Through a wild, unavoidable and Bizarre set of circumstances, Ilya Rozanov is outed as a Bisexual man. Before he has an entire line of hopeful suitors throwing themselves at the Canadian tire center, he announces that he is spoken for. Actually, very very spoken for (as seen by him showing up to practice Mauled.)
The Internet then looks for who could possibly have the Great Ilya Rozanov locked down? Which is great news for Ilya Rozanov, who comes to work looking Mauled™ everytime someone makes a wrong guess. It is not great news for Anybody Else.
Svetlana Vetrova! Someone cries before she posts herself kissing Rose Landry with a middle finger towards the camera.
Cliff Marlow! Comes the next call as the man denies vehemently. Ultimately leading to a Twitter post citing 'please stop saying Roz and I are a thing his actual boyfriend will kill me'
Victor StSimon! Some try again only to be met with a similar answer.
Troy Barret! Some try enthusiastically, only to get lambasted publicly by The Ottawa Centaurs official acount.
Carter Vaughn! Was the next try only to get the reply of, 'do y'all want me to get turned into paste on the ice? Hell no'
Scott hunter? Some say without much conviction. They get flamed by both Scott and Kip Hunter-Grady for their effort
Hayden pike? Comes an even weaker call. They get blasted by Rozanov himself. 'you cannot be my fan anymore if you think my beautiful солнышко is fucking Pike.' This person was until recently a Shayden shipper, but no one makes any connections there.
Meanwhile Shane Hollander, whenever he's spotted in the background of other's social media during this debacle is seen to be Seething™
When Ilya Rozanov got outed as a Bisexual man,(through a wild unavoidable and Bizarre set of circumstances) Shane Hollander is a little busy making sure his PR is airtight and his citizenship is well on the way.
While the dust settles, they have wild wild celebratory sex. Obviously. Ilya goes to practice Mauled™. (Shane also goes to practice Mauled™ but sadly no one posted that to the internet)
Shane prepares to come out with their relationship, gives up on a soft launch and braces for impact from social media.
Only for people to guess Svetlana was the partner. Which sort of makes sense, he supposes, they were seen together a lot back when Ilya was in Boston. Shane waits for Svetlana and Rose to clear things up.
Then people guess Marlow. Shane may have perhaps, indulged in some Light 🤏 cyber bullying. Only a little.
The same goes for StSimon, if more anonymously than Marlow's treatment... And the rest of the Bears just to be sure. But still, it sort of makes sense. He's seen Ilya's chats with the Bears and they sound gayer than his chats so whatever.
Then they say Fucking Barret. Which, fine! Whatever! They're in the same team, so he guesses the internet would like to see them together for some reason. (theyre Wrong, and Ilya is his, and Barret can fuck right off thank you very much.)
Then they say Carter Vaughn. How? Don't ask shane to make sense of the bullcrap of the internet. Again perhaps some light 🤏 cyber bullying may have been employed.
Then come Scott Hunter. For some fucking reason. It doesn't help that Ilya called him hot once. Luckily he doesn't have to even start with Hunter before his (child bride) husband interjects.
Shane is ready to pull his hair out by the time someone mentions Hayden. Luckily Ilya is at least equally disturbed by the idea.
Rose, Yuna, David and Svetlana get the entire play by play of this entire ordeal by the time Shane is ready to snap and call a press conference. Please imagine them having a group chat and laughing their ass off at the husbands
