in // balance

indie & selective multimuse including muses from twilight, lucifer, crazy ex girlfriend & more written by lane. "you can't keep doing this. you can't keep doing shitty things and then feeling bad about yourself like that makes it okay. YOU NEED TO BE BETTER ... you are all the things that are wrong with you. it's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career or when you were a kid. it's YOU. "

[relentlessvoid]

detectivecdecker​:

   Chloe would keep her proudly surprised grin on her lips before shaking her head. She tilted it upward as they walked just as he started to describe her. Trailing off only made her eyes shift towards him and curiosity got to the best of her. She would see his expression, seeing him as trying hard to find the word.

   “And here I thought I would just be a boring human. Any one of you could just come down here and snap their fingers. Poof,” She waved her hands up in front of herself. “Makes things seem that much smaller in a world already so full of shit,” She snickered shaking her head before looking ahead of herself in thought. “And just so we are clear,” She pointed between the two of them. “You can be in charge of the whole angels and demon’s thing. I’m in charge of the human thing. If they just so happen to cross paths or one would like the opinion on something for the other, we ask first before diving in on our own okay?…cleaning up bodies are already hard enough…” 

     lucifer squinted his eyes at her as she said she saw herself as nothing more than a boring human. “you are the very furthest thing from boring, chloe decker.” he supposed he might understand what would make her think she was boring. she tended to play by the rules, she wanted to do the right thing no matter the circumstances or the consequences. she was full of light, she was good in the truest sense of the word, and she seemed to think that was normal, but he knew better than most that it wasn’t. 

     he raised his eyebrows at her, a smile on his face as she laid the rules down for him. “detective... are you suggesting that you fear I might do something reckless or take action on an issue without your expressed approval? where ever would you get an idea like that?” he was full on smirking now, amused with himself as he so often was. still, he nodded afterwards as he glanced over at her. “I’ll fill you in on anything you might need to know, scouts honor. good enough?” it was a genuine question this time, wanting to be sure that he understood what she was asking of him as plainly as possible so that he might stay in her good graces. there was nothing that bothered him worse than the detective being unhappy with him, after all. 

[relentlessvoid]

heavndelights​:

There was some relief upon finding out that Jeff wasn’t m ad at her for her sketchy behaviour. Truth be told, the last thing she wanted was to have more conflicts in her life. But even with that relief, Annie was having trouble fully believing what he was saying. It looked like she was fine on her own, but was she? If anything, the experience had shown her that she was more recilient than anyone would’ve thought, that for sure. And now she lived with Jeff in a proper apartment in a nice neighborhood, but it hadn’t been before she learned how to be an adult and take care of herself ( even when she enjoyed Jeff taking care of herself so much ).

She wasn’t surprised that Jeff Winger, the guy that was the embodiment of ‘trying to solve my dad issues by doing anything but talk about it’, wasn’t the biggest fan of her calling the number, and maybe that’s why his second reply, the one that seemed deeper and with more thought put into it, might’ve taken her by surprise. ‘ You’re biologically inclined to want your parents, as hard as i try to ignore that fact ’ Even if Jeff was saying that to her, in his usual unemotional, completely objective tone, Annie couldn’t help but to feel like it was something he had told himself several times. For a moment, she wondered if it had worked; if she would ever get over the fact that her parents didn’t love her enough, and the sense that it was because of her. 

Jeff’s gentle touch helped to soothe her, even if Annie didn’t realize how immediate her reaction to it was. “Yes. No. I don’t know.” God, if there was something worst than making Jeff be of emotional support for her (something that she knew how much he hated) was to start crying, so she tried as hard as possible to avoid for tears to fall from her eyes. “Sometimes. I guess I miss the parents I wish I had.” Could she even miss something she never had? 

