I need you Cas

The greatest love story ever told

[masonicbeheadingritual]

[hikion]

girl said

[longlivetiktok]

From @tarastevens2

[Video: far off shot of a crane lifting a blue Porta-Potty through the air.

Audio: Doctor Who theme song.]

[wraithsonwingsposts]

@hexadecimal00

[omegaverse]

can we stop adding -wave and -core to shit now it’s done. it’s finished

[xtec]

no longer hardcore now I’m just hard

[seal-of-unknown]

me, begging, tears in my eyes: please. please just tell me what the book is about. the plot. please

a book annotation on the cover, unfazed: A Subversive Masterpiece. A Deep And Touching Story. The New York Times Bestseller. Go Fuck Yourself

[humorstaff]

[kedreeva]

[Source] [Convict Collars]

[txpokes]

Because saving kitties is important.

[viperas]

This is a freakn’ wonderful idea and needs to be spread around to let people know.

[tooiconic]

One time I thought I lost my old cat and I cried for days looking for him. People need to care more about them please report lost kitties. :(

[saddest-cat-hours]

[blairvvitchproject]

put this in the fucking moma, the louvre, the guggenheim, the whitney, and the motherfucking prado

[trainthief]

Men will spend 25% of their day thinking about how they could American sniper their way out of the zombie apocalypse no problem and then they’ll walk into the bathroom and miss the toilet from half a foot away

[trainthief]

Men will be like “I would NEVER murder someone but if I did I know exactly how I’d get away with it” and then one day you’ll be in a situation with them where they need to mop a floor and they won’t even know how

[vendetta06]

"but my dad's a cop!!" okay piglet

[awesomebutunpractical]

What do you think Doofenshmirtz’s reputation is among the background dancers he’s always bringing in?  “There’s this eccentric pharmacist who lives in a penthouse and likes to put on musical theater for his pet duck. It’s weird gig, but he pays on time and he’s very professional during rehearsal.”

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[seppohater-deactivated20230613]

this interaction literally ruined my day

[moxyinverse]

theres not one last name between them

[flawlessglamazon]

I REFUSE to let this get buried in the notes

[whitepeopletwitter]

[joshsundquist]

Bedroom-mirror “standup” about that time my health insurance company thought I had a weight problem

[killorbekillian]

“My health insurance company recently sent a nurse to my apartment to examine me, because according to their computer system, my body weight is very low for my height. Yeah, like, so dangerously low that they’re like, ‘We gotta send a nurse to this guy’s apartment.’ So she shows up at my door and she has a printout from the computer, and that says I am ‘potentially malnurished.’ And she’s like, ‘Do you think that you’re getting enough calories every day?’ I’m like, look, I know that I’m pretty skinny, but now that you’re standing here in my kitchen I think we can agree that there’s… a better… explanation… about this low weight to height ratio. Uh, but she has to interview me about my health history, and so I just tell her, okay, I had cancer 20 years ago, and she’s like, ‘Have you had any recent operations?’ I’m like, I’ve had two knee surgeries. And she’s like ‘Okay, uh, on which knee?’ …What? [Stammers] I’ll give you one guess.”

[badjokesbyjeff]

I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with.

She said, “Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights”.

[r4cs0]

[nunyabizni]

[nqsa]

you know who’s gay? paul the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife and davey who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life

[mooncustafer]

New headcannon: everyone in that song is gay except the Piano Man who has no idea he’s playing at a gay bar and the staff and regulars have a betting pool on how long he’ll take to finally figure it out. So far John is ahead.

[skeleton-richard]

[spacegay-yx]

[freshdonuts]

“The manager gives me a smile ‘cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see” also implies that the Piano Man is possibly an incredibly attractive but oblivious himbo, and if you listen to the rest of it imagining that, this all fits a little too well.

[miir4ge-deactivated20210710]

i think the concept of a software install wizard is so cute… developers know the average person isnt comfortable running terminal commands so theyre like here!!! this wizard will do it for you <3 and we’re all like yay :) the wizard