Hi, here's my experience. Buckle the fuck up, because you're getting part my life story and this post is incredibly dismissive
I was one of those kids. Identified as ace from around 13/14 to 18/19. Dates are a little off and a little fuzzy, due to me identifying as ace but not aro, having a private crisis as an adult, and then later officially casting off the label, but it was around 5-6 years.
I grew up as a very awkward kid who probably had some kind of neurodivergence and sought refuge on Tumblr. Yes, this opened me up to all sort of identities and taught me a great deal, but it also taught me "if you don't experience sexual attraction, you're ace!!" (same with romantic attraction) and i did! I was happy as aroace! I ignored all the naysayers saying i was too young. I didn't need romance in my life! Life was great! And besides, no one could have a crush on me and I could never feel that sort of rejection if I just didn't feel attraction. We'll come back to this later
ironically, while browsing for exclusionists to harass (yes, i was deep in ace discourse on instagram), I saw something that gave me pause: the idea of a late bloomer. This never occurred to me. I had already been a late bloomer developmentally, due to me not talking until I hit 4 years old, but i didn't know that sometimes, sexual attraction didn't hit until until one was in their late teens or early 20's. And even the concept that stress, weight, and other factors outside of one's direct control could have an impact on someone not feeling sexual or romantic attraction.
But I was 17 and thought I knew everything, so I disregarded that.
I ignored all those feelings I had where I'd get blushy around women. i would brush it off and say I was just admiring them. After all, couldn't I, as a woman, admire other women? Meanwhile, everyone online was encouraging me being ace, despite my friends in real life questioning my sexuality. My friends didn't know what they were talking about!
Until I had a crisis in college. I realized i did want a relationship! I wanted to have sex with women! I was just suppressing all of those feelings and covering them with an ace flag colored band aid. If I had actually wizened up and talked about this earlier, i could have identified as a lesbian WAY earlier than months before I turned 22.
So, you may ask, why was I hurt?
I closed myself off from dating. Ever, because I didn't feel that attraction. At the prime time when you're supposed to experiment with that. And further on, in college, while all my friends were dating and fucking, as someone who didn't even know their sexuality, I didn't want to hurt anyone by getting with someone while I wasn't attracted to them. I completely and utterly shut myself off from gaining experience during the very prime years when one typically gains experience. I don't think most of the people reblogging this understand how difficult it is to date when you have ZERO experience. It's hard on you/ It's hard on your potential partners. You will face challenges and hurdles most do not have to face, because they were out having fun while I had mentally decided since I'd never experience sexual attraction, I didn't need that
Seeing all your peers be leagues ahead of you in terms of romance/sex because you were an idiot 14-year-old who believed people on the internet is damaging, contrary to what you're saying. Could this have still happened even if I didn't identify as ace? Maybe, maybe not. But if I didn't, I could have worked through the issues that I refused to deal with due to identifying as ace (weight gain, internalized homophobia, etc.). Ironically, I had a friend go through something similar, but they were ace for a much shorter time than me and was able to have that experience during her teenage years. I'm happy it worked out for her.
This isn't wholly an ace problem. I recognize that. it's why I am very critical of labels and asking people why they identify as something (when it's appropriate, ofc. I don't go around asking people unprompted). People always give me shit when I tell them that you can absolutely use a label as a bandaid for your problems. Thats why it is important to ask questions and unpack shit. I do not doubt that asexuality is a real identity. I have met plenty of very happy ace people who understand themselves and still came away with that conclusion. But there is this idea that no sexual attraction = asexuality no matter what, when sexuality is a lot more complex than what you think. And if my story helps out some other kid in a similar situation, then it will have been worth it.
So yeah, OP. Maybe don't be dismissive of other people who have had similar experiences.
