Guys go around sending unsolicited dick pics, but meanwhile even when someone’s ASKED me for a dick pic I have to be like “Really? Are you sure? …Why? I mean, do you really want to look at it or are you just asking because you think I want you to want to look at it? Because I don’t mind if you don’t want to look at it, like I can just describe it to you if you’re just trying to get a general sense of it, but… if you really genuinely want to see it cause that’s what you’re into… sure, I guess. Are you SURE? No I’m not scared to show it to you, it’s fine, ya know for a penis, I suppose. Uh, above average but not intimidating I’d say? You… You’ve seen one before.. right? They’re generally kinda dumb looking, aesthetically speaking, perhaps I’m biased as a straight man, but as a student of design they’re not very elegant, but… uh… whatever, fuck it, um what file format’s best for you? Jpeg? Png? Do you need a few different angles, and objects for scale? Bear with me a second I’m going to google dick pics just to get some inspiration, see what other people are doing and then kinda put my own unique spin on it, ya know? Ooh, has anyone ever done like an artsy tryptic of dick picks? A trypdickpic! This might be interesting… give me some time to work on this.”
cut to my controversial dick pic exhibition at Thinkspace Gallery in Culver City months later.
“Okay, are you ready? You sure? Okay. I call this first series of images ‘ennui-ui’’”
For reference: @ratemydickpic and look at the A+ tag. And then look at the F tag to know what not to do. And also to look at the politely savage reviews. I appreciate the thought put into a good dick pic.
Took a quick look and it was actually a bit of a confidence boost, because they described some of those dicks as “well endowed”, and I thought “That? Really?”
But still, I’m a neurotic wierdo who’s just never going to feel sexy so photographing myself nude is always going to feel stupid and demeaning, so I’d rather just forego the whole sending and receiving of nudes ritual that has become a fixture of modern romance, if at all possible.
@ichatcomputers : “Thank you for that link Alex. I’ll send them an oil painting of my dick. I strive for a 10!” @thezikes: “Does this mean there are literal dick pic connoisseurs.” OH SHIT SHIT SHIT. I am so sorry everybody, including @ratemydickpic who was so pleased with my description of them as “politely savage” I should not have tried to remember a link to a NSFW blog in the middle of class on mobile because the REAL MVP is critiquemydickpic. That is the blog I was thinking of (but ratemydickpic you are still good and I am glad I found you by accident)
I also should have known there would be multiple dick pic review sites.
😭😭😭 thanks anyway
