a line in the hand

hey, i'm telani, she/her, The_Capricious_One on AO3. i've been obsessed with Emmrich Volkarin and i'm about to make that other people's problem.

[rauferes]

on a regular basis I feel compelled to do research on the rapid-release publishing business model again (insane on my part, but I never learn) and this time I marched into Amazon determined to emerge with SOME kind of subgenre niche that I'd actually be sufficiently interested in reading to do market research on it

I did not succeed 🥲 for someone who loves reading this much I sure don't like. books.

[bi-files]

I’m a patron of the arts (I leave nice comments on aO3).

[byler-alarmist]

I'm a patron of the arts (I reblog on Tumblr dot com)

[rauferes]

it pisses me off so bad how much of the internet is now just AI output. like dammit if I'm going to reddit to try and research something I'm not looking for a computer's guess of what a good answer looks like (which is inevitably averaging together a bunch previously expressed opinions by PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED THE THING FIRST HAND and also. idiots who experienced it firsthand but couldn't find a reasonable explanation for what's in front of them if they had all the time in the world.)

[rauferes]

And like. Okay. LLM AI is never fully going back into the bag, not even when their funding runways dry up and usership goes down because they're actually charging people real money for it.

But I am so sick of playing "is this person using a Romance novel construction that I'm unfamiliar with because I don't read Romance, or is this entire fanfic AI actually" and I resent being put in that distrustful, misanthropic position

[rauferes]

it pisses me off so bad how much of the internet is now just AI output. like dammit if I'm going to reddit to try and research something I'm not looking for a computer's guess of what a good answer looks like (which is inevitably averaging together a bunch previously expressed opinions by PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED THE THING FIRST HAND and also. idiots who experienced it firsthand but couldn't find a reasonable explanation for what's in front of them if they had all the time in the world.)

[rauferes]

six hours of writing yesterday to get everything in this arc to my alpha reader in time for my publishing schedule. getting excited now, things are coming together!! it's going to be great to finally share the scenes that have been absolutely haunting me

[aidaughter]

t shirt that says I PUT A NORMAL AMOUNT OF THOUGHT INTO STUFF

[rauferes]

one funny thing about As Mountains Yet Unseen is that the last really long writing project I completed just before it was To Live a Memory, where I stuck to simpler vocabulary because it was a pretty close POV narration and the main character was a soldier who definitely didn't have exposure to literary terms.

...so this time around I REFUSE TO GIVE MY FANCY WORDS UP, I can't do it again, I NEED my most eloquent and esoteric and frilly little treats

despite the fact that Isolde is minimally literate because of her background and has literally never read a book in her life, and usually been surrounded by other people who have also never read a book in their lives XD

[rauferes]

fighting for my life not to put MY hand kink into Isolde's POV. I'M SUPPOSED TO NOT COMMENT ON EMMRICH'S HANDS? His competent, masculine hands with slutty, jingling little bangles and just the right amount of lickable tendon showing when he moves his fingers. Hands that know exactly what they're doing, with a calm and understated confidence in every motion, and once he's fingered you for an hour straight you'll never unsee that the way he caresses the air during his spells has a certain amount in common with how he likes to have you spread open on--

what was I saying again

[hoaxghost]

holding on by a god damn thread

[trevisianlynxx]

A Healthy Curiosity

Rating: Explicit 

Fandom: Dragon Age: The Veilguard

Pairings: Emmerich Volkarin / Lucanis Dellamorte

Characters: Lucanis Dellamorte, Emmerich Volkarin, Spite, Bellara, Cremisius "Krem" Aclassi, Original Characters

Canon/AU: Alternate Universe - Modern, Neighbours, Non-magic

Summary: Lucanis makes a personal order, but it gets delivered to his neighbour by mistake.

–

It had taken a week of agonising and three days of the item languishing in his online basket before Lucanis finally swallowed his embarrassment and placed the order. He’d thought that was the hard part over.

-

[Read on Ao3]

[rauferes]

funnily enough, I probably like writing unreliable narrators as much as I do because I have done so much therapy

[rauferes]

Tormented by having like 6 Emmrook stories ultra rough drafted, but the effort of cleaning them up is high enough that there's like, no way they're getting done

BUT PEOPLE WOULD LIKE THEM SO MUCH

[rauferes]

They're just as normal in the AWLOF AU as they were in the original fic, btw. Rook literally begs for and convinces Emmrich to mark her on day two of knowing him and Emmrich is sure, after the heat of the moment, that surely she didn't ask for it in a meaningful way. No, no, surely she was simply looking for the pleasant sensation of it. Nothing more.

[evardstentacles]

fuck everything. whats the media people ASSUME youre into. what are people surprised that you havent watched/played/whatever

[wheremermaidsdwell]

I've been meaning to make a post talking about my stroke because y'all got bits and pieces of the recovery but I never actually told the story of HOW it went down and the thing is the type of stroke I had is usually the type young people have and since having mine i've now heard multiple stories of people under 40 having very similar strokes and the scary thing is, is that they didn't get help right away. Because you're young and healthy and sure you feel weird but it'll pass right? but it doesn't, and it gets worse, and by the time you get to the hospital (some people literally take days to go) the deficits are worse and recovery is harder.

so here's a super long post about strokes in general, and mine in particular/what I went through.

