Characters I write for: James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Regulus Black, Harry Potter, Loki (MCU), Billy Russo (Marvel), Dorian Gray
Ships I write for: WolfStar, x Reader, OCs (something specific you have in mind)
As much as I adore Lupin, I believe I do more justice while writing James and Sirius. I am also very ready try new characters except real people :)
I write all themes/genres excpet incest/incestuous smut.
Please do not hesitate to text me for anything even if it is for a simple hello. I will gladly and promptly reply! ❤
{Fyi: we can talk about Marauders, Loki, Ben Barnes (all his characters, too), Tom Hiddleston (all his characters, too), TAYLOR SWIFT 👑, Shadow and Bone!!!! and so much more! Just, literally anything}
Masterlist
James Potter
Stranded at the Sea (x Slytherin Reader)
Yes! ( x Reader )
Sirius Black
New Year's Kiss (x Reader)
Stormy Saturday (x Plus Sized Reader)
Everything to Me [Wattpad (Original Character)]
You Belong With Me (Tumblr, Edited) - Everything to Me 2.0, if you will (on going series)
Regulus Black
As I Lay Dying ( x Reader )
Remus Lupin
The One ( x Plus Size Reader)
Ben Barnes
Enough is Full of Romance (on going series)
Where 2 brilliant talented people fall in love and navigate a life filled with paprazzi, rumors and a private romance after being introduced by their common friend. They say wrong person, right timing is a real thing but Ben and Y/N know they have a deep connection and they will wait for however long it takes!
WolfStar
Graduation Ball I
Graduation Ball II
Please let me know if you want to be added to the taglist.
You ever hear that old chestnut about how most people neglect the part of the story of Icarus where he also had to avoid flying too low, lest the spray of the sea soak his feathers and cause him to fall and drown?
You ever think about how different the world would be if Icarus died that way instead? If the idiom was to Fly To Close To The Sea? A warning against playing it far too safe, about not stretching your wings and soaring properly?
You ever think about how Icarus died because he was happy?
I cannot believe people let Snape get the high ground.
How do people casually overlook the fact that Snape spent six entire years of his life telling a kid—who never even got the chance to know his father—that said father was an arrogant douchebag? Like, how do people think that behavior is normal?
Snape, a grown man, spent years trying to convince a grieving, orphaned child that his dead father—who literally died protecting his family—was a terrible person. No compassion for a man who gave his life for his wife and son. No sympathy for a kid who grew up abused, unloved, and completely alone, only learning about his parents through stories told by others.
Instead, Snape chose to rehash his teenage rivalry with James Potter by bullying his son. Imagine being so petty that you can’t move past your high school grudges, even when the other person has been dead for over a decade.
Even the coldest, most detached person would muster some respect for a man who died fighting for good. But Snape? No. He chose to sit on his high horse—ignoring the fact that he was once a Death Eater who only changed sides when his own personal interests were threatened—and still had the audacity to act morally superior to James.
James Potter died a hero. Snape, on the other hand, spent his life tormenting the child of the woman he claimed to love—while refusing to let go of a teenage rivalry and weaponizing it against a traumatized, grieving boy.
I cannot get over how utterly selfish and cruel that is. Snape had no empathy for the dead and no sympathy for the living. And people still try to defend him? Seriously?
“I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was… Not love at first sight exactly, but - familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it’s you. It’s going to be you.”
GROVER'S SONG?? WHAT???? OMG HE. IS. PERFECT. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH 😭❤️ SWEETEST BABY EVER SO PURE
and 'our voTING SYSTEM'S BROKEN' what is up with that he is such a twelve year old hahahahhahahaha annoyed by the girl he's gonna fall head over heels in love with 😭😭😭
You and Billy have been frenemies ever since Frank introduced you two. Or that is what you tell everyone... But one incident at Anvil changes everything.
WARNINGS: mentions of gun, gun violence, mentions of blood, blood loss, death and war, cursing
Words: 3k
Masterlist
Gif not mine.
Y/N was the first emergency speed dial that Billy Russo had on his phone. It was ironic since your brother - Frank - was even closer to him. But to call Frank in an emergency would just make things worse. He was as bad as Billy when it came to situations that required not to panic because that is the first thing they would do. This is what their experience had taught them and made them used to.
You met Billy after Frank had returned from his first Marine Corps tour. In Frank's words, no one could survive even if they were fighting an empty handed Billy with a gun.
That is why after leaving the Corps, his decision to to start his own training company made perfect sense. Not to you, though. You had seen war change people and not everyone managed to get out. Frank and Billy however, had managed. So you did not see the need for them to be invested in something like this, no matter how much money it brought it.
You and Russo always had a will they won't they thing going on and it seemed to drive Frank and Maria crazy. But for different reasons. Frank didn't want his sister to be dating bad boy Billy and Maria just wanted the two of you to be happy but you were taking too much time.
You and Billy would flirt back and forth constantly and much too smoothly. The bickering on the other hand, was just as bad. You would fight on the silliest issue and say the stupidest things to bring the other one down. It would work but barely because then the other one would retaliate with something even harsher.
You were an architect and a good one at that. You didn't like to boast about it but your family sure did. In fact, you were the one who had remodeled the entire Anvil building, making sure to include spacious gyms, training rooms and multiple hide outs for practice drills.
