If you’re new to my writing, I would describe it as fluff and smut-comedy. Occasionally, I write angst as well. My Tumblr name is general to be open to my interests and muses at the time. I’m in my 20s, so I tend to write from that perspective. Since I write smut, if you’re a minor please dni with that stuff. I try to mark it clearly (18+), but if I miss something lmk!
Requests
I don’t take requests. I used to run request scenario blogs in the past and the pressure stunted my creative flow. By making this blog unaffiliated with a fandom and not taking requests, I can take my time with my writing, try out new ideas, and also evolve with my interests.
That being said...if and we are chatting in my ask and I am inspired, I’ll write something! If I don’t choose to write your idea, don’t take it to heart. It usually just means I couldn’t think of a scenario or couldn’t expand on it in a meaningful way. To not be an idea hog, I post it with the proper tags so other (much more talented) people can pick it up and write it. Also, even if I do write it that doesn’t mean someone else can’t put their spin on it -- please do. And message it to me because I love reading fluffy smutty content
Dolan Twins
Grayson Dolan
A Lady Knows | A fluffy fic that takes place after Grayson cuts his hair and looks like Ethan for the first time in a decade. He decides to film his girlfriend’s ability to tell them apart.
Caught | A sexual comedy fic where you and Grayson struggle to get it on because you keep getting interrupted. (18+)
Lemme See | A short smut where Grayson wants you to show him a side of you that only he can see. (18+)
Leaked | A fluffy fic where Grayson consoles you upon learning that ex-boyfriend threatens you with your old nudes. TW: revenge porn
Mom and Dad, Mom and Dad 2 | A fluffy fic where you as the “mom” friend and Grayson as the “dad” friend babysit your younger cousin while trying to pretend you don’t have crushes on each other.
Calm Waters | A semi-dark fluffy multi-part fic where Grayson discovers that you are a humanoid aquatic creature being held captive in a local Sea World when you save his life. Parts: 1 2 3 4
Company | A cute blurb about keeping Grayson company when he can’t skate with his friends
I Pinky Promised | A fluffy blurb about Grayson forcing everyone around him to be safe during the pandemic because he wants to be with you.
Baby Boy | A smutty fluffy fic where Grayson has a FWB relationship with you, a person who he admires because of your success and experience being older. (18+)
Ethan Dolan
Sharing Parts: One, Two | An angsty fic where Ethan balances being in an open relationship with a married woman and falling in love with her. TW: Sexual references, no smut
Survivalist Shower | A fluffy, light smut fic where you give Ethan a shower after he conquered the wilderness in Australia (18+)
Tattoo | A fluffy fic that that gives a snapshot of your and Ethan’s relationship as you decide whether or not to get a tattoo.
I Can’t Babe…I’m Vegan Now, Pay Back | A sexual comedy fic where you and Ethan’s talent of teasing/making fun of each other extends to the bedroom. (18+)
Read This | A fluffy friendship fic where you comfort Ethan during his lowest moment with his acne.
The Dress | A fluffy fic where Ethan boosts your confidence when you start to question whether you are a good fit for him.
Miss You |A smutty blurb where you and Ethan are preparing to quarantine together in the van and you decide to tease him along the way. (18+)
The Absolute Worst | A smutty fluffy fic where you and your brother meet the Dolan twins, and you and Ethan do not start off on the right foot. (18+)
Dolan Twin Blurbs
Oops | My thoughts on how a clumsy person would enjoy the twins’ new shower. (Your twin of choice)
Jack Harlow
Jack Harlow Fics
Mistakes | An angsty-fluffy-suggestive fic where you meet Jack through mutual friends and your attraction to each other is palpable. However, it seems that you get caught up in the drama that comes with being with someone famous and apprehensive about falling in love. Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4 Kinda(18+)
November | A smutty fic where Jack and his friends have a bet going for No Nut November and Jack is doing really well. So, well that his friends want to sabotage his success. The only person who can do that is you. (18+)
Court Side | A fluffy fic where you have your first outing with Jack after going public with your relationship and he calms your nerves so you can have fun together.
Reunion | A fluffy-suggestive fic where you reunite with your high school friend, Jack, after a year or so and he is attracted to you. After years of pining for him in high school, you come to terms with the fact that you may still be in love with him. Kinda (18+)
Season’s Greetings | A smutty fic where you are having Christmas for the first time with Jack's family and nervous out of your wits. Meanwhile, Jack has other plans. (18+)
A Gentle Touch | A smutty fic where Jack takes your virginity and tries to make it a romantic and sensual experience. (18+)
Cubic Zirconia | A fluffy-suggestive-mildy-angsty fic where you and Jack are fake dating and he gets to boost his reputation while you get cash for your non-profit company. Kinda(18+)
Pining in Anticipation | An angsty-to-fluffy fic based off of Dress by Taylor Swift where you buy an expensive dress to get the attention of Jack, your childhood friend, only to be catapulted to the last time you tried to woe him.
The Real You | An semi-angsty-to-fluffy fic based off of I’m With You by Avril Lavigne where you (a model) and Jack have an unconventional meeting after you get stood up by a catfish who was using Jack’s pictures when talking to you.
Fake Hearts | A fluffy-to-smutty frenemies to loves fic where you, after years of enjoying Valentine’s Day couples deals platonically with your friend Urban, you end up spending Valentine’s Day with his best friend, Jack, who thinks you’re trying to steal Urban away from him. (18+)
Two Brothers | A choose-your-own-adventure-angsty-fluffy-slightly suggestive fic where you are caught between your feelings for two brothers after you made the mistake of kissing one on your first date with the other.
How You Keep Smiling | A smutty-into-angsty-with-bits-of-fluffy fic based off of Thumbs by Lucy Dacus where Jack, your friend with benefits, accompanies you to see your abusive father. (18+, TW: descriptions of domestic violence)
Jack Harlow Blurbs
Official | A fluffy blurb where you, a popular influencer, spontaneously decide to go public with your relationship with Jack after months of hinting.
Mr. It Girl | A fluffy-suggestive blurb where you visit Jack’s old school and the number of people is overwhelming for you. However, Jack whisks you away in a classroom and puts you at ease (and works you up at the same time)
Too Far | A angst-to-fluffy blurb where you and Jack get into an argument and it brings up your past insecurities.
Say Yes | A fluffy blurb about Jack proposing to you (an introvert), dancing on the line between a private proposal and ensuring that all those you love are there to celebrate.
Little Things | A collection of blurbs both SFW and NSFW about Jack. These were all fic/blurb ideas I had, but didn’t think I could expand on. Feel free to use them as prompts or let me know your thirsts well :D
Dad of The Year | A fluffy-angsty-slightly-suggestive double blurb where both versions feature you as a kindergarten teacher consoling an overworked Jack. In version 1, you are his daughter’s teacher and he is a single dad. In version 2, you are his wife.
Perfect Morning | A fluffy-smutty blurb where you and Jack have a lovely morning together including smexy snuggles and a cuddly shower (18+)
The Perfect Pair | A fluffy unofficial sequel blurb to Say Yes where, after months of Jack shielding you from all the stress and drama of wedding planning, it’s on your wedding day that you save the day with your quick thinking.
Nymph | A suggestive-kinda-fluffy blurb where Jack is overwhelmed by your hypersexual nature, but is also pervious to it. (18+)
Deep Breathing | A suggestive-kinda-fluffy blurb where after trying to control your attitude around Jack, you finally break and he loves every second of it.
Déjà Vu | A fluffy-smutty blurb where Jack see a childhood crush at a party and decides to shoot his shot, but it doesn’t go quite as planned. (18+)
Birthday Trip | A two-part blurb where the first is smutty and the second is fluffy (and can be enjoyed separately) where Jack invites you on his birthday trip and it makes you wonder if your situationship is turning into a real relationship. Parts: 1, 2. Part One (18+)
Flowers | A fluffy-kinda-suggestive blurb where Jack realizes that if he doesn’t act soon that he may lose his opportunity to be with you, his long term friend and booking agent.
House Call | A smutty-fluffy blurb where you receive a call in the middle of the night that Jack needs you and although you two are just a casual fling, you can’t help, but hope this will turn into more.
Blossoms | An angsty-fluffy-suggestive sequel to Flowers where you get cold feet about getting into a relationship with Jack and it makes him feel insecure
Miracle | An angsty-fluffy-smutty blurb where you find out you’re pregnant and Jack doesn’t take the news too well at first. (18+)
Summary: You’re an up-and-coming influencer that is trying to grow your small, but loyal fanbase. You decide to do a blind date game on a popular YouTube channel only to find out that your date is Jack Harlow.
Warnings: Fem!reader, Influencer!reader, kissing, fluff, suggestive towards the end
A/N: This has been in my drafts for MONTHS but I am releasing it now kinda as a farewell since I’m really out of it. I don’t feel as into writing and I need a proper break. But I didn’t want to just disappear again so, here’s a parting gift. Till next time ❤️
You slowly removed the satin blindfold from around your eyes. The fabric was long and slippery making it difficult to handle. You found yourself entangling your fingers in the red ribbon the faster you tried to remove it. Succeeding at last, you wrapped it around your wrist and opened your eyes to look at your mystery date. Your mouth fell open, the edges curving into a smile.
“Jack?!” You laughed softly.
“Y/n?” Jack asked, he was still removing his black satin blindfold, but he recognized your voice instantly.
There was some shuffling and murmurs from the production crew coming from the far right of where you two were sitting. The producer who was off-camera and cinematically shrouded in darkness cleared their throat before asking,
“Wait...you two know each other?”
Jack chuckled, placing the ribbon in his lap and turned toward the producer. “Yeah, one of her friends is dating mine. We actually run in the same circle when she’s in Atlanta or I’m in LA.”
“Uh, well...” The producer stammered. “The whole concept of this is supposed to be influencers going on blind dates with celebrities. I didn’t know you both actually knew each other. Who set this up?”
The last question was more of a whisper and directed at their production assistant. Nervousness began to bubble in your stomach as you could see the dark figures of the staff members buzzing around.
“Is this going to be a problem?” You asked, trying not to look disappointed. You had seen versions of this show before and the questions were juicy. You couldn’t believe Jack would sign up for something like this. You had no reputation to uphold, but he was very particular about interviews and statements. This felt like a once in a lifetime opportunity to see Jack thinking of his feet in person. You didn’t want to lose it.
The producer froze for a moment. There was some whispering from the producer’s assistant which made your cheeks warm. You heard the producer softly respond with a high-pitched, “Oh.” Jack glanced your way at the sound and gave you the quickest, tiniest wink. You were pretty sure only you could have seen it. It made you stare at him for a moment and really take him in.
Jack was going for a different kind of look today. He was wearing a black leather jacket, a tight white t-shirt that seemed to be holding on for dear life as it clung to his chest and dark jeans that fit him loose at the waist. His curls were styled to give him that boy next door look, but no one could mistake that icy blue gaze and devilish smirk for anything, but the player Jack Harlow was.
Your attention was grasped by the producer announcing that you would continue with the interview. You smiled, already knowing what the assistant had whispered to the producer without having to ask. The producer was probably one of the few people who didn’t know that you and Jack Harlow were a hot topic these days.
A couple of weeks earlier, a picture was snapped of you waiting for Jack after one of his concerts during a festival. The image that went viral was of you wearing one of Jack’s merch t-shirts that was a little too small and Jack hugging you tightly with his hands pressing into your lower back.
The background of the picture was that you had a wardrobe malfunction. The strappy purple two piece you were wearing from a sponsor turned out to be as sturdy as a house of made straw. Running the risk of flashing everyone, you messaged a group chat with all your friends to send an SOS. To your surprise, it was Jack’s brother, Clay, who had saved the day with a merch shirt.
It was a little small, but it was much better than the ripped outfit you had been holding to your chest. To thank Clay, you decided to help him out by selling merch and doing a few other odd tasks. One of those tasks was taking a case of water to Jack’s stage for Jack and the Homies to drink after their set. The day was hot and long which meant all the boys were extremely thirsty. When you handed Jack a frosty ice cold bottle of water, he hugged you tightly without hesitation.
Of course, that’s when a fan took a picture and the image started a bunch of rumors and shipping wars. Even if the producer didn’t know this was a setup, you were 100% sure that was the reason you were currently sitting across from Jack.
You just weren’t sure who orchestrated it. And, more importantly, how they convinced Jack “I Like to Keep My Life Private” Harlow to do this. However, you wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
“Shall we get started then?” Jack asked, shifting in his seat so, he could face you.
“Do you want to go first?” You asked.
“No please, ladies first.” Jack insisted, smirking at you. “I’m a gentleman, after all.”
You shook your head with a slight eye roll. You picked up the first card from the deck. You scanned it quickly, your eyebrows raising as you let out a laugh. You looked toward the script writers and producers that were sitting in a line. Only their silhouettes visible from where you sat.
“Oh damn, we’re coming in hot.” You remarked, mostly hamming it up for the camera. If you wanted to grow your fanbase, you needed to be engaging.
You glanced at Jack who’s lips were twitching into a smile. You saw his right leg bouncing up and down in anticipation. You glanced back down at the card and read it out loud. “Truth: When was your last date and how did it go?”
Jack closed his eyes for a second too long for it to be considered a blink. You knew he was debating whether or not he should reveal something about himself so, you quickly added, “Tell the truth.” You turned the card around and pointed at the word Truth to emphasize your point.
“Well, technically right now I am on a date.” A smirk spread on Jack’s lips as he saw the annoyance in your eyes. “So, five seconds ago.”
“No, no no.” You shook your finger at him. “This date doesn’t count.”
“It’s a real date though.” Jack said, adjusting his jacket by pulling it closer to him. “I’m actually trying to impress right now.”
“Okay fine...” You chose your words carefully. “When was your last date with someone other than me and how did it go?”
Jack bit his lower lip. You could see in his eyes that he realized you wouldn’t let it go. He had to answer so, he figured he would just tell the truth.
“Six months ago.” Jack sighed. “It uh, didn’t go super well. We had zero things to talk about and she spent half the time on her phone. I’m really into eye contact so, that was a big no for me.”
Jack held your gaze as if highlighting the fact that you were great at meeting his eyes. You smiled a bit, letting your follow up question roll off your tongue with ease, not even thinking of the implications behind it.
“You still smashed though, right?”
“Yeah...” Jack said a little too quickly before following up with, “Hell yeah.”
Your laughs harmonized loudly and obnoxiously. You high fived each other before you placed the card face down next to the pile to create a stack of discarded cards. For a second, you forgot that you were doing a video and there was a room full of people watching you. This was the kind of dumb conversation you and Jack would have while sitting on someone’s couch, chopping it up over a plate of food.
Jack leaned over and grabbed the next card. He nodded a bit, grinning while looking up at you. “I always wondered this.”
“Oh no...” You looked at the camera with wide eyes, remembering your audience this time.
“Truth: How would you rate me on a scale of 1 to 10?”
“What am I rating?” You asked, buying time because you didn’t know what to say.
Jack looked at you like you were an idiot. He leaned in closer as if your misunderstanding was because you were hard of hearing. “Me, dummy. How do you rate me?”
“Like for what? Looks, personality, compatibility...” You chewed on your lip as you tried to think of a number for each of the categories you were listing. Was there even a difference?
“Everything!” Jack shrugged. “The whole package, how do you rate me?”
“That’s hard...” You groaned, shaking your head from side to side.
Jack rolled his eyes. “Fine, fine...how would you rate me as a potential boyfriend, how’s that?”
You blushed a bit, not expecting such a forward question. You hesitated and Jack let out another sigh.
He broke the silence by saying, “Okay, how about this? I’ll rate you as how good of a girlfriend you would be and you rate me. We’ll say it at the same time. Okay? 1...2...3...”
“8.5!” You shouted.
“10.” Jack shouted at the same time.
“10?” You said, the word coming out breathy. “You think I’m a 10? That’s like perfect right?! No one is perfect, Jack.”
“I’m not saying you’re perfect,” Jack smirked. “I’m just saying you could be perfect for me. I mean we vibe together. We have a lot of the same friends. You’re pretty cute.”
“I make eye contact.” You added in a teasing voice.
