A sign of it is dreaming about the past that was forgotten. I know this is a storytelling tool, but this is actually how it happens irl too. It means your subconscious is ready to process what was suppressed.
This happens when the body feels safe enough to begin healing.
So why now?…
Because of Yor and Anya. In this case, they’re next to him after he wakes up from a nightmare, symbolically and literally creating a sense of safety, a safe space. He feels safe with them in “Loid’s house.” Even if he doesn’t realize it, his body does.
This is also why he collapses when he returns home and sees Yor.
And Anya gives him comfort with a headpat (physical affection) when he wakes up from the nightmare. Real comfort, telling him that he has nothing to be afraid of. He’s safe.
His heart, his home, his safe space, held by two people.
The characterization in SpyxFamily always involves multiple layers due to the secrets the characters are keeping. From a writing perspective, I find it fascinating and commendable how Endo keeps these characters behaving and interacting with each other in hilarious and deep (layered) ways. With each action they take, we as the audience wonder which parts of themselves they’re revealing, and which parts are still hiding.
"Yes. I love her.” We don’t know what he is thinking
We just finished the TV arc in the manga, which literally involves Yor playing a character and then reflecting on the role she plays in the Forger family. “Role” as in a twofold meaning: the “role” that Loid mentioned people play in their lives, and the role that she plays in the fake family. Maintaining the fake family is a shared goal among the three of them, and it creates opportunities for bonding and teamwork. They’re working together and can share a closeness because of it, but they’re also hiding things from each other.
For Yor, her role is to play the part of a wife and mother. Her other role is with her profession. We don’t have a lot of information on her backstory and what she was like before she started working. Before joining the Forger family, the Yor in every day life and her professional persona were somewhat the same. Her life revolved around her profession, and she even agreed to get married to continue with it.
But now she has fallen in love with Loid, for real. She’s playing the part of a wife and mother, but her affections for Loid and Anya are real, and she has accepted it. At this point, the “role” is just for show to people outside of the family. In front of Loid and Anya, she is genuine about her feelings, except hiding the fact that she is in love with Loid.
With Loid (“Loid”), there’s another layer of character in that he also plays the role of Twilight, the spy. People often adopt different personas when they’re at work vs. when they are not. For him, he is always working. Or is he?
Hobby: Nothing
“Loid” threw away his identity purposefully when he became a spy. He knowingly sacrificed his personality, likes, dislikes, everything about himself to become a spy. Or did he?
My acting teacher said something that really resonated with me the other night. When playing a character, the most believable performance comes when you lower your mask. When you stop trying to “perform” and be impressive, and when you become vulnerable with your feelings. The first reaction is yours — how would you react in this situation? How would you feel? And then you play the character’s reaction through that, through your own filter.
This is what Loid (“Loid”) is doing. He is playing the character of Loid Forger through a filter — the filter of Twilight. Who is that? A ruthless spy.
But there’s another filter, and that’s his real self. Twilight operates purely rationally, through logic, through the mind. Twilight doesn’t have emotions, but he (“Loid”) does. How did this happen?
Small moments of vulnerability built up little by little. When Anya patted him on the head after a nightmare. When Yor woke up early to cook breakfast. Twilight doesn’t care about anything not related to gathering intelligence, networking, and furthering his mission. These moments were not needed. Twilight wouldn’t care about them. But he (“Loid”) does. In his surprise, he lets his guard down.
These are the moments that touch his heart, a place that Twilight cannot reach. But he is there. Yor and Anya found him there and have been pulling him out, little by little.
They have witnessed his true self, and he subconsciously knows it. He subconsciously trusts them.
He is the one that gets emotional. What happens after you suppress your real self and your emotions for so long is that you forget how to process emotions. And when you finally start, it’s usually a painful process to begin with. He has tons of unresolved grief from childhood and teenhood… that’s also in the heart. Real healing would require processing that (and a ton of crying). But the process has already begun because of Yor and Anya, even if he constantly distracts himself from it due to his mission and cover.
Yor and Anya are healing his heart and allowing him to react as himself. The more he does that, the more he will come back <3
(of course, we then add another layer where him coming back is literally the opposite of what he has to do for his job, the mission, peace, etc. It’s still beautiful and all the more fascinating for the story!)
😂 I laughed so hard at this chapter. Yor keeps catching Loid off guard, and that causes the mask to fall away bit by bit (because he is reacting genuinely to her!)
I think it’ll work out somehow where Yor defends or saves Loid from the situation. He would be relieved for her help, that in such a stressful situation he didn’t have to figure it all out himself like he is used to doing :’) Strengthening his trust towards her, feeling grateful and relieved to be able to rely on her, and further causing him to question his feelings!! 🤭😏 and have a guilty conscience about what he was going to do...
after watching the last episode of SpyxFamily, I wanted to do a take on this scene with Yor’s halo included 🥲✨ this is my first time drawing in Procreate!
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