Billy had always heard about your work from other people and teased you about how you must have bribed them to say that. When he saw your finished work for himself, he had patted your back and nodded his head. Which in your language meant that he liked it.
"You can see everything from your office up here with all the transparent walls but no one can see inside," you had told.
"Oh, wow. You are good for something! Who knew?"
"Yeah... Now you can bring all your floozies here and no one would even know..."
"Damn sure I will."
What you didn't understand was why him agreeing to bring other girls had hurt you. It was his office, he could do whatever he wanted. So suppressing that feeling, you had chosen to focus on your next projects and thinking about new comebacks.
You and Frank fought like cats and dogs when young but that went away eventually as you grew older. Random brunches, meeting at least twice a week, going for pizza was nothing new for your family. And it went without saying that Billy would ALWAYS be there.
You were not the one he went to for advice but you were always the one he came to when he needed someone to validate his feelings. Because you always agreed with him even when he was wrong and justified his anger. You both were extremely similar and perhaps that is why always kept bickering. The need to be right and emerge over the top drove the two of you.
However, you both admired and respected that the other one was on the top in their respective fields. A respect which was never verbal but shown through attending various events such as practice drills and open houses even if it was under the pretense of mocking and getting free drinks.
He knew you had one special boundary which he could never cross. It was disturbing you while you worked. You were fine with prank calls and could easily turn the tables on the caller but not when you were in your zone engrossed in a project. He had learned that the hard way when he tried messing with you on the phone, breaking your concentration and had to face the repercussions by not talking to you for a whole week. Although he couldn't understand why that had bothered him. It was not like you two were besties.
So when your phone rang while you were in the middle of a project, you groaned and checked your phone.
William
You knew he hated it when you called him that so you made sure to save his name that way. Rolling your eyes, you put the phone upside down and got back to sketching. Something felt wrong though. You had not seen Billy in 2 weeks which sent a clear message that you were busy. Then he must have had a reason.
Receiving the call and putting it on speaker, you went back to work.
"Hello?" You asked after a few seconds. "Billy?"
You didn't hear a reply, just some shuffling and thudding. You mentally cursed yourself. It was a stupid butt dial.
Billy was earning millions and yet he couldn't get a decent phone which somehow prevented this. You were about to hang up when you suddenly heard a door slamming. No, no, it was not that. It was a freaking bullet.
Your heart started racing and your hands got clammy. That was until you realised that Billy must be at Anvil. Bullet sounds were nothing new.
You were about to hang up when someone screamed. This was not a part of Anvil or drills, right? You intuition told you something was wrong. Very, very wrong. Grabbing your phone and keys, you rushed to your car and started driving towards Anvil.
Your mind was racing with thoughts about Billy. You prayed desperately to anyone who was listening for him to be okay. He had helped a lot of people. He was the reason Frank's family was safe and hidden when Rawlin's men had come looking for them. Not only Maria and the kids, but he had protected you also.
He knew that the others had Frank to protect them but you did not. Sure, Frank loved you and he would do anything for his sister but Billy could not wait for the moment to decide whom would Frank choose to save in a matter of life and death. So one night after Frank and his family went into hiding, he brought you to his house.
It was not like you had not been there before but this had felt different... Intimate. He didn't let you step out of the house and neither did he until he was sure Rawlin and his entire network had been arrested and punished.
You claimed that sitting around doing nothing made them the worst 4 weeks of your life but you knew you were wrong. Billy also knew that you didn't mean it. What he didn't know was that he was the reason. He took care of you, cooked often and found silly reasons to celebrate with his expensive wine collection each night. He would be a perfect gentleman the nights you would get drunk and tuck you in. He would sit down on the floor next to the bed in the guest room and fall asleep there because you would not let go of his hand.
He was almost too afraid to let you go back to your apartment after everything has settled. He did not want to take any chance. He was at the door trying to hide his emotions when you had thrown your arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug.
"Thank you, Billy," you had whispered and he had nodded against you.
That one moment had almost led to so much more. And gosh you wanted it to! But then his phone had rang when you were about to kiss and that was that.
A loud horn snapped you out of your day dreaming when you looked up and saw a huge truck parked in front of Anvil. You had not completely entered Anvil's drive way so the driver hadn't see you yet. You waited for a few minutes to see what would happen. Billy's phone was going straight to voicemail so you decided to slowly get down from you car and go check inside.
You had just stepped outside when you saw 4 men in black with faces covered running outside and getting in the truck. They had huge bags which they had managed to take with them.
You quickly opened your door and opened your glove box. There it was. A loaded Magnum .22. Billy had given it to you just in case. He had also taught you how to use it and got you a license for it.
The truck had started reversing into the drive way to leave when Billy finally came out. His hair was disheveled and even from a distance you could tell he was panting. The rhythmic rise and fall of his chest made you feel things inside. You snapped yourself out of those thoughts and focused on the truck.
Realising that the bags must have something important, you moved a little forward and pointed your gun at one of the rear wheels.
"Y/N, no!" You heard Billy shout but fired anyway.
The tire popped with a loud sound. You then pointed to the second rear wheel. Without wasting a single second, you fired again.
