Words Written

The stains on your heart The words left unsaid The memories left behind The past does rewind one more time we'll see again in all the words that are written

[readthewordssingthem2]

The girl who's smiles

I feel dead inside and yet I smile and pretend like everyday is perfection and a new beginning.

Everyday is a battle of am I acting right did I say that wrong ? Did that meme come on a little too strong ?

I smile when things are bad because what else is there to do then be sad ?

I see no logic in taking naps I can’t shut my mind off what’s the point? Being awake and alive makes you free to be anything And everything you want to be And as someone once said I don’t want to miss a thing

Unless of course I’m dead and even then I’d miss something too much which is why suicide goes left untouched

I don’t want to die I just want to feel alive without being scared that , the feeling drifts. That one day I won’t ever feel like this . Because things always change

And people always leave and it feels like it’s always ME. But I know that everyone is different and feelings do drift and things are never the same but I don’t want to change.

I want to be able to scream and say obscene things without people looking

And I want to live with passion without having to be connected to the latest fashion.

I don’t care what you wear.

I just care if you care And I just am always waiting for that thing to change. Where those who left me have a change of heart And wish that I was not as far.

But I will always be far because I am the girl that smiles behind the pain.

I am the person who suffers in silence because I can’t bear to burden another.

You could be my sister or even my brother and I’d still look at you and feel I was upsetting you with all my different points of views.

I wouldn’t care but the thought would be there

You see when you smile through pain it means your insane .

I’m the girl who smiles when all the world is falling apart

I either have too much heart or too little There’s no ins and outs and I seem to have a little more than a thousand doubts

But I’ll be there when your world is crashing And I’ll help you when you fall

All you have to is call

I don’t always feel dead inside Sometimes I feel brand new And sometimes I slip into

Another shade of blue

[readthewordssingthem2]

The thoughts won't shut up ...I almost feeling like giving up

No one hears me when i speak....what do I have to do to be seen?

its no use no one knows...

the thoughts in my head...the times I feel I’d rather be dead

I give up ...I get up its all the same 

I speak and you just stare, its as if In the end Im not really there...

Im screaming in my head ...why can't these words be heard... that I said?...

what am I to do...I don't know what to do 

I ask for help ....I even yell...

those emotions no one can tell...

Im happy Im sad...Im good and then Im bad...

its complicated in my mind...I wish I could just shut up speak up and rewind...

I want to forget anything negative in my head...

I can't seem to sleep till Im dead

I don't want to leave anything behind...

I just need to speak whats on my mind...

[readthewordssingthem2]

Music in Me (old poem)

you've wrapted me in inside you to the core and its such a worry for me wouldnt want everything to fall down for you because of me you've opened the insides to my likeing and I dont know no I dont know how to ignore what Im feeling right now. but I know i got to shut you out i know i got to i have to i try to I wish that you wouldnt be so afraid but its all okay Id rather have you then not have you at all so i watch i watch as my head spins as you kiss my lips its something more then this,i couldnt explain it in words,of fuck this its just all a curse (chorus) cause i cant have what i want no i cant have it and I know i dont need it but its intoxicating its overbearing baby cant you see? you can have the music and me... Ive made so many mistakes so Im gonna take this the way it is just gonna let it exsist as it is Im not gonna push you to commit cause it doesnt matter when all you feel is shit,Im gonna have to deal with this just deal with this man doesnt it piss you off how nothing goes the way you want but its alright Ill win this fight.cause your worth it all,and ill catch you if in the end you fall (chorus) im not gonna push theres no point in that youve made your mind up and thats just that Im crazy for thinking I could over joy you maybe I can only you can really control you give it up let it go let it go ive got to let it all go (chorus)

[readthewordssingthem2]

Foot in the door (old)

