The Supernatural Couch -Why Destiel is the only way Dean gets a happy ending.
So as most SPN fans know, Dean has low self-esteem, self-destructive tendencies, attachment issues and well thatās just the beginningā¦
We see him dating women, staring at women and loving women, which is part of his core personality. Though sometimes itās too much, heās a little overly-focused on the female form. The Destiel haters use this as proof, cries of āoh heās so heteroā fill the internet, but Iām here to explain why theyāre wrong. Firstly, this is classic overcompensation. Dean loves women there is no doubt about that, notĀ at all but maybe itās a little too much?Ā
Women trigger the āpatriarchā tendencies within Dean, the protective instincts. Thatās the image he grew up with, the one John portrayed and that is what pulls Dean in.Ā
Dean was never protected as a child and itās something of a reoccurring theme. Seen both early in the dynamic between Sam and Dean in Season 1 and as recently as Season 12 in Deanās well know altercation with Mary.Ā āYouāre not a childā she scolds,Ā āI never was,ā he replies. Heās not angry, heās resigned and sad. He thenĀ āfirst namesā her, Mary not Mom. Burn. Heās distancing himself.Ā
Johnās fixation on his wife became Deanās fixation on women. There was no room for Dean to be anything else. No room to move away from this over hetero, dominant male. John didnāt leave space for anything else. Dean turned into his father in a million ways because it was the only way to get Johnās approval and while we love John, he did a number on his eldest.
Exhibit 1: Dean blames 'the jobā for every relationship that breaks down. Itās his escape, a way of laying fault on others and a way of avoiding looking too closely at his issues. We see him choose it over and over again, he just canāt walk away no matter how much he objects to the contrary that he wants a normal life. Even when he leaves the hunter life temporarily, even when heās 'happyā and loved, the Job wins. This is because 'the Jobā is a large part of how Dean defines himself. He has to hunt, itās who he is.Ā
Dean has a type, there are two main categories. Category A: One night stands, aka, anyone.Ā Category B: The Long-term/Love interest. Please note these are two separate yet linked, sometimes mixed categories. One doesnāt always mean the other. They are not mutually exclusive.Ā
The first part of the second category includes āThe maternal womanā aka Lisa, Laya and Carmen. They represent his mother, post-retirement from hunting. Then we have the āStrong unattainable womanā aka Anna, Amara and Cassie, who represent Mary as a hunter/strong woman. While Amara isnāt a love interest per se sheās included because they were close and it raised issues for Dean. Also note, Dean met Cassie before confirmation of Mary 'the hunterā. Dean chose Cassy as she was a strong independent woman which was a side of Mary that John portrayed.
These aspects, the different sides of Mary have always caused conflict within Dean. The respect for his mother conflicts with his sometimes questionable respect for women. Thatās not to say he doesnāt respect women per se, it just gets a little blurry when heās playing the field. The latter is perpetuated by their 'on the roadā lifestyle. Visiting bars etc. Dean became exposed to bars quite young and became immersed in the 'women as objectsā mentality. These sides of him are clashing constantly.
The only women that seem to work out in Deanās life are the hunters, yet he never seems to end up with one. Jo is a prime example. Sheās young, pretty; a hunter and Ellen wouldnāt have put up too much of a fuss. Yet, he never goes there. Why?ā¦because sheās a woman.Ā As strong as she is, she still hits his radar as someone to be protected.
Ā All of the other female hunters are always friends. The only one heās super close too is Charlie and sheās off the list because sheās queer herself. So by that definition, sheās safe. She is also a very similar personality. The flirting, the inner geek, the loyalty, Charlie is basically Dean as a girl. Just to add, her family died and sheās moved around a lot, so they bond on a whole other level.
Dean has also convinced himself he canāt have love. That heās not worthy, unable to or not stable enough and everyone he loves dies.
So my theory is that Dean needs someone who understands him, who he can see parts of himself in. He needs someone that has commonality but is not exactly him, so someone without all of his issues or fewer of them.