“Exactly!” Jack smirked. He blinked a couple times. He smacked his lips together and gave you a slow nod. “So, I’m an 8.5 huh?”
You covered your face with your hands. “I feel like a jerk now.”
“Why not a 10? You don’t think I’m cute or something?” Jack asked, tapping the card on the table. He was enjoying being on this side where he got to ask the questions instead of answering them. He also loved teasing you. It was so easy: just pursuing his lips or giving a long stare would make you cover your face in embarrassment. He was having the time of his life now.
You shook your head. “You’re very cute. And tall. And talented. I just don’t think you’re at the stage of your life where you want to settle down, you know? I’m starting in my career so, I need consistency. Not flings.”
Jack let out a low whistle. Your cheeks heatedz a little realizing how serious your answer was. You felt silly and worried that he would read more into it than you intended. You just let it slip off your tongue without thinking. You had been doing that a lot today.
“Damn...you’re probably right.” Jack nodded in agreement. “I mean I can’t argue with that. But, you should give me some time then. Maybe I’ll show you that I can be that guy.”
You nodded and gave him a toothy grin. Jack seemed pleased with the response so he put the card in a discard pile of his own. You picked up the next card and chuckled softly.
“Ooooh, you’re gonna get in trouble.” You teased. “Dare: Let me see the last picture you saved of somebody else.”
Jack’s eyes widened as he let out a dry cough. “Uhm...I think my phone died.”
“Liar!” You yelled, tossing the card at him. “Don’t chicken out, Harlow. Gimme.”
You extended a hand toward him and clenched it a couple times to signal that you wanted it. Jack groaned loudly and dug into his back pocket. He pulled out the phone and unlocked it. He opened the photos app and smiled a bit before handing it to you.
“Okay, it’s a good one.” Jack said, almost sounding relieved.
“I’ll be the judge of that.” You took the phone and couldn’t contain your smile. “Aww, it’s his mommy. Oh she looks stunning.”
“She was going to a wedding with my dad and she dressed up for it. I figured I would use it for her Mother’s Day post this year.”
“That’s really sweet, Jack. I won’t spoil it then.” You clutched the phone to your chest and smiled at the camera. “You’ll have to follow him on Instagram to see it on Mother’s Day. But, now, you have to post it.”
You said the last sentence to Jack as you handed him back his phone. Jack tucked it away quickly into his back pocket making you laugh. You were going to make a joke about the speed of his actions, but he moved on the next card before you could.
“Ah, pay back is so sweet.” Jack grinned. “Dare: Let me see the last picture you saved of yourself. Booty shots and all.”
“It does not say that last part.” You said, reaching over to grab the card. Jack held it to his chest, leaning back so you couldn’t take it from him. You sat back in your seat and then dug in your pocket for your phone. You were moving slowly as you tried to remember the last photo you had taken. Of course, all the risqué photos were coming to mind, but you couldn’t remember when they were captured. You checked your photos app and gasped when you saw your most recent photo.
“Uh, uh. NO.” You said, going to delete it.
“No cheating!” Jack said. He leveraged his long arms to pluck the phone from your fingers and look at the picture. He laughed loudly, his head falling back. “Oh this is precious. It’s a photo of her at her desk with a mountain of snacks everywhere.”
“It’s not precious. I look gross.” You tried to take your phone back, but Jack pivoted so he could keep it away from you while still holding it to his eye level.
“You do not. You look adorable. A little tired though.” There was some concern in his voice that made your heart skip a beat.
“It was after an all-nighter. I didn’t leave the room for anything, but bathroom breaks. We were launching a new project and it was all hands on deck. I don’t have a big team, so I still do 70% of the work load.” You explained.
Jack shook his head. “You should take better care of yourself, Y/n. It’s not good for you, mamas.”
You blushed softly at the tenderness in his tone. He seemed legitimately worried. You smiled, taking your phone back from him. This time less forcefully. Jack handed it back to you with ease. You put your phone away and then reached for the next card. You turned your head toward the staff, mouth hanging open.
“Okay, now y’all are getting wild.” You said. “Can we refuse to do these?”
There was some silence and Jack looked between you and the staff patiently. The producer then said, “Of course, but you have to read it out loud first.”
“I don’t think he’s going to want to do it.” You commented, not able to look at Jack. You stared at the card and then read it out loud, “Dare: Kiss your date.”
Jack’s eyes went wide. It was the first time you got a big reaction out of him all night. His mouth opened and closed several times, trying to read your face. You, on the other hand, revealed nothing on your features and waited for him to respond. A part of you wanted to kiss him, but another part of you worried that he didn’t want to which would result in you getting rejected in front of millions of people.
“I’m down if you’re down.” Jack said, finally. “Just a little peck, right?”
“Yeah...” You swallowed. “I’m down.”
Jack leaned forward over the table just as you stood up. “Oh.” You both said in unison. You walked around to stand next to his chair. Jack looked up at you, a grin appearing instantly on his face.
“I’m not going to stand and kiss you.” Jack gestured to the cameras behind you. “It’s going to looked weird since the cameras were set for us sitting.”
“I’m not going to point my butt at the camera, Jack!” You said, turning back to see where it was angled. “You have to stand up because I’m not bending over.”
Jack shrugged. “You don’t have a choice. The camera is going to cut off our heads and everyone is going to say it’s fake. Go back to your seat and lean over the table like a normal blind date.”
“But, it’s uncomfortable...” You groaned.
Jack rolled his eyes. “What are you gonna do then?”
Before you could think twice, you sat down on his lap. Jack’s hands instinctually wrapped around your waist, staying firm by your stomach. Your feet were dangling and positioned along with your chest toward the camera while your face was turned toward Jack. He was looking down at you through his lashes and you were looking up at him through yours. You closed the space between you two and met his lips in a soft, sensual peck. You let your lips gently press and pull his bottom lip, the tiniest groan leaving Jack in response. He froze, just staring at you, his eyes clouded with lust and wanting more. You laughed nervously, turning at the camera. Your smile was getting wider with embarrassment. You could feel Jack’s gaze still fixated on your side profile and it made goose bumps tickle the back of your neck.
“Well then...” You said, motioned to get off his lap. Jack held you into place, leaning forward to grab the next card. You frowned at him. “I can’t stay here for the rest of the game.”
“Why not?” Jack asked bringing the card closer to his face for him to read. “Truth:...”
“Jack!” You admonished him slapping the arm that crossed in front of your stomach.
“Are you not comfortable right now?” Jack asked. Your silence said more than you ever could. Jack smirked, looking down at you again even though you continued to stare forward into nothingness, feeling bashful. He then continued. “That’s what I thought. As I was saying...Truth:...”
There were only a couple more questions after that. You wrapped up the set quickly and you both gave each other a tight hug. You then individually went around the room to thank the staff. You were both then escorted back to your private dressing rooms to tidy up before the final interview. You thought about what you were going to say when they asked if you would like to see Jack again for a second date. You couldn’t tell the truth, but you also didn’t want to make it seem like you didn’t like Jack. In the end you settled for:
“I had a great time today with Jack. It was a little weird at first because we’re friends. It’s also not a typical first date, by any standards. I’m sure I’ll see him again since we all hangout together. And hey, he did say he was going to become better for me so, who knows?”
You closed off with a wink and then waved to everyone before you went back to your hotel.
You were exhausted when you entered your hotel room. The hotel was gorgeous and way out of your price range. You were very glad that you were able to split the cost. You were surprised to see the lights already on when you walked into the room. You slipped off your shoes, talking to the figure who you could see laying face up on the bed.
“How did you get here before me?” You asked. “I was in and out pretty quickly.”
Jack sat up on his forearms. He had discarded his leather jacket on a nearby chair and now you could see clearly how the t-shirt hugged his biceps. Deliciously, his t-shirt hugged them deliciously.
“First time I ever finished faster than you.” Jack teased.
You walked toward him, reaching under your crop top to unloosen your bra. You pulled one arm out of your sleeve to let the bra strap fall before doing the same with the other. You tossed your bra on the chair with Jack’s jacket before jumping on the bed and straddling him.
“I don’t think that’s true.” You said, grinding your hips against his.
“Wanna bet?” Jack leaned forward and captured your lips in a kiss.
The kiss was much more fiery than the one you shared in the studio. It was the way you were used to kissing each other this past month since you moved from friends to a secret couple. You had been officially dating for three months. The festival incident was the first time you both messed up in public, but your agents saw it as an opportunity to slowly get people used to the idea of you two together.
Jack slid his hands up your skirt to massage your ass gently. You tangled your fingers in his hair, giving it a little tug. He rewarded you by deepening the kiss with a moan and more tongue. Between breathy kisses you managed to ask,
“You set that up, didn’t you?” The thought had been lingering in your mind since the moment you took off the blindfold.
Jack gave you another sloppy kiss before responding. His eyes were filled with lust and you could tell he was more interesting in doing than talking. “It didn’t sit right with me that you were still doing that show even though we got together.”
“We secretly got together.” You reminded him. You brushed your thumbs on his cheeks, lightly ruffling his beard as you cupped his face. You pecked his lips. “It would have been weird to cancel after that picture of the festival went viral. It’s also a huge opportunity to get my name out there. Besides, I wouldn’t have kissed anyone else on there. You know I’m not like that.”
“I know, baby.” Jack said, giving your butt another squeeze. “I just...couldn’t help myself. The thought of another guy even thinking he had a chance with you makes me sick. Especially dressed like this. ”
“You’re so possessive...” You teased him bending down to give him another kiss. You let your hands travel down his jaw to his neck to his chest, loving the soft material that covered his hard muscles underneath.
Jack reciprocated by slipping his hands underneath your shirt and caressing your breasts. “You’re one to talk. Sitting on my lap like that. Kissing me like that. I should’ve bent you over the table right there.”
You laughed. “You were the one being awkward about it. I had to do something.”
“Yeah, well I gotta do something now.” Jack reached into his pocket and pulled out the black satin blindfold. You gasped softly before it turned into a giggle. He waved at you. “What do you say?”
You nodded and Jack surprised you by not wrapping it around your eyes, but around your wrists instead. Jack let one hand fall back to your behind, this time letting a finger hook on your underwear. He gave a sharp tug at the thing piece of your thong and snapping it causing you to moan softly.
“Get in position, baby...” He cooed.
You climbed off of him and let your knees sink deeper into the bed. You bent forward so your butt was in the air and your face was pressing into the comforter. You felt Jack’s hand run against your wrists checking the tie before letting them slip under your skirt and message the skin there. You closed your eyes, relaxing into his touch. All night you were waiting for this moment and you knew Jack was going to deliver.
~
Dating Jack was probably your worst kept secret. From the festival to the interview to the way you were screaming his name in that hotel room, you knew it wouldn’t be long before you both had to go public. It wouldn’t be until a couple weeks later, when the blind date video aired, that you would realize Jack was ready for that a bit earlier than you thought. His final remarks about the date were a lot more clear than yours and they gave you butterflies when you saw them.
“As I said, Y/n, is the perfect partner for me. Smart, ambitious, beautiful, independent, supportive --it’s all the qualities that make her a good friend that would make her the best girlfriend. I know she thinks I’m not ready to settle down, but I’ve been single for too long. I’m hoping to get that second date and maybe a third and a fourth... you know until we can’t even keep count.” Jack let out a laugh and a shake of his head. And a teeny tiny wink, so small that you could’ve missed. But you didn’t, because you knew it was for you.
____
A/N: This has been in my drafts since Valentine’s Day!! I didn’t like it because it was slightly different from my usual style since it has a lot of dialogue. But I re-read it recently and thought, eh, why not? Plus I remembered really liking the secret relationship plot twist.
I hope y’all liked it! Thank you for a great year (and then some!). Hopefully I can come back in a better headspace and write with you all again soon. Till then, be well 💕
heyyy could it be possible to get something based on only 1 by Ariana? i think it fits jack perfectly
A/N: Hi anon, I totally agree! I know you sent this awhile ago and it’s been in my drafts a hot minute. But I got writer’s block 😣
Basically my idea was going to be “The Player’s Handbook” where both Jack and the reader are known for being players. They both recognize each other’s tactics on other people and try to see who would crack first. Then when they finally sleep together, they both catch feelings. But neither of them believe that the other is their only one. So, they spend time trying to one-up the other or catch them in the act of being with someone else. Meanwhile, their friends are noticing that their initial sexual feelings are becoming more romantic.
And that’s all I got. 😫 I’m sorry, this is such a good idea and I’m totally zapped. But hopefully someone sees this and maybe puts their own spin on it.
First, I just wanted to say that I'm in love with your stories. I'm not even Jack's biggest fan (meaning, I didn't know much about him), but your stories are all I've been able to read for the past couple of days (and listening to his music in the process).
I know you don't take requests, and as a writer myself I totally understand your reasons. But a line in one of your stories got me thinking about a very specific scenario (I can't remember which one right now. Like I said, I read all your Jack stories in the past two days). It was something about Jack being very strict about condoms, because he was scared he'd get a girl pregnant. So I was thinking maybe a angsty to fluffly (maybe smutty) scenario where the reader finds out she's pregnant and is scared of his reaction to the news?
Please, feel free to answer even if you don't like the idea. I really really do understand your reasons for not taking requests.
Hope you have a lovely day!
Hi!! Sorry this took so long to respond. Life happened while I was editing and it took me longer to get out than I intended. Firstly, thank you for reading my stuff and saying such kind words ♥ It's always an honor when someone outside of a fandom is slowly introduced through your work.
Honestly, I say that a lot in my fics because I thought it was a really funny snippet from his GQ interview last year. However, listening to the album, I think he's let go of that a bit :P. That being said, I love the concept and I want to do a little blurb for it. I hope you enjoy!!
Warnings: Fem!reader, pregnant!reader, mentions of breeding kink, references to ab-rtion, mentions of infertility, smut (pregnant sex, breast/nipple play, unprotected sex), angsty in the beginning, 18+
Miracle
Shallow breaths escaped your lips as you sat on the bathroom floor. The tile felt ice cold against your burning, sticky skin. A thin layer of sweat had settled across your body after spending hours in the room. You were surrounded by ripped cardboard boxes, folded slips of paper scrawled with instructions, and lots of toilet paper that you had scrunched up into balls to use as tissues. On the bathroom counter was a line of six pregnancy tests. The only things in the room that were perfectly straight and aligned. Each one of them slightly stuck out over the side so you could see the metal tip at the end from your crouched position on the floor. It was like they were mocking you. The image of their status was burned into your brain. You didn’t have to stand to look at them to see the result anymore. Pregnant. You were pregnant.
You balled your hands into fists as you held them at your side, afraid to touch your own body. Although you knew it was in your head, you felt like you could feel your stomach growing and something, or someone, moving inside. The thought made you nauseous and you bent over the toilet to dry heave into it. You had already thrown up everything in your stomach earlier in the day so, there was nothing left. But, the clenching of your stomach numbed the dread in your chest that could no longer be soothed by crying. It was like your body was trying to tell you that you were all out of coping mechanisms. You were also out of tests and slowly running out of time. Jack would be back any minute and you would have to tell him the news.
The thought sent a panic through you that allowed you to jump to your feet. You grabbed the paper shopping bag and shoved all of the tests and discarded boxes in there to hide the evidence. You tossed all the toilet paper into the toilet and flushed. Crunching the bag’s top to seal it, you dropped it behind the bathroom door before turning to the sink to wash your hands. You couldn’t look at yourself in the mirror. You couldn’t explain why you felt ashamed. It wasn’t like you were the only one at fault.
In the beginning of your relationship and Jack’s career, Jack was very particular about using condoms. He was terrified of either of your lives being put off course because of family planning. Then, like many high school sweethearts, you two broke up. When you two reunited a couple years later, Jack had a more lax attitude around protection. As long as you both were exclusive and you were on birth control, Jack was okay with forgoing the piece of rubber. The fact that you had a condition that made it difficult for you to get pregnant only seemed to be the icing on the cake.
But somehow, the 0.03% chance of getting pregnant was your current reality. Maybe you should run out and buy a lottery ticket with this luck. You might need a boost after your boyfriend inevitably left you.