Paint these pretty thots away Just save these dreams for another day Cause it aint gonna happen Sometimes we make mistakes This mistake is not letting you in to take I like the way you smile And the way you sing I love every stupid flaw just everything Its stupid really but baby its so the truth Take this butterfly and let her wings fly Let me go o won't you try? I feel stuck,remeber as the waves went by I tried to pretend like you were just another guy I knew you weren't Knew everything was diffrent then all of them before But your gonna go away and I know this Wish I could keep this o fuck this shit Cut my bruises open and let them bleed Then you will see,how beauty bleeds Passion in your eyes Passion in my veins Music life the light Your stupid for loosing me this way I know this is just a fling I get that I know that this is nothing But you make it seem like its more Why don't you just walk away If you already know that I want more? And this fling isn't what I'm really up for? Your so confusing? I don't really get this at all Your beautiful really That's pretty much all The twinkle in your eyes The smile on your face the way Your lips quiver when you get a lil more then you asked for Baby don't let me go unless its what you want Do you want to live life?alone Give it all ya got Make life go through to the core Just remeber your the one with your foot in the door

[readthewordssingthem2]

June 24th 2008

The things that hurt us the most only make us stronger in the end, the begining will hurt, but in the end,it makes the pain go away and the next time you get hurt you'll notice the signs of the good and the bad, shit happens, but god does everything for a reason,so many people keep shit inside and then explode afterwards,they cut,use drugs,relationships,you name it anything that can hide pain people do,I used to be the one you put on a smile and pretended everything was okay,sometimes I still do that,but who doesn't? In order to get past things we have to go back to them and get it out,face the pain,fear is only an illusion,fear nothing,for god is watching,it hurts going back to the things that scar you for life but if you go back to them and remeber then moving forward in life is a lot better,and easier,sulking and deppressing yourself does nothing in the end,you have to move forward,some people don't realize that pain happens and your supposed learn from it,so you can deal with it instead of falling apart,the hardest things to understand are why people die,or get raped or molested,god can not control the devil he is stronger in the end,but he can't control what this world does,if he could this world would be perfect. The point is, you can never give up when something hurts, you should never let others walk over you, or control you,you should try to love yourself and let the past go,contining sulking over shit,doesn't get you anywhere in life,it only makes you stuck and in misery,and if you let someone hurt you,it is your fault,if you know somethings bad for you, then be done with it don't continue putting yourself through hell,you don't deserve that no one does. God is watching you,we make are own choices you take many diffrent turns in life,but you can never give up.

[worshipgifs]

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

[readthewordssingthem2]

We’re falling down into a grave When all the trust has gone away Now take this life and pull the trigger Stop my pain It’s crashing down the sound of thunder The lightning strikes and makes me blind You drag me down and pull me under Until you see me drown

Lacuna coil

[readthewordssingthem2]

In time

Tortured and abused I feel theres just no use 

A black cloud in the sky the rain covers these eyes hiding the tears that cry savoring this moment of pain its all over now but it all feels the same am i going insane am I normal yet how can i wait this out when Im so upset I dont want to do it I dont want to go there but you are a  darkened cold soul you cant love anyone but yourself I need a savior I need help seeping through these veins I wish I could rip out the pain you have stained on my skin I wish I could take away all this sin I wish I could breathe and I wish you didnt have this hold on me. You are pure pain and its making me not feel the same you are cold as ice nothing pure and nothing nice all I see is rain all I see is pain all I see is abuse so whats the use 