Annie didn’t want to call, she knew that much. She wanted her parents to love her, but if they hadn’t even given her their phone number, it was clear that they didn’t want her in their life. “Does it ever get easier?” She didn’t want him to get defensive, nor him to understand it as an attack to his own family situation. She just wanted one certain thing in a situation where everything seemed to be falling apart. “This whole adulting thing, I mean.” 

     jeff could tell that annie was growing more upset as she thought about whether or not she missed her parents, and he thought that might not have been the best question to ask. that was the problem with conversations such as these. every question, comment, or concern that he let out was a chance to make things even messier than they already were. but maybe that was just genuine human connection - the ability to make things worse to make them better. the ability to talk emotions and feelings through with each other. it was something he’d only started learning how to do when he’d formed his community, and he still had a long ways to go. he most likely wasn’t saying the right things, but maybe it was the being here for annie that was the most important of all. he could say anything and they’d be okay, because they were together. 

     a sound something between a sigh and a chuckle escaped him as she explained that she missed the parents she wished she’d had. he knew that feeling all too well. he’d made a thousand versions of his father. some of them terrible that he imagined himself yelling at, beating on, taking out all of his frustrations. but sometimes when he imagined his dad it was as a great guy. a genius, a war hero, a scientist, someone who had a great purpose and calling that was more important than raising his son. it was stupid, and he’d never admit it to anyone, but he knew exactly what annie meant. “you miss the parents you deserved,” he clarified with a nod of his head. “I know what you mean.” he’d learned that sometimes that was the nicest thing you could say to a person. i see you. i hear you. i understand you. whatever you’re feeling is natural. 

     he pursed his lips as he thought her question over, sitting back against the couch as his fingers continued playing idly through her hair. “I don’t know that it gets easier,” he admitted after a pause. he wanted to tell her that yes, of course everything got better, but he wasn’t going to lie to her. “you definitely come to terms with some things. and the things that hurt you... they get easier to hide. it gets easier to push down. but i don’t think you ever really stop feeling it unless you face it.” he shrugged his shoulders and reached for his glass, taking a drink from it and then setting it back down. “what you have to decide is where you want closure and what you want to push down. and no one can decide that for you, annie.” he glanced over at her and let a small smile light his face. “or I could always call them for you. give them a piece of my mind. believe me, it would be the highlight of my day.” his words were lighter and playful now, but he was sure she knew that he meant every word of it. he’d love nothing more than to let her parents know how great she was, how stupid they were, how much they were missing. 

[relentlessvoid]

trying to do replies but i’m having such a hard time editing posts. ):

[ngalitzine]

《 SIDE EFFECTS OF BEING AN ANGEL 》

[relentlessvoid]

heavndelights​:

And just when Annie thought that she had the situation under control and that they would manage to go back to a faked normality until Jeff decided to bring up the topic again, a simple slip up caused all her hopes to crush. In the end, she decided it would be better to just come clean; keeping it a secret in the first place had been stupid. Jeff always had a way to find out about everything sooner or later. “It’s the number… to my parents house. They moved out of my old house, and didn’t tell me, so my brother gave me their number just in case.” 

In case that what? That there was an emergency? That she called just to have her mother hang up on her? The last time she tried had been two years ago, when she realized there was no way she would make enough money to survive on her own for the month. So she called cause she was desperate, but also because deep down, maybe she missed them. Even if her mother and father were the ones that didn’t stop her when she was becoming an addict, even if her mother actively tried to sabotage her recovery in hopes to preserve the family’s reputation. Even then, there was a small part in her that was hoping they would magically stop blaming her, stop looking down on her. So far, there hadn’t been such luck. 

Giving a long sigh, Anne sat up straighter. “And I guess I didn’t tell you because I’m still thinking about what to do with it. And talking about it made it feel more… I don’t know, real?” None of that mattered then, cause Jeff had caught her red-handed. Maybe she should’ve been smart enough to realize Jeff would notice something was up, and the truth probably sounded less terrible to him than whatever he could’ve thought from the loose clues Anne left behind. With one swift movement, she took back the paper from his hand. “It doesn’t matter. It’s just… a stupid thing. I shouldn’t even be thinking about calling them, I mean, they obviously not want to.” Eyes falling in the paper in her hands, she shook her head. “They would’ve given me their number themselves if they did. And it’s not like they ever called to ask how I was doing.” 

     her parent’s house. that was just about the furthest thing possible from the scenarios that had flashed through his mind. his eyebrow’s furrowed and he stared at her quietly, fiddling with the piece of paper still held between his fingers. the obvious question of why she didn’t have her parent’s number sprang to mind. of course, he knew a little bit of the bad blood there. he at least knew that they hadn’t been supportive during annie’s recovery, which was terrible considering that was likely the point in time she’d needed a support system the most. he’d known that they didn’t keep in contact much either, which had really only been mentioned in passing. he hadn’t known what annie had meant was never. that she didn’t even have their phone number. 

