sienna | choi beomgyu (최범규)
PAIRING!: ex! choi beomgyu x male! reader
SYNOPSIS: thinking that your solo stroll on the beach would bring peace of mind while thinking of your ex lover who you missed dearly, only just to run into him again, with the linger feelings this could go two ways.
GENRE!: fluff, angst, erm ex lovers to lovers perhaps🤔
WARNINGS!: a bit sadness ngl, miscommunication ( boiboi), kinda short, I didn’t revise or look over I’m just posting this and hoping for the best :D
“ I live under your eyelids, I’ll always be yours.”
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It was around six o’clock in the evening when the thoughts started to creep in your mind. The memories, the shared kisses and hugs, the laughs and inside jokes, everything that you two had together.
Although it’s been about a five months now since the separation between the two of you, since the last words you spoke to one another, you still couldn’t help but miss him.
When you guys officially split ways, ending the five years your spent together, you unfriended each other on all platforms, deleting each other’s numbers, basically getting rid of any trace of having connections to one another, you figured it’d be easier for the both of you, better for you guys to move on.
But that wasn’t the case, no, not one bit.
Some days you’d catch yourself pressing the unblock button and scrolling through his recent post but once done you’d always press the block button again. It was a bad cycle, not helping you in any way at all.
Your friends had tried to help get the situation off your mind, inviting you out places, planning hangouts, anything and everything to make you feel like your self again, but it just seemed like nothing worked.
As the memories began to flood through your mind, you tried to close your eyes to sleep it off, but that seemed only to make it worse. Every time your eyes closed, he was there.
A clear image of him would appear, as if he was right in front of you.
But you knew it wasn’t real, trying to close your eyes harder in hopes of the image disappearing, only for it to become clearer.
You huffed in annoyance, rubbing your eyes harshly before sitting up from your position. This isn’t going to work, you need out.
Grabbing a hoodie along with your headphones before walking out and sliding on some shoes, you headed out.
You didn’t know exactly where your destination was, all you knew was that you needed some fresh air, you needed to clear your mind.
Walking down the street, looking at your surroundings, you began to notice things around you. How the sky was cloudy, sun hiding behind a big cloud that seemed stuck in place, feeling the breeze of the wind blowing on your face.
A fresh breath of air, this is what you needed.
You continued your way down the street, noticing how close you were coming to the beach, hearing the sound of waves clashing, smelling the aroma of the fresh and saltiness, you figured a walk on the beach would help you even more, a relaxing stroll on the beach.
Getting close to the small trail that leads down to the water, you felt as if something was off, like something was telling you turn back now, but you didn’t listen.
Making your way towards the water, sitting down in the sand, you placed the other side of your headphone in, the one that was held on the back of your ear, placing the volume of your music on fifty. Looking out into the water, you couldn’t help but think of him again.
The music wasn’t no help either, you should’ve changed it, but you didn’t.
please tell me not to go, we’ve been here long before
You sighed, letting the words hit you deeply than they ever did before.
I live under your eyelids, I’ll always be yours
You couldn’t help but let out a dry chuckle, the song felt as if it was exactly ready your mind. The image of him seeming to never go away, as if it’s stuck in place. You knew deep down you’d always love beomgyu, there was no doubt about it, a piece of you would always be his.
I can feel you with me, like I did before, like when I sang you a love song by Norah Jones
The memory of nights when the two of you would lay side by side, playing songs that reminded you two of each other, sometimes even singing along to it.
ooh, sienna, would’ve been cute, ooh sienna, would look just like you
Sometimes the thought of starting a family would come to mind, although there was no way of you guys truly having a child that shared the same genetics as you, you always seen yourself having a family together.
I came clean, and it feels so good, if I feel seen, mm, only through you
To you, beomgyu was the one person who really knew you, inside and out. Yeah, your friends and family knew you, sure, but not like he did.
I’ll wait here tomorrow, outside your door, like I did in December when you held me close
As the song continued, you felt as if there were eyes on you, now not paying full attention to the song, taking a headphone out on one side, you turned your head to look around, only to not find anyone there.
placing the headphone back in, it seems as if the song was close to the end, the ending lyrics seemed to hit harder then you thought.
And I smile when I think of, all the times we had
isn’t that the truth, although now it seems as of now every time a memory would come to mind, it hurt.
On the beach in the winter, when the waves were mad
What a coincidence. On some days the two of you would take a walk on the beach, just to get some fresh air and get out of the house, but only this time, he wasn’t here.
Down by the water, crystal clear
Snapping out of your thoughts when you see a figure coming from your peripheral vision, a person was coming your way.
Turning your head to them, you couldn’t believe who it was.
see her face in the forest then it disappears
Choi Beomgyu, was right in front of your eyes.
‘No, no this can’t be right, this is fake, it’s an illusion’, was all you could think.
You shook your head, standing up from your spot, muttering a low “ no.” To yourself, trying to convince yourself this was a dream, that this ain’t real
He was now right in front of you, a scarf covering the lower part of his face, nose reddish, eyes glossy.