You had never felt so charged up in your life before. Adrenaline was pumping through your veins and making your heart beat faster. Seeing Billy safe gave you a relief you weren't expecting to feel.
Putting your gun down, you waved to Billy, feeling extremely proud of what you had done. Instead of reciprocating your smile, he looked... Angry. No, he look worried and angry.
He started running towards you but you realised it a bit too late. One of the guys from the now-motionless truck had already gotten down and was pointing a gun at you.
Your eyes widened in fear and shock as you raised your own gun with shaky hands. You were trying to show that you were not scared but the truth was, you were very, very scared. And Billy was still too far away.
"What's that going to do to us?" The man laughed, looking at your gun.
Before you could shoot, he did. The noise was loud enough to scare you even further.
You only realised the bullet had hit you when your body jerked back in response. It had hit you straight in the abdomen and blood was spilling out all over your pink shirt.
You allowed yourself to sit down, the blood loss already making you dizzy. It seemed as if your brain had also stopped processing sound. Your half blurry vision caught Billy reaching the truck and pointing his own gun at the people inside through the window. The man who had shot you fell down suddenly and his blood started spilling all over the gravel.
"Shit," Billy cursed when he finally reached you. "I told you not to, Y/N," he shouted, adding pressure to your wound. "Why do you get involved in things you have no idea about!" His hands were now stained with your blood. "For once in your life do what I tell you to and keep your eyes open! You hear me, Y/N? Keep your goddamn eyes open!"
He quickly picked you up and helped you into the backseat of your car, getting into the driver's seat.
"I - I was just trying to help you," you said but the words barely came out. Instead, what came out was some more blood from your mouth.
"Shh... it's okay, baby... It's okay... I know," he said, extending his free hand to reach you.
He had been in the Marine Corps and seen things worse than someone getting shot in the abdomen. He had seen his own best friends die but this... This made his heart grip with fear. The best thing about you was that you were not in the army meaning no one could kill you the way Billy had seen people being killed. The way he had killed them himself.
"Keep your eyes open, Y/N!" He exclaimed, shaking your hand. The ride to the hospital was a blur to him. All he knew was that with each passing second, he was losing his own life. He did not have time for an ambulance to arrive. He could not gamble on someone else for your life. You were much too precious for that.
You were so tired. And so much in pain. You wanted to sleep for a while. Billy kept asking you to keep your eyes open but you promised him that you would sleep for just 5 minutes. He probably didn't hear you but that was okay. Someone in a white uniform opening your car door was the last thing you remembered before you finally allowed yourself to close your eyes.
When you tried to open your eyes, you were aware of someone crying into your hand. You turned your head a little and saw red hands holding yours and crying into them. You wanted to sleep again.
When you fluttered and opened your eyes next, you saw a man sleeping on the couch next to a big window.
The next time you opened your eyes, you saw how white the room was and the man on the couch was sleeping on a stool near your bed with his head near you. You tried to move your hand to reach his head but grew tired when you had reached only the elbow. You wanted to sleep again.
When you opened your eyes, you were able to make out Frank and Maria staring at you.
"I am not that pretty," you laughed.
"You had us worried, kid," Frank said, placing a kiss on your head.
"What happened?" You asked.
"Well, because you shot a bunch of tires and made a few bad people very mad. So they shot you."
"They did what?" You exclaimed, trying to get up but the sudden sharp pain in your abdomen pulled you down. "Ow... Okay, yes, that explains a lot of stuff."
That awful afternoon came back to you as Maria helped you with a glass of water. With the events of that day came back one word: Billy.
"Where - where is Billy?" You asked softly.
"We'll send him inside," Maria said softly. "He's waiting outside."
"I mean... Do we have to?" Frank questioned grudgingly.
"It is high time now, Frank..." She said and pulled him out.
You had closed your eyes again for a while when you heard a scraping sound and opened your eyes to see Billy dragging the stool to sit next to you.
"Hey, Bills," you greeted and reached for his hand. You were half expecting him to pull away but he did not. Instead, he brought it to his mouth and kissed it gently, keeping it pressed to his lips for a while.
"Do you know how worried I was?" He asked, voice breaking. "You were right there... In - in my arms, bleeding all over and I could do nothing... Nothing!"
"Hey..." You took your hand to his cheek, caressing it. "I am okay now, Bills. You don't have to worry..."
"You're okay now! Do you even know how long you have been out for? For 6 days, Y/N! 6 days! Do you see how scary that is? Who had asked you to jump in? Why were you even at Anvil?"
6 days came as a shock to you but even more shocking was Billy's reaction.
"You had called me by mistake and I - I guess I just knew something was wrong. So I had to come and check."
"Oh, of course you had to! No you didn't, Y/N! It was just some money! I had it handled."
"Sure you did, William," you laughed but something told you Billy wasn't in the mood for jokes.
"I almost lost you, Y/N! And I spent 6 days not knowing if you were ever coming back to me or not... Do you know how that feels?"
Your fingers traced the dark bags under his eyes which you had never seen before.
You sighed and moved to the side of your bed, making some space. Getting your message clearly, he climbed in next to you, his strong arms engulfing you at once.
"You have annoyed me to death, Y/N," he said softly, making you chuckle. "But you are my life and I can lose everything but you. Not you, Y/N."
