Kinda Journal

I want somewhere to post thoughts so as not to barrage my regular followers, but to still put them into existence

[thegoodvybe]

[rattling-about]

That’s the hope! We’re moving in October, I’m going to get a job so I can start paying off old school loans and start my online school and do the job I want!

[rattling-about]

I didn’t mean to sleep the entire afternoon but I guess here we are? I liked that I got to feel useful this morning. The problem if that I was too fast and I couldn’t make the usefulness last into the afternoon. I mean, I wasn’t going to sit there and waste time, but then I had nothing to do after lunch so I just slept. Which I blame on my cat, who woke me up at 4 am. Now I’m just waiting for Connor to finish work so we can go to the store together. Hoping it’s soon. I’ve been missing him.

[rattling-about]

Feeling down. I’m still trying to figure out why, but I think it has to do with my job interview yesterday. My initial impression was that I thought it went really well, but now I’m worried that they’ll think that I was just saying what they wanted to hear. They also asked me questions I don’t know the answers to. Who are my best and worst bosses? I don’t know, I never really paid that much attention. Why should they hire me? They need to fill the position and I need money. What am I passionate about? I don’t know. It feels like I’m. It passionate about anything. It feels like I’m just moving through life, barely caring about anything. Like all I care about are my boyfriend, my cat, and a bunch of stupid stuff that doesn’t matter. Like Minecraft and some TV shows and a couple books. I’ve met so many people that are so passionate about what they do or what they love. And most of them have felt that way for a while, if not their whole lives. So I guess I’m just stuck here wondering....when do I get assigned a passion? Or, I guess, when will one stick? Why can’t I just find something I love? Something to do that I can be ride or die with? I feel that way about Connor, but unfortunately loving my future husband will not pay the bills. And my cat, well, let’s just say I think too often about his lifespan. I could never play Minecraft professionally. I don’t have the mental strength or personality to become that popular. You can’t make a living off of watching TV, reading and rereading 20 of the same book, or watching your cat nap all day. So what am I supposed to do? And why must our passions be so entwined with our careers? If I must work to live, I want to enjoy my work. But why must I, the one person I know who enjoys tedious office tasks and drone work, be cursed with an inability to stick to things?

[rattling-about]

This is meant to basically be a reflection of my brain and what’s going on up there