They're driving down a quiet road in the middle of the night when Cas finally speaks up.
"You're worried," he says. The hum of the Impala's engine filters out the silence that follows.
They haven't really spoken much ever since Jack came back. Dean doesn't know what to expect anymore. He wants to feel hopeful for the future-- hopeful that they'll be able to gank Chuck once and for all. But there's an underlying fear that it'll all come crumbling down once they get close again.
Cas is staring at him, but he doesn't say anything else.
Dean had just wanted some time to get his head straight. This week so far had been...eventful, and that was definitely sugar-coating it.
Dean and Cas nearly didn't make it out of purgatory. Sam and Dean had lost their ability to do basically anything useful and were stumbling all over the place with Garth like a bunch of idiots. They'd gone toe to toe with Lady Luck to ensure they had even a fighting chance against God. They'd gotten Jack back and found out he had been eating angel hearts to keep himself alive. And now they needed Jack to be the one to fight Chuck because apparently, he was the only one who could do it.
What a fucking hell ride.
Dean doesn't know when it'll all end-- doesn't know if the ending they get will even be satisfying.
He pulls over to the side of the road and gets out of the car. He needs a breather.
Cas follows suit and joins Dean outside.
The sky is clear tonight. They can see the stars splattered throughout the black canvas of the universe.
Dean leans on the hood of the Impala, there are words on the tip of his tongue that he wants to say to Cas, but they never make their way past his mouth.
Cas walks over to stand at Dean's side, his hands in his coat pockets as he settles comfortably in front of the car.
"How are you feeling, Dean?" he asks. Cas tilts his head towards the sky and stares at the stars.
Dean stares at Cas and wonders what he must be thinking of when he looks up at the sky. Does he think of heaven-- the home he left behind and rebelled against for the Winchesters? Or does he also think of the coming battle against his own father? His expression, however, is as impassive as ever and gives nothing away.
"I'm fine, Cas," Dean finally says. "Just, you know, trying to get some time alone before we charge headfirst into battle with Chuck."
Cas turns to face him now. Even in the dark, Dean can make out the blue in his eyes.
Cas shuffles slightly closer to him. They're so close that Dean can feel the warmth radiating off of Cas. He feels safe like this, but it's short-lived.
Dean can't keep his fears at bay anymore. He thinks of how everything could go wrong. He thinks of the future scenarios that Chuck showed Sam, and how it doesn't end well for anyone. He thinks of Cas, and how things could end between them.
He could say it now. They're alone out here. He could tell Cas everything he's ever wanted to say to him since the beginning.
It's there, at the back of his throat.
Instead, he says, "Back in purgatory, I wanted to tell you something-- Not the prayer, it was...it was something else, I uh," Dean fumbles around for the right words. He can't look Cas in the eyes right now, but he can feel the angel's gaze on him.
"It's just that, I haven't appreciated you enough, man. You've gotten your ass handed to you dozens of times for us. And I've been taking it all for granted," Dean says.
"When we got separated in purgatory, I was scared. Didn't know if you were alive or blown to pieces at the hands of Eve."
A hand comes up to clutch at Dean's shoulder. He looks up to meet Cas’s eyes. The corners of his mouth are pulled up to reveal a small smile.
"You don't have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable, Dean," Cas says softly.
Dean shakes his head and lets out an exasperated laugh.
"Well, I need to. Every time you died and came back, I felt like telling you everything I've ever wanted to say to you, but I never did," Dean looks up at the sky to avoid Cas' lingering gaze.
He's always looked at Dean differently, like he was special, like he was the only one in the world. He felt vulnerable under those blue eyes.
"Uh, I guess what I'm trying to say is," I love you. But it doesn't come out. Even now, Dean is afraid to say it, afraid of what this could mean for the two of them.
He feels stupid. He’s been rehearsing these lines for a while now, and he couldn’t even say them out loud. How pathetic.
Cas’s hand comes up to cup Dean’s face. He flinches and avoids looking Cas in the eyes but the angel brings his other hand to Dean’s other cheek and forces their eyes to meet.
Cas leans forward and kisses Dean softly, Dean lets out a strangled whimper. His cheeks suddenly feel very warm, and he can feel butterflies dancing in his stomach. He’s wanted this for so long.
Cas is the one to break the kiss. He’s still holding Dean’s face in his hands when he says, “I know.”
It’s pretty chilly tonight, but Dean feels his insides burning up from that one simple action. Without thinking, he dives in and kisses Cas again. This time, it’s more heated and intense. They kiss like it’s the end of the world, and for them, it might be soon.
Dean’s hands roam through Cas’s hair as the angel lays Dean onto the Impala’s hood. Cas looks down at him with so much love that it makes Dean’s chest ache.
“I love you, Dean,” Cas says quietly. “I’ve known, ever since I laid a hand on you in hell, that you were special.”
Dean smiles from underneath Cas.
"Dude, you just Han Solo'd me."
The ends of Cas's mouth quirks up, as he bends down for another kiss.
They stay like this for a little while longer. When Dean looks up at the sky, the stars seem to shine a little brighter.
During the drive back to the bunker, Dean finds that his nerves had settled slightly, but not entirely. He still doesn't know what's in store for them when they fight Chuck. He still doesn't know what will happen to him and Cas.
Cas has been staring at him for the entire duration of the ride so far, and Dean hasn't commented.
"Hey, um," Dean begins. He still has things to say, so may as well say them now.
"I don't know what's gonna happen to all of us, we might end up on the losing side, or we might end up as winners. But uh, whatever the outcome is, I just wanted to ask you to stay, please." Dean says the last part gingerly, and waits for Cas's response.
When Cas left the bunker after their fight, Dean felt angry, he felt guilty and defeated, but most of all, he felt lonely. He wanted to stop him from leaving, and even now, Cas's words from purgatory ring in his head.
I left, but you didn't stop me.
Dean didn't want him to leave again.
He feels a hand on his thigh and instantly relaxes.
"I'll stay," Cas says. "I'll stay with you no matter the outcome."