"You mean more to me than I can ever put in words, Russo. You are my world... I love you..."
You looked up at him only to see him smiling. Nothing had ever felt better before.
"I love you so, so much, Y/N. And something tells me I won't ever stop loving you."
You reached his lips and captured them with your own, not letting go for a long while. You allowed yourself to melt even further into his touch and felt him place a kiss on your head.
He didn't stop loving you when you left the hospital and joined work. He didn't stop loving you when you scolded him for ruining Anvil's headquarters. He didn't stop loving you when Frank Jr. walked in on you and him... getting busy. In fact, he soon made his promise official in the front of the entire world when stood opposite to you and said 'I do'.
"He was the reason Frank's family was safe and hidden when Rawlin's men had come looking for them. Not only Maria and the kids, but he had protected you also."
maybe i sobbed, truly in another life/universe type of thing 🧎🏻♀️
Warnings: (kinda major) sexual hints, lots of drinking
Words: it's a lot longer than I was expecting... 3.3 k
Part 1 here
gif not mine
You sat with your head in your hands, wondering how to get Billy back. He was never really yours to begin with so then why did it feel like you had lost him? So he was too mad to even talk to you but not enough to come save you from a baseless panic attack? What was he even mad about? You were honestly afraid to know the answer. You were sure that you had lost the only good thing in your life, no thanks to your stubborn self. If only you would have fessed up instead of waiting around for him.
You leaned against the door, hearing Bill walk away from the house he had spent countless nights in. In separate beds, of course, except for that one night... Shaking your head of the thoughts of that night, you decided to go for a shower instead and get ready for work. You had a long day ahead of you filled with torturous colleagues and a boss who loved to micromanage.
You had sworn that all you needed from the company was the work experience of three years and then you would fly off to London for a better position and salary. With the three years almost done, you were closer to your dreams than ever. Especially now that you had destroyed the only thing keeping you back in New York.
You could feel yourself physically filling up with dread as you drove closer and closer to your office. It had been a long time now but the feeling never seemed to go away. Bracing yourself to endure another never-ending day, you entered the office building and scanned your ID card. The swivel gate let you walk in to what you thought hell looked and felt like.
'Just till 5...' you muttered to yourself and managed to get in the elevator before it closed. It was so crowded, you barely had any place to breathe, let alone stand.
'Cutting it awfully close, again, I see,' you heard someone say from the back.
Jim. You would have recognised that voice anywhere. Not because you loved him. But because you hated him - and that was an understatement. He had done everything possible to make your professional life miserable. He would steal credit, talk shit about you to your boss and the others and would constantly look down on you. He would take every chance he could to humiliate you publicly.
'I clocked in 18 minutes early, you dickhead,' you whispered the last part without turning back. You walked off the elevator before the doors had even opened up completely and practically threw your bag on the desk. Jim had the capacity to ruin your entire day with just one single sentence. And the worst part was that he knew he had this effect on you so he would do it even more, just of out of spite.
You threw yourself into work to distract yourself from the thoughts of Billy and Jim and your stupid office. It was a pretty uneventful day until your boss came up to the desk right behind you and congratulated Jim for submitting all his work perfectly within the deadline. It would have been fine if that would have been it. But no, your misogynist boss just had to come to you and praise his work and ask you to 'take inspiration from him'.
That day, you didn't even wait till 5 to clock out and left storming out the big glass door at 4 pm. Rushing home, you changed into your comfiest pajamas and grabbed a big tub of ice cream. You were on your fifth episode of The Vampire Diaries when you took a deep breath and turned off Netflix.
You were tired of being stuck in this loop. With your professional life terrible and your love life being uncertain, no thanks to Billy's unwillingness to confess or agree to anything, you wanted to just run away. You grabbed your phone and were about to call him to sort everything out before realising that you didn't care. Well, you did but it was emotionally exhausting. Choosing to put that aside, you put on your best, little-est, black dress and left the house.
It was usually Billy who took you out to all these fancy bars but you were sick and tired of being dependent on him. Or on anyone else for that matter. You wanted to go out tonight, drink till the early hours of the morning and be a woman who needed no one. A strong, powerful woman with red lips and revealing little black dresses. Confidently, you grabbed a seat at one of the shadiest bars of New York.
While ordering 3 tequila shots, you saw the bartender clearly staring at your chest before looking away awkwardly and getting you your drinks. You had gulped down all three one after the other in a single minute when you heard a bar stool being pulled closer to yours.
'Please get the lady's next drink on me,' a handsome man in a black shirt said, looking straight at you, not breaking you eye contact.
'In that case' you addressed the bartender. 'I'll have your most expensive drink please.' You winked at the beautiful stranger. 'All thanks to the gracious gentleman,' you smirked, rubbing your hand lightly on his chiseled arm.
See? This was fun. This was easy. Flirting with men, knowing exactly what you wanted and getting that because the man would reciprocate as well. Reciprocate? Hell, he initiated the whole thing so who were you to back down and deny yourself a handsome man with a sharp jawline, hair of a God and the voice of a rockstar.
You touched him as much as you could, shamelessly flirting- it was your guilty pleasure. And why wouldn't it be? It was not like Billy was waiting for you. And you weren't waiting for him either. Not anymore.
