[randomaahyapper]

RANDOM AHH YAP ABOUT MY TOP 3 K-DRAMAS [ I DONT REALLY HAVE A UNIQUE TASTE , LIKE YOU HAVE PROLLY ALREADY WATCHED ALL OF THEM BUT IF YOU HAVENT , WATCH EM NOWWWWWW ! ALSO IM VERYYY INDECISIVE SO THERE ARE VARIOUS DRAMAS IN ONE RANK ]

3. On number 3 we have WELCOME TO WAIKIKI , it was the first kdrama i watched so it has a special place in my heart also it was insanely funny , i could NOT stop laughing , everyone needs to watch this masterpiece RNNNN .

We also have NIGHT HAS COME on number 3 , tbh this had rank 1 potential but i really did not like the ending , it was wack and there isn't a sequel , could have had a better ending imo.

BUSINESS PROPOSAL was my favorite drama for a long long time until i discovered the drama world of violence , but the second leads in this drama are the only ones holding this rank together , I LOVEEEE THEMMMM AHHHHHHHH ,they are the best.

2. On number 2 we have WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU TANGERINES . this is solely because once i started watching the action dramas , no romance drama could really hold my attention , but when life gives you tangerines is sooo well written and the emotional impact this drama had on me was crazyyy , my standards in men were way too high after watching it.

ALL OF US ARE DEAD is deserving of 1st rank but it is on the 2nd place only because the 2nd season keeps getting pushed back , i just really wanna know more about Namra and Cheongsan , i wanna know what happens to them , i want Suhyuk and Namra dating era [ impossible ask ik ].

THE GLORY is on this list cause i love revenge and this is my ranking so i dont need another reason to put it here 😁😁.

1. WEAK HEROOOOOOOOOOOO CLASS 1 AND CLASS 2 OMGGGGGGGGGG SUHOOOO , SIEUNNNN , BAKUUUUUU , GOTAKKKKK , JUNTAEEEEEE , SEONGJAEEEEEEE , BAEKJINNNNNN AHHHHHHHHH , I NEED CLASS 3 RNNNNNN [i think i like weak hero ] .

TWINKLING WATERMELON is definitely one of my top one kdramas , the storyline is a banger , the characters are lovable and its soooo chaotic [ guys Hyunyul fic recs , I beg 🙏🙏 ] , also CHOIIII HYUNWOOKKKKKKKKKKKK .

ITAEWON CLASS....No explanation needed , the only 2 friends i have that watch kdramas dont really think it's that good but i feel i can rewatch it thousands of times and never get bored.

STUDY GROUP is a solid 1st rank , I have to admit , I watched it cause of Cha Woomin , but it was very good and Jiwoo is my ultimate girl crush.

OKAYYY THATS IT FOR TODAYYY , LOVEE YOUUU , BYEEE , YOU'RE THE BEST PEOPLE EVER AND YOU'RE ENOUGH MWAHHH :⁠-⁠) 💗💗🫶

[randomaahyapper]

RANDOM AHH ESSAY I WROTE FOR A MAGAZINE AND DIDN'T SUBMIT BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS BAD

SUFFERING IN SILENCE:

Suffering has become such a common word. So, let me clear this for you. No, you are not suffering because your mom made something you don’t like for dinner, you aren’t suffering because you didn’t have time to play video games and you’re definitely not suffering because your teacher gave you too much homework. Suffering is impactful, something you can let go of and if not, it holds on to you forever, it’s not a phase, a moment, or something that will go away without much effort. What is it then?

Were you ever told you were ‘too selfish’ after thinking about everyone else before you thought about yourself or that you were ‘a burden’ after giving up everything you had for them. That’s suffering. No one notices you, no one acknowledges you and it feels like you are just passing through life like a parallel line without intersecting with anyone else. It’s when you feel like nobody cares even after giving all your love away, at the end of the day, all you receive is resentment. Being a teen, I have been resented for stuff that is actually quite trivial in nature, yet somehow it was important enough to make me feel like I was doing everything wrong. I get hurt and somehow I am the one who has to apologize, I am not okay but somehow end up comforting my friend for some drama in her life even when she never shows up when it’s my turn. I have seen people online saying such kind of behavior is self-destructive but do I believe them? Not really, because making others happy gives me strength, so much so that my happiness is somewhere at the back of the line wondering whether it will ever be a priority.

