Idle Musings of a Psychologist

"I've been thinking a lot about meteors" merely a record of progress

[redbrokenwhistle]

The mind can only say yes to move forward. There is no saying no to find a back way, one can only say yes to the path ahead of them.

[redbrokenwhistle]

It is in blackness, and a flame comes in, white and yellow and orange and red. Be it s unruly, it is untamed. It thrashes and punches and disrespects and kicks. And then spreads out of control.

Rage will damage everything around you, including you. But it will keep you alive. Whether that is better than being dead is not mine to say. But rage can never be extinguished. And for that it useful.

[redbrokenwhistle]

I began wanting to do what I saw no one else doing, and found myself doing what I didn’t believe I could do. And I suppose I’m still doing that now. Life is a journey along a path, a path that leads nowhere explicitly except beyond you, to some place you’ve never been. How often do I use my past experiences to distort the new place in front of me?

Those places I lied to myself about, those places I said were okay. I have seen the ruined monument of too many such places, their shadowed landscapes and tempest skies. Those places where the soil is black. And blood oozes from the dirt under every footstep. Great statues are fractured, great buildings are cracked and fallen. These places on the edge of sanity ought no man should go. These places at the edge of logic and reason, where their forces stumble and form headaches and knots within the mind. Places I should have never gone. Blackness. Just blackness. And I am there, my hands stretched up toward the idol, excited for its embrace. But it is only a trunk and legs.

It’s a horrifying landscape. And I rather wish I never had gone. But there is this prevailing strength, in the face of logic and reason. Commanding that if it can be done it should be done. This is how one finds oneself in theses places. They are horrible. It’s rather best not to explore them. it’s rather best you should not exist there. Everytime I would come to it I would enter having rather seen what lay inside than to have never experienced it at all. But it is only a place of pain. It might be all the same place. Pain. Hurt. Sorrow. Grief - interrupted. Fear. Indifference. Danger. And the me who went there remains disturbed. But the me at the time was undeterred. It’s the same place I saw in that flash as a kid. The trees barren besides ribbons of flesh, the world black and dusty. So not quite the same, but brothers in spirit.

[adeadgirlspoetry]

We’re only what we pretend we aren’t.

[redbrokenwhistle]

i cant talk to a crowd in a social setting

i have difficulties with one on one

im not comfortable walking past girls

[redbrokenwhistle]

Book opens *classroom setting* Its a classroom full of natural light, and a breeze flows across the floor from the wall of open windows. In a light brown dress with orange accents, her tan blends well into her clothes. Studious black frames sit atop faint freckles as the scene widens to see her in front of a whiteboard. Her pointing rod flows to the spot just beneath a photo. "He was our cultivator. He brought forth our great civilization. He culled".

*work on characters*

"Main" character rose to power through his affirmations, a life philosophy that has the ego at the root, not spirit, or family, or patriotism, they have no egos but their own. He led a culling of the North american continent. Having inspired others elsewhere, much to his indifference, the whole world at the time of his entries has become a sort of wasteland.

He has the rank of colonel, but he has never been in any army. Newspaper headlines read " ".

[redbrokenwhistle]

Idols and Vampires

Its just another Idol of Information. Another barrel with no end.

What we seek and what is real.

Standards, youtube. Even longing to aim for something someone else has done. period.

[redbrokenwhistle]

My Idol of Youtube

The purpose of idols is to be antithetical to the creation, making, formation, belief, and understanding of our own values. Your reality is not in the idol. Ignorance of that is the inner world in action. Functioning, having you believe everything will be fine.

A plain has just washed away before me, in awe I revel at the formation before me, I perched plainly at the top of this plateau.

This vast new place lower than me.

A

[redbrokenwhistle]

Next Polemic: The Non-Existance of Personality 'Disorders' and the REALity of Indeterminable Valence. The subject is TOO unique and does, when appreciated, escape definition.