I fall unto my knees pleading please dont do these things to me why must you cut off my breathing why must you watch these wounds as they are bleeding how can you say you love me well all you do is show me nothing nothing but pain nothing and its just all the same no one can change from love to hate you forsake what was once yours you are a hard black rain that just pours I hate the person you are everything about you makes me run far I dont want this anymore I dont deserve to live in pain and misery I must run and face the pain all again i fall unto my knees pleading please these words you say are breaking me away Im breaking away no place to stay only suffering and bleeding do you see what you have done to me destroyed all I am I will take a stand and walk away from all this filth you are nothing to me but you make me bleed in misery you make all the pain rain upon my face nothing else to replace this feeling of agony you say you need me what do you need me for nothing more and nothing less just someone to undress. Undress my fears and make them awaken Im afraid of what you might do if you know what your about to lose you will take revenge and it will never end you say again and again how much you love me but these words are meaningless you only love yourself nothing else how can you be so cruel unusual ways of abuse you say its all okay nothing is the same who you are is pain I feel nothing only shame for making so many mistakes so many mistakes I have made wasting away all these years in tears when I could of been happy when I didn't have to be sad when I didn't bleed I wouldn't have these wounds that I have you've opened up a dark side to me that I have had to hide I want nothing but to see you deprived of all you seem to love I hope you know that I've given up you will see no more you will walk out the tainted door there will be no more pain and it wont ever be the same you can try to take what you think is yours but you cannot have this heart thats fallen apart they must stich it all back together will this last forever? I cant take this anymore youve destroyed what I was before all this time and Ive lost my mind and I cannot hide the pain that is inside you try to hide behind all your lies you think you know whats best you want someone to bend to your every need you dont care how many wounds that bleed I have something for you to see something that doesn't involve you and me don't you see this is all ending and its all you to blame you say Im the problem but you've changed I am who I am and that is what you have not been able to understand I love this heart of mine that you find is unworthy and unkind I will fall into the sea and you wont be able to save me Im aching and bleeding and bruising and its no use to be saved when I know the pain wont go away I will demand to fight this fight you don't understand the ways to be a man you think your on top but your not your nothing a waste of space easy to replace into something beautiful I will not be controlled or abused anymore Im leaving my past behind you will not enter my mind and Ill heal these wounds in time.

[readthewordssingthem2]

Ending in blues

I wasted all those words I said because what was love is now just dead yea this has already been said but the truth is hard to bear and it's not fair that you were never there just empty to me I would be in the room and you were so consumed with other things not me no not me but my heart was true my heart only beat for you Now it's just ending in the blues ending up without you ending up confused should I work on what we had see if we can get it back but then in remember All the words you said telling me you'd rather me dead the abuse to my face always saying the wrong things when I broken down I cried so.many times I tried to hold on but I know i was so blind I think about it too that maybe it will be able to be glued but then I think of you and who you turned to be someone cold hearted abusive and mean you loved nothing and baby don't say you even love me cause that's not the truth I remember the times we had but I mostly remember all the times I was sad 3 years of crying in my bed wishing it would all end cause of all the words you said you'd rather me dead I'm just a burden to your life I was the worst wife never doing what was right you always acting strong and like you cared you weren't even there just took it all and walked away used my body for your needs but didn't even notice the bleeding inside me why oh why do I care for your feelings ? Now it's just ending in the blues ending up without you ending up confused should I work on what we had see if we can get it back but then in remember All the words you said telling me you'd rather me dead the abuse to my face always saying the wrong things when I broken down I cried so.many times I tried to hold on but I know i was so blind I think about it too that maybe it will be able to be glued but then I think of you and who you turned to be someone cold hearted abusive and mean you loved nothing and baby don't say you even love me cause that's not the truth You had it all and you just watched it fall you say you love me now how I'm the love of your life so finally I'm the perfect wife now that I've said goodbye you finally learned to try too bad so sad I'm running far Now it's just ending in the blues ending up without you ending up confused should I work on what we had see if we can get it back but then in remember All the words you said telling me you'd rather me dead the abuse to my face always saying the wrong things when I broken down I cried so.many times I tried to hold on but I know i was so blind I think about it too that maybe it will be able to be glued but then I think of you and who you turned to be someone cold hearted abusive and mean you loved nothing and baby don't say you even love me cause that's not the truth

[readthewordssingthem2]

