Been thinking about how much I hate John Winchester lately (shocking I know) and I think I have a little bit of an idea as to why Sam and Dean almost instantly switch up on how they feel about John after he dies in the series.
I cannot explain how essential it is to the plot that Sam and Dean have like the exact opposite reactions to Johnās death.
Sam throughout the show has these little moments, particularly when it comes to the type of person Dean is, that I think are a pretty interesting glimpse into how he treats his own trauma when it comes to John/his childhood. He acts shocked Dean could be capable of taking care of children or cooking or just generally being responsible. He has an idea of his brother that doesnāt actually exist in reality. While yes, Dean does often behave in a irresponsible way, this is only when heās goofing around with Sam when they are safe or when heās putting on a front, which I also think is interesting.
Not only does Sam have a false image of his brother, but he has one of his father as well. Despite the fact that we get multiple allusions to Dean being beat/hit by John, he says that their father never hit them in that one episode with thy kid who kills his dad and uncle because they beat his ass every day. I like to think that because Sam was able to remove himself from the abusive situation, the first thing his brain did to cope with it was black the whole thing out. The only time he really acknowledges it is that whole āget drugged out with my rapist girlfriendā arc. He cannot deal with acknowledging the things that happened to him. (This is also pretty common with victims of CSA. Your brain blocks things out but you still often feel the repercussions of the abuse through sexual dysfunction). For example, Sam acts like their dad was around and fed them and was perfectly fine, just kind of neglectful, but then very obviously shows signs of having experienced food insecurity with his incredibly restrictive eating habits.
Dean on the other hand has no way of forgetting about the abuse. He doesnāt get to forget about it because until John dies, heās still actively in it all. He defends their dad during the beginning because unlike Sam, he has a memory of before the abuse. (Another common reaction with victims of CSA is to become incredibly close with their abuser and defend them.) I think Dean would also try and act like everything was just fine because he wants to protect Sam from it all. Sam is his responsibility and Sam in his mind will always be his baby, so of course heās lying to protect his little brother.
But once he finally reacts to the abuse, heās able to admit to himself that this is wrong. Hence why he completely flip-flops on his feelings about John. Heās in the process of acknowledging his abuse, while Sam is over here being like āDean stop, dad LOVED US.ā Like yeah buddy maybe he loved you, but not Dean. I also think with Sam being the favorite, Dean definitely faced harsher abuse than he did. Thereās no way that boy wasnāt taking punches for his little brother.
The interesting thing to me is that no matter how hard Dean tries to keep up this masculine front and pretends like heās just some lazy slob who over-indulges in everything (his food insecurity popping up in that the second that guy gets food heās eating everything on the plate), no matter how hard he tries to forget everything, itās always going to be there and thereās nothing he can do about it. I think itās also inherently tied to his queerness in a way. To Dean the only way he could have escaped being beat by his dad was to be the man his dad wanted him to be, but instead heās some soft queer.
To specify, I do think Dean and Samās sexual abuse are very different from one another. Itās not necessarily something you HAVE to read into, itās just something I have pondered incorporating to my version of supernatural. Samās abuse started from day one. I think everything that yellow-eyes does to him is very similar to grooming. Iāve posted about this before Iām pretty sure, but I feel the need to hammer this point in. The fact that it permeates into everything Sam does is SO important to his character. Itās also why he allows himself into terrible relationships like his dating Ruby. People who are victimized young are likely to be victimized again. As for Dean, I read into his strange relationship with John as at the very least emotionally incestuous. After Mary dies, Dean completely fulfills that role of mom of the family and wife in that heās taking care of Sam and taking care of the house. If anything, I think John would have blurred the lines of what is appropriate to task a 10 year old with. Itās why Dean is so conflicted about being a āreal manā. His dad pushed this being straight and being a real tough man on him, but then is exactly the reason why he can never be. Regardless of Deanās personality or his own sexual inclinations, his dad feminizes him in pushing him into Maryās role and having such a weird relationship with his son. But once Dean starts resembling a grown man the abuse (minus physical heās still beating that boy) completely cuts off. Like Dean choosing to be queer is what makes it disgusting of him. Then he sends him on that whole ākill these lesbian nuns, this definitely isnāt a message about what happens to gay people son.ā Mission.
Anyway thanks so much John for fucking up both of these boys!