And how there has been a manufacturing of common anxiety and self "regulation" (REALITY: The POISON of moral ideology and individual subjective refusal of themselves as something unique outside definition). It seems to me on the part of sociopathy and psychopathy modern freudian psychology (the same psychology also instrumental in propaganda, advertising, and public opinion) has us all on the right track of needing to conform, and having to justify our attraction towards those who exist outside the prescribed model (of what a person should be). This intends to force something real out of morality, as if it a paste to be forced from a tube and inspected on a plate. We are accompanied then by the Bernayian propaganda, nephew of freud, who culled the death on (largely) all public accounts of personality. A foucaultian ideal that we believe more in things we have no agreeable definition of than in our own truths we have the pleasure of discovering ourselves in passionate emotion. And there is also to have "evil" which does not exist to me, an inherit thing, a natural island from which I sailed and found Nietzsche. With these scapegoats we face a reality, western psychology desires a herd of obedient problems, if I were in charge I would see too the advantage of having dischord. Because it's my invention, youre not going to find it was mine, when you do no one will care, and you're never going to reach a compromise on it. Add in a myth of equality, and deny them their reality of at the very least the awareness of the amoral egoism that propels all achieved capitalists, and you'll have the maintenance requirements of a rice cooker. I have power anyway, and you'll never reach very high and die meaninglessly. You will have wasted your life chasing what you were told to believe. (Your idols). Now these problems are unequipped for the cunning egoist (your narcissist) to reveal their loserhood, which is quite real, be unfair, unequal, immoral, a thing to which you still lose to even though you dissent.

And when you look around, you will find people everywhere with different levels of intensity in these traits.

And villainy is so goofy. Is there anything else they could sacrifice for themselves other than human life that would have them be still so evil? Or is ALL of evilness dependent on this ONE chip that is on so many shoulders.

[redbrokenwhistle]

Creativity most similarly flashes symbols as a sequence of non-curated thoughts which are and become interpreted by something new. Creativity may be born out a correct sequence of these symbols, each symbol untraceable, and only sometimes sharing with. All new symbols are integrated as points. Points to be shared in the crop of new symbols. I believe this to be a spontaneous interaction by a state of self disconnection outside another process "overthinking" which seems to be a painful tale afflicted by self repetition by lack of feedback. It cannot be suppressed, it does not wane in intensity by any willful means. It can be found to deem itself important, which makes it a rare thing inside the mind that does not need to survive. It's not that important, return to the work which was enjoyable before. Or if isolated in mind, trace its roots to the first thought, appeal to the feeling of that thought, and let that be the guiding force.

Note to the author: write out and spell the next thoughts of the next derailment, until it returns to first thought. It could be something I'm not seeing.

[redbrokenwhistle]

I think in fragments, I have characters that dash across a stage; I dont even know if they are characters, all I have seen it shadows, and they are so hard to corall

[redbrokenwhistle]

First off, I can write things and be wrong.

I am to explore hope and pity as slave values, and they have an operation of propagation found in the death drive and surplus enjoyment, identically and respectively. This polemic will draw largely from the immoralists Nietzsche and Stirner, with psychoanalysis deriving from freud and lacan respectively. The concept at play here may even extend to altruism and charity, and I think it probably does. The last propagates itself deeply into moral compliment. 1) I need to not overextend myself here 2) Establish what this essay aims to detail 3) I need to outline the experiences

This whole series is immoral. And it may offend people. What I am doing here is not an audienced polemic. But I should assume some level of competency for an audience, I do not need them to have read L'Ecrits, I do not need them even familiar with Nietzsche, and in these bounds I will attempt to create a work accessible by those curious individuals who are ignorant of such philosophies, casual browsers of intellectual work, and as a groundwork for future immoralists. This will not be and "edutainment" piece. If you're bored by the idea of thinking, husk your worthless gaze in some other direction. Otherwise, let this begin. Ultimately and completely, these pages are servants to my ability as a writer, inquirer, and future speaker. While the work could be more complete and really more robust, the purpose of this first edition is for it to exist.

