The other day I was misgendered for the 1st time in a while. I pass 99.9% of the time, so being referred to as a lady really caught me off guard. It was interesting what happened this time, my thoughts were totally different. In the past my mind would react by trying to find somewhere to lay the blame for this happening. Unfortunately, most of the time it was turned inwards. I would hold myself accountable. Shame myself because surely there must have been more I could have done or this would never have happened. There was an immediate breakdown and analysis. Maybe my hair cut, my clothes, my general appearance, my mannerisms weren’t manly enough. Maybe I wasn’t playing the part of a “man” as well as I should be. Stories like I am not good enough, I should have been doing more etc. I felt angry and ashamed, as if I had betrayed myself. As if there was something fundamentally wrong with who I am. I would contract into myself and hide away. All of this happened in a microsecond.
This time I realised 2 things.
1) This person did not see ME. And in life, as a human, regardless of being trans or not; not everyone in life is going to see YOU. There will always be people who will misunderstand who you are, will make assumptions about who you are, put labels on you that are not yours and tell you who you “should” be and how to do you. All without ever getting to know who you really are. So, to live a life free of blaming, shaming and guilting yourself, do your very best in your life to make damn sure that you are not one of the people doing this to you. 2) In the moments leading up to it, I was just being me. I wasn’t paying attention to how I walk or whether my face was shaved. I felt totally comfortable and confident in myself and my being me. That felt right to me. So this moment could not change that feeling unless I made it mean there was something “wrong” with me. And the simple truth is, there is never a single thing you ever need to be or do differently in order to be “right”, just as you can do no “wrong” in the business of being you either. In fact, the only real way you can do you wrong is by not being you. So be you 👊🏼 ❤️🦄
#humanfirst #fearlesshumans