being a fan of a female fictional character is like yes im in love with her soulfully and carnally but i am ALSO her defence attorney her ambassador her pr manager her representative her missionary her right hand arm man her silly rabbit. her scholar her explainer the last man standing in her army. phd in explaining her nuance and depth priesthood in her church. could i be talking about other things?? move on?? maybe!!! were i not the animated suit of armor in her temple bound to protect her for eternity
rating: rated e (trigger warnings for violence, stalking, r*pe/SA)
pairing: meredith grey / addison montgomery
status: multi-chapter- in progress
summary: It is not cannon compliant. It’s out of character for some characters. It will be in a nonlinear story telling format- so currently established Meredith/Addison, but the story will include how they get together. Bad guy-Derek/Derek bashing. Don’t like, don’t read.
Chapter 1- part 3
She sat quietly with Meredith for a few moments, brushing her thumb across the back of her hand she still held. She brushed the loose blonde strands back from her forehead and pressed her lips to her hairline. A few heavy tears escaped her eyes as she squeezed them shut against the onslaught of emotion that was crushing her now that she was alone and knew that Meredith was going to be ok. Addison swallowed the lump in her throat, locked away the personal emotions, and zoned in as Dr. Montgomery, preparing for surgery. She wiped her face and cleared her throat before she paged Bailey and Cristina to the ER.
A few hours later, Addison, and Callie were in the scrub room after they finished Meredith’s procedure. It all went well. The X-rays and CT showed that the broken rib was clean and would heal fine, her hand was broken, but her fingers were just dislocated, there was no sign of serious damage to her brain, there were no signs of damage to her organs from the bruising around her abdomen, and her shoulder and elbow only had minor tendon and muscle injuries. Callie put her dislocated fingers back in place and the break in her hand was easy to set. Addison was able to place the sutures and repair the cervical tear, which turned out to be relatively minor, but was bleeding more than Addison expected, and in a position that allowed her to do the procedure without having to cut into her abdomen. Bailey checked in, letting them know that security was still searching the hospital and law enforcement were here processing the on-call room that was now a crime scene. She left quickly, knowing that the interns would be hovering nearby if they weren’t working on patients, and would need to be chased away before she moved Meredith into a Recovery room to wait for the anesthesia to wear off. Callie wasn’t far behind her, knowing the police detectives would want to talk to her as she had collected the kit and was the Doctor of record on the case. They both told her to call if she needed anything, and Addison thanked both of them as they left.
She slumped onto the bench, pulling her cap off and letting her red hair loose and leaned forward, her head in her hands. She was exhausted to the bones. As she sat there, she suddenly felt warm, the heat creeping up her chest and neck to her face. She started to sweat and her hands felt clammy and were shaky. She pulled in a deep breath through her nose and sat up a little, her forearms resting on her knees. She swallowed thickly, her mouth both dry as a desert and producing too much saliva. The wave of nausea caught her off guard and her stomach rolled, she lurched forward, barely making it to the scrub sink before the little she had eaten came back up. Addison stayed there, hunched over the sink as she continued to gag and heave with the painful cramps.
“Dr. Montgomery,” the security guard that Richard had sent to follow her until her bastard ex-husband was located, poked his head around the corner. “Are you, ok? Do you need me to get Dr. Bailey, she’s just down the hall?”
“No,” Addison coughed and white knuckled the edge of the sink, standing up straighter. “No, I’m fine,” she said more convincingly. The security guard watched her for a long moment, hesitating to step away. “I’ll be right out, I’m just going to change.” He nodded and turned back around the corner, and Addison let her shoulders slump and her head drop as she leaned her weight into her hands on the sink. Just breathe, slow down and breathe, she focused. In through her nose, slow and deep. Out through her mouth, count to four, hold, count to four. Until her hands stopped shaking and she no longer felt like she was going to collapse, she just breathed. She tilted her head back, pressing at the inner corners of her eyes. Then she shook her head, the motion brushing her hair back behind her shoulders, blew a final breath out her mouth, wiped her face, pushed off the sink and went to change out of her surgical scrubs into a clean pair, intentionally choosing a salmon pink set rather than the standard attending navy blue.
