When your work week is about to end and you feel really good about it because your #kanban board is mostly filled with post-it's in the "done" section of your workflow. 🙌🏽 #projectmanagement #bossbitch #organizationporn (at Austin, Texas)
When you love the way a dress looks on you and finally put it on and discover it has POCKETS. 🙌🏽 POCKETS GUYS. POCKETS. #atx #xicana #ootd #selfcompassion #bodypositive (at Austin, Texas)
I have a new short and sassy post up. If you missed my previous posts, don't worry it's not too late! I will always be anxious, pessimistic, and expect the worse case scenario. Link in bio #anxiety #selfcare #atx #humor #feminism #xicana (at Austin, Texas)
I did a temp dye on my hair this weekend and now my life will never feel complete without purple hair everyday. #xicana #atx #purplehair #rip🙏 (at Austin, Texas)
Warby Parker grand opening on #soco Good thing my try on kit comes in next week. I had no idea there was a brick and mortar opening 🤗 #Xicana #atx (at Warby Parker)
Made this custom button for a friend and loved it so much I decided to share it with you all. Link in bio 😘 #notyourbaby #donttellmetosmile #feminist #xicana #buttons #atx (at Austin, Texas)
Mailing out packages today. Thanks to all the lovely xingonas that have supported my little store! 🙌🏽☺️❤️ #xingona #buttons #xicana #atx #feminist (at Austin, Texas)
I had my first relapse since finishing my intensive outpatient program (IOP) on August 1st. My IOP therapist warned us that this was inevitable and I heard and acknowledged this as a fact, I was prepared, I was determined, I felt safe.
Then doomsday happened. I had a relapse with my anxiety and depression this week and went back to the place I have been working so hard to leave behind, my little rabbit hole. I closed off, I started shutting down during an important conversation with my partner, I walked away and I didn’t communicate how I was feeling. I decided being alone and guarded was better than trying to resolve or communicate anything.
This behavior is frustrating to everyone around me and seems selfish. To anyone that has ever experienced anxiety and depression, you know this is far from the truth. You shut down because you feel like a failure. You stop communicating because you feel like anything you have to say is unimportant or will make things worse for the other person. You panic and feel like you’re a burden to those around you. You worry that the person with you is going to leave you because they are unfulfilled. There are a lot of “you” statements, but none of them selfish in nature. Not the true form of selfishness.
self·ishˈselfiSH/
adjective
(of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.
To anyone experiencing these thoughts the last thing on your mind is your own personal pleasure or well being, yet you cannot communicate and therefore it’s perceived as if you don’t care for the person involved and that you are selfish with your actions // lack of actions. I’ve been there. SO. MANY. TIMES.
IOP really helped me to understand that the world isn’t as black and white as I think it is when I shut down and run to my rabbit hole. Emotions are not all bad and all consuming. I can feel anger and be in love. I can feel sad and feel content. I can feel silly and tired. There are no singular emotions and therefore no all or nothing scenarios. I mostly go to this place because of my PTSD and my fight or flight response taking over. IOP really gave me the tools to manage my emotional well being and accept things for what they really are. It taught me that I can give myself permission to feel angry, sad, frustrated, and hurt. I have the right to acknowledge negative feelings and not just run away from them. In fact, running away from them may temporarily ease the anxiety and tension, but the problem and feelings come back, usually with a vengeance.
All week I was hard on myself, I was disappointed in my relapse and disappointed in how I treated my partner. The thing I forgot was to show compassion to myself and to treat myself as I would a friend that was being hard on themselves. Yes- I went into my hole. Yes- I didn’t communicate how I was feeling. But, my partner helped to remind me that just a short time after, I was talking about my feelings and walking him through what had happened. I was letting him in and sharing myself on a very intimate level. I was able to apologize and acknowledge his feelings and how my actions affect others, even if it’s unintentional. I was able to hear and accept someone telling me how I hurt them and not give up.
THIS IS BIG. I’m changing and change takes effort, time, and relapses are going to happen. If you struggle with this like I do, I really consider reading into the transtheoretical model of change. My individual therapist has been really pushing this on me and I think it’s such a great model for behavior.
I have a lot to look forward to, I’m going on a trip to New Orleans to meet some of my partner’s family, I have a three day work week, and I have two supportive and loving roommates and dogs to come home to, even if Daisy hates me (roommate’s dog). But for now I will remember to live in the moment, be present, and stay mindful. Thanks for sharing this journey with me <3
Currently having a problem with everything I own in my office, home, and etsy being this mint color ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ shipping out more love today! Thanks for all of your support and for the positive feedback! ❤️✊🏽🇲🇽#Xicana #buttons #immigrants #empowerment #atx (at Austin, Texas)
Working on some fun graphics today and this quote really got to the core of my blended experience. I’ve always struggled to fit in with my fellow xicanxs because of my “light skin” and being labeled agringada, but was labeled “culturally different” with my gringo friends. Be kind with your words, remember that all experiences matter. Your experience is just as important as those that suppress you and try to label and define you. Anyone else relate to not fitting in growing up? ❣✊🏽#Xicana #empowerment #selflove #atx #mexicanproblems (at Austin, Texas)
origamiaround
turnnoffyourmind
janainaart
snowghoul
yousharknotpass
annaxmalina
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