You never had me. I had me. @recovery-reminders - Tumblr Blog

I don’t know how to talk about the rabbit hole without accidentally inviting you to follow me down it.

Blythe Baird - “Relapse” (via buttonpoetry)

You can call an experience or relationship traumatic even if there’s no one you can/want to blame for what happened.

If you were traumatized by what happened, that impact is real even if it isn’t anyone’s fault. There are situations where everyone involved does their best with the information and abilities they have and someone still experiences trauma.

Abuse is not the only traumatic experience, just a common one. Not having your needs met for totally blameless reasons can be traumatic. Having your autonomy taken away by illness or other random chance can be traumatic. Many traumatizing experiences can happen when you’re utterly alone. Even ‘ordinary experiences’ can be traumatic in some contexts.

There’s no reason for trauma that’s ‘too silly’. If you’re traumatized, it’s not because you’re ‘too sensitive’ and it doesn’t automatically mean you’re minimizing other people’s experiences.

You’re allowed to acknowledge your trauma. You’re allowed to look at experiences you’ve had through the lens of trauma. You’re allowed to grieve and process your traumatic experiences even if you don’t understand why they were traumatic or if similar experiences didn’t tramautize others you know.

You’re allowed to acknowledge how badly you were hurt even if you can’t point a finger at one person who hurt you.

softest-archive-deactivated2023

I’m ok. I’m gonna be ok. I’m gonna live a beautiful life and I’ll get to know beautiful people. I will create things of beauty and be surrounded by flowers. And I’ll love myself, and I’ll be soft, I’ll be kind. And I’ll be ok.

omgthatdress

Putting these up for anyone who needs them today.

Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward

Why Does he DO That: Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

superopinionated

Cannot recommend WDHDT highly enough. I’ve found it helpful not just for romantic relationships, but also for growing up w a “unexplainable/uncontrollable” dad.

IT HAS ALSO BEEN REALLY HELPFUL FOR UNDERSTANDING ONLINE MOB HARASSMENT.

So if you’ve ever been bombarded w threats to be raped/killed, (so…if you’re a minority and you’ve been on the Internet for a while), this book might be useful for getting clarity around the whole entitled, abusive mindset that drives certain kinds of people to behave that way. And by “getting clarity”, I mean (for me) being able to go “oh, that’s what’s happening” and not really feel scared anymore. Or angry, or drawn out into it, or anything.

And if you’re still standing around going “but how does something like GamerGate happen?” or “but why do men hit their wives?” or whatever – please read that book and learn something.

omgthatdress

^^^^ truth WDHDT is fantastic at cutting down MRA bullshit and calling it what it really is

kithnkin

Also recommending

swampseer

Please consider reading these. WDHDT is really, really helpful. And I know some of you are struggling with abusive relationships, friendships, families, etc. You’re not alone. There is help.

heysawbones

Yo. This family holiday, please, please take care of yourself. You aren’t there to be anybody else’s cushion.

septemberpoems

as someone with toxic parental luggage the first one is amazing, and also as someone who’s studying criminology and risk assessment and intimate partner violence, WDHDT is the best. seriously. it’s amazing.

frumpyfragments

These are all great!

acakewalkofcrocodiles

ALSO!!!! WDHDT really helped me help people I know in abusive relationships. There’s a lot of wrong ways to help. A lot of things that seem like logical good ideas end up not being helpful at all as well as damaging.

a-spoon-is-born

It’s okay to choose the Weird option

It’s kind of interesting, how you have to sort of reclaim your thinking processes to effectively solve problems when you’re autistic. Including some of the ones that come with chronic illness.

Example: A medication I’m on right now for an Issue has a dehydrating effect. However, I already drink what most people would consider an unreasonably large amount of water (literally constantly) under normal circumstances. I also have a routine of doing my work on the ol laptop here with my cup of water beside me, which holds like…slightly more than 24 oz?

And here’s the thing. When I’m in The Zone, I won’t get up. I’ll finish my water, and won’t get more right away (I also won’t get up to go pee or eat or do a bunch of other things for basic fleshbag maintenance).

Neurotypical wisdom would go like: oh, set an alarm, make sure you get up regularly, something something go refill ur cup, bleep blah bloobly. All of it targeted toward making you get up in a timely fashion. That shit never works, and I know already I’m not gonna fucking get up.

Guess who’s sitting here next to two identical full cups of water. And I’ll get a third cup if it seems like that will be beneficial.