     “i get that,” he admitted quietly after she explained why she’d kept the number hidden from him. after all, he was an expert at ignoring a problem for one reason or another. he understood she’d had her reasons, even if a part of him wished she would have opened up to him of her own accord. that was a strange feeling by itself too, because he normally avoided these conversations at all costs. they were always thick with emotions and hurt feelings and they put him in a position where he had to be supportive. he didn’t feel like that with annie now though. he wasn’t listening out of any sense of obligation. he wanted to be there for her. that didn’t mean that he knew how to, that he had any idea what to say, but the want was definitely there. 

      “it’s not stupid, believe me, i understand. and i get that feeling too, that if they don’t need you then you don’t need them. and honestly? i don’t think that you do. you’ve done really well for yourself the past couple of years. and you had to do it without them, so you did, and now you don’t need them anymore. i think you’re just fine on your own, annie.” a part of him wanted to just leave it at that, but he wasn’t trying to sway her one way or the other, and he didn’t want to be the reason that she didn’t call if she really did want to. “but that doesn’t stop you from wanting them. it’s not even your fault. you’re biologically inclined to want your parents, as hard as i try to ignore that fact.” he pursed his lips as he brought his hand off the back of the couch and played his fingers through her hair gently. “do you miss them?” he asked quietly. 

[relentlessvoid]

perfectdisastcr‌:

“Real nice energy…you know…making sure everybody’s feeling real comfortable, you know?” Maybe there was real hesitation in Mac’s words, not sure how the other would even handle the whole idea of acting like the new gay couple of the neighborhood, but it was at least worth a shot, to have a chance for real redemption for himself. He wanted to prove to Dennis that he could do this without fucking it up too. “I think we could make it a whole night if we have each other.” Okay, now that was pushing it too far, he was almost sure of it, and yet, he liked to pushed Dennis’ boundaries, to see just how far the other was willing to come along with him.

“Oh, dude. There’s no doubt in my mind that we’re just two total beefcakes. That’s the kind of gay we are.” His mind was running wild, especially as he flexed under the reflexive touch that Dennis left over his chest. He couldn’t show just stunned he was by it, and yet, his face was rather telling as he managed to give off a short grin. “We’ll have plenty of beer, plenty of booze for these bozos to get hammered, and we’ll schmooze them like they’ve never been schmoozed before. We’ll be the talk of the neighborhood, trust me. That’s what all these suburban folks live for!”

     “i highly doubt they’re going to be comfortable, mac. if these people have ever been around a gay couple before it’s the type that wears sweater vests and has a small dog and talks shit about everyone to everyone. not the kind that cooks out and walks around shirtless and gets everyone drunk,” dennis snorted. it wasn’t lost on him that he called them a gay couple all too easily. but mac would understand it was only because they were pretending. of course he would. if wasn’t as if dennis liked the sound of it. he didn’t. that was the side of his conflicted feelings that he wouldn’t ever let himself face - the what came after. the everyone thinking they knew who he was and wasn’t attracted to. hell, look how resistant mac was to the idea of being gay, and it was so glaringly obvious where he was concerned. why was he having any of these thoughts anyway? he wasn’t gay. that was a sure thing. he liked having sex with women. and as long as that was true there was just no use in making his life any more complicated, even if he did admire his best friend from afar sometimes. 

     dammit. mac got to him. caused his throat to close up and his heart rate to spike and his pupils to dilate. at nothing more than the mention of having each other. and he was reading too far into things. mac hadn’t meant anything, he didn’t think, because he’d already continued on talking. except dennis wasn’t paying any attention to his friend’s next works. no, he was too busy feeling at the clear flex of his chest. “beefcakes, yeah,” he agreed, clearly distracted, and why was his hand on mac’s chest again? why couldn’t he seem to remove it? he knew he should, and yet instead his hand brushed back and forth along the length of his chest. he was lost for a few seconds too long, for a few soft swipes of his hand along mac’s chest too long, before he finally returned to his senses and pulled back quickly, clearing his throat and shaking his head as if he’d been pulled out of a daze. “we should go,” he said quickly. “i need a drink and the liquor store is a little way’s out.” 

     dennis moved for the door without looking mac in the eye again, grabbing his keys off the hanger by the wall. “we’re gonna go ahead and get everything we need for this weekend right now, right? since we’re going to the liquor store and the grocery store anyway?” he asked over his shoulder, the front door already open though he waited for mac so that they could walk together. “and what are you thinking for dinner? and if you say mac and cheese i’ll kill you right here and now.” 

