when my coworkers ask about "the other woman"
When I found out who the other woman was, I drunk-texted you
and said things I shouldn’t have, things about how I wished
she’d get chickenpox or have a heart attack the next time
she had sex with you; then I broke into our old apartment
and sat in the bathtub alone for two hours
drinking mint herbal tea. I bet if I filed
a missing person’s report and the cops came knocking
on the door, all they’d find out of place would be my heart.
I apologize in advance for slashing every single tuxedo
in your closet, and emptying all your cologne bottles
into the backseat of the car so that every time you sat down
in the driver’s seat, you literally sank into
the liquid version of my love. I remember how your body
was like my favorite beer, and every time we touched
I got drunk on your fingers. Now she’s the one
that’ll get picked up for the DUI.
And sometimes I feel like a stalker for running around
your neighborhood at night when I know you’ll be asleep,
or waiting until 8:30 every morning to brush my teeth
because I know that’s when you’ll be brushing yours too.
But then I remember that I covered my tracks pretty well
when I replaced your new girlfriend’s lingerie
with old granny underpants, and if the police show up
at my office with an arrest warrant, they won’t be able
to put a pair of handcuffs around the fact
that I loved you with every clumsy pulse
of my stuttering heart, and if speech impediments
were something you could win prizes for,
I’d take home the blue ribbon.