You were on your third glass of scotch when your senses started going numb and you could feel your inhibitions lowering. It was all fun and games and you intended to keep it that way. His hand was on your thigh now and it kept moving upwards every once in a while. You didn't plan to stop it either. Besides, the night was still young.
Being with this name-less stranger was so much better than being with Billy. At least that way, you could just have fun and then forget all about it the next morning. Unlike with Billy. Every word, every moment spent with him seemed to cling on to you. You couldn't get rid of it no matter how much you tried. Even his darkness, his shadows seemed alluring to you. As if it was inviting you in. And the truth was, you did not mind being swallowed up whole by his darkness. He, however, did not want that.
'Lost in thoughts, beautiful?' the stranger asked. His raspy voice sent a chill up your spine. 'I have a few ways to bring you back to earth,' he said, moving his hands even farther up your thighs, dangerously close to the hem of your dress.
Your hand moved from his back to the back of his collar, gripping it tightly as your eyes closed in anticipation.
'It might look because of the alcohol but I do have quite an effect on you,' he said as your answer was let out by a shaky moan.
If this is what destruction felt like, you were ready to embrace it and let it consume you. It was only when you wanted to look at his beautiful face that you opened your eyes and your sight fell on your drink. And you were pretty sure it had changed it's color.
You were drunk anyway, you thought. What's a roofied drink more? You gulped the drink in one go and before you knew it, you were kissing the stranger, your hands all over his face and neck. It was only when you were kissing him that you realised how good it felt. How good it was to kiss someone wantonly and having someone kiss you back.
"Give me a minute, will you? And clear the tab while I am gone." You said, breaking the kiss and walking away without waiting for his answer.
You found a relatively quiet corner of the bar and pulled out your phone. This was a victory moment for you and Billy needed to know. He needed to know how there are others who want you and you are willing to give yourself to them completely.
It had rang barely thrice before he received your call.
"You know what, Bills?" Your words slurred. "I am kissing the most handsome man on the planet and it's not you... And it feels soooo good, you have no idea...."
"Y/N, are you drunk? Where are -"
"His hands are working magic, Billy... I am pretty sure he put something in my drink but I don't care!" You practically screamed. "At least someone wants me... And I am gonna take him back to my place and let him do things to me, Bills... You're welcome to watch if you want but just know..." At this point, you had lost all train of thought. "You had me and lost me and I am gonna have so much fun with him tonight, Bills..."
You hung up abruptly and stumbled your way back to the bar.
"Let's go," you said and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the door of the club.
"Where?" He asked.
"My place," you said, pushing him against the wall outside the bar and grazing your fingers gently over his neck. "My turn to bring you back to earth..."
He was about to lean in closer and kiss you but you moved away and called for a cab. The entire cab ride home, for some inexplicable reason, you sat as far away from him as possible. All of a sudden, you weren't liking his touch anymore or the way he was looking at you. It seemed almost... Animalistic. The hunger in his eyes, the impatience in his hands, they all seemed very obvious.
You were fine in the dim lights of the bar and the mood that had been set. You were on your way to a night you were sure you would never forget and yet, every part of you felt uncomfortable. Maybe if it would have been Billy -
You did not want to think about him. At all. So choosing to focus on the handsome man next to you, you moved in closer to him, practically on his lap and wrapped your arms around his neck.
"Oh, the things I am going to do you," you whispered in his ear and felt his hand removing the strap of your dress as he kissed your shoulder. "Patience, baby," you practically moaned into his ear and felt his grip tighten on your back.
You wasted no time in getting down from the cab and pulling him towards your building. He had started kissing you in the elevator before you were even at the house, trying to unlock the door. Something about it felt wrong. As if your mind wasn't completely in it and his touch didn't feel right anymore. However, you had made up your mind and were going to take this stranger home, no matter what.
It was only when you were too busy kissing him to unlock your door that you heard someone clear their throat.
"Busy much?"
You would have recognised that voice out of a lineup. Billy.
"Go away man," your lover said, paying no heed to him and continued to kiss you.
Your eyes, however, were now on Billy. His face had seemed to go red and he was clenching his jaw.
Before you knew it, Billy was separating the two of you forcibly.
"Why don't you go away?" He asked angrily. "Given the fact that I am Y/N's boyfriend and you should leave before I beat you to a pulp for putting something in her drink."
"Geez, whatever fucked up agreement you two have, I am out," he said and turned around to leave, buttoning up his shirt's top buttons again.
"No, wait, don't go, he's not my boyfriend!" you cried, trying to follow after him but drunk you on heels was a bad idea and you would have fallen if you had run after him. "Stranger!" You cried, trying to stop him. "Handsome man! Loveerrrrrr!!! Hey, black shirt!! Come back, I'll show you a good time," you giggled, almost falling down.
You allowed yourself to lean against the wall and turned around, only to find yourself face to face with Billy.
Rolling your eyes at him, you made your way back to the door and unlocking it, went inside, slamming the door on his face. He, however, had other plans and followed you inside. "You're NOT my boyfriend, Billy. What do you even want? Why did you send him away? I was having fun!"
"Are you crazy?" He practically screamed but lowered his volume and went to get you a glass of water.
