Cooking Mama

@420braiseit on twitter... just go back. don't do this to yourself.

[farcryfromhere-moved]

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[sixfromerie-deactivated20240121]

[gotouda]

[lizardsister]

spuds at night. what’s better than this

[lmaonade]

me: *walking*

my cat: i am going to run in front of you. i am going to sprint in front of you so fast mid step and you are going to punt me into the sun

me: okay sir yes sir 

[prokopetz]

As cat owners we like to joke about how the cat is the one who’s really in charge, but let’s be honest here: my cats think they’re in charge, but they’re also fucking dumbasses. It’s sort of an incompetent-king-and-long-suffering-advisor arrangement, if the king were prone to getting their head stuck in Kleenex boxes.

[chiribomb-deactivated20220820]

Me, disentangling my cat’s claw from the blankets for the third time:

[mysunfreckle]

@amarguerite <3

[dankmemeuniversity]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[electriccuckchair]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[teathattast]

true talent

[laughconfetti]

[mankillercalledbunny]

Someone: *is talking*

Me: oh. I should be processing this right now. Huh.

[rainfallinhell]

[strawberryinstantoatmeal-deacti]

i remember being like 11 and asking my dad why he hunts and kills deer and he said “because i think theyre beautiful” and that’s just. that’s just what men are like

[werewolfofsector2814]

Yeah… &?

Is it any different that women seeing cute things & wanting to squish their face?

[genderidentitty]

Is killing different than endearing physical contact? Local man unsure

[weaselle]

I really like … many aspects of hunting. And I think animals are beautiful. may I present

What is the point of mounting something like this sad, gross, proof that you will end a beautiful life for no good reason…. 

when you could frame you up a trophy like the photo below !? 

This takes at least as much skill, and involves all the same wilderness stalking. It proves that you are both brave AND compassionate. There’s no downside to doing this instead. Imagine you go to somebody’s home, and they have a trophy room filled with beautifully composed close up photos of wolves and deer and boar and eagles and things all over the walls, with a couple camera guns mounted up there too - on one wall is a photo of a standing bear who obviously sees the person taking the photo and it’s been blown up so the bear is life size (that’s why you need that gun-barrel lens, so the quality holds up when you enlarge the pic) The person you are visiting is like, “yeah, I took all these.” THAT’s impressive. A room full of dead things just means they are weird and gross and pointlessly cruel and proud of it.

[3minutesofplaytime]

How the fuck do people still fall for pyramid schemes just don’t open the fucking sarcophagus and the mummy can’t hypnotize you

[lucid-dreemurr]

me: immune system why do i have a fever

immune system: well the bacteria can’t survive outside 37 degrees for long so i thought i’d raise the temperature to kill them off!

me: 

immune system:

me: 

immune system:

me: we also can’t survive outside 37 degrees for long

immune system:

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[marvel-lous-things]

Bartender: thanks for stopping that bar fight, spiderman. Can I get you a drink? It’s on the house

Peter: thank you, but I can’t

Bartender: why not

Peter:

Bartender:

Peter, trying not to give his age away: I’m pregnant

[eldritchcannon]

Bartender, shook: oh, congratulations, boy or girl?

Peter, now in full-on panic mode: it’s an uh, spider

[moonbeamdagger]

I’m seeing stuff in the notes about “Miles would do this” and I just want to say: you’re absolutely right. All Spider-folks across all universes share one (1) singular brain cell and most of the time it’s Gwen’s.

[seananmcguire]

As the current author of Spider-Gwen, I can attest that Gwen has not seen the brain cell in years.

[marvel-lous-things]

[ilovepeppers-deactivated2019122]

Been laughing at this all day

[dankmemeuniversity]