Bailey sat at Meredith’s bedside, watching over her intern, the room silent other than the beeping from the machines monitoring her vitals and Miranda’s occasional sniffling. She wiped her eyes with the tissue the security guard standing outside the door had handed her with an empathetic look when she had started quietly crying as the nurses wheeled Meredith into the room. A knock on the door pulled her attention away from her ward and she headed for the door, opening it and stepping out slightly, immediately met with Cristina shifting from foot to foot, fidgeting with her hands, avoiding looking her in the face. “Yang, you’re supposed to be with Burke in the Pit,” she scolded, but it didn’t hold any of the admonishment it normally would.
“I got the text that she’s out of surgery,” Cristina offered as her weak excuse. “Did everything go okay? Is she going to be okay?”
Bailey’s heart melted at the frantic concern in her voice and the red rim around her eyes. “She’s going to be fine, Cristina.”
“Ok,” She nodded and breathed out, her voice and breath trembling like she might break down in tears. “She’s okay,” she reiterated to herself quietly, letting her hands drop to her sides before she looked at her Resident. “Are you okay?”
The question startled her at first, but the genuine concern made her realize that her own eyes were probably as puffy and red as the intern’s in front of her. “I’m alright, Yang.” Miranda assured her, empathetically. “They’re still sweeping the hospital and surveillance footage, Richard wants a security guard to walk you all out to your cars and have police clear Meredith’s house and your apartment building. We’re not taking any chances while Shepherd is still out there.”
“He better hope the authorities find him, if I see him,” Cristina’s eyes flashed. “I’ll need an attorney, Dr. Bailey.”
Bailey frowned at her sternly, “I’m serious, Yang.”
“So am I. She's my person and he put her in the hospital.” she shot back. “How can you tell me not to do anything when he..” her voice broke and she stopped suddenly as tears filled her eyes again. “He’s broken her so many times. I don’t know how to help her this time.”
“I know,” in an uncharacteristic show of affection for the cynical and sardonic intern, she swept her into a motherly hug. “But that isn’t how to help your person now. She’s going to be ok. We’re all going to be here for her and each other.” Cristina’s arms went around her shoulders and she sank into the embrace, and nodded a little. “Come on,” she led her into Meredith’s room to sit with her until Addison got there to take over.
“Hey,” Addison greeted quietly as she slipped into the room with them a little while later. “How’s she doing?”
“Vitals are good,” Bailey told her. “She’s responsive when nurses come to check on her; should be coming out of the anesthesia soon.”
Cristina stood from where she had been seated near Meredith’s bed, “I should go update everyone and find our security escorts,” she excused herself with guarded sarcasm.
“They’re around the corner at the end of the hall with their security escorts,” Addison smirked. Bailey rolled her eyes and sighed. Cristina nodded kindly as she passed for the door.
Addison nodded towards the door Meredith’s person had just disappeared through, “and her?”
“She’ll survive,” Bailey sighed. “You know how she is, there’s a lot going on and there’s a lot of feelings, and it all comes out as anger, sarcasm, and aggression.” She dragged a hand down her face, “Not that I can really blame her, I’d like to get my hands on him myself.”
“I’ll pay for your bail,” Addison joked and silence fell over the room and the atmosphere sobered. “You're the one who found her and got her to the ER?”
Miranda let out a breath through her nose and nodded, “She paged me, 911 to the neuro on-call room, it must have been after-… he left her there. I figured she needed help with him, but I never expected…”
“I should have,” Addison said quietly.
“None of us saw this coming,” Miranda tried to comfort her.
