im chillin brah idgaf abt nun @requiem4ravenholm - Tumblr Blog

Will be providing screenshots from a second party, who I will address as Uran for the sake of anonymity.

Uran is someone who was friends with Sard and myself during that time, and someone who I remain close with to this day.

She has offered messages from her end about Sard venting to her, their self awareness about our relationship seemingly evident to everyone but myself.

“He’s too young! He’s too young!” They’d realize after months of sexualizing my 14 year old self.

After Sard dumped me, they would effectively “use her” as a rebound, not really dating but also doing and drawing things that were too close for comfort for people who considered each other “just friends.”

Uran’s birthday is in late November, which would’ve made her 13 or freshly 14 at the oldest in these screenshots.

Compared to Sardonyx, who was already 17.

P.S. While I have chosen to leave my likeness uncensored, I have decided to give Uran further anonymity by censoring hers.

P.P.S. If I might offer any clarity, the character referred to as “Beo” here is Beowulf from Skullgirls, the character they had sent me porn of.

Apo refers to Apophi, a character of mine that they were also very keen on sexualizing.

tranquilwrath

Back at it again.

These next posts are going to be concerning the design timeline of Apophi Mecham, one of the characters mentioned in this post.

I find it important to document this because early on they were testing the waters with this character. They were using my original character for sexual gratification, despite the creator of said character being a 13-14 year old boy.

Aforementioned Pesterquest fanroute server, if you've seen my previous posts. We were working on [read: goofing around with] our characters a little ways before fully getting situated with them narratively.

Names redacted in black are other members of the server that I don't consider entirely relevant to the story, anonymized. I feel it's redundant to redact deleted users, so I'm not going to do that.

Message logs + Better quality photos of the artworks being shown.

If I'm going to give a bio for this character, it's going to be here: Apophi Mecham is a goldblooded troll with an affinity for mechanics and a vice of train robbing and adopting different pseudonyms.

Wait. I kind of lied a little. Apophi Alchem is a limeblood who—

Wait. I'm not being entirely truthful here, either. Pulock Omimus— Dinlas Ollopa— Can this guy keep his story straight!?

Jokes aside, these were a number of names that were either considered and rejected or actual aliases the character used over the years as a part of his lore.

Apophi Mecham [yes, that was the name I landed on] is a limeblood rainbow drinker sort of masquerading as a goldblood for obvious if-people-find-out-I'll-be-culled reasons. The mechanic persona and the train stealing tendencies are all part of the newest life he's living when he gets introduced to the other characters. He's also partially deaf and wears a hearing aid, presumably from some sort of train-related incident.

He has poofy hair, tinted goggles, horns that curl up like two halves of a heart, and wears a tracksuit that is a little too small for the guy. He was kind of a string bean when I first designed him, his issues with clothing paralleling my own. Although I'll say, he's more on the vertically blessed side, with myself being more... horizontally privileged.

[The signature is basically unreadable because I chose a color that was too similar in value to the background, but I don't want to risk it. Also, several elements call back to the aliases he's gone by, the shorts more obviously calling back to his goldblood persona, but his shoes also calling back to a former purpleblood persona. Alas, the shading gives him away, a desaturated lime.]

Cimmex Lambda is the character that's constantly in proximity to him [goldblood; four horns], as seen in previous posts, but I'd like to make a separate post dissecting his design development.

For now, Apophi.

[Formatting for this portion might look a little different, curse Tumblr's 10 photo limit on mobile.]

These are pictures of my sketchbook, artworks circa February-March 2020.

If you've noticed, the ill fitting nature of Apophi's garments slowly go from a side affect of inaccessible clothing sizing to a deliberate cropped styling, with additional detailing on the navel/pubic bone area.

This would be the beginning of the end. Apophi would eventually grow into some sort of hunky bara Latin man, and become a shell of the goofy, train robbing fool he was meant to be.

I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm documenting all of this here to show the beginnings of Sard's sexualization at my expense started with those desires being projected onto my characters, of which started before I had even turned 14.

Much to consider.

P.S. WE NEED TO RETIRE THE WORD "HIMBO." TRUST ME.

tranquilwrath

Back at it again. I need to establish a timeline.

Will simplify things for brevity here, but may detail things further in separate posts to provide context for receipts.

For anonymity’s sake, I will be omitting names or using pseudonyms for important or reoccurring persons.

You can address me as Atom, because I understand that snagging one of the various handles my abuser used to go by may make things confusing when it comes to distinguishing us from one another.

BEFORE 2020

When I had met Sardonyx, we were both users of a now-defunct artist social media site called FrameCast, the sister website of DrawCast, an equally defunct social media website that fell out of people’s good graces after the creator decided to get into NFTs. But I digress.

