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Cosimo Galluzzi
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@redwhines-blog
I get it. I am in absolute love with my best friend, and that makes everything that much more clear. I suppose it is a matter of priorities, but I get it. I love someone, this one person, more than I've ever loved anything, even myself. He is so...so yeah. I get him. And I get love better now. If you don't "get" it you will not until you do. It's that simple and that complicated.
Brokeback Situation
The more I think about Brokeback Mountain the less and less surprised I am by the turn of events. Jack and Ennis are, for all intents and purposes, married for a summer. One goes out and works while the other stays home and cooks dinner, they have nobody else to spend free time with so they grow close, and they just happen to be sexual attracted to one another. It's a carbon copy of traditional marriage, just on a mountain with some sheep thrown in and cowboys.
It's the perfect storm for starting a relationship.
And, as this has come up in conversation, I'd like to say that labeling them as "gay" cowboys is a bit narrow minded. Yes, they are in a same-sex relationship, but Ennis is more than likely bisexual or even demisexual, given that later in the movie he does have feelings for his wife. It could be that he's straight and just happens to be in love with this one particular man. That is an aspect of sexuality that doesn't come up too much, but is still valid. The point I'm trying to make is this isn't just "that gay cowboy movie."
Also this:
Hawt.
Sex Scene
We've started Brokeback Mountain in class, and I've seen this movie several times before. I expect I shall be talking about it quite a bit in the coming week or so, but for now I'd like to focus on one particular aspect of the film: the first sex scene.
(And I wish you knew how gay guys had sex, Movie)
Anyway, the sex scene in the beginning of the film is...shall we say, unrealistic. I won't go into the squishyer details, but let's just say that's not how gay guys have sex. Like, at all; especially if it was Jack Twist's first time.
Additionally, they remain fully clothed for the whole scene. To me this says "We're going to talk about gay relationships, but don't worry you don't have to see any of the gross parts." I'm not saying show bits and pieces, but make it a little realistic.
It's not really surprising that this movie was written by and directed by all straight people. Don't get me wrong; I love this film and think it's beautiful. I just don't think the relationship aspects are handled as well as they could be. The sex is unrealistic, and they sort of just jump into it without talking first. They were obviously attracted to each other, but damn. I've seen Disney Princesses take it slower in relationships than these dudes.
Friend
I'm in love with my best friend.
As I reflect upon the nature of love, I keep coming back to the same idea: I love my best friend. Maybe that's what love really is; finding the person that you like more than any other person you know.
When you hear something cool, you think to tell them. When you are sad they are the person you go to. If they need you, you're there. As sappy as it sounds, I really am in love with my best friend.
He's my favorite person, and I'm happy to say I'm his.
Excited
I'm excited.
Tonight the LGBTQIA2 group on my campus is having a Queer Prom. What is that? A regular prom, but with no social judgments about anything.
This will be the first time I've taken a date to a dance that I actually WANT to dance with, and its feels fantastic.
I never got to do this when I was in High School. It's amazing how much I've grown since then and how very, very much I love my life now.
So, tonight I'm going to shake it without shame!
Well, now my theme's ugly.
But that's beside the point. Do you know what else is ugly? Hypocrisy. Like being mad because your husband cheated and then sleeping with a married man and chatting up another yourself.
The more I watch the move Waiting to Exhale the more I really do not like the main character. And she assaulted someone. She's awful.
However, I maintain that Gloria (Loretta Devine's character) is cool. She strikes me as the only genuinely nice person in this film. One could argue for Whitney Houston's character too, but frankly she has so little presence in the film that I don't count her.
I also maintain that the film's story telling structure is sloppy. There is too much inner monologue that serves as exposition because the characters can't convey the intent well enough on their own. Also, that mirror thing they did while talking on the phone was dumb. I am aware of what a simple criticism that is, but that is the most accurate way I can describe that gimmick.
Stealing
I realized today how much I hate the idea of "stealing your man/woman." The reason I hate this concept is because I don't really think it exists. That phrasing makes the man/woman in question out to be an object, like a painting or a statue-beautiful to look at but with no real agency, just waiting to be stolen if you let your guard down.
In reality relationships are far more complex than that. A person cannot be stolen from a relationship. They leave. They leave and then the person who was left finds fault not in themselves for failing to maintain the relationship or even their ex-partner who left them, but rather the "thief" who took them.
To me, this idea shows a glaring lack of trust and understanding. If a person doesn't love you back it's not a crime, and often it's not their fault. Although often it is and they are just a jackass. Either way, they can't be stolen. A person is not an object.
That's why I'm not worried that someone will "steal" my partner: I trust him.
^This pretty well sums up my relationship.
Protagonist Problems
Maybe it's the years of literary analysis I've done in my undergrad and graduate school, but I can no longer like/relate to a character in any media simply because they are the protagonist. It's not in me; the work itself has to make me like them.
Waiting to Exhale does not do that.
The main character, Bernadine, (I say main now because we've seen her the most. It's really an ensemble cast) has been left by her husband of eleven years for another woman. Now, that sucks. It sucks real bad. However, that doesn't make me automatically side with her.