[relentlessvoid]

detectivecdecker

  “You have your moments when you surprise me yes. Actually taking a case seriously is one of them,” She teased and pointed towards him as she thought about it. Walking beside him, thankful for his leisure pace knowing those long legs could outpace her any moment.

  “Please,” She put her hands behind her as she walked curiously listening to his words. “How have I surprised the Devil of all people? You’re the one who’s spent more time with Humanity than anyone, how am I to surprise you?” She smiled looking ahead of herself still. She wondered where he would be taking them, but more so, wondered what his answer would be.

     “taking a case seriously...” lucifer hummed thoughtfully, thinking those words over as if he himself wasn’t sure if they were true. he’d thought it was obvious that he was trying to be more helpful with the case because he was taking their relationship more seriously, rather than the job, but if she was pleased with him, why fight with that? “that’s one way of looking at it,” he finally agreed. 

     a roll of his eyes was followed by her words, though a teasing smile followed soon after. “you’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met, detective. there’s no other human ever to live that’s quite like you.” it would have sounded like a gross exaggeration, he knew, if not for his entirely genuine way of speaking. “you do something that surprises me every day, truth be told. you’re so very...” he trailed off, his lips pursed in thought. it was hard to describe what exactly chloe decker was, because she couldn’t be condensed into a few descriptive words. 

[relentlessvoid]

rosefromdeath

                           “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Gabriella couldn’t help but laugh fondly at Stefan, her kind eyes as bright as ever. “Look how lively and green everything around the town is!” Of course, she could hardly blame him: there were times even Gabriella herself wondered when the rain in Forks would ever come to a stop. “Does it rain much where you’re from?” She asked suddenly, genuine curiosity lacing her gentle tone. 

     “it is,” he agreed, conceding with a smile that matched her own. “it’s beautiful here, actually. somehow less gloomy than a lot of places i’ve been, even with the constant downpour.” it wasn’t that he hated the rain, at any rate. the problem was that stefan had a habit of shrinking in on himself, and the overcast days felt like a reflection of his own outlook all too often. eyebrows raised as she asked about where he was from, his lips pursing a moment as he thought her question over. it was a simple question, they were talking about the weather, and yet thinking of fell’s church brought a lot of baggage with it. damon. katherine, elena. and now it seemed he’d found another petrova doppelganger, as unlike the other two as they’d both been to each other. maybe he should have stayed away - for his own sake and for hers. but of course he was endlessly fascinated by her already, and he was sure that was something that could only grow. 

     “no, no. not like this,” he finally answered. “i’m from virginia. decent rainfall, but without feeling like you’re drowning in it,” he laughed. “I can tell it’s something special though, this place. i’ve never seen anything quite like it, and I’ve moved around a lot.” 

[relentlessvoid]

heavndelights

He was right, Annie was trying to divert the topic from her. Could you blame her? For a second, she wondered if it was possible that after all the time they had been spending together some of Jeff’s mannerisms had stuck with her. His reply only proved it further; he was right, Annie had mentioned how annoying that habit of him was when they were having a conversation before. But as she used it as a ‘ get out of jail an awkward conversation ‘ card, the young woman understood why Jeff was so eager to do the same.

Their discussion ( if it could be called that ) was over the second Jeff started giving her the cold shoulder, not before he tried figuring her out with his piercing gaze. At times, that was all she needed to crumble in front of him, to spill her guts in a word-vomiting matter. But if there was something she disliked even more than that, was Jeff’s annoying tendency of being able to just ignore problems altogether.

Annie knew what he was doing, and she hated it. And Jeff knew, hence why he was doing it. He could be so irritating at times. But she wasn’t angry at him, or at least that wasn’t the main cause of her anger, and she didn’t want him to be mad at her; especially not in a moment like the one she was. It seemed like something too stupid to actually get in an argument with Jeff over it.