Everything you do is either ‘too much’ or ‘too little’, never enough. Suddenly, one day, you are just sitting in your room and sobbing your eyes out and wondering when ‘your person’ will show up and you realize, it isn’t happening, no one’s coming for you, no one cares enough to show up. When I tell you to get rid of that thought, please do so, it’s too late for me but maybe it isn’t too late for you, know that once you get stuck with that thought, it refuses to leave, it eats you alive and there’s nothing you can do, nothing you can say that will make you forget.

You are talking to your friend on a call and somehow they always hang up first, you wait for your friend group to call you for lunch but there’s always someone more important to call. In my mind, I often think of the word Backup, the backup friend, backup daughter, backup student, I am the backup wherever backups are needed, never the priority, never the answer, always an option. While answering MCQs, its psychologically proven that option B, is the least favored, if you were guessing, you would choose A, C or D but never option B. That’s me, I am option B, I am only chosen when the other options are cancelled out. I feel like I’m falling and falling and falling through an endless tunnel knowing that no one is going to catch me at the end of it, knowing that the fall will hurt and there will be no one to clean my wounds, yet, for some reason I keep falling, and maybe you are also falling. Maybe you will find some light at the end of the tunnel, you will never know until you reach there, maybe that light will take you someplace safe, maybe it will bring you peace and may it also bring you answers to questions you didn’t know you had. While you’re falling, I want you to think, do you deserve this? The pain, The sadness, The hatred, do you deserve to go through that? Let me answer that for you, you don’t, unless you are a serial killer or a rapist, you don’t deserve it. Stop for a minute, take a breath, you have done good things in life, you have made people happy and you have been happy too even if it was just for a fleeting moment in time, you did that, all by yourself.

While you are in pain the person who gave it to you is chilling somewhere else with not a care in the world. Thank them, for they made you this strong, thank them for leaving you alone and ask them to never come back as a last act of love. Tell yourself that you are enough for yourself until it becomes the biggest truth you have ever heard. Start cleaning your own messes instead of helping others with theirs. Be selfish, prioritize your happiness because no one else cares enough to do it for you. You’re not ‘too loud’, ’too sensitive’, ‘too emotional’, you are just enough like you always have been. Don’t let others dim your light for you are the kindest soul I have ever come across. Be your own cheerleader instead of cheering for people who loathe you when you win and celebrate your losses. Don’t let people tell you that your problems don’t matter because they are going through something worse, there is no scale in the world that can measure the impact different problems have. Let this piece of writing be your safe place, come back here every time you need a breather, every time you need to cry, I promise it won’t judge you.

I WROTE THIS FOR YOU, I HOPE YOU FEEL JUST A LITTLE BETTER AFTER READING THIS.....

[randomaahyapper]

RANDOM AHH YAP ABOUT HOW HARD IT IS TO OPERATE TUMBLR

So its like , i check out all these profiles with such jaw dropping themes and yesterday i tried to uk make my profile a bit visually appealing. Safe to say , i did not succeed. I swear to god , instead of doing my Math assignment , i was trying to figure out how to change the theme of my page. I realised later that i'm just technologically dumb (maybe) and its not tumblr's fault. So i gave up , put a cortis pic in the background and called it a day.......🤧🤧

[randomaahyapper]

RANDOM AHH YAP ABOUT NEVER BEING GOOD ENOUGH WITH A TINGE OF HOW MUCH I LOVEE CORTIS

GUYS !! Cortis announced their tour !! Not that I can go anyways ,I'm happy but not entirely happy for the people who can go cause I'm kinda jealous of them yk .