You heard the sound of the front door opening and you became incredibly still. Your eyes darted to the shopping bag, unsure of what to do with it. You knew you had to tell Jack, but you were were terrified of losing him. Things were finally starting to get good. He was talking about going public with your relationship and having you join him on radio interviews. Urban had even let it slip that Jack was thinking of asking you to move in with him. This was an offer you welcomed because you currently lived with two roomates in a two-bedroom apartment converted into three with the help of a plexi wall.
Your world was crumbling. Now was the time you were going to need Jack the most and he was going to leave you.
“Babe?” Jack’s deep voice moved through the hotel room. As usual, when Jack visited your city, you stayed with him while he was here. It was always more luxurious than your place and Jack enjoyed having you around.
You tossed the paper bag into the shower just as Jack opened the door. His sky blue eyes were wide and then slowly narrowed as he observed the surroundings. You wondered if the room smelled disgusting: like your sweat or your vomit or your fear. You couldn’t really tell after spending over two hours in the space. Jack’s large pale hand reached out to grab you and pull you to him. He felt so wide and strong as he wrapped his arms tightly around your shoulders, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. His soft cotton clothes made you more aware of how hot and sticky you felt in comparison to the cool, dry feeling of him pressed against you. You wanted to relish in this moment, but seeing Jack made you more scared.
“Y/n, what’s wrong?” Jack asked, “You look like you’ve been crying. Did something happen?”
You shook your head quickly before you could stop yourself. Your brain searched for an excuse, any excuse. You needed to buy some time.
“I just haven’t been feeling well.” You told him.
Jack pulled back and looked at you through his long, brown lashes. “I heard you throwing up this morning. Was it something we ate last night? You had the fish, didn’t you?”
“Maybe…” You said, staring at his straight nose instead of his eyes. It was easier to lie if you didn’t make eye contact.
“Well,” Jack pulled you close to him again. “I’m back and here for the rest of the night., I can take care of you.”
You held Jack tighter, knowing that if you pulled away the smile you were trying to muster would turn into a sob again. Apparently, your tears weren’t completely done after all. They were very thrilled to make an appearance with the new audience. What’s worse was that your brain was preparing to say goodbye. It was memorizing the strong, but sweet cologne that he spritzed on each morning, the feeling of his taut muscles straining against one of his signature cotton white t-shirts, and the way his trimmed nails raked effortlessly through the hair at your temple, massaging the area because he knew it soothed you. It made this hurt so much more.
“What do you say to a bath?” Jack suggested. “I can run you a nice hot bath. I think I saw some bath salts somewhere…”
Your heart lurched into your throat. You shook your head, pulling back to meet Jack’s confused expression. He was already in motion to pull back the shower curtain so, you broke free of his grasp. Just as he pulled it back, you used your previously non-existent ninja skills to grab the bag in one motion.
“Whoa, what’s all that?” He said, referring the bulge in the bag thanks to your sloppy job of putting everything inside.
“Just some medicine I picked up at the drugstore.” You lied.
Jack quirked a brow. “Why did you put it in the tub?”
You bit your lip and half shrugged. You clutched the bag tightly to your torso as if afraid he would take it. You pushed past him, walking backwards in order to watch him as you spoke. “I forgot.”
“Y/n…” Jack turned to face you as you darted from the bathroom into the bedroom. “...why do I feel like I’m missing something.”
Jack walked closer to you as you stood on the other side of the bed. He ran a hand through his brown curls, freshly cut for a recent magazine spread, and he ruffled them slightly as though forgetting their short length.
“It’s just…” You fumbled with the words. “...sorry, I need to call my mom.”
You explained, grabbing your phone off the night stand and running with the bag. You pushed past Jack, this time forcing him to move out of the way to let you pass.
“Babe, what’s wrong?” Jack asked. “Did I do something? Please talk to me…”
Jack said, trying to close the distance between you. You ran into the living room/office area as you fumbled with your phone to make the call.
“I just need a moment, Jack!” You barked back, hating the anger in your voice. You weren’t mad at him. At least, not yet. Right now, he was still your sweet, caring boyfriend. He didn’t deserve your snapping. Fear and anger were so closely linked and you knew it was the terror of losing your boyfriend that was putting you on edge.
Jack was taken aback by your tone. You never spoke to him like that. You had a stern voice, but you never yelled. He almost didn’t recognize it as your voice. It stopped Jack in his tracks and he stared at the ground. A mix of worry and embarrassment settled in his stomach. Similar to the feeling of getting scolded by a parent at school. With his eyes trained on the floor, he was staring at the carpet in front of you. You were still struggling to make the call, a sign that you were nervous.
Jack frowned as he saw the blue and white wand on the floor. He had seen enough movies to recognize it immediately, but the shock made me him walk toward it slowly in disbelief. He reached down and picked up the pregnancy test, his lips going dry. He looked at you, but your back was turned to him, holding the open paper bag, with your ear glued to your phone.
“Y/n…” Jack’s voice was low, making you turn toward him slowly.
He was staring down at the test unblinkingly. It was one of those tests that didn’t do the lines. Instead, it told you in plain English - Pregnant. No pink lines. No misconception. No confusion. Just pregnant. You looked at the bag, confused as to how one of them slipped, but then you noticed a small hole. You closed your eyes, your phone dropping from your ear.
“Jack…” You said softly, tears welding in your eyes.
Jack’s eyes were dark when they met yours again. It was like he was looking through you. It was worse than you had feared. You didn’t want to close the distance between you two, something you had grown accustom to craving these past couple of years. For the first time ever, you wanted to be far away from him.
“You’re pregnant?” Jack asked you.
You nodded. You turned the bag upside down and dumped the contents. Jack’s eyes stared at each of the items littering on the floor. Even though there was no way he could read each test from where he stood, the message was clear. You were sure. You were pregnant.
“I thought you couldn’t get pregnant.” Jack’s voice was so measured that one would think he was emotionless, but you knew it was because he was angry. “And you were on the pill.”
“Low chance.” You reminded him. “0.03% chance. I was also off the pill for a little bit two months ago because of an insurance problem. It was only a couple weeks and I was back on by the time we hooked up when you came to visit. I didn’t think…”
“You’re right, you didn’t f-cking think.” Jack said, his pink mouth tightening in frustration. “You didn’t think you could have clued me in on that before we went raw?”
Your cheeks flushed with a mix of anger and embarrassment. “Look I’m not the one with a breeding kink. You were the one that came back into this relationship with this sudden desire to fill me up.”
Jack rolled his eyes. “Come on, Y/n! That’s dirty talk.” He threw his hands in the air. “I also call you my little slut, it doesn’t mean I actually think that.”
Your eyes brimmed with tears and sniffled to force them back. You shrugged, hugging yourself. “What do you want me to say, Jack? I’m not exactly thrilled about gaining 30+ pounds and pushing an infant out of my vagina. But, here we are.”
“So you’re keeping it then?” Jack asked, the disappointment and judgment in his voice impossible to ignore.
You were silent for a few moments. While you knew that Jack was the first person you should tell about this, you wished you had asked your mother or best friend about it beforehand. You had yet to sort out your own feelings about this and, yet, you were already on the defensive.
“Yes…maybe…I don’t know.” You frowned, staring at the ground. “I accepted the fact that I would never have children. I don’t want to regret this years from now if this turns out to be my only chance.”
Jack’s lips flattened as he processed what you were saying. He couldn’t tell you what to do with your body. Especially, not with an explanation like that. Jack did want kids one day. He did want to have them with you. But now was not a good time. He was about to embark on his largest and longest international tour to date. There were legends in the business signing up to collaborate with him on their and his next projects. There were days where Jack didn’t remember to eat. How could he take care of a child?
“This isn’t a good time for me, Y/n.” Jack told you, honestly. “I don’t think I can raise a child right now.”
Your eyes fell shut as the tears fell down your cheeks. Droplets dampened your socks as your head was still tilted forward to face the ground. You already knew this. It wasn’t supposed to hurt so hard because you were prepared for this. But somehow, it still felt like your heart was being ripped out and stomped on in front of you.
Jack took a step closer. “I’m happy to help you financially, Y/n, but I don’t think I have the ability to be good father right now.”
You looked up at Jack with wide eyes. You didn’t think Jack would be this upfront about the next steps. You at least thought he would try to make it work. You weren’t even showing yet and he was already backing out. You frowned at him, shaking your head.
“I don’t need a baby daddy right now, Jack.” Your lips trembled and you struggled to keep your voice from wavering. “I needed my boyfriend. I’m terrified, right now. Just as much, if not more, than you are. You haven’t even touched me since you found out I’m pregnant.”
Jack’s blue gaze softened as he attempted to close the distance, but you stepped back to widen it once more. His arms remained glued to his sides. He let out a sigh before biting his lip looking at you. “This is a lot right now. Maybe we should just sit down and talk for a bit.”
Jack gestured to the couch as he slowly lowered on to it. You shook your head. You needed to clear your head. Still clutching the empty bag to your torso, you slipped your phone in your pocket as you walked over to the coffee table. You grabbed your keys and marched to the door to slip on your shoes.
Jack jumped to his feet as he realized you were leaving. “Don’t do anything stupid, Y/n.”
“I already did.” You said, pulling back the door and running out.
You ran to get an elevator and jammed the close elevator door button with your thumb repeatedly. You figured Jack could be following you and wanted to ensure there was enough distance that he wouldn’t catch up. Luckily, you had driven your own car to the hotel and the valet was quick to bring it to you.
The cold air stung your skin as the wind whipped at you. The sky had turned to a bluish gray hue with thick clouds warning of rain. You wrapped your arms around your chest, feeling the shivers creating goosebumps against your skin. You had emerged only in your pajamas and sneakers. You had your keys and your phone in your possession. Oh and the empty paper bag that you had balled into your fist on the elevator ride down. You left your charger and your suitcase in the hotel room, lost in the fury of your escape. Luckily, your credit cards and ID were in your phone case so, you didn’t have to go back. Since you were driving to your parents house, you knew you would be able to get clothes, a charger, and whatever other toiletries you would need. Most importantly, you would get the sympathy that you were craving.
The valet pulled your sedan from the garage. You smiled sweetly, unable to tip, but the person didn’t seem to mind. You sat in the car and took a deep breath. You buckled your seatbelt as you glanced in your rearview mirror. You swore you could see the familiar curly brown locks darting around the lobby. Adrenaline pumped through your veins, your foot pressed the gas before your brain could process if it was really Jack. It was so quick, you wouldn’t be surprised if your car did the cartoonish smoke with skidmarks across the pavement.
There was a blanket of security that enveloped you as you slowed your car to a reasonable speed. Your car obeyed your commands. Your nose filled with the familiar scent of your air freshener. You knew where your emergency lip balm was and your trusty water bottle was half full and chilled from a night in the garage. Being in your car was something familiar in a day full of uncertainty.
Seeing how well Jack’s reaction went over, you decided to call your mother in advance to tell her what was going on. You told your phone to call “Mom” and it connected to your bluetooth as it rang.
“Hi honey!” Your mother’s voice rang into the car. “I think I missed your call earlier. I called you back, but you didn’t pick up. Everything alright?”
Tears welded in your eyes. You tried to blink them away, afraid of obscuring your vision on the highway. You were a two hour drive a way from your childhood home and it had begun to drizzle. You needed to keep a level head to get there safely. To get you and your baby there safely.
“Mom,” Your voice broke despite your best attempts to keep it strong. “I’m pregnant.”
“W-What?” Your mother’s voice was breathless as if she was underwater.
“I’m going to have a baby, Mom. I’m pregnant.” You said again. The words sounded so foreign to your ears. You had to yet say the sentence out loud and it felt so much more real.
“B-But, how? I thought your ovaries --”
You nodded although she couldn’t see you. “I know, I know.” You let out a dry laugh. “0.03% chance. What a miracle.”
“I’m so happy for you, honey.” You suddenly realized your mother was crying, with happiness. “Congratulations. How has Jack taken the news?”
“Uhm, Mom? This isn’t exactly a happy occasion.” You let out a shaky breath. “I’m 24, unmarried, and secretly dating a superstar who is not interested in becoming a parent. This is not something to be celebrated.”
“Oh honey, I had you when I was 26.” She made a dismissal noise. “Jack will come around. He’s just a little scared. Everyone gets scared. But you really do have a little miracle. You should be careful though too much straining --”
“Mom, you’re not listening.” You argued. “Jack straight up told me he doesn’t want to be a father. That he will financially support me, but that’s it. We’re over.”
There was a beat of silence before your mother asked. “Did Jack say it was over?”
“No…”
“Did you say it was over?”
“No…”
“Well, then it isn’t over.”
Your mother said it so confidently you almost believed her. Until you remembered that she didn’t see Jack’s expression -- the dark blue voids that seemed to stare at you like a bug on the wall. If she saw that, she wouldn’t dare tell you that there was still a chance. With that realization, you felt your heart breaking and suddenly, you were now extremely invested in the heart growing inside of you. Maybe you would keep the baby after all.
Four months later
As you rubbed your rounded belly, you stared in the full-length mirror of your childhood bedroom. You knew moving back home was a good idea. Your mother was taking care of you much better than your roommates could. But, sitting in your room still marked with the joys of your teenage years made you feel like a cast member on 16 & Pregnant. Even with your new remote work setup, thanks to your job being understanding about your move, it still didn’t feel like the room of an adult. You were in a time capsule of your youth as you prepared to bring a new life into the world. It made you feel even less prepared and more bitter that you were doing this as a single parent.
As much as you hated that you still kept track, you knew it had been exactly four months since you last spoke to Jack. It would be unfair to make it sound like Jack didn’t try to reach out. He called you and texted you multiple times in the first few days after you left. When you didn’t respond, he mailed your stuff along with a hand-written apology. You had scanned it, disappointed to not find anything that implied he was going to be more than a financial support to his child. You threw it away immediately and sobbed until you couldn’t breathe. It was at that point that you decided that Jack meant nothing to you.
Or as close to nothing as you could feel for someone you still loved.
You walked over to your closet to put on a fresh top. Your stomach wasn’t super big, but it was obvious you were pregnant. Your breasts had swelled as well which made all your current bras uncomfortable. Since you were usually home, you had decided to no longer wear them. You chose a collared floral top that cinched above your waist. It added a bit of bust support without squeezing the top of your stomach. You put on some black leggings and then marched out of your room in your slippers.
As you walked down the steps, you could hear your mother talking to someone. The voice sounded female which meant it wasn’t your father, who should be at work right now anyway. The moment you saw the long, dark brown curly hair, your breath hitched.
You misstepped and slid down the steps, your butt hitting each one on the way down. Your mother’s footsteps thundered toward you as more timid ones quickly followed. You had a hand protectively on your stomach while the other rested on your back.
“Y/n, are you alright?” Your mother asked, with concern. “You should be careful.”
Your mother was worried that you were going to lose your “miracle baby”, as she kept calling it. Your doctor had assured you that you had a healthy pregnancy. You could continue working and engage in light exercise. But, your mother still doted on you worriedly.
“I”m okay, I just slipped.” Your eyes met the light blue eyes of the other guest in the house who stared at you sympathetically. “Good morning, Mrs. Harlow.”
“Hi, Y/n…” She said, “Sorry to intrude like this. I just--”
“I know.” You said, standing up with your mother helping you. You didn’t actually need the assistance. But you didn’t mind it. “I assume you wanted to see about the baby. Well, it’s real.”
“I can see that.” Jack’s mother commented. “You look beautiful, Y/n. Your skin is glowing.”
You smiled softly. Your best friend had teasingly told you to get on dating apps because of how radiant you looked these days. Your hair was fuller, your skin was brighter, and men at the grocery store seemed to be entranced by the extra oomph in your chest. However, you weren’t interested in anyone else right now. You just wanted to meet your baby.
“Thank you.” You smiled wider. “I feel good. We still have awhile to go.”
Jack’s mother looked at yours. Your mother gave Mrs. Harlow an encouraging nod and you frowned. You could tell something was going on, but you couldn’t predict what it could be.
“Jack is outside.” She explained, finally. “He wanted to see you, but he was afraid you wouldn’t let him in if he came alone.”
Your eyebrows raised in surprise. You didn’t think that Jack would ever show up. And if he was going to send a representative in first, you would have predicted Urban or Neelam before his mother. Your heart clenched knowing that it took a lot of pride for Jack to ask his mother for help. He was so self-sufficient, that he hated admitting that he was over his head. He had to pretty desperate to ask his mother for help.
