Ren

this is my diary go away thnx she/they

[queerryan]

Scenario: a Batman who just had Dick Grayson as robin time travels into the future by accident. He finds the amount of new vigilantes and Robins weird but at least sees it as good thing, since Gotham has more help... Until:

Bruce: Hmm, I'm looking at the map of Gotham, everything looks so different.

Tim: Well, you are in the future.

Bruce: No, no, I mean... It's like the city was changed completely, some buildings and houses are not even there anymore.

Stephanie: oh yeah, it might have been because the flood.

Bruce: the what?

Stephanie: Yeah, there was this massive flood that basically destroyed a big part of Gotham and everything had to be rebuilt.

Damian: I thought it was that zombie-like mini apocalypse that destroyed it.

Tim: No, no it was the flood, the contagion happened before.

Jason: it did? Wait, I thought the city got destroyed when joker took over that last time.

Stephanie: this was last month.

Jason: was it? Man, things happen so fast and often I miss track of time.

Tim: wait now I'm thinking, which flood destroyed Gotham again? I think we had more than one.

Stephanie: depends, those who make a light destruction or that time Gotham was so destroyed the country abandoned us?

Bruce:... I need to lie down.

[funnypages]

Superman says fuck ICE. Be like Superman

[papayafromtv]

people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

[messi-mooni]

So mad at how long this took

[incorrectbatfam]

Duke: Well look who it is. My old friend. The conses of my quences.

[asinglebluefeline]

I'm a very big fan of the “one of the ways Batman fights crime is by making the bad guys afraid he could be anywhere”. The “he’s not in every shadow, but he could be in any shadow” thing.

I think it would be fun to mix that with the way the rest of the batfam is drawn when they're in shadows:

the glowy eyes and splashes of vibrant colour, especially with Nightwing's symbol looking like it's actually reflective.

So now I'm thinking:

imagine if Gothamites realized that dangerous people get really uneasy when they keep seeing things that, out of the corner of their eye, might look like a vigilante. To the point that they avoid areas where, let's say, an old poster on the wall is just that shade of yellow that keeps jumpscaring them every time they turn. Or that old trash can that still has a patch of green paint that hasn't peeled away yet. Not even realizing what makes them nervous, just knowing that a particular place makes them jumpy. Stuff like that.

So to keep themselves a little safer Gothamites just start… adding little things like that in their neighborhoods. Nothing that outright references the Bats - stuff like that might get vandalised or just lose the effect if it's recognised, but things like:

- plants on window sills in flower pots or vases in bright colors

- little shiny trinkets in the windows that just might be mistaken for a flash of a utility belt

- colorful curtains get very popular for children's bedrooms

- someone sticking a piece of blue reflective vinyl on a chimney visible from the street, so that as you walk you see a little flash of electric blue when the light from streetlights hits it just right

- people painting a pair of dots with glow-in-the-dark white paint high up on walls by fire escapes or in dark alleys, that look like glowing eyes

So basically I want Gothamites to invent protective charms and amulets which have exactly zero supernatural properties and aren’t intended to have any, but still very much work lmao

[papayafromtv]

i like to think that at the league of assassins jason used to get so bored of having no access to media/tv that he would just compensate by singing excessively every theme tune/pop culture song he knew whenever he was working/training, which means damian probably knew all these pop culture references already when he got to gotham, except when tim puts on the tv and he hears a popular ad jingle play during commercials he doesn’t get a fun ‘oh haha i recognise that tune’ moment instead its him hearing an ed sheeran song and having a rapid war flashback to watching jason viscerally rip the heads off a group of about 20 men attempting to harm damian while dancing and singing fucking Starlord, Guardians of the Galaxy style.

dick, humming as he makes toast: dontcha’ know, i’m still standin, betta than i eva did~

damian, experiencing both nostalgia and confusion at the same time: why are you singing a battle cry? we are in the kitchen.

tim: did you just call one of the songs from the Sing soundtrack a fucking battle cry?

damian:

damian: what’s Sing.

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

Could yall stop shooting each other outside my window im trying to masturbate

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

So this was actually the sound of my car getting stolen

[grecoromanyaoi]

citationless behavior

[grecoromanyaoi]

sourceless behavior

[irreparableteacup]

get off of dating apps. the love of your life is posting about cannibal yaoi on tumblr

[renn055]

yuri***

[tofumarinado]

"there should be some kind of test you have to take before having kids" -> wrong, extremely dangerous and highkey eugenicist and racist "the youth should have safe and effective legal pathways at their disposal to make sure their human rights are constantly protected and upheld" -> based, centers the youth, gives minors more power to fight inequality and does not reinforce the idea that parents are immune to scrutiny from their kids

[heavensghost]

decided im not going to be a people pleaser anymore if thats okay with you

[mar64ds]

made a picture i will use a lot

[capacity2]

Beautiful images and music will save me I know it I just know it

[lmaonade]

going on pinterest and commenting “hmm… i find this really.. pinteresting…!” on every single post i see

[renn055]

frozen

Talking to someone you’ve known since you were a child is one of the most confusing experiences ever. What do you mean you knew me before I learnt how to ride a bike, before I learned how to turn the oven on by myself. It makes you feel frozen, almost immortal, not in an all powerful way but immortal in an unchanging glacial fashion. Yes, I want to talk shit about people we went to elementary school with, yes I want to complain about being left out during recess. Then I realize, oh you don’t know me anymore. Someone that used to be able to predict my thoughts and actions before I could understand them myself still thinks my favorite color is yellow, it’s olive green now. Someone that used to talk me through panic attacks and make me laugh so hard I’d forget I was crying doesn’t know I spent a full summer changing my handwriting because I couldn’t stand the sight of it anymore. The same person that used to sleep on facetime with me so I wouldn’t feel alone doesn’t know I quit smoking because all I could think about is her lips wrapped around the joint I just hit. And then I hear her voice again, after three years and all I can think about is, How could I have let you go? Then I think, How could you have let me go? I hear the same voice that haunts my dreams and nightmares without the cracks I used to laugh at. I hear new names I’ve never heard, when I used to have all her friends' contacts memorized. She has the same sharp laugh I used to carry around in my heart. She says my laugh has changed, the high pitched giggling and wheezing shriek that used to haunt the halls of our school hasn’t seen the light of day in years. She says I smile the same, with my hand covering my crooked teeth, and eyes squinting into an almost straight line. She sounds relieved that some part of me stayed frozen alongside her laugh. She has pictures of me in her college dorm, from before I lost the baby fat off my cheeks. She told everyone I was the reason she realized she liked girls. And I told everyone I met after her that she was mine, not my friend, not my girlfriend, just mine. 

[androdragynous]

being on tumblr for a long time but never reading homestuck like