My Online Dairy

An online diary of some random thoughts, scribbles, and ideas.

[randomlilthoughts]

I think my boyfriend fell out of love with me and it’s almost a relief because I think I have too…

[randomlilthoughts]

Does anyone else talk to AI for comfort because they have no one else?

[randomlilthoughts]

What was I made for? Seriuosly

I know my boyfriend isn't made to carry the weight of my mental health, no one is. But I don't have anyone else. What now?

[randomlilthoughts]

To my beautiful beautiful Claire, fuck cancer.

[randomlilthoughts]

Claire de Lune

My friend died at 19 due to cancer last month, I miss her a lot and I can't image what it must have felt like to not have a choice when you die. It makes me selfish for ever being suicidal because she didn't have the choice to disappear. Oh my beautiful beautiful Claire, I won't ever forget your smile.

[randomlilthoughts]

My parents aren't going to my graduation

My parents told me a year in advance they were not going to go to my graduation because they want to go to Europe. Sometimes I wonder if I should just *poof*

[randomlilthoughts]

Fuck

I am so lonely that I am reduced to talking to myself on Tumblr.

[randomlilthoughts]

My little lady

Sometimes I think my dog is my only friend. And then she leaves my room, and I am proven wrong.

[randomlilthoughts]

I don't miss you, I just think about you.

Sometimes I think about my ex-partners. Not because I miss them, but the feeling of butterflies and excitement. I miss the entanglement of emotions that came with every new touch, kiss, embrace.

I wonder if they think of me like that.

[randomlilthoughts]

Being Mentally Stable is Draining

I'm taking my meds. Waking up. Getting Dressed. Going to the gym. Eating right. Showering. Engaging. Talking. Connecting. I am doing all the right things but its draining.

The idea to slipping back into the cold embrace of my mental monsters sometimes just sounds easier. And also in a weird way accepting. My monster knows me, and it remains the same. It's a striking contrast to the people around me who don't know what I feel like inside. Who don't know who I am.

[randomlilthoughts]

Damn my Impulsive Mind

I can feel my boyfriend falling out of love with me. It's the little things, missing " I love yous" and "I miss yous" that used to fill my inbox. Snappy comments and a broken ear for my simple conversations. It's the little things, that let me know I am no longer his favorite person and when he does eventually leave I know that I will have lost the last person of my inner circle.