You felt self-conscious, covering your stomach with your hands. Your body was very different from the last time Jack saw you. Everyone saw the beautiful changes, but there were new stretchmarks and blemishes that had appeared as well. You worried that your face looked fuller than usual and that your occasional breakouts had ruined your complexion. You knew it was stupid to be embarrassed by these things, but you couldn’t help that you were. Just as much as you couldn’t help the fact that your heart fluttered at the thought of seeing Jack again.
“He can come in.” You said, walking toward the living room. “I’ll sit on the couch.”
“Thank you, Y/n.” Jack’s mother said. She motioned to walk to the door, but turned and walked to you first. Standing in front of you, her expression hardened. “I’m so sorry about how Jack treated you. I know I can’t take it away. The hurt that you must have felt nor the betrayal. But just know that I gave him hell and still do every day since he told me. You’re a strong woman, Y/n. However you decide to move forward, know you have my full support. As your friend and the grandmother of your baby.”
Tears welled in your eyes and you sniffled loudly. “Thank you so much!” You wiped the fallen tears with the back of your hand. “Sorry, hormones. But, thank you.”
“Do not apologize, love.” Jack’s mother looked like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She walked toward the front door, slowly becoming out of your view.
You squeezed your thighs as you waited. There was a lump in your throat that seemed to get bigger when you heard heavy footsteps enter through your door. As much as you willed yourself to look straight ahead, you couldn’t help, but turn when Jack’s tall frame came into your view. His hair was a little longer than last time you saw him and his light brown beard had been shaped up recently. He was wearing one of his sweat suits, a white and blue one that you always loved him in. You knew that was on purpose. He was holding a bouquet of flowers that was comically large. It was also gorgeous.
Jack pulled his hood down as he searched for you. You stood up slowly as his eyes traced you from your head to your toes and then back up again. You shifted uncomfortably.
“Y/n, you look…”
You turned away from him. “If you say I look fat, I’ll slap you.”
Jack chuckled and walked closer to you. “I was going to say beautiful. But I think I deserve a few slaps anyway.”
You turned to look at him, not expecting the soft, sheepish stare of his clear blue eyes. They were so different from the cold, sapphire pools that you saw four months ago. Jack handed you the flowers and you accepted them, sitting back down on the couch. You were grateful that he gave you something to do with your hands. Instinct made you want to wrap you arms around him, but your heart was still too angry.
Jack sat on the couch as well, leaving the seat in the middle open so you could face each other and talk comfortably. You put the flowers there to create an actual divider between you two. There was a silence as Jack admired you. His eyes didn’t leave your stomach. You were used to it from strangers, but it felt weird to have Jack staring at you like this.
“My eyes are up here…” You joked, usually telling him something similar when he stared at your chest.
The apples of Jack’s cheeks tinted red making you laugh, despite yourself. Blushing Jack always reminded you of the first phase of your relationship -- when Jack wasn’t super famous yet outside of Kentucky and his hair was still long. He was shy when talking to girls he liked, no matter how much he tried to play it off. Nowadays, Jack had more confidence and bravado. But, the blushing boy was still buried inside of him, apparently.
“Y/n,” Jack’s voice came out hoarse and he cleared his throat. “I am so sorry. I have been such a coward these past few months.”
“No kidding.” You said, rolling your eyes as you folded your arms.
Jack hung his head as he nodded, “I was so worried about my world crashing because I wouldn’t be able to commit to you and our child. But, without you, I already feel like everything is so messed up. I told myself that once we got back together, I would never let you walk out again. To think when you needed me most, I turned my back on you makes me sick. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. So, I want to make it better.”
Tears stung your eyes and you sighed. You had dreamed of hearing these words from Jack’s lips. This was the apology you wanted in that letter all those months ago. Except, now you needed more than just kind words. Jack was great with words. His entire career was built around saying the right thing. You learned the hard way that Jack’s actions didn’t always match what he promised.
You frowned as you turned toward Jack to see him fiddling with something in his pocket. He pulled out a black,velvet box and your eyes widened. He opened it to reveal a gorgeous ring. The diamond was incredibly large and in the shape you liked. The band was the color that always looked great on your skin tone. It looked like it should be on the hand of a movie star.
Jack shifted to get down on one knee, but you put your hand on your shoulder to stop him. The tears rolled down your cheeks. Part of you was happy, but another part of you was angry.
“Don’t do this…” You said to him, “...don’t do this if you’re just trying to make an honest woman out of me. This isn’t 1932, we don’t have be married to have a child.”
Jack’s eyebrows furrowed deeply. “Do you really think I’m doing this out of some obligation, Y/n?” At the risk of sounding like a douche, a ring like this takes a lot longer than four months to make.”
Your mouth fell open as you felt your cheeks heat. You wiped your tears with the side of your hands and let out a small laugh as you said, “You’re right, you do sound like a douche.”
Jack’s laugh came out raspy and realized he was more nervous than you thought. He was really asking you to marry him and he was afraid you were going to say no. As he should be. But, would you?
“Well?” You asked him.
“Well, what?” He asked, confused.
“Is that all you had prepared? Over four months in the making and no speech?”
Jack’s eyes widened, but when he saw the going of humor in yours, you saw him visibly relax. Jack motioned to get down on one knee again, but you stopped him.
“For god’s sake, what now?” Jack groaned, impatiently. “I’m losing my nerve.”
You laughed. “Let’s go upstairs. I don’t want an audience.” You gestured toward the dining room that was on the other side of the hallway to the living room.
Jack turned around to see both of your mother’s doing a horrible job of pretending they weren’t watching you two. Jack shook his head and closed the box, shoving it in his pocket. He stood up and reached his hand out to help you up as well.
You took it and let Jack hold your hand as you walked up the stairs. He kept looking back at you concerned after each step.
“Is this too much for you?” He asked. “I can carry you.”
As romantic as it sounded to have Jack carry you up the stairs, you couldn’t shake the image of you two falling down the stairs like a slinky. You shook your head and smiled at him,
“This is my usual exercise.” You explained.
“You shouldn’t strain yourself.” Jack chastised you, but he didn’t push it any more.
At the top of the steps, you pointed to your bedroom and Jack walked in that direction. You had briefly forgotten that you were inviting him into your teenage bedroom until one of your many posters came into view.
“I know you like Harry Styles…” Jack commented, still squeezing your hand, “But this is a little humbling.”
You bit your lip to hide your embarrassed smile. “Humbling?”
“I’m about to propose in front of every member of One Direction” Jack squinted at one of the posters. “Wow you have a lot of posters. Several of which have Harry’s face encircled with a heart. Very humbling.”
You laughed, “Well, I hope this speech you have been preparing is better than “Little Things,” because I can’t guarantee I’ll say yes.”
Jack grinned as he got down one knee. He pretended to stop halfway through and gave you a look to check if you were going to stop him again. When you didn’t, he pulled out the ring.
“Y/n Y/l/n, you’ve been a huge part of my life over the last five years. As both a friend and a girlfriend, you have been my greatest supporter and my biggest fan. I got through some of my toughest shows thanks to you. I also was reminded to celebrate my greatest highs thanks to you. You deserve the world for everything you do for me, loved ones, and the people around you. You deserve hell of a lot more than me, but I promise to give 150% to you. You will be above everything to me.” Jack paused and smiled. “You and our family. I love you, Y/n. Will you marry me?”
“Yes!” You said, nodding rapidly.
Jack slipped the ring on your finger, a bit snug because of your pregnancy, but you didn’t care. It still looked gorgeous nonetheless. He scooped you in his arms and pressed a kiss your lips. You smiled into the peck and Jack chuckled.
“I can’t help, but feel like someone is getting between us.” Jack said, glancing down at your rounded stomach.
You laughed, “Maybe if you’re lucky you’ll feel our baby kick.”
Jack’s eyes lit up. He hesitated and you took his hand and pressed it against your stomach. He didn’t apply any pressure at first. He rubbed it delicately, resting his other hand on your lower back. You couldn’t deny that you imagined this moment for months: Jack’s warm hands on your swollen belly and aching back as he rubbed the fatigue away. After awhile there was a small kick. Jack’s eyes which had been trained on your stomach flicked to yours. You gave him a quick nod and he gasped.
“That was a kick?” Jack asked.
“Yup. A little one.” You explained. “The bigger ones tend to happen when I am going to bed. A night owl, just like Daddy.”
Jack chuckled, beaming. “Do we know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?”
You shook your head. “My mother wants to do a gender reveal party, no matter how much I try to talk her out of it. She thought this would never happen so, she’s going all out. There’s a baby shower too.”
“I’ll be there.” Jack said with a finality. “I don’t care what day it is, I’ll be there. And for any appointments. And anything you want to do for our wedding--”
“Jack, Jack…” You sat down on the bed and patted the space next to you for him to sit as well. “...thank you, but you don’t have to overhaul your whole life for this. Of course, you’re going to be involved, but don’t feel pressure to do all this. I don’t mind signing the marriage papers and postponing the wedding. Besides, I had a different image of how I would look in a wedding dress.”
You stared at your stomach in the mirror. You saw Jack staring at your expression in the reflection and you tried to brighten your features. Jack hated when you got down on yourself and you didn’t want to argue about your self-image. You were sensitive enough as it was.
“You really do look beautiful, Y/n.” Jack said again. “I am happy to go at your pace. If you want to wait for the wedding, we will wait. If you want me at any appointment, just put it on my calendar and I will be there. I love you and I just want to make you happy.”
“Thank you, Jack.” You leaned in and kissed him
Jack’s eyes fluttered close as he cradled your jaw with his hand and deepened the kiss. You missed how he always tasted minty fresh and the force of his tongue against yours. Your body melted as his thumb massaged your cheek while the other hand rubbed circles into your back. You truly missed the affectionate touch of your boyfriend.
“Y/n,” Jack’s voice deep and you recognized his tone immediately. “When you said you were doing light exercise on the stairs…just how much activity are you allowed?”
“Are you asking me if we can have sex, Jack?” You asked him teasingly.
Seeing his face turn red was completely worth it. Jack nodded, glancing away from you as he bit his red lips. “Yeah…”
“Yes, we can.” You said, “But we may have to figure out how we fit together with my bump in between us.”
“I’m sure I can figure it out.” Jack grinned.
You stood up and pulled down your leggings, letting them pool at your feet. You sat on the bed and kicked off your slippers and the leggings fell to the ground.. Jack helped your remove your top and his eyes widened when he saw your bare torso.
“Wow, those are new…” Jack remarked staring at your breasts.
You smiled shyly. “I…uh…haven’t found a bra to fit them quite yet.”
“I’m not surprised.” Jack bit his lip. “Do you mind if I play with them?”
“Please do…” You said in a breathy voice that would have been more embarrassing if you weren’t so needy.
Jack removed his sweatshirt and tossed it on the floor to reveal his black tank top. He had gotten a bit more toned since you last saw him and your eyes couldn’t look away his tapered waist. You licked your dry lips. He sat on the bed and motioned for you to straddle him. You did, holding on to his shoulders to steady yourself, as you pressed your knees on either side of his thighs. He pressed kisses into your neck as he gently massaged your mounds. You moaned softly, not wanting your mothers downstairs to hear you. Jack’s thumbs gently encircling your nipples didn’t help.
“Are they even more sensitive than before?” He whispered against your neck, not too far from your ear.
“Y-Yeah,” You muttered, already feeling a warmth pooling in your underwear.
“I guess I better enjoy these before little Harlow starts hogging them, huh?” Jack teased before placing one of your nipples in his mouth and sucking gently.
You covered your mouth to silence a loud moan. You could feel Jack’s facial hair tickling your breast as his tongue wrapped around your nipple. You grinded yourself gently against his hardening cock and Jack grunted before switching breasts. He used his fingers to tweak the one he was previously sucking on, to make sure your nipple stayed hard. You continued to roll your lower half against him, careful not to push your belly into his stomach.
Jack pulled back and massaged your breasts with both hands. He pressed your your tits together and buried his face in your cleavage making you giggle. His nose and beard made it tickle but his fingers still brushing against your stimulated nipples kept the pit in your core alight.
“Can I tell you something?” Jack asked, pulling back to look at you, but still massaging your breasts, “And you promise not to make fun of me?”
“I would never promise that.” You joked, “But tell me anyway.”
“Ever since you mentioned my breeding kink in our last argument, it’s kinda haunted me.” Jack sighed. “I never thought about it. No one ever said it like that either. But now, seeing you like this--”
Your mouth fell open and you saw the panic in Jack’s eyes. He was already sputtering trying to take it back, but you saw what was going on. It was too late.
“Are you even more turned on having sex with your pregnant girlfriend?”
“Pregnant fiance.” Jack corrected, meekly. “B-But, yeah…this is so hot to me.”
“Well this won’t become a habit, Jack. I’m not getting knocked up constantly just to spice things up in the bedroom.” You teased, “But after the baby is born, I’ll be happy to put on one of those pregnancy bellies if that would get your rocks off.”
Jack groaned. “I knew I shouldn’t have told you.”
“I’ll even keep my old maternity clothes.” You continued to tease him. “Mhmm, I bet you like this MILF couture.”
“I’m going to lose my hard on.” Jack warned.
You pressed yourself into him, cupping your breasts in your hands over and stared Jack down. “Are you really?”
Jack’s eyes were filled with lust and you felt sexier than you had in months. You were joking with this seductive pose, but seeing how much he wanted you was a huge confidence boost. You bit your lip, continuing to give him a sultry stare.
“F-ck…” Jack shook his head. “I’m so bricked up right now. I hate you. I love you, but I hate you. F-ck you.”
“I thought that’s what we were doing here…” You joked.
Jack smirked at you. “You’re right…”
He leaned back and pulled his waist band down just enough to free himself. You stared down at his cock, unable to remember the last time you saw him this hard. He was already leaking with pre-cum and his head looked angry and red.
“I don’t have a condom.” You said.
Jack gave you a look as he stared down at your naked, rounded belly and then back at your eyes. You both chuckled. There was a lightness in the air that you hadn’t felt ina long time. Jack calmed you and you were thrilled to have him back in your life.
You raised your hips and Jack steadied you by holding onto them. You reached down and placed his tip at your entrance with one hand and twisted the crotch of you underwear to the side with the other. You sunk down on to him with a low moan. Jack grunted as he bit his lip so hard, you thought he would draw blood. You bounced on Jack lightly, trying to find a rhythm. You were worried it would take Jack a moment to adjust to your new weight, but he didn’t seem to notice. His hips lifted to meet yours effortlessly, coaxing you to come down harder and faster.
“God damn…” Jack swore under his breath. “I’m trying so hard to be quiet, princess, but you feel so good around me.”
“I missed feeling you inside me.” You confessed.
Jack reached between you two to play with your clit, making you grip his shoulders. He watched you bouncing on top of him, his eyes filled with adoration. His unwavering expression was making it hard to keep eye contact so, you closed your eyes and leaned your head back. Jack took the opportunity to suck on one of your breasts.
“If you do all of that I’m gonna come.” You groaned.
Jack let go of your breast with a pop. “It’s taking all of my willpower not to explode inside of you right now. The faster you cum, the better it is for both of us.” With that he went back to sucking on your other breast this time, taking in more of your breast in his mouth like he was actually trying to milk you.
You dug your fingernails into his shoulders as your orgasm crashed into you. You squeezed him tightly and Jack’s hands jumped to your lower back to support you. He helped you to ride through your orgasm and it wasn’t long until you felt the warm rush of his release filling you up. Jack let go of your nipple to kiss you deeply, his tongue immediately swirling yours. You swallowed each other’s moans as you held each other tightly until you both stopped shaking from pleasure.
Jack helped you lift off of him. He laid you on your back and got to work cleaning you up. He removed your underwear and got you a tissue to up the mix of your juices that settled between your folds. He got some of the baby wipes off your vanity to wipe down the thin layer of sweat that developed on your skin. He pulled on a fresh pair of underwear too.
Jack held a tub of cocoa butter over you so you could see it laying down. “Should I put this on too?”