The very first thing we hear is Bernadine complaining in her head about having to go to another function for her husband, which is not endearing. We also see her set a car full of his possessions on fire, which is what a freaking crazy person does. I'm just saying, there was a full tank of gas in that car. I know you're hurting lady, but we don't need any explosions in this movie. Also, that is not emotional healthy at all. Like, at all.
But what really got me was what a HUGE deal Bernadine made about the fact that the woman she was left for was white. She said it like it was an insult and then called her husband white, again like an insult. I don't want to cry racism, but yeah. I didn't care for that. If the movie was a group of white women making a big deal about a relationship being interacial they would be seen as racist and regressive.
Maybe the film will get better as we progress, but I've yet to see any reason to like this character. We've seen bad things happen to her, but we've yet to see her do anything to endear us to the character. Feeling bad for someone doesn't make you like them, especially if they are also shown to have serious flaws.
One more little thing not really related to the rest of this post: I find the overall writing for the movie to be clunky. Show, don't tell. And having a character spill exposition out loud does not count as showing, even if you throw a shot of a dog in to make it look like she's not just talking out loud to explain things to the audience that you weren't able to properly write in. No. Bad movie. Don't do that.
On a positive note, Lorette Devine is in it and she's pretty cool. I usually enjoy her work, and her character in this comes across as a genuinely nice person. She just found out the man she's still in love with is gay, and this movie was made in 1995 (not the most progressive time for gay characters in media), so we'll see where that goes.
Pixies
I knew I recognized “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” from somewhere! The one thing I really did not like in the film was the female lead, Clementine. Mainly because she’s a weirdo and a breaking and entering thief, but also because I believe an argument can be made that she is not a feminist character.
This video explains it well. Although she does sound a bit preachy at the end, her point remains valid.
http://www.feministfrequency.com/2011/03/tropes-vs-women-1-the-manic-pixie-dream-girl/
The more I learn about the world and its imbalances of power, representation, and recurring attitudes over all the more I feel this way at times.
Change
I saw this picture of Iranian women in the 70's and thought about how easy it is to loose things.
LGBT rights have made a lot of progress in the last few years, but this picture tells us how quickly cultures can change and rights lost. Thus, it is important to always keep pushing.
Maybe someday I'll be able to marry my partner. Maybe someday I won't even be able to hold his hand on the sidewalk.
So, for now as always, I'll hold it as much as I can.
Final Paper
My Modern Love class, for which this blog exist, requires us to write a conference length paper. And I now know what I want to write about.
There is a note worthy under representation of LGBT persons in particular media. By this I mean that there are virtually no non-heteronormative characters in many genres. It's like they simply do not exist.
The first one is media not intended for a primarily adult audience. There are no non-heteronormative characters in children's media, and on the rare occasions that they are *cough Dumbledore cough* many people throw a hissy fit about "indoctrination" or something equally stupid. But on the whole the are are almost no LGBT characters in media for young people, which could be even worse.
The second genre that has a glaring lack of LGBT persons is action/thriller films. I generally don't care for these anyway, but again there has yet to be a widely known gay/trans action hero. There is not a lack of source material either because lots of comics have openly gay characters. However, apparently only cis-straight people are allowed to save the day on the silver screen.
Odds are I will only focus on one media for my paper, but I find the lack of representation disturbing in both.
Kisses
Kisses are magic. Well, not really, but they might as well be.
There's just something about kissing someone I care about that melts everything away. Maybe I just like being as close to him as physically possible. In any case, kissing is one of the best things a person can do casually.
After all, people have been doing it for millennia, so there must be something to it.
Smash!
I just thought this was awesome and wanted to share it.
Patriarchy doesn't really do anyone any good. So let's smash it.
Skin Deep
Beauty is only skin deep, or so the cliche goes.
^Me when I try to be good looking
Yesterday I noticed that I had put on a few pounds. My boyfriend, being the learned gentleman that he is, had the correct response. He said he'd love me no matter what I looked like.
The question is: can I? I've never been too terribly unattractive, by my standards at least. So how would I react to putting on weight? I'd like to think I'd just roll with it and continue to love the awesomeness that is me. But who knows? I might not. And if that happens for a brief moment I'll see him looking at me like I am beautiful and it'll remind me of who I am. I am a good person who is kind and smart and does not care about how I look.
My body is just a shell anyway, something I drive. I love me for me, and so does he.
Big Talks
The other day my significant other and I had one of those big talks, the kind that actually matter for the future of the relationship. It was kind of intense.
In one year I'll finish my MA and he'll finish his undergrad at the same time. Then, I'm off to get my PHD and he his law degree. The question is: where?
I might want to go out of state or to a big city like Washington where I have family or NY where dreams are either made or shattered. He needs to get his degree in the state he wants to practice law in. At the end of this next year we have a big choice to make. Will we go to the same place? How will this affect our lives?
We both said we'd be willing to follow the other down their path. I'm fine with staying in state, and he's fine with leaving it. So we have every possibility but no direction. It's a big decision, and we've only got a year.