Sighing and deciding to take one step at the time, Annie tried a less… argumentative approach. She moved closer to him, raising her legs under her body as she accommodated closer to him. Annie was so focused in Jeff, she didn’t even realize the tiny piece of paper appearing from underneath her legs. Instead, she just placed her hand on Jeff’s shoulder and put on her best ‘wet puppy ’ expression. “Don’t get mad at me. I’m just stressed, that’s all.” When wasn’t she,was the question. 

     jeff had already imagined how his night would pan out. they’d argue or give each other the cold shoulder the rest of the night. eat dinner in stony silence and sleep on opposite ends of the bed, if they slept in the same bed at all. it wasn’t the scenario he wanted, of course, but it was the most likely of outcomes. he and annie were incredibly different people who’d somehow happened to fall into each other and even if his edges were softening while hers were becoming the slightest bit more pronounced, they’d always be a little too different. whether or not they were too different to make their relationship work long term, he didn’t know. he hadn’t much thought about that yet. hadn’t let himself. and he wouldn’t, maybe not ever. 

     the way she shifted against him was unexpected, to say the least. that’s when it hit him. of course this tension between them wasn’t going to go in the same place it normally does, because it’s annie that’s done something wrong this time. or, well, maybe wrong wasn’t the right word. he didn’t really know what she’d done yet. all he knew was this time he was the supportive, if not a little too curious, boyfriend and she was the one who’s hiding something. he delighted in this revelation and it perked him up momentarily, to the point that he sat his drink down and threw an arm over the back of the couch to allow her to curl in closer to him. 

     “i’m not mad at you.” he rolled his eyes before he could think better of it, though there was no real heat or irritation in his tone. “i’m worried about you, i’m not mad at you.” he’d thought that much was obvious, but it was possible she was just using all of that charm to subdue him into forgetting they’d been talking about anything of importance in the first place. and oh, it was tempting when she looked at him like that. all big eyed and beautiful. it had worked in the past and it might have then if he hadn’t happened to glance down and notice the slip of paper poking out from under her thigh. his eyebrows furrowed and he reached out, grabbing at it and taking it in his hand before she could stop him. 

     what was he looking at? a phone number, yes, but who’s? she certainly hadn’t wanted him seeing it, considering the way she’d seemed to shove it underneath her leg, tucked away in hiding. the first thing he thought was that it was another guy’s number. that made the most sense to him right off the bat. why else wouldn’t she want him to see it? was she thinking about calling him? had she already been calling him? no, no. annie wasn’t like that. they had yet to put a real label on their relationship, but he was positive that she wasn’t two timing him. “what is this?” he finally asked, his eyes burning a hole in the paper in his hand before he finally glanced back up at her.

[relentlessvoid]

ashortdropandasuddenstop‌:

James did not give any more detail on the past. This was clearly not the time for deep conversations.   His head tipped up as the Adonis of a devil caught his cold chin in his grasped and those brilliant green eyes locked with smoldering brown.   The brush of a warm thumb pad against his lower lip and James playfully took the tip of the digit between his lips , suckling upon it for just a moment while the devils other fingers dragged down to his own hand, entwining their fingers.

James’s brilliant green eyes lowered to the hand holding his own before meeting the devil’s gaze again with a smile, returning the kiss with one of his own, but it was short lived as he chuckled, following after Lucifer up the few stairs to the bedroom.  And that large bed with a view of the city of angels below, panoramic view did not disappoint.  

But as nice as their view was , James had more important things on his mind. Like the gorgeous tall man who’s blood was singing to him and bringing out the side of him he forgot he had. And as much as he wanted to roll over and plead for Lucifer to ravage him, his hunger was beginning to become terrible insistent, and the scent of Lucifer , of that hellishly hot blood pumping through his veins had James making the next move.

 " Very lovely. A palace that would be the envy of several monarchs. “ James promptly purred before lunging at the devil, arms tossed around him and knocking them both onto the bed below, with the vampire’s cold form perch atop him.  ” Now where were we?“ He cooed.   "Ah yes. I was going to give you a love bite you’ll never forget” he once again began kissing him. Stealing his lips, suckling upon his lip, then down, down down that lovely curve of his neck.  Slightly numbing the skin just above his pulse with cold lips and then those fangs bared, sinking into celestial flesh.   A rush, for the both of them .

