Mayhem

Beware of the barrenness of a busy lifestyle | I write sometimes | 21

[razor-winged-butterfly]

Masterlist

Poetry

Brother (tw: CSA)

Friday nights and clandestines

The anatomy of my heart is flawed

[moonvera]

[deliciousssbnny]

avenhyra on tiktok

[drizzledrawings]

Being the “eldest daughter” is nauseating and I wouldn’t wish this experience on anyone

[golden-letters]

my mother has been worried about all the wrong things

i’m not about to fall in love with a monster, not the way you did

you’re scared i’ll be gullible, malleable like you are,

falling for the tricks my father used, the curl of tongue, the tilted lips

but oh,

can’t you see?

i’m the monster here, born from the same flesh you were mauled by,

my tongue curls and my lips tilt,

you’ve been worried about all the wrong things.

[pain-is-my-game]

One of the worst realizations that I have ever made is realizing that all I ever wanted was to be loved by my parents. I never would've turned out like this if they just loved me unconditionally.

[47284838478383848448-deactivate]

Truly eye opening how selfish the men around me are

[dark-silver-rain]

Having younger siblings who are set on the mindset that I never want them to succeed is exhausting. Why would I want that? I actually wish you success where I failed. I want to give you all the roadmaps marked with all the potholes I fell in so that you don't. I slept with an eye open and the fan off so that I could hear all the sounds and intervene if a fight broke out. You didn't notice. I didn't want you to. My life has been a patchwork of failures that I have woven together as successes. I have never hidden that. You use those failures as an argument when we fight. (It hurts) I took things you didn't like, unknowingly. I have forgotten what I liked, but I know your choices. I am sorry I am harsh on you sometimes. Please I love you, you are family. I don't think I'll love someone that much.

[thoughts-of-a-caterpillar]

Like my mother

Like my mother

Like my mother

I need to be beautiful like my mother.

She's the most beautiful woman to have ever lived. But no one knows that except me because no one else has the same wounds as her like I do which can carry the entire truth of her existence. No one else has cried when she cried, bled when she bled, died when she died.

No one else has inherited her rage.

No one else has inherited her grief.

No one else has inherited her bloodlust.

Except me

So I need to be beautiful like her too.

I'll paint my lips to hide the crimson stains of spitting my own blood.

I'll darken my eyes to hide the bruises from nights spent with mania instead of rest.

I'll pluck out every imperfection in my brow until it no longer furrows for men who do not deserve it.

I'll put kajal on my waterline so whoever makes me cry has to see me in all my horrifying anger.

I'll powder up my cheeks to hide the tears my father never dried and put lotion on the skin that holds the scars from wounds I was too young to heal.

Like my mother did.

Because I need to be beautiful like my mother.

Even if it leaves me lifeless.

She has been lifeless for most of her life too.

[lilbeebelle]

and I know I hurt you. I know it must have hurt a lot. but I need you to see that you hurt me too.

no, I don't want an apology. all I want is that you look at me and see that you have hurt me too. that it hurt a lot, too.

[oscarwilds]

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

I went to riverbed to wait for you to show up, you didnt show up, I kept waiting .

I can't explain what i mean and even if i could I'm not sure i would feel like it .

[sageandscorpiongrass]

Love, On Its Way Out.

Two Week Notice, Leanna Firestone | Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines, Pablo Neruda | Conversations Over Sanguinaccio Dolce, I.B. Vyache | Seaside Improvisation, Richard Siken | I never went to that movie at 12:45, Dolly Lemk | In a Dream You Saw a Way To Survive, Clementine von Radics | Quote by Kate McGahan | Pillow Thoughts, Courtney Peppernell | Bluets, Maggie Nelson

(This isn't prompted by my real life so much as it is my love for that first song and also. blorbos.)

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

But an unquenchable love for you has never left me...

{Quotes: Alejandra Pizarnik, Approximations/Simone de Beauvoir, from Diary of a Philosophy Student: Volume 2, 1928-9; Sunday, October 7/chen chen, nature poem in ‘when i grow up i want to be a list of further possibilities’/sue zhao/ Sylvia path / Maggie Nelson, Bluets/Richard siken/Ingeborg Bachmann, In the Storm of Roses from ‘The Poem for the Reader’, tr. Mark Anderson ,paintings: pinterest}

[mah-e-kaamil]

"Aafton ke dour mein chein ki ghari hai tu."

"In the era of calamities, you're a moment of peace."

- Nasir Kasmi

[huntressofartemis001]

funny how you just straight up forget basic maths when you start learning advanced equations and stuff

for example, yesterday i used the calculator to do 2x1 and the calculator said 2 and i was like 🤨🤨 this seems wrong

[blogbyher]

When Jaun Elia said Ek hi shakhs ki baat hai maula, Sara jahan kisne manga hai