[destroymylife]

[reppinitinlondon]

Rly annoying thing happened today. We were clearing out stuff from our house and my mum said "I hope when I die u don't just get rid of all my stuff" and I said well what if I die before u and she said "u won't". Like her certainty just rly pissed me off. She knows how I'm feeling atm but it's like she just invalidated it/ doesn't think I've got it that bad/ doesn't think it's that bad that I'd do it

[reppinitinlondon]

One of the most confusing feelings ever is wanting to kill urself but being scared to die

[reppinitinlondon]

and i basically just feel so alone lol

[reppinitinlondon]

it feels so weird logging on to this after so many years but i just need somewhere to vent

so i found out a couple of hours ago that my grandma on my dads side died on the 19th jan

and i wasnt close to her she didnt speak english we had no relationship

but i asked my cousin who was at the funeral (all makes sense now - a couple of days ago i got an insta dm from a randomer sending me pics of himself and my dad/cousin - obvs they were together for the funeral) how my dad was (who i dont speak to, horrible man and vile excuse for a human being. abusive in so many ways and cruel and horrible) and my cousin replied ‘devasted’

and this word just got to me

i cant stop imagining my dad - to whom family was everything - crying, SOBBING at my grandmas funeral in iran. i hate him but the image is heartbreaking.

and i so want to reach out, ive emailed and phoned but it keeps going straight to voicemail and idk what to do cos he is notorious for changing his number. and idek what id say to him if he picked up.

i avoid HIS calls i ignore his texts he was an absolute shitty father who i havent seen in two years and here i am pining over him just wanting to give him a big hug so we can cry into each others shoulders

whats more, i cant stop thinking about what it would be like if i lost my other granny, or her big sister (who is my fave fam member ever in the world and i actually - morbidly - do think about her leaving us and cry at that often) or my mum

and really at the end of all this

i just feel like a shit person

cos its all selfish

i dont think im really crying for my dead grandma

im upset thinking about if my other relatives die

tbf imagining my dad upset is not selfish, i just feel so bad and sorry for him

and i guess i HOPE i rly value life more now

as even a few days ago i got SO SUPER pissed off at my gran going in my room and using my stuff, on a matter of principle, but rly does it even matter??

and all these shitty low feelings are pissing me off to, bcos ive been down and lacking motivation for a while and now finally i sent an application off yday to go to japan in the summer, did a big proper grown up adult job application today, am half way through another one to move to italy next year, AND for the first time EVER did my work (and not even onthe day its due - EIGHT DAYS in advance)

was buzzing

and now i just feel so shit lol

sods law - finally get my mojo back n im crushed again

fuck u, life

[8789385039504]

[chessys]

the worst sound in the world is a man giving their opinion on a woman’s appearance

[timid]

No, fuck you. I deserve better.

something that has taken me too long to realise (via timid)

[trashemoji]

me, tossing mediocre content into the internet void: Validate Me

[hatin]

Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts, rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.

Liam Neeson  (via alunit)

[lavendergin]

[baatjr-deactivated20150830]

yes teenage girls can be dramatic and wild but honestly have u ever even seen what happens when u tell a grown man ‘no’

[marrymejasonsegel]

Straight dudes are their own worst enemies when it comes to getting laid.

[marrymejasonsegel]

Like, i know so many girls who are down for something more casual and who actually have really low standards that boil down to “treat me like a person, not a talking fleshlight”. And dudes refuse to even meet those standards!

Like, you know how many times I’ve been talking to a guy and I’ve already decided that when we hang out I’d down to mess around, only for the guy to start talking super graphically or send me a picture of his dick–and then literally all desire I had for him went out the windows.

Like dudes are so obsessed with sex that theyre scaring almost-certain sex partners away because they refuse to act like human beings capable of rational thought.

[thehappyhooker-deactivated20190]

THIS

[unbotheredmuse]

[fierrrrrrce]

CLICK HERE IF YOU WANT MORE FOLLOWERS 🙏🏾✨💸🎊

[authorkurikuri]

shout out to forgotten asians.

shout out to south asians: asians from india, pakistan, sri lanka, bangladesh, afghanistan, bhutan, maldives.

shout out to ignored east asians from countries less romanticized than china, japan, and south korea: to mongolia, taiwan, vietnam, and further southeast to singapore, malaysia, the phillipines, east timor, brunei, cambodia, myanmar, laos, thailand.

shout out to ethnic groups within more known asian countries, like the tibetan people in china and the ainu and ryukyuan people in japan.

shout out to russian asians. shout out to central asians in former soviet countries, to people from kazakhstan, turkmenistan, tajikistan, uzbekistan, kyrgyzstan.

shout out to western asians in countries that don’t fit neatly into trivial western/european geographical boundaries of the middle east, of south asia, of europe, of africa. 

shout out to mixed asians, to latinax asians, to black asians, to indigenous asians, to mixed south and east asians, and every combination.

asian people are more than just the same few ethnicities shown on tv.

[tr-apstar]

Men are so fuckin weak dude I swear. Women are out there grindin like nothing’s wrong while bleeding out of their vaginas 7 days a month, cramps so bad we can barely function, pushing a human out of our hoohas, taking pills that fuck with our horomones just so you can hit it raw and you have the damn nerve to judge the size of our hips that have birthed the civilizations of the world like they were made to be admired by you? No. Next time you get flicked in the balls I don’t wanna hear u talk about how it’s so much harder being a man. Damn. Shout out to women. Don’t let men tell you shit.

[bufogeist-deactivated20230301]

Also we get paid less so

[leur-moved-deactivated20161117]

anyways.. men continue to disappoint me