I miiiiiiiight just be picking back up Names Share Intimacy. Cause I did write a few paragraphs for chapter 17 and felt my obsession with YatoYuka slowly slipping back into me. Which was great! And now I have been reminded about one of my headcanons for that fic I had since day one that wrecks my heart to bits and not everyone might be able to understand it, but it lives in my heart rent free.
In my honest opinion, the song CAJU by Liniker is the epitome of Yuka’s character and I’m gonna ramble about that until I have accumulated enough obsession to actually write chapter 17 hehe (๑>•̀๑)
Since I’m pretty sure only my fellow Brazilians know who Liniker is, I have to state that she is a trans woman which, to me, makes the song ten times more personalized for Yuka as well, because I remember Liniker mentioning in an interview that this song talks about being in love and receiving love as a trans woman and my understanding of Yuka matches literally everything that show up in that song. I believe wholeheartedly that everyone should know who Liniker is because that woman is an absolute masterpiece and a powerhouse, but back to my freak out over Yuka:
The song literally starts in Japanese, in an airport with a voice saying the flight is departing from Japan to multiple destinations. I have no idea why Japan was the chosen country but it feeds my delusion that this song was made for Yuka and I’m dying on that hill.
Dear passengers, welcome aboard
Thank you for choosing today's flight
This plane departs from Japan
Heading to multiple destinations
Please, relax and enjoy your flight home
Then next, we are hit with this freaking intro:
I wanna know if you'll chase after me
Asking me to stay, not to fly away
Say you'll paint a canvas of my naked body
I can’t be the only freaking out about this, okay? First off, we have the clear request for someone to chase after her, fight for her, want her, which is something I feel like Yuka asks all the time of the people around her. She feels like no one ever will care enough to stop her from leaving but she desperately wants someone to hold her back and ask her to stay with them. In this scenario I’m considering it’s Yatora bc this is a YatoYuka headcanon, but I honestly feel like she does that in all her relationships. She’s scared of loosing others and needs big and grand gestures to feel safe around them. And having someone ask her to take things easy, to not worry because he loves her so much he wants to paint her naked and she can rely on his love and his devotion is exactly the kind of grand gesture she needs to feel safe.
Aaaaaa and Yatora actually did paint her naked! Well, almost, but it was pretty close! And I wrote the painting scene way before the song was released so no one can call me out on trying to match the fic to the song, because it happened entirely unintentionally! Which makes it so much more aaaaaaaaaaa (๑ > ᴗ < ๑)
And it doesn’t end there!!!!
Did you memorize how many tattoos I’ve got?
Do you know if I care about cartoons or doodle my drawings?
How many performances are in my schedule?
My favorite album? The weight of my heart?
This part feels so soft because I feel like it matches chapters 8 through 10 (?) I think? Where Yuka questions whether Yatora actually knows and understands her enough for their relationship to turn into something romantic and he shows her that maybe he doesn’t know everything, but he wants to and this part of the song feels like asking for a promise. She admits that she has standards and she needs him to give her something. To care enough to know her for everything that she is and he promises that he will. The small details and everything else.
Where will be the vacation? What’s the size of the demand?
At the samba I know you dance, but what makes you cry?
I wonder if you know that deep down I’m afraid
Of running alone and never catching up?
And this part breaks my heart with a hammer. I don’t even think it needs an explanation. She wants to know his true feelings (because he’s never 100% honest about them and Yuka is realizing how little she knows of him) and is afraid of being vulnerable at the same time!!! She’s scared of being alone! Of not living up to her ideals! And she wants him to know that. She wants him to know everything, but she’s scared of showing too much and ending up alone either way. To me, these last verses are encapsulating Yuka’s deepest feelings and fears and I wanna cry every time it gets to this part 😭
I fill myself with hope of something good that might happen
Who picks the rose will be there for whatever happens?
Some days I’m needy, complete, sufficient
I want a love that’s corresponding to witness
When I takes the most beautiful flight of my life
Who will call me love, hottie, darling?
Who will wait for me at home
Be the pseudo fruit, the skin of the cashew?
I can’t even with this last part! It reiterates how there is fear and love mixed together. To me this is Yuka admitting she’s vulnerable, insecure, she has bad days, she can be unstable every once in a while, but she wants to take flight and live her life to the fullest and she doesn’t want anyone holding her back. If she is to have a partnership with Yatora, he will have to deal with both the good and “bad” parts of her. She wants someone who will walk next to her and help her grow, to complement her where she is lacking and add up to where she already excels. Having the courage to ask for that when she spent her entire life having to accept crumbs of affection from past lovers is insane. And the fact that Yatora keeps showing her that she is not asking for too much is what will be the death of me.
I don’t think I was able to express how much this song makes me go ballistic with how beautiful and poetic it is and how perfectly it matches Yuka’s portrayal. Just know that I could write an article about it if I thought words could never capture the essence of what I’m feeling.
Anyways, thanks for attending my ted talk, everyone. Until my next freak out ( ˶˘ ³˘)♡
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