And There Is Something That I've Locked Away(Roger Waters x Nick Mason)
warnings: angst, idiots in love, RogNick(is that the ship name? idfk), kissing, anger, set during the recording of The Final Cut
words: 1.1k
pairings: Roger Waters x Nick Mason
summary: Roger comes into the studio and Nick notices just how tired he is...and while they initially seem to be connecting with one another, some words are shared and it dissolves everything.
a/n: for you @ranlikehell...sorry it took forever and a day but I finally wrote it! for all the Roger x Nick fans. I hope that you all enjoy.
Itās quiet in the studios these days. Nick isnāt sure whatās shifted, but he knows it has come from a lot of changes. The lack of Rick doesnāt make him feel good, and David and Rogerās constant bickering drives him crazy. Sometimes, Nick wonders if they should have even kept going after Syd leftā¦or was kicked out. Then he reminds himself of all the success and knows that while it was a big regret for him, Syd wouldnāt have been able to continue.
Itās been on his mind for some time, actually. Heās been thinking about the history of the band and everything that has transpired in the last few years. Losing Rick wasnāt easy, and Nick knows he should have probably spoken up. He probably should have said something. But dammit, Roger has a way of making things seem like a good idea. It was true, Rick hadnāt contributed much in the likes of songs, but sometimes it was to happen. Itās not like Nick wrote much in terms of lyrics.
Roger comes into the studio, and Nickās shaken from his thoughts. Roger looks like he hasnāt slept in days, and he looks like heās about to crumble despite his perpetual armor. Nick struggles with how to deal with the situation at hand, but he comes closer.
āRoger,ā Nick speaks first.
Roger looks at him. āHey, ready to record?ā
There seems to be almost something weak and not demanding in his voice. He sounds almost defeated, and in a way, this really surprises Nick. Roger looks at him, in a sort of deadpan stare. Thereās something inside of Roger that seems to scream āplease help me, please Nickā. Itās frightening in a way, but Nick finally just lets out a sigh.
āHey, mateā¦you should probably go home. You look like shit and you need sleep.ā
This irritates Roger to no end. This makes him feel less than, and heās not going to stand here and be treated like that by his drummer. Who is Nick Mason to even say something like that to him, Roger Waters? Roger snarls at him.
āWhat the hell did you say to me?ā
Nick shakes his head. āI didnāt mean anything bad by it. I said it because I care.ā
Roger marches over to Nick, towering over him. Thereās a look of pure rage in his eyes. For once, Nick is thankful that nobody is in the studio right now. He wouldn't want anyone to see Roger like this. It isnāt fair to him nor is it fair to Nick.
āYou care? You think you can just insult me and then claim to care?!ā
Nick sighs once more, running his fingers through his hair. He knows Roger can be complicated, hysterical and tough to deal with. Especially when heās tired and hasnāt gotten his way immediately.Ā
āI do care, thank you. I have always cared about you.ā
The words cut Roger down to his very core. Thereās a lump in his throat as he tries to come to terms with the fact that Nick has said that. After all these years and all the things that have happened in this cursed band, Roger seems to finally understand that someone does care about him. And of course, itās that shaggy-haired mustachioed drummer.
Roger turns away, not wanting to see the careful gaze of the man in front of him. How could this be this way? Why did Nick have to be in the studio? It would have been so much easier to have David be here and just ignore him or to bicker with him. At least then, Roger doesnāt have to think about his own feelings for too long except for when heās in the recording booth.
āY-you always cared about me?ā Rogerās voice cracks under pressure.
Nick smiles softly. āOf course. Roger, weāve been friends for how long now? It would be wrong of me not to care for you.ā
Rogerās heart squeezes in his chest. He swallows hard, looking away. He really doesnāt want to look into Nickās eyes right now. He may even break down in tears if he looks into him. The thought of crying in front of his longtime bandmate and friend is a terrifying one.
Nick tenderly reaches out and gives Rogerās shoulder a squeeze, which causes Roger to gasp and pull away even more. Nickās not going to give up this easily. Not when it comes to the man heās been friends with for decadesā¦and the man he's come to love.Ā
āRoger,ā Nick begins and he moves closer. āYou donāt have to hide behind your wall forever. I see you.ā
Roger lets out a strangled noise, something between a sob and a sigh of frustration. But he knows that when itās just him and Nick in this room, thereās no more hiding. He tries desperately to pull his walls back up, but Nick tears them down by pulling him into a deep hug. Roger finally just let it all go.
āDid Iā¦ā Roger whines as he begins to cry. āI pushed them all away.ā
Nick presses a soft kiss to the top of Rogerās head. āRoger, listen to me. These things happen, weāve all been at this maybe for too long.ā
Roger looks down into Nickās eyes finally and he begins to sob like a baby. Nick doesnāt judge, he just continues to hold him. Thereās this moment where the two of them feel like they are connected; more than just two bandmates, but more as two men who have endured a lot together. Roger doesnāt remember the last time someone held him. He doesnāt remember the last time he allowed someone to pierce through the tough armor he carries with him and deflects everything with. But Nick reached right in and held onto his heart.Ā
āNick, I messed it all up.ā Roger sighs as he pulls away to rub his eyes. āB-butā¦ā
Thereās a moment of silence between the two men. Roger looks into Nickās eyes and they lean in. Their lips meet in a soft kiss. A promise to forever be each otherās friend, or something more. Itās a lingering kiss that feels like itās been building up over time.
āBut what?ā Nick asks as he pulls away to breathe.
āYouāll stay with me, right?ā Roger asks, his voice almost childlike.
This causes Nick to falter. He had already spoken to David about continuing with him because he had figured that Roger would have wanted to pull away from everyone. It makes his heart ache to have Roger asking something like this. Nick looks down in shame and then sighs.
āRoger, Iā¦I want to continue with David.ā
The words sting. They are raw and powerful and they cause Roger to pull back up those walls, turning him into a coldhearted man. If thatās what they want,Ā then he will continue to show them his dark side. He will continue to wear his thick armor, keeping him safe from anyoneās hurtful words.
āIs that so?ā Roger asks, his voice almost dripping with pure venom.
āRog, yes. I want to continue with David.ā Nick admits.
Roger pulls away completely, leaving Nick to stand there on his own. Whether or not this would be what completely dissolved the band, there seems to be nobody to blame.
But for Nick and Roger, they will never really understand what feelings lurked below the surface that day.
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