For Lucifer, it would start with the pink prick of pain– the kind any masochist would die to feel.  And then that would change to a rush of Euphoria, a dark pleasure known to drive some mad.  And for James ..the rush of blood, of life. But angel blood was not human blood and the power behind it– well it may have quite the side effect upon him.

   a moment was taken to simply admire james admiring the view from his apartment. it was self-indulgent maybe, but then so many of lucifer’s habits were. it could be said of james himself, he supposed, if their encounter had to be categorized into a single term. he would have watched for much longer, truth be told, his desire-filled eyes more than content to run up and down james’s form, but it wasn’t long before the other had turned and pushed him down onto the bed in one smooth movement. it was so swift that lucifer was momentarily startled by the change, but it was hard to be anything but aroused for too long when their bodies were pressed together and james was looking at him like that. like he was an object worthy of consumption. 

     a devilish smirk lit his face as he met the other’s eyes, his palms moving around james and pressing into his lower back, though it wasn’t long before they were inching their way down lower. he’d already lost his focus by the time there were lips pressed against his own again. a low moan passed through his lips, right into james’s mouth, and he was so mesmerized that he hadn’t put any thought into what the man had actually meant by that love bite he was about to receive until those lips were at his neck. of course. had it been so obvious this whole time? why he was so incredibly drawn to james, the coolness of his skin, his teeth.. lucifer had only been too blinded by his own curiosity and arousal to notice it at first. 

     that desire didn’t flea with the arrival of his realization either, not by a long shot. instead his heart pounded in his chest, a more prominent bulge forming in his pants as cool kisses were pressed against the skin of his neck, sending a shiver down his spine. one hand reached up to the back of his lover’s neck, holding onto him, silently begging him, and then he decided to make those desires known, because he’d never been one to shy away from what he wanted. especially not now, when he felt as if the power had been returned to him. he knew what james was, and the vampire still had no idea that he was the devil, despite the fact that he’d never tried to hide it. 

     “do it,” he hummed, voice low and still full of want. but if he’d only been patient those words wouldn’t have felt necessary, because it’s only a fraction of a second later that teeth are sinking into the delicate skin of his neck. there was a moment of pain, enough for his eyes to squeeze shut and his hands to grip tighter at james. he liked that already, that twinge of pain combined with the feeling of a cool body pressed down against his own, leaving him wanting so much more. but it’s nothing compared to what comes next. a rush that’s quite possibly the most intense and pleasurable feeling he’d ever experienced. “james,” he gasped, his hips bucking upward in an involuntary response even though this pleasure wasn’t coming from his crotch at all. 

     it hadn’t occured to him that this might not be safe. after all, he doubted a vampire had ever dared sink their teeth into the flesh of an angel before. unfortunately he didn’t possess the willpower it would have taken to pull back long enough to make sure the man was alright. all he could do was touch him, listen for him, make sure he felt like he was enjoying this as much as lucifer was. his fingers moved upward to lace through the man’s hair, gripping there as his breath still came in pants. he wondered if james could tell from the taste that he wasn’t human either. he wondered if he healed and replenished fast enough that james could theoretically drink from him forever without pause. he would have like that. days, weeks, months of this. there was nothing like it. his entire body seemed to pulse with ecstasy. it was all the sex he’d ever had, every drug he’d ever tried, every thrill he’d ever chased all at once. 

[relentlessvoid]

just felt like i should say, since some of the replies i’m putting out are from quite a while back - if you don’t have interest in a thread we’d been doing, no worries! i’m always down to start over / plot something else completely if you’d like. this is a no worries, stress free blog, always . 

[maziekeen]

“let me just, uh, check my calendar. yeah, here it is. the seventh of never, through to the 15th of ain’t-gonna-happen. how does that work for you guys?”

[relentlessvoid]

icarusinvited

His words immediately sent her mind through a whirlwind. Over the time she had spent on her own, she had accepted the fact that the happily ever after for her was out of the question. Izzie had always believed that she would love again, that was easy. But she had never expected more than that. Her soulmate, her happy ever after had been with Alex, someone she knew she could never fill with anyone else in her life. But she was hopeful, thinking he could move on and that the rest of the world would just follow suit. It wasn’t until this moment that she regretted that thought, wanting to have pushed harder than she had initially. There was an ache in her chest, pushing for her to admit that there was still something there, that there would always be something there in the same way he spoke so honestly.

She took a deep breath, setting the glass down on the table quietly as he continued to speak. Her eyes met his, her eyes closing just briefly before opening back to the vision of him. He was still there, a vision of everything she ever needed wrapped up in one human. And just like that, she moved forward, letting her hands cup his face with ease, the warmth of his skin beneath the tips of her fingers. Pushing herself forward, she moved in with ease, pressing a deep kiss to his lips and letting herself radiate in the moment. It felt odd, but not in a poor way, but as if it had been something she should have been doing every day leading up until now. She exhaled, pulling back as her eyes met his again, pressing her forehead against his.