Cue Castiel. Firstly, heās an angel and right off the bat heās better than most humans, for one, heās hard to kill. Heās a guy and as such, he skipās Deanās āthey must be protected at all costs, even emotionally from meā category. Cas was moved into the āfamily, friend, he can deal with all this crap categoryā early on.Ā
Castiel has an innocence that hits all of Deanās buttons, like all of them. Dean loves kids, heās great with them. They hit all of his protective maternal instincts. Heās an amazing teacher; we see this throughout the show. Cas hits his radar as innocent, and we see Dean struggle with it throughout the growth of their relationship. Cas is an angel, heās this all-powerful being but taking Porn as an example, itās a foreign concept. Pop culture is a mystery. Flirting, relationshipsā¦nope, heās just innocent. So thatās one way in which Cas shreds Deans walls. Those barriers he erected to keep people out, Cas squeezes through with his innocence. Kids always get past Deanās walls but Adults have to prove themselves. Cas doesnāt because he hits Deanās radar all wonky.Ā
Moving away from that you have 'Warrior 'Cas. The angel is strong, powerful and kicks ass. This means that Dean doesnāt have to be his protector in the traditional way as he is with Sam. Dean can be protective but is not Casā protector. Cas is a warrior and he can protect himself. However, Dean also likes being needed, valued and Cas always makes him feel that way. How I hear you cry? Well, my friends, I will tell you. Cas makes mistakes, as we know. He is still learning about all of this human stuff and when he screws up he requires forgiveness. Cue Dean. Dean gets to play the forgiving friend and family member. Dean, he loves that role because John was so unforgiving towards him. Mistakes werenāt tolerated because they got people killed.
Cas is honest, which Dean respects and Cas is brutal with it in most instances.Ā Also, most of the time when heās not, itās to protect Dean. Dean, secretly, likes being protected. He does, we see this throughout the show. Sam tries to keep Dean safe, as does Cas and its one of the things he forgives the quickest. John never really protected Dean but he did Sam and thatās where some resentment used to flare up. We see this in flashbacks. Deep down Dean doesnāt want the role his father forced on him, he just wants someone to take care of him. Just as a side note, Dean is maternal, highlighted in his 'nestingā tendencies. Dean likes taking care of people when itās superficial, not life-threatening. I want to specify, Dean likes to cook, he likes to have a home, and he is the mother hen. Itās one thing to have maternal instincts, itās entirely another to be responsible for everyoneās lives.Ā
Ā Cas makes Dean feel valued and special. Dean didnāt have that as a kid and itās so important. He craves attention, someone to recognise all of his quirks and achievements. Cas does this on many occasions. We see it in the very well known 'we have a more profound bondā scene, for example. There are several moments where Cas addresses Deans self-worth. One is in the first season; in one of the first moments, theyāre together. ā Whatās the matter? You donāt think you deserve to be saved? 'Ā
Cas also tells Dean that he loves him, that heās his favourite and again, Dean needs this. He needs to be someoneās first choice because in his heart he knows heās never been Samās. Dean has all the feels because itās not from someone heās related to, or who may be obligated to love him like Sam or Bobby. Cas finds him, protects him over and over because he wants to. Even when Dean fights him or pushes him away, Cas returns. Itās relentless and the only human who comes close is Sam yet even he fails (season 7). Deanās face when he realises Sam just stopped, that my friends is devastation. We also see this in season 12 when Sam chooses Mary and the Men of letters, Dean is sad, disappointed but resigned because he knows heās not Samās first choice or even Maryās.Ā
Theoretically, Cas can live forever. When he does die, he comes back from the dead. This will ultimately take pressure from Dean to be protective even in a family and friend way. It also removes some of the fear Dean has surrounding losing people.Ā
Cas can see all of Dean, his flaws, his vulnerabilities and loves him anyway. They can also be equals because Cas is smart, strong, tactical and determined; all traits that Dean respects. This wonāt happen in any romantic dynamic that Dean has with a human woman. They just canāt protect themselves enough to satisfy his inner Demons, there will always be the fear theyāll leave or reject him. It will never work for Dean with a civilian or with a woman. It just wonāt, there are too many patterns, cycles that heās stuck in and itād take a lifetime of therapy to even make a dent. Also, with Mary back, itās actually worse because that messes with his whole worldview.
In a quick reference to the whole Crowley/Dean dynamic, thatās similar. Crowley is a powerhouse but Dean still sees him as a monster, regardless of how close they get. Crowley didnāt get through the walls, sorry Hell boy.Ā
To summarise, Dean isnāt gay (not exactly).
Heās attracted to Cas, not because of his physical parts, the Vessel, but because of who and what Cas is. As an Angel with no gender, this would make him Pansexual, or Bi depending on your definition.Ā
Cas is perfect. Heās strong, funny, devoted and above all he adores Dean.Ā
And that is why bitches, Destiel will be Canon.
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