a collection of chaos

minor | perpetually gay on main (and apparently my other accounts too) | VERY irregular poster | this is my poetry sideblog! you can find my main here: @reiadoesnthavearealname

[reiasromanticism]

it is heat that follows me into the sky:

which winds me as a wind up,

the bluster,

the ache inside and outside my chest, and

the body that betrays

the soul in its scars.

Cumulonimbus, here you are.

turbulent and wrathful,

soft and kind.

A seeping wound in this breathless place.

who was I before this climb?

who were you?

a wound,

a cloud,

a stranger.

[reiasromanticism]

i have writer’s block please murder me

[reiasromanticism]

empirical evidence of

our endless thrill

my great convictions and

my indigent passions

your hateless residence

accompanies a knowing soul

[reiasromanticism]

I lack remorse,

Lack repentance

What a lachrymose prison sentence!

Pin-prick breath,

Thoughtless print,

Press me down,

Press me thin.

Muse of joy, 

Muse of pain,

My reckless ploy,

Does quickly stain.

Spill on me your falling star—

Confess to me your nebula.

I am but a lowly bard,

Every time irregular.

[reiasromanticism]

Am I a gift to the one who created me?

My mouth turns vile

I cannot appease my sin

If I am a gift, 

To whom should the putrid package be addressed?

The post office in heaven

Is closed for Easter and Christmas

[reiasromanticism]

another August of the useless year

leaves salt on my doorstep

and like its flopping July counterpart

I am bereft and confused by the end

what path did I venture on falsely?

which week entreats to my truest soul?

what song will be sung 

when September dies in my arms?

[reiasromanticism]

Tears like flutes

Run in my ears

In quick passages

[reiasromanticism]

my dog died so here’s this:

i’ll never stop believing

you were my firstborn

the night wasn’t cold enough

to scare you home

did you finally run yourself

to sleep?

the great abyss

that groaned its reality

when my knees hit that merciless ground

the air grew useless

when you finally got free

and my lips met something frozen

where hours ago you breathed

[reiasromanticism]

Today broke my belief in the promise of America, so here's this:

The hand that binds

The tear that breaks

The promise of

The world that shakes

Ripped apart

Is our prayer 

That our children

Would see us there

The sun still rises

The jaw still sets

We take no prizes

With our regrets

Pressed upon a broken world

We break the hearts of little girls

Who saw a man and saw a fate

That we decided to tolerate

[reiasromanticism]

the two middle fingers of her hand

dragged down her own face

as tears of fleeting forgiveness;

our hero fell in love with the words of the world

with the gray skies of half-hidden apologies

and the yellowed leaves, too;

that the sickly brown edges

may fall away upon her face

and frame her fragilities in gold.

[reiasromanticism]

basin eroded by you

slowly creeping in

water that trickles into my eyes

I see your handwriting

in the hollows

harsh and holy

unforgiving mercy

mark it on me

your ever-changing story

I am drowning

in your seeping

waves of trusting

ever keeping

time forgives not

my sweet sadness

and so broken

you shall leave me

shallow shall

I ever be

If your river

flows in me

[reiasromanticism]

I wish I didn’t have to work. I wish I could find a place in a little town near a city, settle down with a nice little blue house, the love of my life, and a journal and just experience life. I wish I could just write. Show people the things I am passionate about, receive validation, and not feel any pressure to deliver because I am not dependent on my work to live.

I want to be known for my soul and not my struggles.

I want to have a daughter and raise her knowing there are no expectations from her great potential, that she can want whatever she wants from life. That work isn’t everything. I wish work wasn’t everything. I would stomp the weeds of perfectionism in her and make sure she is listened to and loved. And in those moments when she feels like two different people fighting with each other, I would tell her my story. I would tell her about my childish grudges and tantrums, the fear of turning into my mother. 

I’ll worry every day that I’m not doing it right. I’ll experience pain like no other. I’ll know true grief and heartbreak, and that will be all that is required of me. What I want from life is to feel. I am paralyzed and numb and I wish to feel. I have been waiting for life to happen instead of making it happen. I want to experience life without any barriers. I want to feel it sharp and cutting. I want to throw away everything that keeps that life away.

I want deep passion.

I want scarlet blood.

Sometimes I fear that I bleed watery pink.

[reiasromanticism]

On the stairs that

Obviously lead to nowhere

Pitcher plants

Protrude from the pavement

Quiet now

Quickly the air chills

Rousing to the cooler season

Restlessly watching the foliage brown

Salient green creeping across

Seas of brick and concrete

Truthfully, they choke the cold

Trite attractions working seamlessly

Unknowingly destructive force

Ubiquitous collapse in the structures

Vain, the tender tendril reaches to

Vital reflective water sources

Willfully forgoing narcissism

Wading in the wakeful waters

Explained as acting to survive

Exalted as a miracle

Yoke bearer trudging on

Yearning for a city pond

Zest for life found in instinct

Zealous bloom in frost 

[reiasromanticism]

a student

of the then and now

moons orbiting

colliding in fire

a student

furiously educated

a feeling of home

edged with desire

a student

of the sleepless night

romantic insomniac

sipping adrenaline

a student

fearfully obsessed

hyperfixated always

on the hole she put herself in

[reiasromanticism]

I've fallen in love

with a soul

with a glance

with a feeling

i've fallen in love

what do i do now?

what does it mean?

what can i do to stop it?

i've fallen in love

who cares?

who let me do that?

who will save me?

i've fallen in love

how do i tell her?

how do i keep going?

how do i hold onto this feeling?

i've fallen in love

with a lie

with a fantasy

with a girl

[reiasromanticism]

this aching silence

like crossing out God's name

mathematical delusion

calculating art 

radio silence like a numbers station

bombs aimed delicately at an outer shell

caught crook of a finger 

hooked into some bigger plot

that leaves feeling unfinished

but still rewarded

some conclusion in a fixed expression

stripped to the core

a conductor of light

though flat

dimension rears still its head

gazing on at the viewer

cover is for the weak

leave the games to the adults

who play them with such poise and glamor

as to make-believe it is not a childish thing

to dream

[reiasromanticism]

I feel myself sinking

Into the space between my eyes

Glassy and unconcerned

A soft cage

Tremoring

But pretenting I'm fluttering

From branch to plastic branch

Only truly alive when the fabric is draped over my home

The harshest little darkness

Echoing my dampened excitement