Mm’kay men, listen the f**k up.
You all are out here saying bullcrap like “girls don’t date nice guys,” and “I got friend zoned” and “girls are so shallow, they only want guys with Magic Mike bodies.”
You’re f**king kidding, right?
I’m closing in on 30 years old. I’m a straight, single female. I’m open-minded, giving, passionate, and don’t have a single body type I like to date. I am a redhead who’s crazy awesome at f**king. I have a job. I love cats, reading, musicals, playing Pokemon Go, and Doctor Who. I don’t want children but I do want to travel and experience as much of this damn planet as I possibly can. I’m a low-drama, high-adventure woman who’s in the market for a soul mate.
Do I sound like someone you would date?
Wait, I forgot something. I’m also fat.
Whoops, suddenly I’m not your ‘type,’ right?
Y’all motherf**kers are whining over here like “girls are so picky!” Well, let me tell you, sailors, I’ve encountered more men rejecting me for a date (and even a no-strings sexual relationship) because I’m not the waiflike, tiny, delicate little thing society expects me to be than I’ve EVER seen/known men being rejected for “being nice” or having a “dad bod.” I’ve NEVER had a man approach me in a bar for conversation or a drink. I’ve NEVER had someone tell me I’m beautiful. I’ve NEVER had a man take me seriously. MEN HAVE DUMPED ME AND SAID ITS BECAUSE I GAINED TOO MUCH WEIGHT.
But do men care? F**k no.
Funny thing is, I actually prefer ‘nice guys.’ I like a dad bod. I like someone I can have fun with as well as deep conversations. I’m easy to get along with. I’m low maintenance, but I do appreciate validation every once in a while...but try learning that when you’re passing me over for the skinny girl who WILL be picky and reject you...probably less because of what you look like and more for your shitty attitude.
When you say “girls don’t like nice guys” what you really mean is “hot girls don’t like nice guys.” When you say “I got friendzoned” you’re only saying it when your friend is a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. While you’re b*tching about not having rock-hard abs, you won’t even give the size-18 girl who’s been crushing on you for ages so much as a date. Until you give women of every body type equal chances to win your heart, you don’t deserve a single chance with any of us. We’re too fat and fabulous for you.
We aren’t the shallow ones. It’s definitely you. So shut the f**k up.