PICK A CARD: (slightly rude) messages from your spirit guides
Hello and welcome to this new reading! This time I thought it would be fun to give some simple messages from spirit guides again. I hope you enjoy!
masterpost > paid readings > patreon masterlist
the extended version (~900 words per pile), and 150+ more pick a cards (extended, exclusive, and NSFW) are found here on my patreon!
"You signed up to be a lightworker, not a doormat with a nice aura."
"Rejection is just the universe enforcing the Non-Compete Clause in your destiny."
"You asked for strength. Did you think we were just going to drop a dumb-bell on your head?"
"The Karma department checked your file: You are fully paid up. Stop taking on other people's debts."
"Your life path isn't a straight line; it's a spiral. You're passing the same lesson, just from a higher floor."
"You promised us you’d trust the process. We have receipts from the astral plane."
"Stop trying to rewrite chapter three when you're supposed to be publishing chapter ten."
"This specific struggle is the prerequisite course for the blessings you prayed for last month."
"You chose this family for a reason. Mostly to learn patience, but still a reason."
"Your soul is ancient. Stop letting temporary earthly drama fluster a veteran like you."
"Trust the curriculum. You are going to pass this test, even if you have to take it twice."
💌 the extended version (~900 words per pile), and 150+ more pick a cards (extended, exclusive, and NSFW) are found here on my patreon!
"We sent 11:11, a blue butterfly, and a billboard. What else do you need, a skywriter?"
"It wasn't a 'coincidence.' Do you know how much dimensional paperwork that took?"
"We literally made that specific song play on the radio to answer your question, and you changed the station."
"Stop asking for a sign when you’re already standing in a room full of neon arrows."
"That goosebumps moment wasn't a draft in the room. It was us yelling 'YES!'"
"We moved your keys so you’d leave 5 minutes late and avoid bad traffic. You're welcome."
"You asked for a sign, got it five minutes later, and then said, 'Nah, I'm just overthinking.'"
"The repeating numbers will continue until morale and awareness improves."
"If a random stranger gives you oddly specific advice today, LISTEN TO THEM."
"We can bend probability, but we can't force you to open your eyes."
💌 the extended version (~900 words per pile), and 150+ more pick a cards (extended, exclusive, and NSFW) are found here on my patreon!
"Go touch a tree. A real one. Not a picture of one on Instagram."
"You are not 'spiritually blocked'; you are dehydrated and haven't slept in 30 hours."
"Your third eye is open, but your physical vessel is running on iced coffee and spite."
"Breathe into your stomach, not your shoulders. You’re wearing your collarbone like earrings."
"Put your feet on the actual grass. Let the Earth pull that chaotic energy out of you."
"You cannot meditate your way out of needing a glass of water and a decent meal."
"Eat a root vegetable. Seriously. You are floating away into the cosmos."
"Your body is a temple, not a storage unit for unexpressed emotion."
"Unplug your phone. Plug in your nervous system."
"You’re spiraling over a scenario that exists entirely in a future that hasn’t happened yet."
💌 the extended version (~900 words per pile), and 150+ more pick a cards (extended, exclusive, and NSFW) are found here on my patreon!
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