Smiling

What do you see in Me? I'm just nothing you need but you seem to think I'm everything standing beside me when it's hard to breathe do you know what that does to me I see blue sky's I see only one guy I see you and everything you are and I can just jump and never get down your something I found or you found me but we're something meant to be And your gonna love me for me you don't wanna change me you truly need me as much as I need you I smile more than I have in a while but you you got my smiling for hours yea you got me smiling for hours I'm on this high singing around the house do you know what that's about ? I wake up your the first thing on my mind I give you all my time and I could never just leave you behind I know it's hard now but I've made up my mind I am yours and baby you are mine you literally stop time so caring so daring you go out of your way to make it a better day your everything you say and all that I need I just want to kiss you endlessly And your gonna love me for me you don't wanna change me you truly need me as much as I need you I smile more than I have in a while but you you got my smiling for hours yea you got me smiling for hours I don't care what anyone says I'm gonna love you till I'm dead all those words you put to reality you've got me on my knees yearning baby please your all I need I'm going crazy your mine I finally found my baby finally got things right Finally found the perfect guy didn't know you could exist but you got this baby yea you got this And your gonna love me for me you don't wanna change me you truly need me as much as I need you I smile more than I have in a while but you you got my smiling for hours yea you got me smiling for hours

[readthewordssingthem2]

Why do you love me now?

Why do you love me now? Why the sudden change when I dont feel the same what kinda games are you gonna play? You know what you did you know what you said and those words made our love dead Why do you love me now? When you could of loved me than and I could of loved you still? Why are you sweet now that our eyes don't meet why are you trying to hard when your the reason we fell apart all your abuse the things you say it's no use just over my head anything you say now is just dead after all that you did and said why the sudden change? Why do you love me now? When you could of loved me than and I could of loved you still? You must of realized what your losing do you see the bruising did you even notice the bleeding the yearning I had for you I was standing in front of you begging for you to love me but you just ignored me I now I'm questioning your sudden loving Why do you love me now? When you could of loved me than and I could of loved you still? I have the will to get away as much as it pains me to stay I don't see you or your big change it'll last for a couple weeks then you'll go back to just beating me breaking me telling me I'm a big mistake a burden your just a heart ache I'm about to shake Why do you love me now? When you could of loved me than and I could of loved you still?

[readthewordssingthem2]

Blame

It all began with quick.friends then we got into something different we were on top of the world but I changed I'm just a different girl and you don't like or want to be in my world always fighting always crying you tell me I'm wrong when I fight to say I'm right I can't even look at you how could you even say I'm the one to blame that if I would of been different things would be the same why do you have to make me feel ashamed you say you love me but I don't feel the same You gave me away by ignoring all of me not seeing me for me not even liking the anything I had to say you always said it had to be your way and you expect me to beg and plead and say please baby stay but I'm so over and done with you I can't even laugh with you you think I'm not even funny hunny can't you see we just are history I can't even look at you how could you even say I'm the one to blame that if I would of been different things would be the same why do you have to make me feel ashamed you say you love me but I don't feel the same So I'm the one to blame but your the one who changed your the one who brought on all this pain went from romance to nothing went from truth to bluffing went from good things to nothing went from dreams that would just shatter and I can't gather them back up I've just had enough I can't even look at you how could you even say I'm the one to blame that if I would of been different things would be the same why do you have to make me feel ashamed you say you love me but I don't feel the same

[readthewordssingthem2]

I've been thinking about it all I did my all and all and you barely even stood tall you just told me what to do well I'm through I'm so sick of you The truth is I'm never gonna love you again you lost I win Your so cold and you don't think before you speak always talking shit to me making me bleed I can't keep what's not mine to keep your not for me you just make it harder to breathe The truth is I'm never gonna love you again you lost I win It's not fair that you don't care until now how about those long nights alone even when you were home was I anything will you even cry? The truth is I'm never gonna love you again you lost I win

[readthewordssingthem2]

Everything you do keeps me so consumed a life without you would be doomed everything you say takes my breath away how come I’ve Never felt love this way only when I was in 7th grade but my love for you is strong you can’t even imagine the things I think your literally taking the misery away im so thankful your curisoty go the best of you look where were at were stuck like glue

I love you I know you love me so let’s hold this on and keep this loving dont let me go I won’t let you free you so much apart of Me and I can’t imagine anything but you and me baby let’s keep this loving forever its meant to be so baby let’s make this never ending