You smiled. “I use it for my belly. It’s supposed to help the stretch marks, but honestly it just feels nice.”
Jack immediately unscrewed the top and lovingly massaged cocoa butter on your stomach and breasts. He took his time, laying soft kisses on the stretched skin. You could tell he was truly enamored with your body and not only in a lustful sense.
“You’re so beautiful…” Jack reminded you as he helped you sit up. He pecked your lips before helping you to get dressed. Once you were ready, he adjusted his own appearance in the mirror.
“Shall we go downstairs and share the good news?”
“That you have a serious breeding kink?” You teased.
“No…” Jack rolled his eyes. “That you’re going to be Mrs. Y/n Harlow.”
“Of course…” You laid back down. “After my nap.”
Jack smiled. He waited until you got comfortable before putting himself around you to snuggle you into him. Watching you sleep contently helped to lift a weight that had been on his chest.
Jack knew that this wasn’t going to be easy. He hurt you and broke your trust. He was going to have to show you he was a changed man. But seeing you laying in his arms, his future child in your stomach, he couldn’t imagine how he thought he would be able to stay away from you. Or worse, leave the chance for another man raise his child in his stead. No, you were his world and he was ready to protect you with everything he had. As a husband and a father.
it's a wonderful and engaging game, so i hope you get to see its charms too one day! now I wanna replay it dkksks
I know a couple people who started playing it recently and got hooked! I actually like role-playing games and visual novels so, thank you for reminding me about this. You definitely should! :D
I’ve had this concept on my mind for awhile & let me know what you think—
Jack’s mom, Maggie, forces him and Urban to go on a campus tour of University of Louisville where he meets the reader, who is also on the tour, who is hoping to leave her small town. She has hesitations of moving to a new city, but she meets jack who is so full of life and knows exactly what he wants. They ditch the tour & he tries to sell her on the idea of moving to Louisville, bringing her to all of his favorite spots. Lastly, he brings her to the infamous park and they hook up! At the end he ultimately has to tell her that’s he’s actually moving to Atlanta to pursue his music career.
She ends up moving & going to school is Louisville. They stay in touch with check ups here and there, but lose touch along the way. He’s back in town for forecastle and they meet up again and rekindle their friendship!
I was going to start this prompt but realized I couldn’t do it justice like you could. Hopefully you’re able to make something of this! :)
Wait, but this is actually really good. Like really good. I was so into it I almost didn’t realize this was a prompt hahaha I don’t think I could do justice to this idea. I kinda want you to try to write it.
I’d love to chat with you about how you could bring it to life. I’ve helped a couple writers here on the DL turn their ideas into fics just by chatting with them. Now they are churning out some of the best fics I’ve ever read. Sometimes you just need a sounding board and a little validation and I’m happy to be that person for you ♥.
Feel free and msg me here again if you want some other folks to be able to weigh in on the process, or DM me. I’m currently catching up on messages, but should be more active in the next few days.
the way i reread everything you’ve written for jack
Omg I am so honored. Like I’m geniunely touched because I know it’s been a hot hot minute since I’ve written something so thank you for sending some love. I hope you are having the loveliest of days. ♥
Hahaha yess! One of my best friends in high school edited one of the characters to look like me. When I made my tumblr blog, I was too lazy to find a profile pic and decided to use it. I almost changed it too, but was worried no one would know who I was if I did lol I know very little about Persona so don’t quiz me lmao. But it’s so cool that someone has finally recognized. Have a great day!!
Would you write a fan fiction based off of ode to a conversation stuck in your throat by del water gap. Love you’re writing
Thank you, love! I have a song fic request similar to this in my drafts. The idea being that a person is in love with someone but doesn’t believe they have them wholly. So, please stay tuned to that. Also happy for anyone else to write a fic on this song as well! It’s actually a pretty cool prompt ♥
I am the anon that requested that Lucy dacus song.
Omg hi!! Thank you so much for the request. The song was amazing and absolutely heart-wrenching. Thank you for introducing it to me. I hope you liked the fic.
When’s the next jack fix dropping? I love your writing
Thank you so much, love! ♥ The answer is soon hopefully very soon. I have one that I am editing, but I had to pause for the last couple of weeks due to life stuff. But hoping to edit today and publish in the next few days. It’s an angsty-fluffy-light smut so, I’m excited.
When’s ed we getting a pt 2 to two brothers! Just read it and am in love!
Thank you so much!! I’m so glad you liked it. I always like to ask which ending people chose, if you don’t mind sharing :)
I actually didn’t plan to write a part 2 because three endings was a lot of work lmao. But maybe I’ll get inspired to write another part for one of the endings.
I have a couple things in the drafts (including one ask!), but I’m in a bit of a funk. Most of you already know I’m slow but a little slower than usual these days 😔. Trying to read more to get some writing inspo so hopefully the gears will be turning soon.
In the meantime, thank you for all the sweet asks and DMs. It always means a lot to know people are reading my writing and enjoying it! I hope to get better as a writer and they say consistency is key. The support really pushes me to practice so, thank you! ❤️
hi angel, how are you?? just read How You Keep Smiling and I'm sobbing 🥹
this fic got close to home because I have a weird relationship with my dad, even though he and my mom were married until I was 13 and I was the first child he actually got to raise, I never felt a connection with him. also, my parents divorce was really bad, my mom went through hell in his hands and I remember asking him to go away and leave us alone because that was going to be the best for all of us three. I was a pre-teen and forced myself to be a rock, to comfort my mom and hide all the feelings to myself. I think that's why I don't have a normal romantic life, why I'm so afraid to put myself out there to talk and meet new people.
I just wanted to share it with you because I really related to the character in this fic, I felt everything she was going through and that was really comforting to read because I saw myself in that situation and the ending really warmed my heart.
Your writing is really amazing and your plots are so real, you're definitely one of the best writers I've know in this site and I want to thank you for all the effort you put into writing for us 🫶🏽 you rock, Rina!!!!
Hi love!! Firstly, thank you for being so open and vulnerable. I’m sorry that this hit home for you, but I’m glad it was somewhat therapeutic. Obviously, I only know a fraction about you, but you’re such a sweet and welcoming person. Now I know that you’re a strong person as well. It’s hard to grow up quickly and early. I’m honored that as you still work through sharing yourself with others in your life, you’re opening up and sharing with me. ❤️ (And now, I guess, anyone who sees my stuff on their dash lol)
Thank you for sharing!! I’m glad it was a comfort read. I’m still not super great with angst so, it was definitely a challenge for me to write as well. Thank you for such a sweet compliment and being so nice to me. 🥹🥰 I know I say it all the time, but it really does mean the world. Have a lovely day, hun!!
did you like jack’s new album? I personally got an RNB vibe from it and I loved it - the cockiness and the confidence! Are you planning on writing anything about it? 🤍
Hi there!! I did like his album, the melodies are great. The beat on “I’d Do Anything To Make You Smile” goes from 🥰 to 🔥 to 😎 and I love it every time. “Side Piece” had the vulnerable story telling I was missing from TWTAS. I like his songs that tell a story. I liked “Young Harleezy” and “I Got A Shot” for the same reason, but I prefer the beat on “Side Piece”. “Movie Star” gave me elevated “Ghost” vibes (I think it’s the backing track) so I liked it too. And the flow on “Churchill Downs” was my favorite with “State Fair” being a close close second.
Based on my usual style, if I were to write something, it would probably be “Lil Secret” or “Poison”, but I’ve already seen some great fics with those songs so, I may explore something else. I really like “State Fair,” but not sure what I could write about it. I feel like I write a lot of friends to lovers with someone he knew from KY, but maybe I could do another twist. Ooh I think I may have gotten an idea 👀
i was wondering if youd write fic based off thumbs by lucy dacus
First time hearing this song and wow, it is deep. This is going to be very angsty. I decided to let this sit in my drafts for a bit because I wanted to do it justice and it was a great challenge for me. Thank you for being patient!! ♥
How You Keep Smiling
A/N: This is going to be a bit darker than my usual writing. Please check the warnings before reading as it could be super triggering for folks. This was an exciting request from a writing perspective, but fanfic is supposed to be enjoyable. For some people, reading about their trauma and getting a “happy” ending is therapeutic. For other people, it’s not. If that’s the case for you, there’s no shame in scrolling away.
Summary: You and Jack are friends with benefits that have found the perfect balance between friendship and love making. When you tell Jack that you are going to meet with your estranged father, he demands to come with you. As he starts to realize the anger he feels towards your father, Jack begins to wonder if there should be a deeper relationship between you two as well.
Warnings: Fem!reader, FWB!Jack, smut (penetration, body fluids, spanking...), mentions of domestic abuse and violence, mentions of substance abuse, references to trauma, angst, and a bit of fluff, long-ish fic (12k+ words)
Jack let out a sigh as he sunk deeper into his couch. Although he had officially moved back home to Louisville months ago, this was the first time he was in his new place alone. It felt strange. After years of sharing quarters with his best friends, all of this open space felt wasted. But like every new chapter in his life, Jack decided to welcome this solitude with grace.
Jack opened his phone to go to his music app to start playing music from the speakers embedded in his walls. He smiled when he saw a text message from you asking if he was home. He glanced at the time. It was 10pm. You and Jack were good friends during the day, but at night, the benefits part of your friends with benefits relationship reared its head. Jack grinned. He would have plenty of opportunities for “him”-time. You initiating a booty call was a true rarity and he wasn’t going to pass it up.
Once you confirmed that you could be there in 20 minutes, Jack sprang to his feet. He looked down and realized he was still wearing his clothes from the studio. He decided to change into something a little more comfortable. Most of his stuff was still in boxes and suitcases. Luckily, his favorite clothing pieces were in easy to access places.
He entered his master bedroom to strip down and walk into the adjoined bathroom. Jack took the quickest shower he could. He skipped washing his chestnut colored curls because he didn’t want to wait for it dry. He made sure that the rest of him was squeaky clean, wanting to smell and feel good for you. He stepped out of the shower and stood in front of his bathroom mirror. Jack couldn’t help, but admire himself a little. He loved how toned he had gotten from working out more and playing basketball. He knew how much you liked grabbing on to his biceps so, he was especially pleased at how rounded they looked today. He grabbed his razor and did a bit of manscaping down below to make sure his package was well-presented. He grabbed a bottle of cologne and did a couple of strategic spritzes on his neck, the crease of his arm, and his wrist. He added a tiny one just below his belly button, just in case you were down there for long.
Jack, realizing he was running out of time, put on one of his white t-shirts, a pair of boxer briefs, and some well-fitted gray sweat pants. He figured it would be douche-y to just wait for you naked. He didn’t want to look desperate. His casual relationship with you was one of the longest, healthiest ones he had ever maintained. He didn’t want to ruin that by overstepping boundaries.
Jack hurried to clean the area around his bed and straighten his sheets. He was glad that the bedroom was the first place he set up in his new place. It was advice his father had given him as a golden rule for moving. Jack doubted his father knew he was using the advice to get laid. Or, maybe he did.
The doorbell rang and Jack straightened at the sound. He took long strides toward the door, trying to make sure his footsteps didn’t sound too eager. He opened it and smiled instantly to see you standing there. He assumed you were still wearing you outfit from earlier in the day. It was a colorful, floral sundress that cinched at your waist and reached your mid calves. You had tossed a black leather (or pleather if you’re not into that) jacket on top as the temperature had dropped a couple hours ago. The look was very youthful, especially with your slip on white sneakers, but there was still something sexy about it. Jack stretched out his arms and you ran into them to give him a tight hug.
He pulled you into his apartment, kicking the door closed without letting you go. You rested your chin against him as you looked into his clear blue eyes.. He smiled down at you and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. You let out a shy, cute noise that made him Jack chuckle. You pressed your face into his chest.
“Missed you.” You mumbled into him.
Jack nuzzled his nose in your hair as he mumbled as well, “Missed you too.”
You inhaled deeply before pulling back and looking around the apartment. You were very impressed. From watching HGTV, you knew that the adjectives that real estate agents to describe this kind of space were “spacious,” “modern,” and “light-filled.” But, seeing it in person was actually jaw-dropping. The living room had large, ceiling to floor windows that overlooked the Louisville water front. There was an open kitchen with all the newest appliances and a kitchen island with bar seats.
“Like it?” Jack’s voice was deep and startling, making you jump.
“It’s gorgeous, Jack!” You commented, moving your arms around to gesture at the space. “How many bedrooms?”
‘Two bedrooms, two bathrooms.” Jack grinned. “Thinking of making the extra bedroom an office or a studio or something. Wait till you see the master bedroom.”
You smirked at him. “Trying to get me in your bed already, Jack? I don’t even get the full tour?”
Jack snaked his arms around your waist and gave your butt a firm squeeze. “I’m in no rush, baby. You know how I am. It seems you might be the one trying to push things along, though.”
You leaned in, resting a hand on his chest as you stared intently on his lips. Jack let out a low chuckle as he started to close the distance between you. You smirked as you pulled away, walking toward, what you assumed, was the direction of the bedrooms.
“You’re right, I do want the full tour.”
Jack shook his head letting out a laugh that sounded closer to a growl this time. “You’re such a god damn tease...”
You shrugged as Jack quickened his pace to close the distance between you. He showed you the detached bathroom which featured a large standing glass shower, with a two faucet sink and lost of under sink cabinet space.
“As you can see, plenty of space for your extensive skin care routine.” Jack teased, pointing at the large counter space.
You rolled your eyes, “How many times have you used that line since moving in here?”
Jack grinned at you, “Well, you’re actually the first lady friend I’ve had over. So, I’m testing out new lines. How was that?”
“A little flat...” You teased, sticking out your tongue at him. “Especially since as your good friend, not just your lady friend, my stuff will be in the master bathroom.”
Jack pretended to look shocked, resting his hand over his mouth. “Okay, Y/n...already reserving your spot in my house.”
You coughed to stifle a laugh, knowing he was mimicking your mannerisms from when you talked with your female friends. “Shut up, Jack.”
Jack laughed, taking your hand and pulling you out of the bathroom. Across from it was the second bedroom that was large enough for a queen bed. it was currently empty and had a large closet and plenty of windows. You could definitely imagine it as an office or a studio.
“This is going to be an amazing studio, Jack.” You remarked as you gazed around. “You better keep the windows and not block them out. You’ll need natural light.”
“Ah, check this out...” Jack pulled his phone and after fiddling with it for a moment, the curtains on the window slowly rolled down and the lighting in the room became a warm yellow tone.
“Whoa...” You said in almost a whisper as the entire feel of the room morphed. It was definitely a lot sexier now, but you could also see it as a great space to work.
“I’m thinking about playing with the lights a bit more to create that dark feeling you get in the studio.” Jack explained, his eyes twinkling. “I find the studio atmosphere really helps me and so, if I can create it at home I might be here more often.”
“Oh thank goodness...” You said, feigning relief. “...I was already thinking how hard it would be to maintain this place and take care of the kids without you here.”
Jack rolled his eyes, squeezing his lips together to hide his smile. “I swear you were the first person to say “come home the kids miss you.” You know that?”
“Well, of course....I’m your neglected baby mama.” You joked.
Jack grabbed you by the hips and brought you so close you slammed against his chest. You squeaked as you looked into his dancing irises.
“Now, you’re not that neglected, are you?” He reached a hand up to grab your chin and pressed a kiss on your lips. “I guess I better hurry up and show you the last stop on this tour.”
You licked your lips, forgetting how amazing Jack kissed. He was assertive and yet gentle in the way he would capture your lips with his own. He knew where to put his hands so you would melt in his arms and be wrapped around his finger forever. You smiled at him and nodded quickly, this time you pulled him to the next room.
A few paces down was the master bedroom. It was massive. The bed was a lofted king bed in the center of the room. The view in here almost rivaled the one in the living with similar ceiling to floor windows. There was a massive walk-in closet that was as big as a studio apartment you once rented in New York City. You weren’t even sure if Jack had enough clothes to fill the place, but it was mighty pretty to look at.
The master bathroom was almost identical to the detached one except that instead of a standing shower there was a giant bath tub. It screamed luxury and you could see jacuzzi jets from where you stood as well.
“Wow, Jack....just wow.” You complimented as you gave a slow clap. “Everything looks amazing, but this closet is just...wow...”