We were mutuals on the platform, but had never properly developed a friendship. We eventually migrated to Instagram, started talking because of a mutual friend, and had developed a little friend group of four. [Originally being myself, the mutual friend, and a third person, before Sard had joined.]

Later on, the four of us would join a Discord server together.

2020

It was a bit of a lax operation, two moderators and under twenty people, made with the intent of producing fan routes of then-popular game Pesterquest, but none of them never came to fruition.

We sort of used the server to work on these routes of our respective troll characters, but we mostly just used it to dick around like teenagers do.

In that time, Sard and I [16 and 13] would grow closer, and once I had turned 14, this would progress into romantic roleplay, evolving into suggestive and then outright sexual roleplay, which would then progress into dating and an outright sexual relationship. This would go on until they had turned 17, in which they would end our relationship, but still behaved as if nothing had changed, continuing to sexualize me and expose me to sexual content.

2021 ONWARD

This behavior eventually fizzled out as we became more casual friends, with the last thing to stop being their sexualization of my characters. I was also dating another person, which would’ve contributed to the end of this behavior. Messages seem to imply a rocky point where I started becoming vindictive post-breakup, but that was either short lived or worked through.

By 2022, they had fully cut contact, seemingly coming to terms with what they had done to me and being unable to cope with that sort of thing any longer.

I would eventually forget about this part of my life, remembering the dynamic I had with them as “stopping before we had gone too far.”

This would remained buried in my memory until 2025, with my friends’ sharing their own grooming experiences at the hands of a different person we all knew. This would catapult my experience with Sardonyx to the front of my memory, and would kickstart coming to terms with the fact that I had been groomed by them.

By the time I figured that out, they were already gone. I will never be able to find them or seek proper justice for myself.

Everything I had suffered with at the time had come back tenfold, relapsing especially with my hypersexuality and obsessive tendencies even though it had been managed previously.

I have not had an easy time with this. I’m afraid of what I’m grappling with affecting the people I love. I just need to have this out there so people don’t go through the same things I did.

So they can’t hurt anyone else.

tranquilwrath

Screencaps of our correspondence on Instagram.

I’ve largely kept to Discord because the Insta side of things primarily consists of us sending now-unavailable explicit textposts to one another and talking about what we’d do to each other or what our characters would do to each other.

But I figured this one would be important.

Imagine fostering an environment where you, as a 17 year old, are basically egging on a 14 year old to send topless photos???

God, this is awful. I feel like I’m the one in trouble here.

Their messages read more as flustered and bashful over pressuring me into it, but they still encouraged the behavior. I was a hypersexual teenager who threw caution to the wind any chance I got, and they were aware of this fact and had allowed me to send those photographs.

The pushback only came when I had remarked on the legality of what I had done, and they had gotten me to remove the photo only after being allowed to view for themself.

Funny, though. Even after we split up, they would still find excuses to sexualize me in conversation. Mind you, the end of the relationship happened as a result of the age difference between us, which is something they initiated. So much for being the bigger person, huh?

P.S. What’s the statute of limitations on knowingly viewing CSEM content in England?

tranquilwrath

Post break up. One of these was on the day of, too.

Need I remind you of this conversation and how the eventual cause of the end of our relationship was because of the age gap. However, this did not deter them from pushing for and attempting to receive comfort from me, the child they dumped for being a child.

I share the art in particular to show the way their inner biases reflected the way in which they were drawing me. I was placed in the position of comforting them, further placing me in an adultified role when I’d had enough of it from my home life.

Here are various self portraits I had made during the time span of 2020 [other persons anonymized]:

Now, another artwork they made depicting yours truly [again, other persons anonymized]:

I don’t think it’s as egregious in the final example. However, you can tell that they were, on some level, altering the way they were viewing me in their mind to make their abuse of me more palatable.

You could say it’s “just stylization,” but it genuinely has felt like they had actively rejected the notion of my being younger, especially when my own depictions involved rounder, softer features indicative of youth.

Might sound like I’m cornplating or cherry picking or whatever the new term for it’s gonna be, but we should take into question a groomer’s choice to effectively age up their victim to justify their sexualization of them. Holy cognitive dissonance, Batman!

P.S. If you recognize any of these artworks and styles at all I would encourage you to reach out to me. My direct messages are open, or we could discuss on Discord if you prefer, if you drop your username in my inbox.

tranquilwrath

Days after they turned 17.

We were both nasty little Homestucks, but that’s not really relevant to this whole thing.

I was fighting tooth and nail justifying the age difference. Being a child at the time, not only did I not know what was good for me, but the deep seated fear of abandonment had gripped me hard. Whatever it took for things to stay as they were.

You know, it’s not really the responsibility of the child to make that decision.