So for strokes the signs are abbreviated BE FAST. Balance loss, Eyesight changes, Face drooping, Arm weakness, Speech difficulty, -> Time to call 911.

Had I known those MAYBE I would have figured it out but my symptoms were a little mixed. I was reading (fanfic!) in bed because it was a sunday morning and i had nothing pressing to do and suddenly got dizzy. I put my laptop aside because my eyes were blurring (Eyesight changes - symptom #1), and laid down, thinking it would pass, it didn't, it's a little vague how it progressed because I'd been having headaches and neckpain for about 3 weeks leading up to it so I was like 'idk is this a migraine?' (headaches can be a stroke symptom so symptom #2) but i got nauseous and eventually got up and to my utmost surprise I immediately fell over as if I was the drunkest of frat bros. The room literally spun before my eyes as I fell to the floor (Balance loss - symptom #3). I have had some Nights and I had never been that unsteady before. I crawled my way to the bathroom, threw up (nausea - not a common stroke symptom) , took 800mg of ibuprofen, and crawled back to bed.

if you know anything about ibuprofen you might know it's a mild blood thinner and that's a high dose. I may have inadvertently helped myself with that one. I was just feeling like shit and thinking 'idk this might help'

At this point I still thought we were still in Normal Land. Sure, it was a weird morning, but Surely There Was A Reason. (Yes There Was) Anyway, as I'm lying there willing my body to stop suffering I realize my arm is going numb (stroke symptom #4) and I switch positions, because weird, but it doesn't go away, and I gave it a good little while. I'm on a medication that can make my limbs tingle but it usually just does it to my fingers and it dissipates quickly but this wasn't dissipating, and then I realized one of my legs was also going numb. Then one side of my face is going numb.

(at the time I did not look in the mirror but I had a drooping eyelid - symptom #5)

Those all seem bad. I grab my computer and google 'when to go to the hospital for dizzyness' as that felt like the worst of my problems. and indeed the list I found highlighted that if you are also experiencing loss of balance, blurred vision, nausea, and limb numbness, you should see a doctor. That seems like far too many symptoms to be having all to be listed. I grab my phone (thankfully plugged in and by my bed), and start layering on more clothing because it's about 10 degrees out and i'm in a pajama dress. The very nice man at 911 talks with me and sends an ambulance, I tell him I don't think I can get out the front door of my building on my own and he asks if I can get to MY apartment door to which I say yes and he assures me that's fine they will have keys to my building.

(I have been since informed they love to chop down doors but no, I could get that far)

I wait by my door laying down on the ground and they arrive pretty quickly. They see to me in the hallway, which is more of a lobby in my building and the only place with room for me to lie down (I cannot stand unassisted at this point) they ask me a bunch of questions, take vitals, and ask me where I would like to be taken. Me, having never had to go to the fucking hospital in an emergency before, simply go 'wherever is close' because I again, I am having a stroke and do not have the wherewithal to think through these things.

A big firefighter helps me down the stairs (it's only a half flight and I still almost did not make it) and we get underway.

At the hospital they wheel me into triage and I mostly lie there gratefully and answer some questions and respond to some tests (grip strength, following a pen with my eyes, that sort of thing) and then I hear what is great when you've been at urgent care for two hours but what is Very Bad when you just arrived in an ambulance and that's 'She's next'. I jumped the line for a CT scan and an MRI. I was there less than ten minutes before I was actively being scanned. honestly closer to five.

my active symptoms seem to have been worse than some of the stories I've heard, not being able to walk AT ALL in particular, although some other are pretty equal (Footless Jo on youtube had a stroke around the same time I did of the same type and has discussed hers, she delayed going in despite the severity for a variety of reasons and it sounds like her recovery has been difficult) My recovery was pretty easy because i was actively being cared for and on blood thinners right away. My stroke was caused by an vertebral arterial tear, aka the inner part of an artery tore which can cause a clot. This tends to be the type of stroke young people have although I'm sure it's possible to have a different type.

I was pretty out of it in the beginning, but I was only in the hospital for 6 days and then in a rehab for another 4 to relearn how to walk and balance, then i was released unto the world and just spent time going to physical therapy and recovering for awhile. I was out of work for about 8 weeks total. I basically had the best outcome for a stroke. I recovered almost fully back to 100% (I'm about 2% less sure footed than I used to be, but it's rarely noticeable), my face still feels a little weird but has markedly improved so I live in hope it will eventually get back to normal. It massively sucked. But strokes can fuck you up for life and I came out a weird medical story to tell and have to take some extra medication now/precautions to take (i cannot do certain types of yoga, no weightlifting, no push ups, no going on rollercoasters.... things that could strain my neck essentially) but overall I escaped very lucky.

[rauferes]

Tormented by having like 6 Emmrook stories ultra rough drafted, but the effort of cleaning them up is high enough that there's like, no way they're getting done

BUT PEOPLE WOULD LIKE THEM SO MUCH

[rauferes]

As Mountains Yet Unseen will resume publishing on July 24th! :)

[emmason3008]

◇ Discussing the Fade over some good wine becomes a nightly ritual for these three.