"What were you about to do, Y/N?" He asked worriedly. "Are you really that determined to get yourself into trouble?"
"It wasn't trouble, Bills," you answered. "I just wanted to feel wanted for one freaking night."
"You brought a strange man home, Y/N! You were drunk and practically all over him. What if -"
"It is better than waiting around for you, Bills! I did everything I could for you! Hell, I was even ready to sleep with you! But what did that lead to? Nothing!"
"You pushed me away, Y/N. I didn't want to sleep with you because I didn't want to ruin what we have so you responded by pushing me away..." He replied, seeming tired now.
He knew it was the most cliche excuse but he cherished the bond he shared with you. And a meaningless one night stand would have ruined it. He couldn't risk that.
"Y/N, I-" He started but you weren't in the living room anymore. He found you instead in the kitchen, drinking directly from the vodka bottle.
"Whoa, okay, you need to stop," he said, gently taking away the bottle from your hand.
"You need to stop," you repeated, words barely making sense at this point. "You need to take inspiration from him... You're late... You're crazy... This is what my life has come to, Bills!" You screamed. "My work life is a big joke but I have to do it because I want to be independent! You on the other hand .. I don't have to keep going in circles with you because I am done, Bills! If you don't want me, I will find someone who does! What don't you get about it?"
"So you will intentionally put yourself in danger Y/N? Knowing that you will regret it for the rest of you life?"
"I don't fucking care, Billy! I don't care!"
This was the point when you finally allowed yourself to sit down and cry. "I got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you, Bills.... But what even is the point? It's better to just be alone than to hurt and be hurt... Enough is enough... I - I have loved you with all my heart, Bills... But there's no point because - because you don't... And I just, I can't give you my heart... It's like, each night I sleep, I know I will wake up in a burning room and be surrounded by an invisible smoke but that smoke is YOU... You make me so helpless, Billy. I - I don't know what to do. Every part of me screams out that you might feel the same way but nothing ever shows it... I am a mess! Look at me... This uncomfortable dress, the make up I don't even like... Each day, all day, I keep asking myself, who could ever leave but then who could stay? And you know what happens whenever I look at you? I feel like you could stay... But you never do, Billy... You never do..." You were sobbing by this point.
"There are times, you know," you continue, wiping your eyes. "What if I don't need you? What if I am alright right here? By myself. It's better than acting like a child who never grew up and will do anything to get your attention but I am sick and tired of it, Bills... Each night, I go to sleep begging you to help me hold on to you... But you just don't care... And I am better off... I really am..."
Billy was not expecting this. He had come prepared to scare away the random guy you were bringing home and then putting you to bed. He did not come prepared for you sobbing on your kitchen floor, drunk beyond words and spilling out your secrets.
He gently helped you up and took you to your bedroom. "I am gonna wait outside," he said, talking your face in his hands and gently wiping away your tears. "Why don't you take all the make up that you don't like off and freshen up and I'll be right on the other side of the door?"
Too exhausted to say or even think anything, you worked like a robot, getting in the shower and changing into comfier clothes.
The moment Billy heard your door lock click, he knocked and entered with a jug of water and Advil. "Come here," he said, leading you to your own bed and sat down with you. "I am so sorry, Y/N," he said, caressing your cheeks with his thumb. "That I ever made you feel like I didn't love you... Because that's all I have ever done and that's all I am ever going to do... And I will probably die doing it... I am sorry that I let you keep building up walls against me... I am sorry that I hurt you over and over and over again... I am sorry I got mad at you for meeting other men when I should have put in efforts to be a man who deserves you... I am sorry that you kept suffering every single day and I only watched from afar instead of holding you through it... I don't know how much of it will you remember tomorrow but I promise you Y/N, this moment onwards, you are never going through anything alone ever again. Not shitty bosses or shitty colleagues, not shitty days and especially not shitty men. I promise I will be there to love you through them all, no matter what... Because I really do love you, Y/N... More than I imagined was humanly possible... My heart fills up to the brim whenever I look at you, Y/N... Every time you laugh, the world seems a lot better and it feels like nothing can ever go wrong... And I am so sorry that I never told you how precious you are to me... You are the light of life, Y/N... I love you so freaking much..."
He placed a small kiss on you head and felt you melt into his arms.
"I wanna sleep, Bills..." You sighed.
He was afraid how much of it were you going to remember but your health was what mattered to him at the moment. He turned off the lights and gently tucked you in.
"I know you're an independent woman, Y/N and you don't need anyone. But I promise that if I cannot be the light that guides you, then I promise to sit with you in the dark... And I hope you always remember that..." He kissed your hand before walking towards the door.
"Stay," you whispered sleepily, your eyes barely open. "Please..."
She is a year junior to me in uni and I met her during an ice-breaker dance party. I had spent the previous year just in survival mode but we spoke the same language, liked the same things, had the same values - all in a place which was determined to alienate us just because we were from a different place.
"There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smile" was my true situation when I met her.
Ever since then, she became my best friend and we've been inseparable ❤️
"Bill - Bills, I - I need you... your help. The room is spinning and there's smoke every where... I can't breathe... I am stuck Bills... "
You could hear a door close behind him on the phone - an assurance that he was on his way to you. You put your phone down and coughed into your pillow, burying your face into it to protect your eyes from the smoke.
