i write so much of His grace and kindness, yet i forget following Him is more than the sweet repercussions of choosing Him instead of sin. i forget He is more than a Father with arms to pull in the lost but also a God with the ability to flood the earth, if that’s what it takes to get our attention.
before the blessing is the offering, and sometimes what i’m offering is my dreams, my hopes, and the plan i mapped out, just waiting for His approving stamp. but i won’t always get His consent.
before the victory is the suffering, and sometimes the darkness gets too thick and im so blind by pity for myself i don’t realize i am the one who blew the light out in the first place.
before life is death and sometimes that means looking at what is His and what is mine and knowing, i haven’t given all of myself yet. i forget that dying to myself means giving up my secrets no one is supposed to know about. it means ripping open my chest and saying, take what’s in my heart, everything hiding inside my walls, here is my right to life, do whatever it takes for a glory greater than myself, even if it causes my end.
i forget that asking for “kingdom come” will bring some thunder, and for God to dwell inside us means He has to rid us of ourselves. and how tiring that is, when we like certain parts. it’s not hard to kill the demons that torture us, but what about the ones we’ve accepted as companions?
i can write all day about how much He loves me, and it’s all so splendidly impossibly true.
but that won’t change anything if you don’t know about the power inside such a love. He’d rather us die and carry a cross on a road leading to His eternal life than live with pleasure just to die with nothing.
we get it. He loves you. now it’s time for the ugly, raw, bone-altering, transforming, painful change. - c.h. (via heldinhishands)
