Hoping/ Failing (Regina)
Sophomore year of high school was the first time I had ever heard of different “types” or “categories” of lesbian women. My advisor in high school and I were very close and she was about to introduce me to her most recent girlfriend (I had met a few before). Before we were introduced, my advisor was giving me to low-down on her new relationship: how they met, how long they’ve been together, etc. but she also joked that I will notice she has a “type’’, butch lesbians. When I asked why someone would be considered butch she drew the comparison between butch and “lipstick,” a term I had never heard before that conversation. In her eyes, my advisor was a lipstick (femme) lesbian, she loved dressing up and make up and spoke in a high register, while the type of women she preferred to date over and over were butch (more masculine), they wore short hair, spoke low, and dressed more androgynously.
I have always found it a bit bizarre that my first memorable introduction to these “categories” of femme versus masculine lesbians materialized in my real life and was presented in such a way as if to assure me that her relationship still accurately fulfilling the gender norms of femme being supported by masculine, I think she even mentioned she prefers when her partner makes more money than her.
It’s a narrative that was surely simplified or watered down to me given the circumstances and the (probably accurate) assumption I wouldn’t be able to keep up with a deeper conversation about the nuances/background/severity of pressures related to passing and needing to fit into a “Categories” etc. But this “water-ed” down version of a female homosexual relationship that I was introduced to is one I think is repeatedly portrayed on television, this idea of lesbian-lite. Further, Halberstam explores how the portrayal of a lesbian relationship often excludes butch women as anything besides a failure of femininity.
In “The Queer Art of Failure,” Halberstam writes that on television, the butch lesbian cannot seem appealing: “[the butch lesbian] threatens the male viewer with the horrifying spectacle of the “uncastrated” woman and challenges the straight female viewer because she refuses to participate in the conventional masquerade of hetero-femininity as weak, unskilled, and unthreatening.”
I have seen this idolization of the femme lesbian over and over. This Slate article (below) goes further, but first asks the question, “Why are there no butch lesbians on television?” While I don’t love every aspect of this article I thought there was an interesting point early on. The author sarcastically jokes that it was sad before when the legitimate existence of lesbians was ignored on television. But now, now, it’s a great time to be alive because “in this exciting new era, lesbian women grow up knowing that rather than being largely immune to society’s punitive and unrealistic standards of female beauty, they, too, can spend their lives in pursuit of them. Hoo. Ray.”
http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2014/04/17/butch_lesbians_on_television_why_are_all_the_television_lesbians_femme.html
I think the video in Aaron’s curation with Kory DeSoto and his “how to be masc” satirical video captures and embodies the expectation put forth online and on television to be a certain kind of gay, a certain kind of femme, a certain kind of beautiful, with no room for failure.