“I wanted- I needed to believe that was it. That everything I thought was wrong because… Well-” her words were quiet, the Izzie rarely anyone else was able to see. “I fucked up. I got sick and I got better, but I was scared. Scared it’d all happen again and then it’d take everything from me… From you. But now-” she swallowed thickly again, eyes searching him for answers. “I’m not scared and I love you, Alex Karev. I love you more than anything in this stupid city and crazy hospital.” 

     izzie stevens was an impossibility to him. she always had been, for far too many reasons. at first it had been because she was too good for him. too smart, too kind, too beautiful to give him any real consideration - not that he blamed her. then he’d opened up to her, let her change him and sway him and mold him into the alex that she wanted, the idealistic version of him. the better version of him. the one that apologized and cared and tried to be better. after that, she’d been impossible because she was going to die and they weren’t going to get to have a future together. once she’d healed he’d thought they might work out after all. that she would be okay, that he would be okay, that they’d be okay together. then she’d gotten fired.  that had made her the very worst kind of impossible, because she’d been gone. no second thought, no consideration for her husband, no real conversation. just gone. izzie stevens, the love of his life, added to the list of people he’d been abandoned by. he’d hated her for it, accepted it, grew from it, and now he was beginning to think that was the way things had always meant to be. because the scariest thing of all about izzie had been feeling like he wouldn’t survive without her, and he knew now that he could. that he could do better than survival, that he could flourish on his own accord. he was okay without her, and he wanted her anyway. and izzie? she’d grown too. grown with him, even while they’d been apart, and now, for the first time, she felt possible. and god, he was in love with her. 

     the kiss that was pressed to his lips set him on fire. izzie always did. alex had thought they might have moved past that part, the passion, but if anything it was only stronger than it had been in the past. his heart surged in his chest and his breath caught in his throat. his hand reached up to the back of the blonde’s neck, tugging her closer as a soft hum of content passed through his lips. i missed you. i want you. i love you. stay. none of these things had to be said out loud because it was clear they both felt the same way. but then she pulled back, pressed their foreheads together, said it anyway, and it mended a piece of him he’d thought had healed long ago. his fingers stroked through her hair as he listened thoughtfully. some of her explanation made sense to him, though there were still unanswered questions. that would come. the answers, the explanations. it didn’t have to be now. everything in it’s own time. 

     “you’re not the only one.” he cleared his throat and pulled back from her, but his hand moved to rest on her thigh so that he didn’t have to go without touching her completely. “who fucked up, I mean.” she had come back once, after all, and he hadn’t been ready to take her back then. making a stand for himself had felt like something he had to do at the time. “I wished I would have told you then that I just needed time.” time. not space. never space. at least not the kind that she’d given him - the permanent kind. not as permanent as he’d thought though, he guessed, because here she was. “But I’m not scared either. not anymore.” he knew now what loving izzie was like, and he knew what losing izzie was like, and if one couldn’t come without the other? he’d still take it. the words he’d meant to already say burned on his tongue. i love you too. why did he keep choking on them? maybe because it wasn’t something he wanted to say in response to her confession. he didn’t want it to be dependent on how she felt. he did love her too, but he also loved her anyway, and he loved her always, and those felt just as important, if not more so. instead he asked her his most burning question, the one he couldn’t keep locked away any longer. 

     “was it... did you only start thinking about me when you decided you wanted to come back? or did you miss me the whole time?” 

[relentlessvoid]

middlespellman

The shift in Lucifer’s demeanor from playful to seemingly furious and then back was startling. Bella blinked a few times before realizing he was granting her request in his offer to bring her upstairs. His hand on the small of her back sent a shudder of electricity through her skin, making goosebumps erupt over her flesh. It was a strange sensation to say the least, not pleasant, but not unpleasant either.

Lucifer lead her to an elevator, and entering a pin it slowly began to take them upstairs. Bella was silent as it moved. She wasn’t sure what she expected, but the floor they ended up on was not at all what she expected. Slowly Lucifer lead her into a lavish apartment, which she assumed was his living space.