You speak I sink you’ve got me endlessly I’ll be your everything I love all you are it doesn’t matter how we met or how far you made me believe in love the true thing not the lies I’ve already given up I wanna live my life with you forever by my side I ride or die you can make the whole word disappear with one stare but no one cared not like you I wanna have kids I wanna marry you your all I need no more abuse just loving you

I love you I know you love me so let’s hold this on and keep this loving dont let me go I won’t let you free you so much apart of Me and I can’t imagine anything but you and me baby let’s keep this loving forever its meant to be so baby let’s make this never ending

I can’t explain baby my love for yous insane you got my heart don’t tear it apart all you are is everything I need we fit perfectly I’ve never felt this way you got me stuck on you I’ve learned my lessons I gave everything my all finally life just made up for all the shit and then you came set me free all the pain you just erased compltly I’m so in love I Cant enough I’d never give it up I’d give my.life for you go through fire for you you don’t know what you do I’ve believed so many lies but with you I’ve found the truth baby I’m in love with you I love you I know you love me so let’s hold this on and keep this loving dont let me go I won’t let you free you so much apart of Me and I can’t imagine anything but you and me baby let’s keep this loving forever its meant to be so baby let’s make this never ending

[readthewordssingthem2]

The end

Looking at you you don’t even see how badly I am bruised if only you knew what I’m about to do know this I care deeply for you but you can’t erase the scars you made it doesn’t matter what you say

I’m breaking but these words will make me strong I’m strong enough to know I don’t play a part in your darkened heart I watched you change into someone I don’t know and we’ll never know what could of been this is the end The knives are sharp and every word I say is making me fall apart but I need to protect my heart you’ve become someone I no longer know I can’t go where you want to go well just fight I’ll explode and this I know I’m breaking but these words will make me strong I’m strong enough to know I don’t play a part in your darkened heart I watched you change into someone I don’t know and we’ll never know what could of been this is the end I hate to do this you need to know this isn’t how I wanted it I just can’t breathe when your near me and it’s not good or anything no butterflies or painted skies just two different separate hearts that have fallen apart and it’s too far to start it all again I can’t go any farther than how high I’ve stood and I do I wish I could I’m breaking but these words will make me strong I’m strong enough to know I don’t play a part in your darkened heart I watched you change into someone I don’t know and we’ll never know what could of been this is the end

[readthewordssingthem2]

Exist

Your the one thing I can't get enough I could never give up I can't explain how it feels when I'm with you everything is better and brand new I've never been used to this your nothing I imagined nothing I knew I needed I can't live without you you heal the wounds I hold your love never bores me or gets old I can't even say this more I fell straight through the floor my heart it just pours your my entire world Is it a drug is this addiction I can feel this pulsing in my body I can't imagine any better feeling than this its beautiful that you exist i go crazy with every single kiss I can't exsit without you here you've taken all the pain and the fear I need you here baby come near I can't live without you you heal the wounds I hold your love never bores me or gets old I can't even say this more I fell straight through the floor my heart it just pours your my entire world

[readthewordssingthem2]

I tried and tried to be your everything but all I got was nothing all I did was wait for you to see the good in me I don't get what I did you held me tight once and a while and it felt right but not tonight you kiss my lips and It doesn't feel right so I think I need to say goodbye I held you high there was once stars in my eyes you were just a lie and finally I have opened my eyes you say you love me but its all a lie I tried I tried and gave it all but you just ended up watching me fall I tried I tried but I failed its like a nail in the heart I just fell apart the one I loved didn't see anything in me and you say I'm the one to blame its such a shame I put my all I gave you everything you just destroyed me you tried to control me I don't see anything that can be fixed I'm ending this I hope as I'm leaving you see the good in me then you can think cause you don't think at all i did nothing to hurt you like you hurt me don't you see I'm ending it all do i don't have to bleed I put my all I gave you everything you just destroyed me you tried to control me I don't see anything that can be fixed I'm ending this