Even though most of Jack’s stuff was still in boxes, the entire condo seemed gigantic. You could only imagine what it would look like once he finished decorating.
“I’m glad you like it, Y/n.” Jack said sincerely. “I’m really excited to make this my space, you know? Something that says this is Jack.”
You smiled as you looked around the room. “Well, I can see your mother’s influence as well.”
Jack tilted his head to the side. “How’d you know?”
“All this white?!” You said, gesturing to the all white sheets against the black bedframe. There was also a white love seat in the far end of the room resting against one of the windows. “Only your mother would have this much faith in you to keep this place clean with white.”
Jack laughed. “Are you still traumatized because you spilled juice on her white rug?”
You gasped. “We agreed to never talk about that! I still have stress nightmares.”
You shivered, making Jack laugh. “Oh my god, Y/n! That was eight years ago. You can’t seriously still be worried about that.”
“I will remember it forever. I’m pretty sure I cried when I got home.” You confessed. “It was bad, Jack.”
“It was fine. My mom wanted a new rug anyway.” Jack grinned, “And she settled for a beige one. Just in case you came back.”
“Ugh....” You mimicked getting stabbed by hitting your closed fist against your chest. “Right in the heart....”
“You’re so dramatic...” Jack teased. “I can’t believe we’ve known each other for almost a decade.”
You grinned, tucking your dress underneath you before sitting on his bed gingerly. “And all because my little brother was an OG Jack Harlow fan.”
“I know,” Jack said, sitting next to you. “Best wing man ever. Had you driving to all of my shows, looking fine as hell too.”
You and your family weren’t from Kentucky, but you lived in one of the neighboring states. You had distant relatives in Louisville who you often lived with when your mother was going through financial trouble. One of those relatives was a Jack Harlow fan and got your kid brother into it as well.
Being the oldest daughter, you often found yourself playing mom to your younger siblings. Your youngest brother was a bit of a troublemaker and you felt it was because he didn’t have enough positive male role models. When he began to look up to Jack, you made it your mission to do whatever it took to make your brother happy. Since you were early fans of Jack, you got to know Jack as a person and slowly became friends. Your brother wasn’t as much of a fan boy these days. Now, it was you who became interested in the rapper. Especially as your friendship started to include no-strings attached mind blowing sex.
You chuckled leaning in to peck Jack on the lips. “I only started dressing up when I noticed we were getting special treatment any time I showed enough cleavage.”
Jack shrugged, “I’m a simple man.” He slowly slid your jacket off your shoulders and pressed kisses onto your bare shoulders. “And you are exquisite.”
“Exquisite?” You repeated, the tease in your voice lightened by a soft moan that escaped your lips. “Someone’s swallowed a dictionary.”
Jack’s lips pressed firm kisses into your neck. Each kiss caused you to sigh as if he had memorized every sensitive spot on your neck. One of his hands massaged your side while the other hand slipped under your dress to squeeze your thigh closest to him.
“Hmm, Jack...” You cooed, leaning into him. “...right there, J.”
“You like that?” Jack said, stopping his kisses on your neck to whisper in your ear. A chill ran up your spine at his words. His voice was always so deep and buttery.
“It’s why I came...” You whispered.
Jack smirked against your skin, lowering you both on the bed. “Trust me, you’ll be coming a lot tonight.”
You groaned a little knowing you walked right into that one. But, you didn’t mind. You were excited for what was about to happen.
Clothes were pulled off and tossed on to the floor. Jack’s eyes devoured you as though he hadn’t seen your body many times before. His hands cupped you through your bra, molding your breasts in his hands as he kissed the exposed skin spilling out of the fabric.
In the meantime, your hands ran circles on his chest, shoulders, and biceps. You loved how taut is muscles felt under your fingertip, contrasting with the soft, smoothness of his pale skin.
“God, Jack, when did you get so built?” You were purposely gassing him up because he deserved it. And because he performed his best when he felt good.
Jack’s bright smug grin made your heart swell. The fact that he could be so cute and cocky at the same time should be illegal.
“You don’t have to butter me up. I was already going to eat you out.” Jack grinned giving you a peck on the lips. “But I’ll take the compliment.”
TW: Smut
You felt your cheeks heat at his words, letting out a nervous giggle. You weren’t the only one who had learned that flattery could help you get your way in bed. Jack pulled down your bra straps and you leaned forward to help him unclasp your bra. You let out a breath as soon as the tight fabric was removed and tossed across the room. Jack licked his lips before running both of his thumbs against your pebbling nipples. You squirmed and moaned under his touch, your eyes closing to focus on the sensations. Jack continued to play with your breasts, bending down to lick and suck on a nipple while tugging and lightly twisting the other. He switched back and forth between your breasts as you continued to twitch under him. Your thighs squeezed together to rub your lower lips together made Jack hum with appreciation. He could already tell you were growing wet, just from the way you moving.
Jack pulled back and looked at you. Your eyes were cracked open slightly to watch him as he pulled your panties down. He gripped your thighs and spread them wide. He loved playing with your thighs and feeling them squish his head as he ate you out. It was one of his favorite things in the world.
Jack went for it and devoured you until you came on his tongue. Your head thrashed from side to side as you gripped the sheets. Your throat was growing hoarse from moaning his name. You were shaking with your release, the tension that had been building in your all day dissipating with it. Who needed therapy when you had Jack’s tongue licking all your problems away?
It didn’t take long for Jack to remove his underwear. He pumped his cock a few times as he stared at you, ready and waiting for him.
“So, we have a situation...” Jack said after a long stretch of silence. “...I don’t think I have condoms here.”
You made an over-the-top shocked expression. “What?! Jack Harlow without condoms? Is hell freezing over as we speak?”
Jack laughed before clearing his throat to silence it. “Are you still on birth control or do I need to run to CVS?”
You grinned at him. “I got the hormonal injection, but are you sure you trust me?” You teased, “I remember someone once telling me that this could be a life or death situation.”
“I trust you with my life, Y/n.” Jack said, leaning down to stare into your eyes making your cheeks warm. “And, you’re pussy is so good I’m prepared to take this risk.”
“That’s the Jack I know,” You leaned up and kissed his lips. “Now, in an effort to preserve these sheets, we’ll have to make sure that everything stays inside, right?”
Jack stared at you for so long, you worried he short circuited. Finally, as if shaking out of his trance he asked, “Am I in heaven?” before sheathing himself inside of you.
Over the next couple of hours, you and Jack enjoyed each other. You tried out different positions and explored each other on different pieces of furniture in the bedroom. Your skin was on fire, your core was fluttering, and your face was flushed thanks to Jack’s loving on you. You both ended your love making session in missionary back on the bed, of course, as Jack always liked to end in a position where he could see your face.
“I love when you look at me like that...” Jack said, as his waist made its final snaps into yours to ride out both of your orgasms.
“Like what?” You responded, breathily, not fully there in your post-orgasmic state.
“When you cum, like really hard, you have this smile on your face that is just--” Jack leaned in and kissed you deeply, not finishing his statement.
You held him close to you as you let your tongue enter his mouth. You both stayed close, kissing each other and connected at the waist for a long time. You didn’t want to let him go. You always felt comfortable with Jack. Even when your friendship started to become sexual, you knew that you were safe with him. He would never hurt you or push you outside of your comfort zone. You knew there were other girls that Jack was entertaining and that was okay. You weren’t really a fan of committed relationships. You didn’t believe in romance and marriage. This was the closest thing you were willing to accept as love and even admitting that to Jack was scary.
“Gonna pull out...” Jack whispered against your lips after breaking the kiss. “Because at this point, I’m gonna be shooting blanks and you need to go take a leak.”
“Wow, we’re really starting the pillow talk off to a great start, aren’t we?” You joked as Jack pulled out you. You squeezed your legs shut and slowly tried to lift off the bed. Once you were standing, you took baby steps toward the master bathroom.
“Come here...” Jack said, lifting you bridal style as he walked you into the bathroom. “...we were going to be here all night if I let you go in by yourself.”
“It would be easier if you didn’t spank my ass so much.” You argued as you were lowered on to the toilet. “Not only am I trying not to mess up your white sheets, but everything below my belly hurts. My ass, my pussy, my thighs.”
TW: Smut End
“Sorry, sweetheart.” Jack said, biting his lip to hide his smile. You could tell he wasn’t sorry and neither were you.
“Can you leave while I pee?” You asked him and Jack rolled his eyes at the absurdity of your request.
“Really? After all of that? Fine, I’m going...” Jack threw his hands up in a defensive position. “...I’ll get you some pjs, would one of my shirts and boxers do? I don’t have anything else to offer at the moment.”
“It’s okay, I can head back to my Mom’s place after I’m done.” You said.
Jack’s head whipped around as he narrowed his eyes at you. “No way, it’s past midnight, Y/n. There’s no way I’m letting you leave here before morning.”
“Alright,” You shrugged, not needing much convincing. “Thanks.”
“Of course...now hurry up, I wanna pee too.”
~
You were laying on your back next to Jack in one of his t-shirts and boxers. Everything felt soft around you: the freshly washed clothes, the plush sheets, Jack’s smooth skin. You were in a cocoon of safety and, yet, your mind kept wandering to the event that made you seek this in the first place. As if reading your mind, Jack asked the question you had been anticipating for awhile.
Jack, who was also laying on his back in only his underwear, stared at the ceiling, “Y/n, not that I’m complaining or anything. Because I had a fun time, as always. But, you don’t usually come over so late like this. Did something happen?”
“Would you believe me if I said I couldn’t sleep because I wanted your dick so bad?” You asked him, almost biting your tongue to hold in your laugh.
“Absolutely not” Jack said quickly making you both laugh. The laughter made your chest feel a bit lighter and you decided to tell him what happened.
“My father called me. He wants to meet me in...” You leaned over and tapped your phone. “...less than 16 hours.”
Your dad has come to town
He'd like to meet
Jack frowned as he sat up to look at you. “Isn’t your father a sack of sh-t?”
You sucked in a breath. “He’s my father, Jack. You can’t just call him a sack of sh-t.” You paused for a moment. “I don’t have the right to anyway. He never treated me or my siblings poorly. Even when he was at his worst, he would still soften when he saw me. He was a pile of sh-t to my mom though. But, I don’t have the right to hate him cause of what he did to her.”
“Y/n...” Jack shook his head. “...yes, you can. I know you don’t like talking about it, but he really f-cked up your life. He basically destroyed your lives and forced your mom to scramble to take care of y’all. He practically forced you into being a second mom to your siblings.”
“I know that, Jack.” You said, bitterly. “I was there.”
Jack swallowed. He messed up. He knew how touchy the subject was and in his anger he let things slip that he normally wouldn’t. Jack wanted you to open up to him. You always took the time to be there for him and Jack wanted to return the favor. The fact that you came to him because of this was huge. In the past you would have kept this to yourself. He was worried that he might lose the chance to support you, now and in the future.
“What did he want?” Jack said, laying back down.
“Well, he said he changed his life around. He said he’s doing that 12 step program. He’s on step 8 or 9, I can’t remember which.” You explained. “It’s where you have to acknowledge your wrong doings and apologize to those you hurt.”
“Whoa...” Jack responded, letting out a tuft of air. “...that’s pretty heavy, Y/n. Where are you meeting him?”
“At the Sunergos on 5th. He can’t be anywhere that serves alcohol and I wanted someone pretty public.” You gulped. “I’m so nervous about it. And I just needed you to help me relax a bit. You did, so thank you.”
Jack chewed on his lip. He definitely noticed the finality in your tone. You wanted to end the conversation, but Jack knew he had another request. He wanted to go with you. He worried about what your father would say and how he would say it. There was also part of him that still thought your father was capable of violence. Even though you were safe in a public place, Jack worried about what would happen if you father convinced you to go on a drive and hurt you somewhere else. Jack was sure that you didn’t tell your mom or siblings about the meeting. And he was also sure that all three of them would feel more comfortable if you didn’t go alone. Jack would have to move a couple things around in his schedule, but he could make it happen. He just needed to convince you to allow him to accompany you.
He ran his fingers through his short brown curls, anxiously. “I want to go with you, Y/n.”
“Jack no...”
“Please?” Jack turned so he was hovering over you. He could see the sadness in your eyes and it created a heaviness in his chest. Just fifteen minutes ago he was staring at your euphoric smile. He wanted nothing more than to bring that back, but this wasn’t the time. “It would make me feel better.”
“I can’t go into one of the most popular cafes with Jack Harlow.” You protested, turning your head to avoid his eyes. “It would make a touchy situation worse.”
Jack sighed, “I have ways of being incognito, I promise. I just want to be next to you. Helping you relax and stay grounded. You just said that I can help you do that. So, please, let me help.”
“Jack, no.” You said again, tears stinging your eyes, but you blinked quickly. “I have to do this on my own.”
“Why?” Jack asked and when he was met with silence, he grabbed your chin and forced you to look at him. He asked again, “Why?”
“I-I just have to...” You said, your voice breaking.
“You don’t have to handle all of it anymore, Y/n. You can ask for help.” Jack’s words caused tears to escape your eyes and he kissed them as he kept speaking. “I’m here for you, okay? Let’s do this together.”
You nodded and turned to bury your head in Jack’s chest. You hugged him tightly, expecting more tears to fall, but you just felt numb. You held on to Jack and he held onto you tightly and you both remained like that until you drifted to sleep.
~
At 5pm the next day, Jack waited with you outside the coffee shop to meet with your father. Although he was confident the night before that he could do this undetected, he was still pleasantly surprised that his claim was true. He was wearing a black sweat suit with the hoodie up and a fitted cap underneath. He went the extra mile to wear his Jordans instead of New Balances, just in case that tipped him off. If anything, more people were staring at you because you were wearing another gorgeous sundress.
Jack couldn’t help, but feel a little perturbed you were wasting a dress like this on your father. That man didn’t deserve to see you all dolled up. You looked even prettier than you did yesterday, even if there was a nervous look in your eyes. Jack rested a hand on the small of your back causing you to look at him.
“You know you don’t have to do this.” Jack reminded you. “We could turn around right now and christen the other rooms in my condo.”
I said "You don't have to see him"
But for whatever reason you can't tell him no
You smiled softly. “As tempting as that sounds, I really need to see this through.” You gave him a teasing once over. “But, hopefully I take a rain check on the condo christening.”
Jack was about to lean in and kiss you when you got a text message. You looked down to see it was from the number your father was using. You couldn’t bring yourself to save the number. You didn’t know what seeing his name or, worse, the word “Dad” on caller ID would do to you every time you saw it. Instead you memorized every curve of his phone number until it had basically created the same effect.
“He’s inside.” You explained, turning on your heels to push the door. Jack reached around you to push the door with more strength. You were too focused to thank him, but Jack didn’t take offense to it. He was also looking for your father.
Jack found the other man instantly. Jack always thought you looked a lot like your mother. But now, Jack could see the resemblance between you and your father in your eyes. Those eyes that sparkled at him last night in ecstasy. Those eyes that stared at him with a sadness that ripped his heart in two short after. The eyes that Jack adored so much, belonged to your father too.
I love your eyes
And he has them
But you have his
'Cause he was first
Jack allowed you to lead the way. It was clear that your father took a few moments to recognize you. It made sense. For as long as Jack knew you, your father wasn’t in your life. And you two were approaching a decade of friendship. Even Jack knew how much you blossomed in that short period of time.
He hadn't seen you since the fifth grade
Now you're nineteen and you're five-eight
“Hi buttercup!” Your father said, opening his arms for a hug as he stood up. You went to him awkwardly and Jack instinctively reached out to pull you back. He didn’t want you to feel obligated to hug the man, but he also knew he had no right to tell you what to do. As you completed the awkward side hug, your father stared at Jack with scrutiny.
“This your boyfriend?” Your father asked sitting down. You sat down as well and Jack sat on the right of you.
“No, he’s a good friend of mine.” You explained.
“Really?” Your father quirked a brow as he picked up his coffee. “He seemed like an awfully good of friend when you two were standing outside.”
Your face flushed, thinking about how close Jack was standing to you and wondering how much your father saw. Did he see the way Jack touched you on the back? Did he notice the comfort in which Jack leaned down to whisper in your ear? Was it so obvious that you were sleeping with him?