“I should have,” Addison repeated in a whispered confession. “I saw how possessive he’s been since she stopped pining after him, and how persistent and manipulative in trying to get her back, he was so angry every time she turned him down. He’d started grabbing her arm to stop her from walking away from him and he physically pulled her away from me just yesterday, he jerked her by her arm and was holding her arms, practically shaking her, demanding to know why she wouldn’t get back together with him again, while she tried to push him away. I had to make him let her go and get her into the car while I made him leave. He was raging at me, I really, honestly thought he might hit me.” Now that she’d started speaking her confession of guilt, her thoughts were spiraling. Bailey stood, wide eyed, not sure what to do as her friend and colleague was condemning herself. “She was scared of him but she didn’t want to give up a chance at a Neuro residency, so she didn’t want to report him. I should have gone to Richard myself. I should have done something myself. I should have been here.” She rambled, “If I had been here I could have done something, he would have seen me and he would have left her alone, he would have been angry at me, he would have focused on me-”
“Addison!” Bailey interrupted the flood of misplaced blame. “It was not your fault.” She emphasized each word. “He did this to her, and she’s what he wanted. What do you think he would have done to you if you pissed him off and got in his way? How are you going to help her if he killed you?” Addison carefully sat on the edge of the bed, reached out and took hold of Meredith’s hand, looking at her with so much love and care that Miranda almost teared up. Those two women deserved to be happy. “This is no one’s fault but Derek Shepherd's, she’s going to be fine, and he’s going to pay for what he’s done to you two.”
“He didn’t do anything to me, she’s the one in the hospital bed,” Addison practically questioned.
“He hurt you too when he did this to her.” Miranda assured her. “You love her, you’re her partner and care about her, you’re going through it too.”
“I was so scared,” Addison whispered as she watched Meredith’s chest rise and fall, the machinery tracking her vitals. “When I walked in and saw her, like that, on that gurney in the trauma room, all I could think about was everything after the ferry crash. I thought I was going to lose her,” her voice trembled as the first tear fell and ran a path down her cheek.
Miranda quickly pulled her into a hug, and Addison sunk into the comfort, allowing her friend to hold her as she cried quietly onto her shoulder. “You’re not going to lose her,” she assured her when they pulled apart a minute later. “You’re both going to be ok.”
Addison nodded shakily, wiping away the tear tracks from her face.
A nurse knocked on the door and Dr. Bailey moved to the end of the bed while Addison shifted to sit in the chair, giving space for the nurse to check Meredith. After everything was noted in the chart, it was handed off to Dr. Bailey and the nurse left the room. “We’re going to keep her overnight to monitor her concussion, breathing, and sutures. I’ve got to go check in with Richard about the security details my interns are getting. I’ll make sure you get some time off, as much as you need.” She paused at the door. “Take care of her.”
“I will,” Addison promised. “Hey, Miranda,” when the other woman looked back at her, “Thank you, for taking care of her.”
She smiled at her, sincere and encouraging, “Call me if you need anything.”
rating: rated e (trigger warnings for violence, stalking, r*pe/SA)
pairing: meredith grey / addison montgomery
status: multi-chapter- in progress
summary: It is not cannon compliant. It’s out of character for some characters. It will be in a nonlinear story telling format- so currently established Meredith/Addison, but the story will include how they get together. Bad guy-Derek/Derek bashing. Don’t like, don’t read.
Chapter 1- part 2
“But,” Addison raised her voice and regained control of the room. “I need to collect a rape kit before we do anything.” A nurse left the room to gather the kit.
“Addison,” Miranda objected. “Let someone else do it.” The gentleness and sympathy in her voice nearly ripped away the control she had managed to grasp onto by turning on her Doctor brain, she was holding on by her fingertips. Addison shook her head, her lips pressed so tightly together they were turning white, dragging her fingers back through her hair, gripping tightly at the roots at the base of her skull, the tension pulling at her scalp grounding her as she turned her head, looking past Bailey, the clock caught her eye. Just over 10 minutes. That was all. It was just over 10 minutes ago that she walked into the hospital, responding to the emergency page. How was that all? “Addie,” Bailey moved into her line of vision again. “You can’t do this.”
Addison pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a defiant huff, “She doesn’t need Addie right now, Dr. Bailey.” She snapped, crossing her arms defensively. “She needs Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery, the best gynecologist in this fucking hospital.”
Bailey’s eyebrows shot up at her tone. “You need to be Addie right now, because that woman doesn’t need her girlfriend to see her body as a crime scene and that is what Dr. Addison fucking Forbes Montgomery is going to see if she performs this fucking SANE exam,” Bailey shot back, matching her energy. The words hit her like a punch to the chest and Addison deflated quickly, she closed her eyes and nodded. “Ok,” Bailey breathed and dropped a comforting hand on her crossed arms. “I’ll page someone to do the kit.”