It felt like you were going to pass out. You knew the room was on fire and that you needed to run but you could not bring yourself to stand up straight. It was too much. You could not breathe. It was as if your lungs had no clean oxygen left. Your eyes were watering from all the smoke. Your vision was blurry. It felt like you had nothing to hold on to and life was slipping away.
That is when you heard your door knob rattling.
"Y/N the door is locked... You need to come open it for me," he shouted through the door.
You sniffled and wiped your tears. You could hardly see the door in the heavy smoke. You wanted to reach out to him but didn't know how. Your legs had refused to work and you laid there helpless.
"Y/N, please. Help me help you..."
You could see how important it was for you to get up but you could not bring yourself to. What would be the point anyway? The doorknob would be too hot to even touch. You did not want to burn yourself. A little voice in your head told you that this was it. You turned your head back into the pillow and sobbed. You would not live to see your 27th birthday, or meet your nephew or finally show your colleagues how good you were at your job or tell Billy that -
There was a loud noise followed by a big thud. "Y/N?"You heard Billy call out.
You felt a dip in your bed and a pair of strong arms helping you sit up straight. The same person cupped your face gently, making you look at him - into his pitch black eyes that could pierce into your soul.
"Look at me Y/N," he said as softly as he could, afraid that even loud noises would be enough to break you at the moment.
Your eyes were red from tears and could barely look into his. He looked at you with so much love, so much gentleness, it was impossible not to melt. But you still could not breathe. Air was not reaching your lungs.
"I need you to focus on 5 things that you can see, baby. You don't have to say them out loud, just find them."
His eyes, his hands that were now holding your arms, his grey sweatshirt that you adored, the way his nose crooked a little bit in the middle and the ring on his last finger.
You gave him a nod, letting him know that you had five things in mind.
"You're safe, okay? I promise. Now focus on 4 things that you can taste."
You looked around desperately, but nothing seemed to come in focus. There was too much smoke. You could not find anything.
You shook your head, tears flowing down. "There's too much smoke, Billy. I - I can't"
"Y/N, I promise you're safe - "
You put your face into his chest, sobbing. "I don't wanna die, Bills..."
Sighing, he put his arms around you, trying to figure out a way to help you. "Do you want to leave this place?" He asked.
You had barely nodded into his chest when you felt his strong arms lifting you up and carrying you out. You did not turn away from him until you heard your bedroom door close and he sat you down on your living room couch.
You gave yourself a minute to look around, your French windows letting the sunlight in and falling on your brown marble floors was proof enough that you were safe. You could feel your lungs being cleared up as he kept a glass of water in front of you.
You did not look at him for the next two minutes. You did not know what to say or how to thank him. You knew there was no real fire or smoke in your bedroom and he knew that, too. He still made the efforts to come rescue you from the invisible smoke.
Wordlessly, you got up and put your arms around him, a gesture he reciprocated but not in the same manner. He was the first one to leave the embrace and walked out the door. Your well being was all that mattered to him.
You did not blame him. You remembered the fight as clear as day. He had asked you, pleaded you, requested you, ordered you, begged you, not to go with the random guy you had befriended at the bar 2 months ago. But you didn't care. If he was not willing to confess how he felt, then you weren't going to wait for him anymore either.
"Are you telling me that you are going to go away for the entire goddamn weekend with a guy you barely know? You met him at a bar, for fuck's sake, Y/N! Are you not thinking clearly?" He had screamed, his hands in his hair, pacing in your living room while you packed.
"Guess what, Billy?" You had answered just as harshly. "That's how people get to know each other! I am a big girl and I can take care of myself!"
You had huffed and zipped up your bag. "Is there anything else?" You had asked, hoping that he would ask you to stay. Not because he was concerned about your safety but because he wanted to be with you.
You had grabbed your keys and mobile phone on the way out without another glance at him. "Lock up behind you," you had said and left him standing there.
If he was being honest with himself, he regretted not stopping you or asking you out right then and there. But he had realised it was too late when he heard his car run out the drive way.
Sighing to himself, he had pulled out his phone to call you. Sure, he wanted to be with you but your safety was just as important. He did not trust the guy even one bit. The guy kept screaming 'danger' to him. If the situation would not have involved you, it would have been an intuition which he would have tracked down. But with you, he had to be careful.
That is when his eyes fell on your TV.
"Curtis," he had said dialling him. "You have a friend who works at the NYPD, right? I have a plate number. I need to see who this guy is."
The camera in the building's drive way had given him a very clear view. He had paced in your living room, waiting for Curtis to call him back. He fidgeted with your vases, the polaroids on your fridge until his eyes had landed on the one with him.
It was a simple picture. Nothing special. Just the two of you sitting together, beer bottles in hand, cheeks red, laughibg over something that would have been way too stupid. He had smiled fondly at the memory. It was a karoake night with Frank and Maria. Beer had made everyone think that Billy could actually sing but you... you were truly exceptional. There was not a note that you'd miss. You were beautiful... and he remembered undressing you with his eyes that night. Frank had to shake him to break him out his trance and remind him that you were in public.
He picked up his phone the second it rang, already out of your kitchen. "What is it, Curt?"