Discuss Nietzsche slave morality

Discuss death drive/ surplus enjoyment

Distinguish pity, sympathy, empathy

From what I have been able to gather, For Freud what drove was either sexual reproduction or aggression. The latter making sense in the idea of vengeance and reciprocity. There is also an insight/relation to conquering, but I'm just not sure yet.

In both of these, the subject is presented with an opportunity to perform change, but instead of feeling bad knowing they'll do nothing about it, they invent hope that it will improve and pity for the afflicted, so they can selfishly walk away without being morally complimenting. Charity (begging) may be the same for the afflicted (homeless, for example), where it has many faces, but don't leave the same room.

What keeps people living like this is the idea they have an enemy and that enemy is external. Every limitation of the mind is a self-imposition. All people are egoists. Most pretend not to be. Even to their own detriment.

Pity (I see as excuse that lets you feel good while doing nothing about a problem. It also is bad ethical behavior, if youre into that sort of thing) is worse than sympathy, and sympathy is in its own ridiculousness. and the lasts has it's perversion with empathy. Where empathy is defined as "putting one into another's shoes" (also sympathy is not a singular thing, empathizing with a part of a story by living it is different from entering ones whole world; hiking a trail for one part of a story vs emulating homelessness). Suppose one were to take this literally. is not the story we would tell to someone be different from he who's we have heard? But if this is not empathy, then what is? Empathy is to have an experience with the person. If they are in pain, you open the door to that room and sit on the floor with them.

What do I know of as slave values? I believe most of it exists in the make believe, and perhaps also under resentful objection to whatever authority is governing them. Hope seems to be something that is conscious (and justifies(?) while being used to terminate the helplessness of the individual, resentment is a limbic thing, I suppose one must be made while the other must be suppressed. This is also as far, as I think, that egoism is the solution*. I will attempt to make a model, for purpose of understanding the modalities of these things.

In my mind, american slavery first pops in.

It seems to me there must be a punitive component, where the reward can be met by being the least you could be, as your entire identity is rooted in being an appearance for someone else's favor. This is particularly effective under group punishment**. This the self manufactured origin of the good? I'm not sure if it matters that the "punisher" or master be singular, plural, or disembodied (explore each). And it functions that the governing authority should, it is in his interest to keep things in line.

*For all and for none - it is the "all" of the inclusive self; like stirners union of egoists, and jorg's posse. For all individually, and none together, for this union is morality. But under current dictions, any group like Jorgs would be a conspiracy. Morality - a hopeful loyalty? any group always permits dissent.

**Guilt of a community? Modernly, of course.

[redbrokenwhistle]

I don't know what happens when I go to sleep. Apparently if you do it too many times you grow wrinkles on your face.

[redbrokenwhistle]

Like I'm getting smaller and smaller in front of a domino that's already tipping toward me. Imagine and personalize. there are things that can have character. Im dead in water.

[redbrokenwhistle]

They are faint. But material. Give a narrative to them and they hurt. Every one a stone that bleeds.

Never be too Apollonian. Be too Dionysian and you'll go mad. Be both, and be better.

[redbrokenwhistle]

This book has no narrator. This man's journals have been deemed too inhospitable to the soul.

The water is up to my knees now. I'm sorry for the sloppy writing, you'll know what has happened to the paper once you see this, but for my pencil, it's started to rot. I am so happy to know you're with someone new. I miss you so much. There is so much darkness down here, it just takes up everything. I become scared sometimes when I think i see you, because I know youre not supposed, and what I see looks so much like you.

[cetaceous]

Flight Deck of the Space Shuttle Columbia image credit: Eric Long/Smithsonian Institution                          National Air and Space Museum

[redbrokenwhistle]

The luminary dials, their heavenly glow seems quite appropriate, I think.