“I can do it,” Callie finished immobilizing Meredith’s injured arm and hand, stepping up next to Bailey as she spoke up.
“Thank you, Callie,” Addison murmured, giving a small nod as she met her eyes.
All of the nurses except the SANE nurse had left the trauma room now that Meredith was stable and in the care of the doctors. Bailey joined Burke and Richard who had stepped back to the corner near the door, giving them space to create a bubble of privacy beyond the screen Callie pulled around the bed. “Bailey, you’re the one who found her?” Callie asked evenly as she laid out the tools and equipment she would need for the exam. “The scene needs to be secured.” The nurse brought in the evidence box and paperwork. “Richard, Burke, we need to have security sweep the building and find him if he’s still in the hospital, and get the authorities here.” The other three doctors quickly left to complete the tasks she had given in her admirably level and controlled demeanor.
Addison pulled a wheeled stool up next to Meredith’s left side. “Mer,” she leaned in close, hoping to get her attention without startling her. She softly placed her hand on her arm to give her a lifeline when her eyes struggled to focus. “Callie is going to do the kit, ok?” Meredith swallowed thickly, Addie’s hand slipped around hers, and nodded shakily as tears welled up again. “Do you want me to stay?”
Meredith nodded more insistently, and the shining tears spilled down her face. “Please,” she replied, her voice trembling with desperation, imploring her not to go. Grabbing onto her hand tightly, tugging, pulling her closer, trying to keep her from leaving her there alone.
“Ok, baby,” Addison whispered, wiping the tears away. “I’m here. I’ve got you,” leaning in and brushing her fingers through her hair, wiping away more tears as they came, holding her hand, whispering promises that she was there, she wasn’t going anywhere, she wouldn’t leave her, anything she could think of to soothe her as Callie calmly and efficiently performed the exam, telling Meredith what she was doing with each step, whether she responded or gave any indication that she heard her or not, as long as she didn’t need her to stop, collecting swabs, scrapings, pictures of the injuries that had already been seen and the ones that had been covered by the hospital gown and blanket. Undeniable evidence of the brutality she had endured.
“Okay Meredith we’re almost done,” Callie told her. “This is the last step, we’re going to examine your internal injuries. When you’re ready, we’ll help you get settled at the end of the table.” Meredith nodded.
Addison took a deep breath as she helped her lie back down now that they had gotten her into position, she sat on the stool again, near her head, with her back to Callie as she was pulling out the stirrups, doing everything she could to be here for her girlfriend, give her as much privacy as possible as she was being documented like a piece of evidence. Dr. Montgomery couldn’t begin to guess how many of these exams she’d seen, not even how many she’d done herself, hell, she’d trained other medical professionals in how to do them, but still when Callie gently guided Meredith’s knees to fall to the sides, and her girlfriend’s eyes clamped shut before she turned her head away from her and hid her eyes in the crook of her free arm, Addison didn’t know what to do. All the training she’d ever done couldn’t help her now.
That feeling of helplessness almost paralyzed her a minute later when Meredith’s eyes flew open, her head tossed back, and a sharp gasping moan tore its way up from her chest, getting caught by a choked sob in her throat, body went rigid and her back arched away from the table. Her arm dropped to her side, the heel of her uninjured hand pressed into the padding of the table under her. Her breathing was quick and shallow, through her nose, her jaw was clenched tight. Callie asked if she needed to stop, Meredith shook her head and told her to keep going. Addison carefully took her girlfriend’s hand and immediately was trapped in the crushing grip. She knew the tension in her body, the way her back was arched, her harsh breathing weren’t helping her get through this, she was going to start hyperventilating. She leaned in and dropped her head so her forehead was close to Meredith’s temple, gently shushing and whispering to her, bringing her other hand up to stroke her hair at the crown of her head.
The panic in those terrified, glassy, blue eyes was just below the surface as Meredith turned her head to face her, finding her soft hazel eyes to focus on. “Hurts…” she whimpered through clenched teeth. “Oh god, it hurt so-“ her eyes clamped shut again, holding Addison’s hand tight against her chest as another pained moan sobbed up from her chest.