But like, here’s the thing: even though that’s what works, people will try to shame this stuff out of you. For no other reason than because it’s the Weird option. It’s not what you’re supposed to do. And it DOESN’T MATTER. like, at all? Who gives a flying fuck at a rolling donut how many cups of water I have at once? No one is here to pointlessly hassle me about it anymore.

But the main problem is it gets in YOUR head not to do the “Weird thing”, no matter what and you’ll end up wasting your whole life trying to do shit in ways you really can’t and that don’t work, and then you feel bad about yourself for not Doing the Thing because you Should. And you can’t do it the way that actually works because it’s Weird.

There are all these little things that effect your behavior much to your detriment and like, unless I personally *think* about it, I’ll still avoid the “Weird” solution for various sad reasons.

TL;DR: Instead of attempting to disrupt my routine by getting up twice as often to refill my water, I bring two waters with me instead.

pipistrellus

2017’s official fortune

proudnb

The name you choose for yourself is your real name.

The gender that you identify as is your real gender.

The pronouns that you prefer are your real pronouns.

What you have chosen to do with your body (staying as is, transitioning, etc.) is exactly how said body is supposed to be, and is your real body.

Your definitions of yourself are what makes the real you.

Always.

positivity-in-recovery

#smol puppers deliverin important reminders #thank

fyeahborderlinepeople

And it’s amazing; [borderline people’s] ability to take care of someone else, to give the right answer of what you would do for that person, is very different from what they would do for themselves. Because my belief–and I’m sure it’s not only my belief–is that the borderline patient really essentially inside feels unlovable. Feels like there’s something missing, that they’re not worthy of love. And so they tend to seek out people who validate that–and if they do find someone who doesn’t validate that, they try to sabotage that relationship to keep that myth alive. …And while that idea saved them–in their childhood or their youth or infancy–it is now actually killing them.

Ivan Spielbergtalks about treating borderline people in the video “A Look at Borderline Personality Disorder - Part 2” (via fyeahborderlinepeople)

#circus tunes play in the distance #bpd more like bp wheeeee!!!!

incendavery

meds! can’t live without ‘em and so forth. remember to take yours!

(patreon)

#same

irresistible-revolution

The sociologist Kai Erickson once wrote that collective trauma is “a blow to the basic tissues of social life that damages the bonds attaching people together […] so that ‘I’ continue to exist, though damaged, and ‘you’ continue to exist, though distant and hard to relate to. But ‘we’ no longer exist as linked cells in a larger communal body.” Simply put, if a group of people is traumatized — terrorized — enough, they will cease to feel connected to one another. This disconnection is a defensive response, an attempt to shut off the pain of being associated with the group. As a result, we become withdrawn, isolated inside the story that we are alone and without hope. Young trans girls, I have a story to tell you: Ever since I was a tiny child, I knew I was girl. Everyone I knew tried to convince me otherwise, and when I refused to be persuaded, they told me I would die. But I didn’t. I found a band of audacious sisters, and we lived, laughed, loved, even in the midst of all that hatred. I am looking for you, looking out for you. We can change this story together.

Kai Cheng Thom, Someone Tell Me That I’ll Live: On Murder, Media, and Being a Trans Woman in 2015 (via hyzenthlayknew)

#i don't want to co-opt this message from trans girls #it does hit pretty close to home on some personal issues though

Person without ADHD: I know ADHD is not a real disorder because I read an edgy article about it online. The only symptoms of ADHD are hyperactivity, distractability, and forgetfulness, which everyone deals with.

Me: *constant pacing and bouncing, no concept of time, often forgets to eat and sleep, poor impulse control, loses everything, has panic attacks because of sensory overload, unpredictable mood swings, strong urge to touch everything I see, forgets topic of conversation mid-sentence, gets so invested in trivial things that I literally cannot hear people talking to me, sometimes physically cannot stop talking, etc*

Same person: WHAT THE FCUK IS WRONG WITH YOU

Me: I have ADHD

Same person: ..about it online. The only symptoms of ADHD are hyperactivity, distractability, and forgetfulness, which everyone deals with.

#haaaaaaaaaah

gentlechamomile

Brittany Josephina

the-new-venus

What they don’t tell you: Self care sometimes isn’t fun. It’s going to class even when you want to stay in bed and rest. It’s paying bills on time and running errands even when every strand of your being cant stand it. It’s going to therapy and taking your medicine even when you don’t want to. It’s using coping skills even when going back to self destructive ones seems more appealing.

Recovering sucks. It’s hard. But you have to believe in the light at the end of the tunnel. And even on those days you don’t, you fake it till you make it.

Recovery is still worth it.