“I’m… confused as to why I’m here, not that I’m complaining. I’m glad to be as far away from Greendale as possible…. but I’d really like to know what’s going on… I mean… if that’s okay?”

     lucifer noticed the shiver of electricity that seemed to pulse through her entire body and it thrilled him to no end. it was the desired effect, of course, but it seemed to be stronger with her than most. he supposed that made sense, given their connection, and it made him want to test the waters... but that was likely better saved for another time, when she knew him a bit better. she wasn’t quite like the rest of his followers, that was clear to begin with, and surprisingly enough he was quite enjoying that she hadn’t fallen straight at his feet. he’d always liked a challenge, especially where a beautiful woman was involved. 

     it was no time at all before he’d let them into the elevator and out into his apartment. his eyes scanned her as she glanced over her surroundings, a smile already tugging at his lips as he moved over to his personal bar and poured himself another glass of the amber liquid that he drank in mass amounts. 

     “you can know anything you’d like to know, darling. I have some questions for you as well, truth be told. but I suppose I can start, if you wish.” he poured her a glass of whiskey as well and brought it over to her, extending the drink in offering as he watched her carefully, examining her for a quite moment before speaking. “simply put, you’re here as proof of your loyalty to me. an act of devotion, if you will. though I assume you’ve already guessed that much?” his head tilted to the side, lips pursed as he looked her over again. it was entertaining to try and place what she might be thinking she was here for. he was certain she had not a clue that she was to be his wife, yet another detail that would be revealed in time. 

[relentlessvoid]

perfectdisastcr

“I think so too.” Mac begin, his more reserved side coming out, even as impossible as they may have sounded. Around Dennis, and Dennis alone, it seemed that he became softer, all those sharp edges dulled to a certain degree, because ultimately, he cared for Dennis in a way he couldn’t explain to his best friend, roommate, and potential lover—er….Mac had to quickly dismiss the thoughts, despite how hard it was, especially when he knew he cared a lot for the other. It was unexplainable to say the least, but he would do anything for Dennis at that point, the inexplicable and undeniable chemistry he thought he shared with the other brought about a sexual energy he had never experienced with anybody. “And I know you hate it.. That’s why I always do it for you. Can’t have you eating that toxic skin!” Maybe his facts were all wrong, but at least his heart was in the right place.

After thinking a little longer on the query of the pool party/cookout, Mac tilted his head to look at his life partner, and gave a subtle nod. “Oh, I can totally grill the shit out of some meat. It’ll be the juciest slabs this block has ever seen. Just like the hunk serving it up.” He said mostly filling the room with his overconfident nature along with his innuendoes. The touch between them led Mac’s expression to soften, his gaze onto the other searching his face with admiration. “We could have a real nice thing going for us. Meat, drinks, just two dudes doing their thing, serving up some real nice energy for everybody else. I love it.” 

     fuck. one second this had felt like the most innocent of conversations - or at least as innocent as it got between the two of them - and then suddenly mac was talking about meat, juicy slabs, what a hunk he was, and goddammit, why was his mouth watering?? he absolutely should not have been phased under any circumstances. and when those circumstances were mac, talking about meat and looking every bit like the hunk he claimed to be... that was just unfeasible to him. and yet it was there. real feeling. almost tangible. things he’d pushed so far down he didn’t think they’d ever have a chance to resurface. maybe it was the freedom to be who he wanted to here, a new version of dennis who didn’t have to abide by the carefully constructed persona he’d crafted over the years. maybe it was just because they were alone without any fear of another member of the gang barging in. it probably wasn’t wise to ponder on it, because the longer he did the more he considered what exactly it really was he was feeling.. we could have a real nice thing going for us. mac was doing this on purpose now, he was sure of it. but how was he supposed to fight with that softened expression and look of utter admiration? 

     “what exactly are you imagining that ‘real nice energy’ to be?” it was normally something that would have come out in a clipped tone, laced with irritation, but right now it was more genuine curiosity than anything else, and his face was soft too, open to mac in a way that was rare for him. “I mean, me and you... do you think we’ll make it a whole night with these white collar, gentrified assholes without losing our minds?” there was some disdain in his voice now, but it wasn’t directed at mac. it was a clear us against them. his hand had fallen from his best friend’s face only to rest on his chest, and he had no justification for why they were still touching, yet he didn’t pull away. “especially when they’re going to be asking you a thousand obnoxious questions about what kind of gay you are.” he rolled his eyes. “... we’ll definitely have to get them drunk.” 

[connorknway]

[valkilmr]