I appreciate that the effort was made to end things, but maybe you could’ve thought of doing that before you sexually exploited a 14 year old boy?

P.S. If you see use of the spades emoji in our correspondence, it was definitely used as a stand in/our version of the heart emoji. I also referred to them as chief as a pet name. Filthy homestucks.

tranquilwrath

Innocuous, but serves to properly paint the picture.

It would only be months after these conversations that we would engage in sexual contact.

Also, context for the second one, even though these screenshots are for the same day they’re different parts of conversation.

There was an individual who I became obsessed with, infatuated with to an unhealthy degree at that time. That obsession led to the end of the friendship with that individual, and it was something that had really taken my mental health into a turn for the worse.

I do not blame this person for cutting contact. I was not a good person to be around at that time. I suspect that this had been the development of a personality disorder, but this does not excuse or change the actions I had done or the hurt I had caused.

Might be relevant to note that I was being abused during that period at the hands of my father, being subjected to physical, verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse. I wasn’t doing too hot! I was incredibly desperate for affection, given my father was hot and cold with it and my mother was in survival mode like the rest of us.

To recap, Sard had knew I was 13 in these screenshots [they were 16] and had decided to flatter me, believing me to be a strong person or maybe just saying what I wanted to hear.

I believe this was setting the groundwork for trust, for them to eventually be able to push boundaries and groom my 14 year old self into becoming complaisant with their future behavior.

P.S. The art shown is theirs but is of one of my characters at the time. I’m on the fence about how much of my art I should show here. I’m worried about being found before I am ready, but some of those pieces may be relevant to the abuse I faced at their hands.

I’m fine with the characters themselves being shown, because I never really posted them on my social media platforms. I might censor my signature, though. I still use that handle.

tranquilwrath

If we want specific dates for the relationship, we started dating on the 7th of June and broke up on or before the 27th of September. I may eventually find those message logs, but I will only post these for now.

I bring this up because this was a conversation we had had after splitting up, when the reason they gave was for the age difference [they had turned 17 the previous month] and would also later express their grievances with my immaturity.

No! A 14 year old, immature? Absolutely unheard of, I tell you!

I bring this up specifically to mention that these logs are dated for October.

Mid conversation, they steer the conversation towards the fact that they stumbled across porn of a character they were sexually attracted to. I, ever the eager beaver [read: a hypersexual and groomed 14 year old], asked to view it.

And they provided it with very little pushback.

I hope I’ve censored enough. If you can tell, this was added in post so these could be posted on tumblr without being flagged for removal. The original artworks were uncensored, and got flagged down the line by Discord for their graphic and likely uncensored-at-the-time nature.

Let’s do a thought experiment. If you’ve just turned 17, and recently dumped your 14 year old boyfriend because of the age difference, what makes you think it appropriate to further expose him to pornographic content?

If you are trying to be the bigger person and break things off so you don’t harm him any more than you have already, what makes you think discussing and showing even more porn to him would be a good idea?

tranquilwrath

Discussion of masturbation on voice call via coded language. This had become a regular occurrence thing for us at that point. I would masturbate on voice call, and they would sometimes join in, albeit muted on their end.

They were weeks away from turning 17, and I had been 14 at that time, having just graduated middle school.

“Oh but 14 and 16 isn’t that bad! Two year age gaps are fine between teenagers!”

I’m not sure if I have to provide a rebuttal to that sort of thing, but we were in completely different times of our lives, and had basically had a three year age difference with a period in between where the gap felt “lesser.”

Three year gaps are inappropriate between teenagers, and I’d wager that even two year gaps are pushing it.

My birthday is in spring [late March/early April] and theirs is early August, on the 9th if I recall correctly.

tranquilwrath

The Beginning: Sardonyx/Tranquilwrath/Luxilylight/Wulfshoot/Strawberrymelody33

TW GROOMING, CHILD EXPLOITATION

[I am putting some tags in fandoms I am aware they were a part of when I knew them.]

I was groomed by Sardonyx in 2020, when I was 14 years old and they were 16, turning 17. I was encouraged to roleplay explicit scenarios, view and create explicit artworks, and even masturbate on voice calls with them.

It took me this long to come forward because I was in denial about it. I had convinced myself that the relationship had been fine, and that it had been broken off before things went too far. I had convinced myself that I was an eager, willing participant, and that I wanted the abuse they had subjected me to.

I was barely in high school when I started dating them, and believe the grooming may have started a little before when I was actively in my last year of middle school. [Eighth grade in the US, Year 9 in the UK, or region equivalent]

I would not have been in the right state of mind to consent to a sexual relationship, let alone to someone with a significant maturity gap.

For brevity, I will reserve receipts for separate posts. For now, I will provide the various accounts/aliases I know are their accounts.