I can't help but feel something else on the side , all cortis members are around my age , some even younger than i am and the talent they possess is actually crazyyy.....i am sitting in my room , drowning in assignments , projects i can't complete , deadlines i can't meet and most importantly expectations i can't fulfill , is it bad to want a break ? is it bad to want validation without the pressure sometimes ? is it bad that i want people to be proud of me even if i am not at the top of my class ? is it bad to want a life like cortis ? I know idol life isn't all what it looks like , it's toxic , tiring , draining and it chews your soul away piece by piece until there's nothing left , now idk about you guys but my real life rn sounds awfully familiar to that , if i was an idol , atleast I'd have friends who loved me like family , fans who stood by me and haters who bagged me that cash . That can't happen tho cause im the most talentless person i have ever known , I'm not good at anything , and if i am good at it I'm never good enough , everytime , everything i want slips from my fingers , just out of reach , my fingers brushing against it but never quite able to grasp it . My friends aren't my friends , people i would risk everything for dont even remember my birthday . Sometimes , i feel like this is it , my last straw , the breaking point , it's here , the one thing that always comes in between my peace is my love-hate relationship with loneliness . I like being lonely , just drown out my thoughts and listen to joyride or what you want , just lay still and forget about everything else including my own thoughts , but sometimes said thoughts are loud and im not strong enough to drown them , so now i dont wanna be alone anymore , i need someone who can silence them for me , but oh , i have no one , see , the vision is that if i was in a band , someone would come hold me , atleast for a while , but that's not the reality , that's not my reality .

Alrightttt i think thats enough for today , if you read allat , I LOVE YOUUU MWAHHH 💗💗 ,STANNN CORTISSSS AND DONT BE SAD , comment if you would like to be friends or smthh !!! 🫶🫂

[randomaahyapper]

RANDOM AHH YAP ABOUT NEVER FINDING GOOD FICS WITH MY FAV CHARACTERS [ AHHHHHHH ]

First order of business is definitely Wally freaking West......

So , ik how fine wally is , uk how fine wally is , WHY DONT GOOD FIC AUTHORS KNOW HOW FINE WALLY IS ?!?!?!

Mind you , I'm not talking about the young justice wally west , I'm talking about the wally west from flash the series , i just know how bad he was with jesse , tbh i hated them together , they were so incompatible , if i find ONE good wally west fic , i would eat that shit up......trust.

The second i laid my eyes on him AND he was a street racer , i thought there must be hundreds of fics about this masterpiece that has blessed my TV with his face........went to wattpad immediately.......found THREE fics with the worst English known to mankind which were prolly written by 3 year olds . Now ik , why don't i just write fics myself if I'm that desperate ? That's cause I'm a textbook procrastinator and disgustingly good at giving up , i am not capable of finishing whole ass stories , i aint wired like that , why did everyone have to sleep on my man like that.....😭😭

Now lets get to Jefferson Jackson from DC's Legends of Tomorrow.....

The moment i first saw him in flash , i was so devastated that he didn't really turn out to be a main character and kinda just left in a few episodes and then i saw him again in Legends of Tomorrow and as a main character [ahhhhhhh] , i was so freakin happy and i thought to myself that YESSSSS !!!!! ima find good fics about him nowwww .

I reached cloud 9 so quickly , went to wattpad , crash landed back on the ground so hard that i didn't open wattpad for a week after that cause i owed it to my overdramatic ass . Tell me why [ aint nothing but a heartache ] this absolutely fic worthy character was slept on by the good fic authors yet again [ history repeats itself ] . The moment i saw that stupid ahh forced plotline of Jax liking Kendra , i was beyond disappointed like tf is wrong with you guys , that makes no sense.....What pissed me off more was how many Leonard Snart fics i found [good fics] because im one of the biggest supporters of Leonard and Sara together , i cant even imagine him with anyone else and there were like 10000 fics about leonard and OC , like whattttttttttt.......Again , if i ever found a good fic about Jax and OC i would eat that shit up.....trust .

Ig the bottom line is , if anyone knows any good fic recommendations of Wally or Jax on tumblr or wattpad , please pass on that knowledge guys , and if you actually read all of that , wow , i love you :⁠-⁠) mwahhhh 💗💗

part 2 maybe idk if i can even call it a part 2 , more like yap 2 ???

PS: No offence to fic authors who write fics and whose first language isn't english , being perfectly candid , I would say there's no such thing as a bad fanfic , just cause I didn't like the fics I found doesn't mean someone else won't like them....it's just my personal perspective and it's in no way meant to attack anyone's skill , every writer is a good writer 💗😁