“I know, baby, I’m sorry,” Addison whispered tearfully. “I know,” she cradled the crown of her head, her fingertips occasionally stroking into her hair. “Just breathe, Mer. She’s almost done. It’s almost over,” she softly pressed her lips to the blonde hair at her temple.
As soon as Callie had removed the colposcope, Meredith desperately turned her upper body towards the comforting presence of her girlfriend and clumsily pushed and hauled herself upright with scrambling hands as Addison did her best to help around her distressed frantic movements. She leaned into Addison’s chest and balled her uninjured hand into the fabric of her scrub top and held on as the sobs wracked her body. “I’m sorry, Addie. I’m so sorry. Oh god, Addie…” She whispered into the fabric of Addison’s top.
“Oh Mer,” Addison wrapped her arms around her and held her tight, one hand rubbing her back, the other cradling the back of her head. “Okay love, I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.” The truth was that she thought she might break down herself if she let go. So she held her as she trembled and cried into her chest, her heart somehow breaking more.
Callie quietly got Addison’s attention. She knew it wasn’t good, but Callie’s wide eyes full of concern made her heart race. After she turned the screen that was showing the recording from the digital colposcope, pausing occasionally to focus on frames that showed the injuries, Addison couldn’t tear her eyes away as her Doctor brain catalogued different sites of trauma, identifying each one using the cold medical terminology to keep the reality at arms length, extensive simple contusions and abrasions consistent with non consensual vaginal intercouse, multiple superficial and moderate tears, do not require medical intervention, positioning consistent with non consensual intercourse, two significant bleeding tears of the posterior fourchette, require sutures to close and heal properly, indicates possible multiple instances of forceful non consensual penetrations, bleeding from the cervix, too substantial to be metrorrhagia due to cervical contusions, indicates a tear or crushing injury to the cervix that will require surgical repair. She took a steadying breath and held Meredith tighter. She closed her eyes against the tears and fear and rage and heartbreak and kissed the top of her head. She whispered sweet nothings and promises into her ear. She told her to let it out, and to breathe, that she was here now, and that she was safe now, she had her, and he would never touch her again, that she loved her, she loved her so much.
Soon, between the damage her body had taken, the emotional toll, and the morphine, Meredith passed out and Addison and Callie carefully laid her back onto the exam table. “Get the orders for the X-rays of her arm and chest, and the CTs of her head, elbow and shoulder, and a pubic hypogastric region. ” Addison instructed quietly. “Either me, Bailey, or you will be with her at all times with a security escort until that fucking bastard is located and taken into custody.” She caringly brushed her bangs off her face and brushed away the tear tracks. “Call for an OR. I need the pubic CT first. Cristina is her medical proxy, I’ll get her approval for the procedure.”
Callie seemed shocked by that request. “You can’t operate on her. It’s against policy, Richard will never let you-”
“Fuck Richard and fuck policy,” Addison spit. “I’m doing it.” She reached out and took Meredith's hand in both of hers.
Callie carefully watched the Attending Surgeon, “Can’t you do the sutures with a local and a sedative?” she asked. It wasn’t ideal to let her do any procedure, but it would at least minimize the seriousness of the break from protocol that they would be making.
Dr. Montgomery shook her head. “She has a tear to her cervix that will require more invasive exam and treatment, possibly even full laparoscopic procedure to repair.” Callie put a caring hand on her shoulder, forcing Addison to look at her, and the damn almost broke again. “With the level of pain she experienced during the colposcope exam, I can’t do it under anything less than general anesthesia.” A tear escaped and she quickly wiped it away.
Callie nodded, silently. “I’ll assist in the OR. I can reduce her hand and make any other immediate repairs the CT might uncover.”
“Thank you,” Addison nodded as Callie left to get things moving. She sat quietly with Meredith for a few moments, brushing her thumb across the back of her hand she still held. She brushed the loose blonde strands back from her forehead and pressed her lips to her hairline. A few heavy tears escaped her eyes as she squeezed them shut against the onslaught of emotion that was crushing her now that she was alone and knew that Meredith was going to be ok. Addison swallowed the lump in her throat, locked away the personal emotions, and zoned in as Dr. Montgomery, preparing for surgery. She wiped her face and cleared her throat before she paged Bailey and Cristina to the ER.
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