"It belongs to some Dr. Trent Ross. No previous records of any crime. Not even a parking ticket."
Billy finally relaxed a little. You had never mentioned his last name or what he did but that was because he had never bothered to ask.
"But this car was reported missing a month ago, Bills."
He had raced out of your house into his car and called one of his men to track your number. Wherever you were going, it wouldn't have been very safe with that guy.
He tried calling you but it went straight to voicemail. "Y/N, Hi. Billy here. You need to be - I am sorry, okay? Call me back please. It's urgent."
He could not have said anything that would make him suspicious. So he had to come after you himself. After almost an hour of driving, he still hadn't caught up to you and you were still going. He had cursed himself when he had to stop for gas but had closed the distance soon enough. Until your signal went out.
"No, no, no," he had muttered. He decided to reach the place where he could last see your location. He had never felt more helpless. He drove for a while until reaching a crossroad. No idea where you were.
Until he saw smoke rising. He was farther away from the city and could barely see. The only lights he had were his car's headlights. He drove as fast as he could, his heart beating faster with every moment.
He had to drive for 25 more minutes before he finally reached the cabin you two were staying at. It was a pretty large one with the fire confined to one side of it.
Silently thanking whoever was listening, he dashed out of the car, in through the wooden door. The fire had not spread yet but the smoke had. He called your name again and again. But no response came.
For a second, he had thought you and the guy had managed to escape but he heard someone coughing in a distant. His eyes burning and watering, he made his way upstairs.
And there you were. Cowering near the window, too afraid to even move.
"Y/N?" Billy had called out.
Your eyes fell on him and you had leaped into his arms.
"I am so sorry, Bills," you had sobbed into his shoulder as he lifted you up easily, tightening his grip around you. "I - I should have listened to you. I am so sorry. He accidentally heard your voice mail and got all weird and started asking me about you and then got really angry... and - and - I am so sorry, Bills," you were pretty sure you were ruining his favourite t-shirt with mascara and tears but you couldn't help it.
Seeing Billy was a breath of fresh air, quite literally, too. He was your silver lining, your rainbow and flowers after a thunderstorm and your bestfriend. He had started meaning something more but he refused to acknowledge that there was something between you. However, you could feel it. You could feel it in the way he always tucked you in when you would pass out drunk, the way he would never let anyone else get your drink, the way he would always drop and pick you up from the airport. You could feel it in the way he was holding you right then.
He had gently shook his head and made his way downstairs, still not letting go of you. Afraid that the fire in the other room would engulf you the moment your feet would touch the floor.
He was about to walk out the door with you when he had felt someone sneak up behind him. He dropped in his tracks and put you down. You did not want to let go of him but one look and you knew it was important.
"Go to my car and lock it from the inside," he had practically ordered after handing you his keys.
You nodded and sprinted out.
No sooner had you stepped out that Billy felt a gun at the nape of his neck.
"Finally," he heard a man say. "I had been waiting for this opportunity."
"What do you want from me?" He had replied calmly, without turning back. He knew that any and all quick movies could affect your safety.
"You are the reason my brother his dead," the man seethed. "Clain Stelk, remember?"
Billy's eyes widened in realisation. "Stelk was a trafficer who had it coming."
He remembered as vivid as day when you had come to his apartment running, half scared, half angry. A man had recently moved into the flat opposite yours and you knew something fishy was going on. People would come and go at weird times from his house. You had managed to click a picture of him on your phone. You had thought that he spotted you so you had rushed to Billy's place, confident that he would be able to figure it out. Or would know someone who could.
"He was my brother!" The man yelled into Billy's ears, snapping him out of his thoughts and pressed the gun further into his neck.
"I didn't realise you were an arsonist, too," he said, stalling enough to figure out a plan of action.
"I would have made better use of my time. But the bitch refused so I needed her to realise her mistake."
Billy hadn't take a second to turn around and punch him right in the guts. He knew why he was after him but you didn't deserve that. His heart ached for the way this guy must have treated you. And no body could ever disrespect you and your wishes and survive.
Before he could get up, Billy had pulled the curtains from the rod and wrapped it around him, making sure he didnt have access to his gun anymore. Carrying him out on his shoulders, he threw Stelk into the trunk of his car and locked it from outside. He would call the cops on the way back to the city. For now, your safety was more important.
When he turned around, you were already out of the car, watching his actions carefully. He had made his way slowly to you and pulled you in, breathing in your familiar scent.
You allowed yourself to be comforted by him. You were safe. For now.
-----------
Let me know if you wanna be notified for part 2! It'll be a lot more angsty.
So I have multiple Gmail accounts (like one usually does) and my fav part of the day is (after of course, longingly staring at all the international merch) opening my laptop and voting TSwift excessively for the VMAs from each account :')❤️
It is Taylor Swift's world and we're just living in it
I turned to Tumblr and fanfiction yet again as a coping mechanism
I started a fic
I came home for the break
I am happy again
I remembered that I have TWO ongoing fanfics
I PROMISE I have not forgotten and I have so many ideas, especially for the Ben Barnes one and I can't wait to start posting again
I apologize for the inconsistency
Also, I have never been more grateful for fanfics and fanfic writers because they gave me a place to escape to when reality got too harsh and lonely and my respect for them has only grown ❤️