Your father chuckled at your embarrassment. “What? Don’t want your dear ol’ dad to talk to your little boyfriend?” Your father questioned before looking at Jack. “I’m not just going to hand my little girl over to just anybody. No siree, I’m gonna make sure the guy at the end of that aisle is good enough for her.”
“Bold of you to assume you’ll be doing such an honor.” Jack let the words slip before he could stop them.
A gasp left your lips as your nudged Jack hard with your elbow. Your father let out a sarcastic laugh.
"Bold of you to assume that you’ll be at the wedding.” Your father barked back. “Mr. Good Friend.”
Jack bit down so hard that his entire jaw clenched. He broke his staring contest with your father to look at you. He could see that you had your placating smile plastered on your lips, but your eyes were jumping sadly. Under the table, Jack tapped your knee to signal his apology. You rested your hand on top of his to tell him that you accepted it, but your hand was shaking. Jack gulped,
“I’ll get us some teas.” Jack said, standing up. “You want a chai?”
You nodded, “Thank you.”
Jack gave you a final nod before walking over to the counter. Once he was several paces away, your father began to speak.
“Did you really have to bring the bodyguard? Who is that guy?” Your father asked angrily.
“He’s just a friend.” You explained. “I had made plans with him today and he offered to walk me here.”
“You better not be giving it up to him, buttercup.” Your father warned. “These kind of guys always like to pry on girls who are weak. They enjoy not putting a label on things and stringing you along. You’re delicate like you’re mother. You need a strong, reliable man at your side.”
A sharp pain seemed to surge from the back of your head right to your tear ducts. Your nose pricked and you scrunched it to keep the tears from rushing out. These were tears of frustration as you could feel the anger welding up in your chest. How dare he? How dare he call you weak? How dare he call your mother delicate? If anything, these past few years had proven how strong you both were. That neither of you needed to be tethered to a man to be successful.
You wanted to chew him out, but no words left your lips. For years, you imagined what you would tell your father if you ever saw him again. Sometimes, you thought you would tell him how much your life sucked because he was a monster to your mother. Other times, you wanted to tell him that you were happy she dropped him because it gave you a better life. Either way, you wanted to hurt him just like he had hurt you.
Instead, you said, “Mom’s fine.” You shook your head. “She’s better than fine. She’s fantastic.”
“Fantastic?” Your father repeated incredulously. “I heard that you all are still slumming it in Kentucky. That’s why I came out here.”
When your father had asked where you were living in Kentucky, you lied and told him Louisville. He already seemed to know your mother was in the state, and you didn’t want to expose where you and your siblings were staying either. You wanted him to believe you were all together, protecting her.
Your mother was actually in Lexington and you were currently living in Chicago. It was only a five hour drive or a 90 minute plane ride so you came home often to see her. Your middle sister was in beauty school in Charlotte, North Carolina and your youngest brother was currently in trade school in Cincinnati, Ohio. Both of which were an six hour drive and one hour drive respectively. Kentucky was a convenient location for your mother since it was pretty centrally located. She had some family here and had joined the same friend circle with Jack’s mother. In fact, it was Jack’s mother that pushed your mother to start her business.
“I wouldn’t say slumming it.” You corrected. “Mom’s business is really taking off. Although she never got a chance to finish her degree in hospitality, her spa is doing very --”
“Y/n...” Your father cut you off and your throat went dry. You had forgotten that he loved to hear the sound of his own voice. He never gave anyone else a chance to speak. “...you don’t have to pretend. I know how much my absence has hurt our family. And I’m terribly sorry.”
You smiled softly. It was a nervous habit you developed. When you were uncomfortable, you would smile and laugh. It wasn’t the same smile or laugh that you showed when you felt joy, but to the untrained eye it was hard to tell the difference.
Absence. That’s how you would describe it when people asked about your father. You had an absent father. He just wasn’t in your life. You always made it sound like he walked out. That maybe he was cheating or had a secret family. In reality, your mother ran away. From your abusive father.
Jack returned with your chai teas in time to hear your father’s statement. Your father’s mouth twisted as Jack placed the cup in front of you and sat back down.
“Thank you, Jack.” You said.
“Jack?” Your father repeated. “That reminds me of that Jack Heathrow kid your brother used to be obsessed with. It was so weird that he liked that two-bit scrawny rapper. That Harthlow kid is probably some coke dealer now...”
You choked on your tea, slapping your chest in an attempt to stop it. You could feel the warm liquid about to shoot out of your nose so, you grabbed a napkin just in case. Jack patted your back gently and laughed,
“Yeah, I actually heard he’s pretty successful now. Must be in the name. Jack.” Jack flashed a bright smile.
“ Anyway, Y/n.” Your father rolled his eyes, emphasizing your name to steer the conversation. “I wanted to apologize to you for not being more active in your life. Besides the few birthday cards I sent, I didn’t really do my part as father.”
He said "Honey, you sure look great
Do you get the checks I send on your birthday?"
You were still coughing from the comments made earlier about Jack. However, it was like your father’s words cut through all noise each time he spoke. The fact that your father actually considered birthday cards as part of his parental duty was sickening. He didn’t pay a cent of child support. He didn’t attend a single graduation. And you struggled to remember if you ever actually received a birthday card from him.
“But, that’s all going to change, because I’m coming back, buttercup!” Your father said enthusiastically.
“What?” You and Jack asked at the same time.
“I’m coming back!” Your father said as happily. “You don’t have to worry about anything. I’m looking for a job as we speak.”
Your brain was spiraling. Had you made a mistake? Should you have not told your father that your family was in Kentucky? Was everything ruined now that he knew had confirmation of where your mother was? Was she in danger because of you?
Jack watched you sitting there like a lifeless doll. There was a faint smile on your lips, but Jack could see the vacancy in your eyes. You were panicking. He rested his hand on your knee underneath the table, finding it to be shaking as he expected. It was still jumping up and down even as his warm hand pressed it down. Jack slowly looked at your father who was still harping on about his non-existent job prospects like he was some kind of knight-in-shining armor. Jack wanted to just reach over and slap the smug smile off of his face.
I love your eyes
And he has them
But you have his
'Cause he was first
I imagine my thumbs on the irises
Pressing in until they burst
Your hand lifts and grips Jack’s thigh. Your fingernails are digging into his skin. Jack could feel the pressure, but there was a numbness from the anger building in his chest. He had never despised someone he just met as much as he despised your father.
I would kill him
If you let me
I would kill him
Quick and easy
Your nails are digging
Into my knee
I don't know
How you keep smiling
TW: Descriptions of domestic abuse
“I thought you came here to apologize...” Your voice was low, but louder than a whisper. You stared into the space next to your father instead of directly at him. “I thought you came here to practice saying sorry for hurting my mom. For slapping her around, for using her as an ash tray, for using her body anyway you pleased. For breaking down such a strong woman and making her delicate.”
You spat the last word out and Jack gulped. This was the first time he had heard details of your mother’s abuse. Jack knew your mother had confided some of this information in his mother, but his mother would never tell a soul. Jack held your hand that was still gripping his knee. He enclosed his hand on yours and pushed your nails even deeper into his skin through the thin fabric of his sweats. If this was giving you the strength to speak up, he would endure all of it for you.
It did give you the strength to look your father in the eyes as you spoke. You narrowed your eyes at him and said, “I’m so glad I didn’t tell you where mom is really living. Until you acknowledge your wrong doings, you shouldn’t be anywhere near my family. And I don’t think you will ever be a part of it.”
TW: Descriptions end
Your father’s eyes widened. “Your family? I made that f-cking family, Y/n. I am your f-cking father.”
You scoffed. “I know that. And when you were here, you were an alright father. But you were a rotten husband. Which had a greater impact on our lives than anything else.” You swallowed. “I came here willing to forgive you. I came here willing to work with you to get Mom’s forgiveness. But now I see you have a lot more growing to do. The moment you gave up on being a good husband, you stopped being a decent father. I had told myself that if getting married meant potentially being shackled to someone like you, then I would never take those vows. But if for some reason I do decide to walk down that aisle, you will never be marching down beside me. Not in a million years.”
Your father opened and closed his mouth like fish. A sad expression twisted his face. Your little brother looked so much like your father these days. It was like he had taken all of your father’s good features and made them his own. Seeing the pain in your father’s featured reminded you of your brother which was the only thing that made you empathize with him.
The worst thing about trauma is that fond memories often intertwined with dark ones. The days following your father’s abusive attacks on your mother were filled with ice cream shops, amusement parks, and fast food restaurants. Those days were the warm days of your childhood. After your mother left your father, there were so many times where you selfishly wished to go back to those days. Even though you knew your mother was much safer away from him, things were so much harder on your own.
In that moment, you realized that because it was hard, you were able to grow. Your little brother was already twice the man your father is and he’s just going up from here. Your father needed to realize how hard change was in order to earn his spot back in your life.
Jack cleared his throat. “We should get going, Y/n. The movie will be starting in thirty minutes.”
That was the code you and Jack had settled on to leave prior to coming to the café. You had almost forgotten about it and a wave of relief crashed into you.
“At least let me drive you.” Your father insisted, as though you didn’t just make it clear you had no intentions of including him in your life going forward. “Where are you heading?”
“It’s fine.” Jack cut in. “It’s better if we walk. It’s not that far.”
I clear my throat
And say we ought to get home
He offers us a ride
I reply "No, that's alright"
“Jack’s right. I think it’s best if we end here for now. Goodbye,” You said, standing up. “I hope the next time we meet, you’re ready to apologize.”
“Y/n...” Your father said, sadly. For once, he seemed at a loss for words. He looked at you. “You’ve grown into a beautiful, young woman.”
You nodded and smiled softly. “I’m my mother’s daughter.”
I don't know
How you keep smiling
I don't know
How you keep smiling
I don't know
How you keep smiling
Jack stood up and led the way to the door. You followed him, knowing your father’s eyes were still on you. You walked closer to Jack to tell him in a low voice that you would like to take the long way home.
You feel him watching
So we walk a mile in the wrong direction
Jack agreed and you walked together in silence. Every few moments he would glance at you, trying to read your expression. Jack thought he knew you better than anyone, but at this moment, you could’ve been a stranger. He wanted nothing more than to envelope you in his arms and hold you close to him. He had this urge to protect you after seeing you so raw and vulnerable in front of your father. He still wanted to turn back and beat the daylights out your father too. However, Jack realized it was more important to be here with you instead.
You two walked for almost fifteen minutes in silence before Jack decided to break it.
“Are you okay, Y/n?” Jack’s voice was gentle. “It was pretty intense back there.”
“Yes, thank you, Jack.” You smiled at him. “For being there for me. It did help.”
I don't know
How you keep smiling
I don't know
How you keep smiling
I don't know
How you keep smiling
“I wish I did more. I feel like I made the situation a bit worse.” Jack shook his head before smirking. “Me being a deadbeat coke dealing boyfriend and all.”
“Oh god, Jack I’m so sorry.” You covered your face with your hands. “I can’t believe he said that! I mean has that ass even opened up a Kentucky newspaper lately? Or been on the internet?! He didn’t even say your name right.”
Jack chuckled. “Honestly, it was pretty funny. In hindsight. At the time, I was just pissed at how he was talking to you. I couldn’t care less about what he thought about me.”
“Still, I’m sorry.” You said, shaking your head as you uncovered your face. “There were points where he would re-enter our lives. Just for a day or two, usually when we were staying at our paternal grandparents place for a weekend. Those were the times Mom was really desperate.”
Your stomach twisted thinking about how much your mother sacrificed for all of you. When you were staying at a relatives house enjoying home-cooked meals, warm showers, and fresh clothes -- what was your mother doing? How was she surviving. You hugged yourself and sighed.
Today, you thought about how hard you had it for having to take care of your siblings. You had also thought about how hard your father didn’t have it based on his smug attitude. But, you had yet to acknowledge how miserable it was for your mother. She deserved every good thing in her life right now.
You pulled yourself back to the present, walking in stride with Jack along the Riverwalk near the Waterfront Park. The walk was leisurely thanks to the sun not being too hot, but bright enough that it was still a sunny day. You felt yourself drifting closer to Jack, your bare arm brushing against the sleeve of his hoodie.
“Anyway...” You continued. “...I would encourage my brother to talk to our father. I had this image in my head that he needed a father in his life. I should have known by the way my brother gushed about you that he already had a big brother figure.”
Jack smiled. He always saw your brother as his own. Your brother was a spunky kid, though quiet at first, that just seemed to be happy to be included. Although your brother had grown quite a bit since then, Jack still kept tabs on him to make sure your brother had everything he needed. You didn’t know that, though. It was a pact between men.
“Your brother saw something in me that most people didn’t. I was just a local celebrity in high school. So, to have someone driving hours to see my shows was so inspiring.” Jack reminisced, the smile on his face growing.
“I drove that distance...” You reminded Jack with a laugh.
Jack playfully nudged you by bouncing his shoulder against yours. “I am aware of that. I remember after meeting him for the first time, you were standing way in the back. I think I said to Shloob that you looked mad good or something like that. You didn’t seem like you wanted to give me the time of day.” Jack let out a his higher pitched laugh. The one that always seemed to slip out and catch him by surprise, forcing him to cover his mouth slightly with the back of his hand. One of your favorite sounds in the world.
“I had just driven for three hours!” You explained. “I felt gross and I probably looked gross too. You just couldn’t tell from that far away. I was so mad I didn’t dress up a bit more. No offense, but I wasn’t expecting the nerdy looking rapper to be so charming.”
“Offense taken.” Jack joked, bumping into you again. “Well, you really showed out the next time.”
“Please don’t say it, please don’t say it...” You chanted, closing your eyes.
“With the fishnet stockings...” Jack said, making you cringe.
“Jack, we are talking the mid-2010s, okay? It was either fishnets or jean shorts. No in-between.” You groaned. “I thought I looked like a baddie too.”
“You did.” Jack assured you, his laughter having the opposite effect of his words. You shook your head, laughing as well. You were approaching the part of the Waterfront Park that was near to Jack’s condo.
Jack checked his watch for the time. “You want to head back to my place? It’s not too far from here.”
You hesitated. It was rare for you and Jack to be alone near a bedroom and not sleep together. You knew if you didn’t want to, Jack wouldn’t force you. But, you didn’t want the temptation. You could easily see yourself succumbing to light kisses on your neck in an attempt to drown out the gnawing feeling in your chest from meeting your father. You wanted to process what was going on inside of your brain and you couldn’t do that if Jack was fogging everything up.
“I was thinking of heading to my Mom’s.” Jack said, slowing his stride to stand a bit behind you. “You’re welcome to come with or I can drop you wherever you’re staying.”
You smiled, wondering, once again, if Jack was a mind reader. “I’d like to see your mom. Thanks, Jack.”
“Of course...” Jack said, resuming his pace.
~
The ride to Jack’s childhood home was a comfortable silence. You were listening to the radio, the windows rolled down and enjoying the cool breeze. You were grateful that Jack hadn’t taken off the doors of his Jeep Wrangler yet. You never understood why guys thought the look was so cool. It just made it look like on those Fisher Price toy cards that toddlers would power with their little feet, Flintstone’s style.
You smiled softly at the thought. Jack, who had been taking glances at you every few moments, picked up on it.
“What are you thinking about?” He asked, turning on to his childhood street.
You shook your head, not wanting to bring it up. “I’m just excited to be back here. I haven’t seen your folks in awhile.”
Jack nodded as he turned on his indicator to pull into the driveway. You sat up sharply as your immediately recognized the sedan parked outside of the house. Your mother was here. Your heart flipped in your chest, feelings of guilt and worry flashing over your face. You weren’t ready to tell her what happened yet.
“Hey,” Jack cooed, turning off the engine now that he had parked. “You’re good, alright? Everything’s all good.”
He grabbed your hand and you met his eyes. His eyebrows were knitted with concern as he searched your face for a moment. His thumb rubbed the back of your hand tenderly and let the silence linger. You could feel your cheeks heating at the prolonged eye contact. You smiled as you averted your gaze.
“All good.” You repeated, trying to put some finality in your tone.
