your local trash collector @real-life-trash - Tumblr Blog

How to find the most comfortable spot! By Voigt!

Me: hi Student athlete: THE GRIND 💪😤🏈 is the only 💯 thing ☝️ that’s flying 👼🏼 “high” 🙌😈 D1 bound 🏀🔥 rip grandma 🙏 AP student: hi? more like a GPA of 4.9📚👓 because that class rank 📝 📈is why an Ivy League 👀🎓 accepted me 🙋 Band student: Beethoven 👴🏼🎶 motivates me to 🙌 practice everyday 🎹😩🎼 from sun up ⬆️ ☀️to sun down ⬇️ 😤 just in time 🕗 for sectionals 🎶 🎷

Business major: statistics show 📉📈 that ur looking at a future CEO 🏢💵 and that my money 💵💸 will be greater will be greater than yours 💪 Econ forever 😩🙌 Law student: FOLLOW THE LAW 😤🚓 or so justice will be served ⚖️🔨 once I pass the bar exam 📃📄 for Liberty ✊ and justice for all 🌎🇺🇸 STEM Major: while you 😒 are busying doing nothing 🚫🚫 with your easy major 😴😴I🙋 will be in the lab🔬📂 saving the environment 🌿🌲🌎 and lives 🙏🏥🚨 Student actor: the stage is my home 🏠🎤soprano is where it’s at 😈🎼 Shakespeare is my inspiration 🙌 and lin-manuel miranda is my daddy ✊🎬 Art student: no one beats me 🙅 like I beat the canvas📜 but at the end of the day 🌅 the world is our canvas 🌎🌈 because earth 🌏 without “art” 🎨 is just “eh” 😒😴 also I’m broke

weavemama

STUDENT ACTORS ARE THE NEXT VICTIMS

avocadobananas

who fucking litters. why do i ever see litter. who thinks that’s okay. who. who NEEDS to throw their fast food bag out the fucking window instead of waiting until they get somewhere with a trashcan. what kinda clown behavior. get fucked.

the-real-seebs

pornhub: the government is doing a bad job of sex education. we’ll do it properly. public: applause pornhub: the government is doing a bad job of snow plowing. we’ll do it properly. public: confused applause

traceytonight

wiiuapologist

pornhub: chaotic good

sundercity

cesaray

babyanimalgifs

glumshoe

my uncle

-is allergic to chocolate -is physically incapable of laughter (it comes out as a hiss, like steam escaping a pipe) -has weird long vampire teeth -once led a chemical attack on some college students who had bullied his high school chemistry class -named his bicycle Tom Bombadil -got hired twice for the same job as himself and his fake identical twin because his boss wouldn’t hire him full time -is the only member of my family to have shown me open and unconditional support -is a clean-cut nerd… who used to be a psychedelic Deadhead and follow them around on tour -enjoys snacking on an exercise formula called “goo”; his favorite flavor is “plain”. Plain goo. He gave me a box of it for Christmas once and it’s as gross as it sounds. -cannot touch mangos -teaches meditation seminars at his Buddhist temple -has begun studying magic -used to be obsessed with cults, especially Scientology, and would just… spy on their temples -is so fucking weird -used to drive a car that he’d covered entirely in plastic lizards, until someone stole it -is terrified of the flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz and still has nightmares about them

glumshoe

-is sending me on a roadtrip to the National Radio Quiet Zone for fun and education

glumshoe

-showed up to a family outing downtown this morning, wearing nylon shorts and expensive leather Oxford formal shoes -cried himself to sleep as a child because he desperately wanted a pet alligator -has experimented with god knows how many psychoactive substances…. For Science -is a literal masochist, as discovered this afternoon, when he told me all about how he’s addicted to the “excruciating pain and unexpected pleasure” of physical therapy -has feet so long he has to get shoes custom made for him - they have, in the past, been mistaken for clown shoes -once took his girlfriend on a date to lick the St. Louis Arch, in winter, and later revealed that he only framed it as a date ‘cause he was afraid of going alone in case his tongue got stuck to the metal -told me that he loved how bananas made his whole throat feel tingly, was surprised to find out that bananas are not supposed to have this effect -was disappointed that I did not bring a book on demon conjugation to the family reunion, because he wanted to compare it to his own translation -got banned from going down a slide today because he was dripping wet and had clearly been swimming…. he was just really sweaty from climbing the stairs

glumshoe

-sent me a check but forgot my legal name and put my nickname on it instead (it can’t be deposited and he hasn’t sent another)

glumshoe

this is what he wore to a family outing downtown