Oh, this is real. This is real and he’s standing in front of you, right here, right now.
“beomgyu.” You responded, now taking both headphones out, you didn’t know what to say, what was there to say anyways?
It felt as if the two of you were stuck, neither knowing what else to say now. Feeling somewhat awkward, you figured to ask a simple question.
Beomgyu seemed relieved that you spoke up first, a small smile wanting to make its way to his face, but quickly hiding it.
“I’ve been okay I guess, school’s been tough but I’m getting through it.” He spoke, eyes looking down at his feet that were messing with the sand beneath him.
You let out a soft sigh, “ I’ve been alright, nothing much going on just school, sometimes I going out.”
He gave a nod, understanding everything you were saying.
“You never really liked going out huh?” He joked, a small joke that seemed to remind you of the old times because he was right.
You didn’t like going out, everytime your friends asked you if you wanted to join them at a party, even telling you to invite beomgyu along, your response would be a, “ I’ll pass” or “ maybe next time”, just do the teo of you could stay inside for the day.
You gave a small smile, “ yeah, staying inside is always better.” better with you.
Was what you wanted to say, but you knew it wasn’t the time to bring it up, maybe he just wanted to check in on you, maybe after this he’d disappear once again.
The silence then came back, and it was bothering you, what was the real reason he was here?
“I’m just going to ask right now, is there something you need? Did you forget something at my place that you need back?” You questioned, wanting to know the true reason he was still here in front of you for.
A frown appeared on beomgyu face, and it killed you, you didn’t know if what you said did something to hurt him, you just wanted the truth.
Quickly going to explain, “sorry, that sounded mean, I didn’t mean it like that. I just- I just wanted to know why now?”
It took beomgyu by surprised when you asked, as much as he practiced what he was going to say on the way over here, he couldn’t get it out.
Your eyes fully focused on him now, your gaze making him nervous.
He let out a breath, “ look yn, I know it’s been some time since, well since we’ve broken up, and I don’t know if you have someone new in the picture, or if your talking to someone, but if I’m being truthful, I can’t seem to get over it.”
It felt as if a breath of air was just taken from your lungs out of the blue, you didn’t know how to feel.
“ and I know it’s selfish for me to ask, and it’s selfish for me to even be here right now after I was the one who ended things but, can we maybe just, I don’t know, try again?”
At first you didn’t know how to take the information, after five months, now he wanted to try again? After the five months spent apart, now he wanted to take another chance?
Beomgyu noticed the hesitation, he couldn’t get see it in your face. It was always easy for him to read you, even if you tried to hide it, he couldn’t get see always see through it.
He began to overthink his words as the quietness continued , “sorry, t-this was stupid, I’m sorry I didn’t know what I was thinking, I should go.” Quickly turning around, going to walk back to the trail, he felt a hand grab his arm.
The feeling of your touch brought a familiar sensation back, the warmth, the safeness you brought.
Stopping in his tracks, looking back to you, seeing the look in your eyes killed him, the glossiness, the sadness.
“Beomgyu I- I don’t know what to say, I mean, it’s been quite some time and now you want to re try? I mean I’ve spent majority of my time waiting, wondering, thinking of what went wrong and how we could go back but now you want to try again?”
Your words silenced him completely, he knew the hurt that he caused, but he didn’t know how much it truly affected you, he hoped that maybe you’d take it better then he did but now he knew, you two both were badly affected by the situation, but he didn’t know what to do to fix it.
“When I asked to break up, I thought it was for the best. I felt as if me being in your life, maybe, I don’t know, made things harder.” He explained.
You give a confused look but didn’t speak a word, letting him finish explaining.
“ I thought maybe it would fix how I felt, but if anything it made it worse. The loss of your presence, your smile, your warmth, just the loss of you hurt me more then I imagined, and at first I tried to see through it, not knowing if maybe you were over it or not I didn’t want to take the chance of ruining your progress just by coming out of the blue so early on, so I waited.”
At this point you didn’t know how to feel, so many emotions but yet you couldn’t choose an exact one.
“But the longer I waited, the longer it was killing me. And I didn’t know how much it was killing you either, and I’m sorry yn, I’m so sorry.” His voice cracking on the last sorry, the sound bringing a sting to your chest.
“You don’t have to say yes, hell we can go back to being strangers again, but I just wanted to take the chance and ask.”
It took a good minute for you to register everything that was said, to weigh out all the pros and cons of what your answer could lead to.
And to you, beomgyu was worth the risk.
His eyes widened, “ okay?”
A immediate smile appeared on the boy’s face, teeth showing and all.
“But, we take it slow, we always communicate how we feel, and no matter what, we’ll always try to see through any problem we have.”
The smile stayed on his face, give a nod in conformation. “Yes, absolutely.”
A smile now reached your face, shaking your head softly, dragging beomgyu towards you, bringing him into a hug.
He immediately melted into your touch, his face hidden in the crook of your neck, breathing in the familiar, comforting, warm scent of you.
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authors note!: I love sienna sm everytime I listen to it I want to cry while rocking back and fourth ✌️🥺 but hope you enjoy!