You opened the door, letting go of Jack’s hand for you to get out the car. Jack seemed to stay in his seat an extra beat before stepping out as well. You closed the doors and walked toward the house. You hugged yourself, the wind feeling colder under the shady trees of the Harlow estate. Jack quickened his pace to intercept you before you made it to the porch.
Jack stared down at you unblinkingly as his hands came up to cup your face. His fingertips cradled your jaw while his thumbs rested lightly on the apples of your cheeks. He leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. His lips parted to capture your top lip gently. Your eyes fluttered closed as Jack’s lips massaged yours, tugging and pressing against each of your lips tenderly. Your heart swelled at the softness of the kiss, tears pricking your eyes. Your hands pressed against Jack’s chest and you ignored how they trembled with weakness.
You pulled away at the sound of a car passing by, staring at Jack with wide eyes. Of course you and Jack had kissed before. But, not like this. Your kisses with Jack were passion filled: lots of tongue, teeth clashes and groping. The feather light touches and warmth was new and a little scary.
“You’re okay, Y/n.” Jack said, smoothing his hand on the side of your head. “I’m here for you.”
You nodded slowly, but you were still stunned. Jack took your hand and pulled you toward the door. He rang the doorbell, glancing at you quickly, before turning to the opening door.
“Jack!” Jack’s mother said, opening her arms for a wide hug. Jack dashed into his mother’s arm, the most genuine smile etched on his face. They rocked each other from side to side, humming brightly through the hug. All you could see from your angle was their equally curly hair bouncing back and forth.
You stared at the ground, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and jealousy. You felt like you were intruding on a private moment. You also craved to have that same embrace with your own mother. Especially after the day that you had. You tried to subtle look past them to see if your mother was in the vicinity.
“Oh, looky!” Jack’s mother exclaimed, “Y/n’s here. Y/M/n, your daughter is here. Come in, sweetheart.”
Jack’s mother opened one of her arms for you to join in on the hug. You smiled as you watch your mother excitedly trudging toward the door. The smile on her face made you emotional and you blinked a couple of times to keep your composure. Your mother joined in the group hug, but after a few moments, you moved to just hug her tightly.
“Oh...” Your mother exclaimed softly, her hands resting tightly on your back. “...are you alright, Y/n?”
You shook your head, afraid that your voice would come out shaky. You could feel your mother’s head turning toward where Jack and his mother were standing, but you couldn’t see them. You took a deep breath to calm your shaky voice.
“I saw Dad today.” Your voice still cracked. “He wanted to see me and I went. Are you mad at me?”
“Of course not, sweetheart.” Your mother pulled away from you, only to cup your face with one hand and squeeze your arm with the other. “Are you alright? Did Jack pick you up?”
Jack stood awkwardly on the side. His mother had walked into the living room to clear space for everyone to sit. From the items tossed across the coffee table, it looked like the two businesswomen were planning a collaboration. There were signs and mockups on the couch that Jack’s mother was moving to less in the way locations. Jack knew it was better to give you privacy, but his feet felt cemented into the floor. It was like he could tell you needed him by your side.
“No, Jack went with me.” You turned and gave him a smile. Jack’s heart clenched seeing your misty gaze. He just wanted to reach out and hug you, but you knew that was your mom’s job at the moment.
Jack’s mother’s head shot up from what she was doing at your explanation. Jack met her eyes with confusion and his mother softened her own shocked expression. She gestured to the group, “Sit, sit...”
You, Jack and your mother moved as a unit towards the living room, but Jack’s mother tapped Jack on the arm gently.
“Can you help me in the kitchen, Jack?” She asked, tilting her head in the opposite direction.
Jack’s eyes darted towards you before bouncing back to his mother and giving her a quick nod. The two walked into the kitchen leaving you alone to speak one-on-one with your mother about the day’s events.
Your mother sat across from you patiently. You studied her features. You could see that her eyes had little crows feet when she smiled and she was starting to gray towards the front. But, she looked so much more radiant than from when you last saw her a few months ago. Her skin was glowing, her eyes were twinkling, and she sat up tall. She looked happy and it made her look so beautiful.
“He told me he was doing some SA thing and needed to right his wrongs.” You explained. “I thought he was changing. I was so wrong, Mom. He went on this whole tirade about how he’s going to save us.” Your voice broke at the end, the shame crashing into you. You kept wondering how you could have been so stupid, so naïve.
“Oh, Y/n....” Your mother said sadly. “I’m sorry. If I had been more open with you all about what was going on, you may have been able to prepare. I am working on getting an official divorce. Through an attorney. That’s how he knew I’m in Kentucky, I guess. That’s where my lawyer’s main office is.”
You swallowed. You didn’t realize your parents were still married. Your mother used her maiden name and she no longer wore her wedding ring. Everyone knew your family as a single parent household. You just assumed that your father was completely out of the picture.
“I didn’t tell him you live in Lex.” You told her. “But, maybe we should let your lawyer know he’s looking for you, just in case he starts asking around.”
Your mother looked relieved at your first statement and she nodded in agreement at the second. She reached out and squeezed your hands. “I’ll handle all of that later. How are you doing? You look like you’re hanging on by a thread.”
“I’m alright, now that I have you here.” You smiled, your eyes watering. Your lip started twitching as you were thinking about your father. “He kept talking about the past like it was so positive. He kept calling me buttercup, it was so weird.”
Your mother let a tuft of air pass through her nose in a half laugh. “You used to love the Powerpuff Girls. And Buttercup was your favorite.” She shook her head with a soft laugh. “All the other girls in yur class liked Blossom because she was the leader. Or Bubbles because she was the cute one. But not Y/n. No, you liked rough and tough, Buttercup. Always wearing green and saying ‘that’s for babies’ any time you didn’t want to do something.”
Your mother gave your hands a couple of squeezes as she continued speaking. “Who would have known that in our little family, you would be the fighter too? You were my right hand, Y/n. Attending all the PTA meetings, coordinating your sister’s sleepovers, taking your brother to Jack concerts...all the the things I couldn’t do.”
“Mom,” You sighed. “We know how much you did for us. I did everything you would have done if you could. And probably only half as good.”
Your mother gave a grateful smile. She looked away for a moment and then met your eyes, as if resolving to say what was on her mind. “Did you know I was a trucker?”
Your eyes widened. The woman in front of you was the epitome of a girly girl. Her hair, nails and makeup were done to perfection. Her outfit was definitely Macy’s Women’s department 50% off sale couture. You couldn’t imagine your mother in a baseball cap, driving an 18-wheeler with one of those hula dancer bobble heads on the dash.
“I thought I’d get that look.” She laughed. “That’s why you were hopping from house to house. Driving for 10 or 11 hours for 10 consecutive days at a time. It was the best way for me to make money. It pays well enough but it is so so lonely. But you always made it a tradition to call me at 9pm every day. And that was the only thing that kept me going. Your father doesn’t need to save us, Y/n. We saved our damn selves the day we left him.”
The tears poured before you could stop them. Your mother cradled you in her arms as you let out quiet sobs into her neck. She patted you on the back and let you release all of your feelings. After a few moments, you composed yourself. You sat up and let out a bashful laugh.
“Wow, that was a lot. Sorry...” You apologized, but she shook her head.
“I’m your mom. It’s what I do.” She reminded you as she handed you a tissue. “Now, on to the bigger topic of the evening...are you and Jack a thing again?”
“Again?” You echoed, shaking your head. “No, Mom. We’re just friends. Always have been.”
Your mother narrowed her eyes at you, playfully. “I wasn’t born yesterday, Y/n. I know you two have been more than friendly for some time. I’m just wondering if there’s more you can tell your mother in terms of your relationship.”
Your face flushed, unable to deny it. “No, uhm...nothing has changed.”
Your mind jumped back to the kiss outside his house. Something had definitely changed today, but you weren’t sure if you imagined it. You glanced over your shoulder towards the kitchen, hearing Jack whispering to his mother. You couldn’t help but wonder if they were discussing the same thing too.
~
If he could, Jack would have pressed his ear to a wall to listen in more to the conversation. He could only hear the sadness in your voice and he wanted to hold you. Jack’s mother, who was mixing the mocktails for the group, stopped her movements to look at her son. Jack was leaning against the countertop, arms folded with his hood still pulled up over his curls. His mouth was twisted to the side as he stared into space.
“Very nice of you to accompany Y/n to meet her dad.” Jack’s mother commented. “I’m sure it made her feel safer.”
Jack blinked a couple times, turning his head to look at his mother. “I don’t think she wanted me to go at first, but I couldn’t just leave her there, you know? It wouldn’t be right.”
“You have a good heart, Jack.” His mother rested a hand on his shoulder. “She’s lucky to have a friend like you.”
Jack swallowed before licking his lips. “I was actually thinking today that maybe we should be more than friends.” Jack admitted. “When I saw her father...I wanted to punch him in the face. Just reach over and choke him. I had to step away just to control myself. I’ve never felt so protective over someone. I know Y/n has been precious to me, but I am starting to realize just how precious.”
His mother’s lips pressed together. She took a deep breath, her eyes dancing between her son and the floor. She let her gaze keep his when she said, “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Jack.”
Jack could feel his shoulders tense as his eyebrows raised in surprise. He must have misheard that. Jack shook his head. “I’m sorry, what? You used to say you see her as a daughter all the time. You’re best friends with her mom. Why wouldn’t you want to make this official? Do you not think she’s good enough for your son?”
His mother’s shoulders slumped as she let out a sigh. “Perhaps the issue is that I don’t think you’re ready for her.” She rested a hand on each of his arms and looked into his eyes. “You’re both in your twenties, Jack. You’re not ready to settle down in a long term relationship and that’s okay. But, Y/n doesn’t need something flighty right now. She needs someone who is willing to commit to her. Even if it’s not forever, it needs to be longer than a couple months.”
Now Jack was really shocked. His mouth opened and then closed. He was at a complete loss for words. His mother was basically calling him a bad boyfriend and protecting someone from him. Protecting you from him.
“Have you ever noticed that Y/n doesn’t like romance movies?” Jack’s mother continued. “Not even the Disney ones. She’ll always pick a comedy or an action movie. She doesn’t even believe in the fantasy of love.”
“Lilo and Stitch.” Jack said softly, closing his eyes. “That’s her favorite Disney movie.” Of course, it was the movie about chosen family. The main storyline is not a romantic arc, but one about true friendship, loyalty, and community.
Everything Jack knew about you was starting to click together. You didn’t believe in love. You didn’t even seek it. When you and Jack first started hooking up, you never inquired if there would be more between you two one day. In fact, you didn’t even seem interested at the prospect. You didn’t have any long term boyfriends and spent all your free time visiting your mother, siblings, and extended family.
You even told your father point blank that you had no intention of getting married. Jack wondered how he could have been so blind?
“I want to fall in love, Mom.” Jack sighed. “And, I think I can fall in love with her. I just want her to want to fall in love with me too.”
Jack’s mother scrunched her face as if she wanted to say something, but was trying to stop herself. Jack waited, knowing his mother was going to say it anyway.
“Gosh, you know we have been rooting for you two since day one.” She confessed. “I always thought she would be the peanut butter to your jelly, Jack. But, once I realized how much she took on as a result of her parents’ separation, I knew that you two were not a good fit for each other.”
Jack’s shoulders slumped and she put her hand on one of them. “But, Jack, that doesn’t mean it’s forever. I’m not dumb. I know you two have a more than friendly relationship going on.”
Jack cringed at the thought of his mother thinking about his sex life. “Uhm, it just sorta happened a couple times.”
“A couple times?” Jack’s mother quirked an eyebrow. “This is not my first rodeo. I know you Harlow men can’t quit something once you find what you like.”
“Okay!” Jack’s voice came out loud. “That’s more than I need to know about any of Harlow men in this household.”
Jack’s mother laughed. “What I’m saying is that you have the physical attraction and you have a strong friendship. Those are two of the most important aspects of a relationship. It allows you to grow together and rely on each other. You don’t need to rush this, Jack. You need to let her know your intentions, but it’s important for you two to grow into this relationship.”
Jack nodded. He knew he wasn’t ready to be the boyfriend you deserved. And he knew you weren’t ready to officially settle down. But, he did seem himself at your wedding one day. Jack knew you were capable of love. He just needed to know if you wanted that person to be him.
“Come on, let’s go take these mocktails out.” Jack’s mother said, picking up a tray with two drinks. Jack picked up the other one and followed her out of the kitchen.
“Drinks!” Jack’s mother announced, causing both you and your mother to perk up. You had stopped crying and you two were laughing about old times. The good times.
“Thank you, kindly.” Your mother said taking a beverage.
You took one as well and was about to take a sip when you felt Jack looming behind you. You tilted your head back to see him staring at you like a little kid. Except taller and with a beard.
“Can I talk to you for a sec, Y/n?” Jack asked, before addressing your mother to say, “I’m just want to steal her for a couple of minutes.”
You stood up and put your drink on a coaster on the coffee table. You followed Jack through the house to the back door that led to the backyard. You two stood on the patio, staring at each other. Your skin pricked with goosebumps, but you pretended that you weren’t cold because you didn’t want Jack to feel bad.
“Y/n...” Jack’s voice was measured, but in the low lighting of the patio light, you could see how nervous he was. “I know you don’t believe in marriage, but I do believe that you’ll get married one day. And I do think I’ll be at that wedding. What I’m not sure is, what would I be. A guest? The best man? The groom?”
Your eyebrows shot up at the last one. You weren’t expecting this at all. All evening, you had thought about the kiss you shared in front of Jack’s house and wondered if he may want to be more than just casual. But, marriage? That sounded scary.
“Jack, I--”
“For the record,” Jack cut in. “I am happy with all three roles. Sure, there’s one I would prefer more than the others, but whatever you want is most important to me.”
“Which role do you want?” You asked, feeling your throat go dry.
Jack smirked. “I asked you first.”
You stared down at your feet. Your whole body felt like it was on fire. You sure weren’t feeling cold now. Deep inside of you, locked away with all your childhood dreams, probably in the same spot where Buttercup and Lilo and Stitch resided, was this image of you in a princess ball gown walking down the aisle. At the end of that aisle, you saw Jack. But next to you, you saw your father and that terrified you. At some point, your mother walked toward your father in a white dress thinking it was the start to her happily ever after. And it was a nightmare. How could you be sure that Jack wasn’t going to end up the same way?
“I want to say groom.” You confessed, shyly. “But, I just...”
Your voice trailed off. Jack walked closer to you and you could feel his eyes on you, but you wouldn’t look up at him. You could tell he was smiling though. You could tell you said the answer he wanted to hear. And that made you happy, but also scared because you couldn’t voice the second part. The second part that admitted you weren’t ready to do this. Especially, not after today.
Jack grabbed your hands and waited until you met his eyes before he spoke. “Y/n, I’m not proposing to you right now. We have a few more steps and a lot more adventures before we get there. You know how much I want to fall in love and I want to love you. I want to be loved by you. I want to do this whole thing together.”
Your eyes glossed over and you nodded. “I just need some time.”
“And you’ll get it.” Jack confirmed. “You’ll get time with me, by your side. I’ll give you as much space or as little space as you want. And if you want to take a break from all of this, then I’m happy to go at your pace. But, I’m going to really try. I have a crazy vision of how I want my life to be and I can’t think of anyone better to share it with.”
You hugged Jack tightly, overcome with emotion. You rested your chin against his chest and met his smile. He leaned in and kissed your forehead over and over again. It was like each kiss was trying to slow chip away at the ice that formed around your heart. You weren’t sure how many kisses it would take, but you new that neither of you were going to stop trying to find out any time soon.
__
A/N: Thank you for the opportunity to write this, anon! I do hope you liked it. This was my first time writing something that leaned more angst than romance without a clear cut happy ending.
For inspo, I re-read “It Ends With Us” by Colleen Hoover to draw on her excellent writing. That book is pretty heavy (see trigger warnings here), but very well written.
I felt so guilty to my own father who is nothing like this as a wrote this. (Sorry, dad, but you’ll never see this so no worries xD)However, I unfortunately know many people who have parents/caregivers as how I described.
For all of you that related too much to this, I am sending you lots of love ♥ If you or someone you love is a victim of abuse, definitely check out thehotline.org.
