Random Whitty Thoughts

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Tumblr is for the thoughts that need to come out of my head or i will obsess over them for the next five hours but are too useless to be in my journal.

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I just realized the point of elementary through high school was to turn us all into recently born Mr. Meeseeks and the point of college/university was to show us that we are all actually aging Mr. Meeseeks.

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I just looked up “suicide counselor near me.” The very first thing google brings up is National Guard Recruiting....?

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Identity

Identity is a mysterious thing. People say to find yourself and be true to yourself but that’s harder than it sounds. Sometimes we lie to ourselves about who we are in order to protect ourselves from facing the pain of reality.

When I was little, all the way up through the first year of college, I was insanely shy AND I have resting bitchface. On top of this, when I get angry I think to myself “say something nice or nothing at all.” So I’d sit and glare and fume. This means people have always told me that I scare them. I didn’t make friends in high school b/c I scared people. I’ve been told I’ve never had a boyfriend b/c I’m too “intimidating.” And I accepted that as who I am. Because I can use “scary.” Thinking I’m scary as I walk home from school alone is better than thinking I’m pretty and kind, an easy target. 

But what I didn’t realize was that I hated myself for being this way. I’ve always wanted to be loved and I value kindness and loyalty in myself higher than anything. I’ve realized that every time I took on “scary” as my identity, I hated myself a little bit more. 

The complication comes in when I like “scary” things, horror movies, dark colors, creepy music, any bloody dark aesthetic. But that’s just what I LIKE. I also like puppies, toddlers, walks in the park, and funny bird videos. There is a fine line between what you LIKE and what you ARE because often times that’s all others SEE. I like creepy things. Hell, I even like BEING playfully creepy sometimes. But I never, never wanted to be known that way, even as I infused this into my personality. 

So.... What is something that you believe about yourself just because others have said it about you but is NOT true? Because whatever you “come off” as, isn’t you. Whatever first impression you give, isn’t you. Figure out the lie, than tell yourself over and over again the truth (everyone’s is different), or you may end up like me, blaming and hating and cutting yourself just because of what you fear you have become.

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I’ve decided I want to start waking up earlier than my usual 8am; so, using the theory of baby steps, I’ve set an alarm for 7:30am every day. Now I go to sleep at 12-2am, hit the snooze in the morning, and wake up at 9-11am! Progress

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dorkiness does NOT excuse misogyny. Sorry to burst your bubble, if it hasn’t been burst already....

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Born Sexy Yesterday “innocence is not sexy.” I’ve loved many of these movies in the past, it kinda sucks to realize how badly/idiotic they treated women. I hope we don’t see any more relationships like this or if we do, maybe they can be portrayed as the messed up things they are.

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Angels be like

I think angels think of us like we think of dogs. They're like, "aw they're so cute and need love and protection, even the ugly and old and sick ones!" and demons are like the people that abuse dogs, make them fight for money, and run puppy mills... I’m watching Prophecy with Christopher Walken

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marraige n stuff

I recently heard that people say that getting married without living together is like buying a car without test driving it. Isn't being in a relationship the test drive? When you live together, it's like asking the dealer if you can take the car on a road trip before buying it. Then you take it uphill and the car starts to struggle and you take it back like "Nope, this isn't gonna work out”