My 30s have been just as much of a shit show as my 20s
What a horrible, miserable joke this is
$LAYYYTER
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@smieska
My 30s have been just as much of a shit show as my 20s
What a horrible, miserable joke this is
really wish shit didn't get weird that one time
trying to de-construct how I was able to work, since the typical ADHD methods don't work at all for me
1- I hate myself/thinking of myself so anything to do with 'feeling' or being aware of myself is a no-go.
2- there needs to be "real" stakes, none of this, 'work 15 minutes and you'll get a treat :)' if I can set up these rules, I can break them. But I can't always get a third party to check up on me everyday to listen to my sorry ass.
3- managed to at least start work on things when it was shame based. I wanted to work on xyz because I dreaded feeling the shame of saying I didn't do it rather than positive reinforcement of 'yay i did it' over the tiniest tasks that I hold zero value in. It sucks but that's how I get my brain to work, no amount of therapy is helping so fuck it, negative reinforcement go.
4- i'm my own worst critic/bully, so i need an outside source to report to.
since I can't have a random stranger check in on my work everyday, I think maybe if I have some kind of public blog like a tumblr where I can write down what I did, and at least the 'threat' of maybe someone checking in on my work is there, out of my hands/control. i wonder if that would work for long? hm.....
man i wish i was good at planning and organizing things and following through with it
wife and wife law firm
(base colors undercut)
Angels…⁇
a moment of silence for the ppl who started talking to me thinking I was cool or something and had that illusion promptly shattered when I revealed I am, in fact, incredibly dull and annoying
Very funny that Tenna won yet Spamton's tag is trending. We're all checking on what the ex has to say, huh
Tumblr Sexyman Contest 2026 Final Round
Senshi (Dungeon Meshi)
Ryland Grace (Project Hail Mary)
Mr. Ant Tenna (Deltarune)
Tenna art by @9Aaaalt29 on twt
“And if you’ll give me 40% of the MOST POPULAR VOTE, I’ll give you my SPECIAL REWARD... A year’s supply of NON-GLOOBY SLIME!!! Never or BARELY used!!!” Tenna concluded his speech with a huge smile, jetting his hands up in double peace signs.
The crowd roared in confused enthusiasm as Tenna gave a gracious flurry of low-FPS bows, pausing only for the occasional stink-nose at his audience plants who weren’t throwing enough 3D roses.
Eventually, the room fell silent. It was Senshi’s turn to speak.
He puffed out his chest, took a long, sweeping look over the audience… and shook his head.
“I can see not all of you are eating properly.”
The crowd murmured with embarrassment.
“I don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s time to take the turkey out of your icebox. I have seen the ingenious technology with which your people store food... and I have also seen the waste which results from such convenience.
“The food you take had a life. Beasts grew fat on the grass of the field, plants grew from the sun’s rays, and mushrooms grew from minerals in the cracks of caves. And yet, it sits in your iceboxes, collecting moisture until it perishes.
“Eat what is given to you. Because its life will make you stronger, too.”
Without another word, Senshi left his podium and stepped away from the stage. The crowd murmured in confusion. “Is he really like that?” somebody said. “I only remember reblogging the photosets of him tripping and showing ass.”
--
Back in the Green Room, Tenna wrung his antennas nervously.
“Y-y-you think they liked me!? They HAD to!! I mean, I don’t know what Asgore was thinking, getting that weird haircut and running that food waste campaign, but… YOU thought I did good, didn’t you, Kris?”
Laios nodded aggressively, a streak of blue face paint peeling from his forehead.
“You did AMAZING, Tenna! By the way, now that we’ve seen all your insider campaign secrets, do you have any more videos of Susie? Especially her tail... If I could get a look at that, I could finally tell if she’s a dinosaur or --”
THWACK. Fake antlers butted Laios’s head.
“LAIOS?? Weren’t we dressed up to help SENSHI???” Marcille hissed, gesturing awkwardly with her hooves.
Suddenly, Tenna turned to the two adventurers.
“Hey, WAIT a second. SOMETHING’s not right here...”
Laios and Marcille held their breath.
“Where the heck are my POINTS!?”
Just then, the door opened. Chilchuck took one step into the room, whistling and holding a large bag.
Everyone turned to him.
Chilchuck paused, took a step backwards, and closed the door.
“CHILCHUCK!!!” yelled Tenna.
“How come Chilchuck got to stay Chilchuck!?” yelled Marcille at the same time.
--
Meanwhile, in outer space somewhere, some guy was making out with a rock.
i'm trying to convince myself out of tantrum to get a stupid instagram because thats where all the stupid normie artists, groups and studios post their stuff and JOBS AND GARBAGE I HATE IT SO MUCH
i fucking hate being forced doing this shit, literal peer pressure because thats where all the stupid ass jobs are being shared and discussed and posted and whatever
I HATE HATE HATE NETWORKING AND WASTING MY TIME AND MAKING ME FEEL LIKE SHIT
i barely have my mental health together why the fuck would i want to continue to poison myself to these goddamn social media sites
I wish I didn't care
flowery if he looked more. flowery
the desire to make the thing is there and unbearable, i need it out of my head
but actually sitting down to draw anything lately has been excruciating
like wanting to dive into the deep end but only allowed to splash in small puddles
I hate you Ozempic craze I hate you 'heroin chic' I hate you weight loss ads on public radio I hate Burn Fat Fast ads every thirty seconds I hate you I hate you I hate you
I grew up before the term 'thigh gap' was invented I grew up before 'hip dip' was invented I was born before 'muffin top' was a thing before 'clean girl look' was a thing before 'glass skin' was a thing before razoring off peach fuzz was a thing and I'm so so so fucking tired of us inventing new concepts purely for the purpose of convincing people to hate their own bodies enough to buy products
Last time Tuberculosis ran through the USA a small number of people got it on purpose to look skinny and waifish and delicate and used makeup to look flushed and bony and when the Victorians figured out tapeworms people would infect themselves on purpose to starve themselves smaller and women and now in the year of our lord 2026 there is a noticeable fraction of the USAmerican population genuinely thrilled about a treatment-resistant microbial parasite that makes you shit and vomit your brains out for a month because side effects include weight loss and STILL we talk about being skinny like it's the natural default setting for all healthy people as if it's a self-sustaining standard and not an imaginary goal that we are constantly constantly constantly beating ourselves with a whip to acheive
I always end up feeling bad when the term "artist" comes up, because while yes I relate to someone like Van Gogh, it's like I'm a fraud or not allowed to because most things I like to draw and paint is just fanart, that I like to play with my ideas within another's idea.
So it always feels like I'm not even allowed to call myself an artist because I never have anything original, I never feel proud of anything original.
Even making a portfolio, it's mainly fanart. Some old colleagues of mine go, "oh, you're still doing fanart huh? It's fine it's ok" like I'm doing something bad? Juvenile?
I just always feel like a hack when I try to do my own things from scratch, it's already been done, much better too. At least with a preexisting character, it removes that weird restriction, but gets replaced by others
I hate feeling any ownership over anything creative yet I want to create and play still... Hmm
Me: oh ok we're following Vincent's art journey, oh this is cute the world is like a sketchbook he's filling in :)
Me: oh it's told through his letters to his brother :)
Me: I have to deliver his letter to Theo? *my sky kid gets a postman outfit* ....
😩😩😩😩😩🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭
Next scene Theo is bombarded with other postman skykids it was SO CUTE
Im not surviving this season