Today, I’m celebrating failure. Why? When people aim for success, they strive for perfection, but being human means we’re naturally by default imperfect. That means it’s impossible to never fail, but no one ever congratulates failure.
People love talking about success and aiming/planning for it. I’ve witnessed 2 types of success:
1. People who enjoy the journey
2. People who dislike/ignore the journey
The difference between these 2 are really interesting. Pocket 1 people seem to be much wiser, happier, and fulfilled than pocket 2. People in pocket 2 achieve their success but I’ve noticed are less happy and feel empty compared to pocket 1. I’m personally more interested in the failures before success, how people overcame, conquered, and moved forward - the more specific the better. This isn’t even just about me as a musician/singer/songwriter, but my genuine interest in the most general sense. And every success/failure is important - big and small.
As I’m adopting a new mindset and releasing old habits, it really does feel like being reborn. Being aware of every single thought and action, it’s exhausting but so interesting to understand how my own mind and body work independently and together (harmoniously vs contradictory).
I’m acknowledging my hardest challenges: being my own worst critic, my voice is what I criticise the most. A singer/songwriter friend of mine who has perfect pitch commented ‘you being classically trained on piano has become your best and worst enemy just as my perfect pitch has been for songwriting.’ He has a valid point. His observation of having perfect pitch in singing, he admits when writing, he paid less attention to his own style until now as he treated his voice as a guaranteed crutch. I tried for the longest time to sing awkwardly in a way I thought I could sing ‘ok’.
Unlike my piano training, I never took private vocal classes until last year, being stubborn my whole life thinking I could figure it out. It was also because I was trying to move out of classical way of approaching music...trying to define my own style. So I went through a long phase of ignoring any kind of lesson. Unfortunately, I don’t have perfect pitch, but have met amazing mentors to help. My UK instructor recommended John Henny and our first session made me feel so much better. That’s where a chunk of the little money I have left has gone towards, but I see it as a priceless investment. Writing and recording my EP was awesome to see how I developed and where to improve. Taking myself to stage is a whole different ballgame since I won’t have the luxury of recording multiple takes if I screw up. Though I’ve been performing on and off most of my life, I’m ready to boost my confidence levels up a notch. Can’t wait for rest of my sessions with John then hit stages properly. Why am I doing all this? Because when I sing well, there’s no better feeling. John made a great comment ‘even professional singers have bad singing days. You just want to get to a level where even your bad days are ‘ok’ but not bad.’
Whether it’s at school or work, when we fail at doing something, we’re instantly reprimanded (or ignored depending on the level of passive aggressiveness - another topic I want to address but not now). If lucky, we get some form of constructive feedback on how to improve ourselves. But, how about adding another element to this mix of acknowledging failure as 1. kudos for trying (at least you’re trying), 2. make a decision about what to do with it next to prevent the same mistake (e.g. trying something new to see if you like/dislike? or maybe this failure is a lot more meaningful as you keep trying to succeed with a specific goal), and 3. each failure is another step closer to succeeding.
I know all this is dispersed all over the interweb, but this is just me consoling myself as a singer. In the past, my relationship with my voice stopped me before even trying. I’m celebrating failure today because hearing my own developments make me feel excited about continuously growing. In the past, if I performed badly, I’d focus so much on the failure to the point of not wanting to get back onstage ever again. But when I did well, it was the most incredible feeling. So, overall the successes are by far millions worth more than any failure. Celebrating my failures have actually helped me let them go.
New happening of the day: I’m starting to actually enjoy the feeling of failing while it’s happening + simultaneously look forward to improving. It’s an interesting sensation, can’t really articulate what it feels like. I think being in this state is actually making me improve faster. I might have to invent a new word...Sailure? Faleed? Hm...
All the weird and challenging stages from 2003 up to now: solo and band gigs in LA to old pubs in London with gritty old men shouting nonsense to The Scala. They’ve all had their quirks - some great, some horrible. It’s been awhile since I’ve performed in LA properly. Can’t wait to embrace it all.
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