i'm rotting from the inside out

Mental illness/vent blog. They/them. Bi, trans, nonbinary. 27. CSA survivor. Depression, anxiety, CPTSD, maladaptive daydreaming, selective mutism. Probably more that are undiagnosed

[furiousgoldfish]

I don't like when people try to 'comfort' victims by saying "Your abusers are secretly miserable and insecure they can barely live with themselves".

Firstly it's because it feels like another push to feel sorry for them, to center them in how we're supposed to feel. It forces us to have empathy and compassion and ignore what they did to us, and how we feel as a result. What does it do for me if my abuser is presumably miserable. It's likely they'll try to take it out on me.

Secondly, I don't believe that. I've witnessed abusers getting absolutely everything they want and I can tell when they're smug, satisfied, happy and enjoying themselves. Any time they're not in a good mood, they're a danger and will do anything, including torture and gaslighting, to feel good again, to get another hit of that satisfaction. Watching someone derive deep satisfaction from hurting me and then being told they're actually miserable deep inside feels like gaslighting. Yes they might have felt a bit frustrated if they didn't have someone to torture but then they would select the next most vulnerable target right away and gone to town. Their life is an endless, reckless and cruel chase of pleasure where they never even check the trail of trauma and devastation it left on other people's lives.

So no, I don't think they're miserable, and if they were, that doesn't please me. I don't get a vengeful thrill from thinking someone is secretly suffering. Make it so they can't torture anyone. Make them miserable by depriving them of victims. Make them shut up permanently so their victims could speak out. Put them in jail. Tell everyone what they did. Outcast them. Make them feel ashamed with themselves. That would make me feel better.

[rippinginpeace]

you know what. I'm done trying. you want me in ur life? fucking act like it. cuz rn the only signals I'm getting from these bitches is that they don't want me around

[babiebunny04-deactivated2025110]

[wetheurban]

The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of accountability was the closure. The lack of honesty was the closure.

[rippinginpeace]

ok I'll stop intruding.

[rippinginpeace]

ok cool guess I'll go fuck myself then

[traumasurvivors]

It is not your job to protect someone else’s reputation.

If telling the truth makes them look bad, that is about their actions. It’s not on you. You are not required to lie, soften, or stay quiet just to keep someone comfortable or respectable.

You get to tell your story (if you want to).

You get to name what happened.

Choosing honesty is not being cruel.

And yes, protecting yourself is different. You are allowed to lie, withhold, or stay silent if it keeps you safe. Your safety comes first. But protecting them at the cost of yourself was never your responsibility.

[rippinginpeace]

placing a big neon sign that says DONT HAVE KIDS IF YOU CANT FIGURE OUT HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEMA

[forestaflame]

overestimating how much you mean to someone really fucks you in the head

[servuscallidus]

I'm going to *remembers suicide is often not a desire for death itself but rather an attempt to radically change one's life because the current state of being has become unbearable but the person can't think of any way to change it other than death* kill myself

[wetheurban]

The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of accountability was the closure. The lack of honesty was the closure.

[scorpionlafemme]

[rippinginpeace]

I'm kind of tired of having someone else in my house

[rippinginpeace]

yeah well you should have listened to the doctors

[furiousgoldfish]

parents will be like "We're good parents! We did our best!" while their child is alone in their room, terrified of footsteps, unable to conceptualize being loved by anyone.

[catblinker]

parents will literally ruin a child's life a dozen times over and break any hope of ever being seen as a person instead of a burden and instill them with a lifelong aversion to ever taking up space or making noise or using resources or existing and then be like "i know i wasn't perfect but you must understand i did my best" and demand your forgiveness

[rippinginpeace]

he only texts me when he's manic

[lecata]

you deserve someone who thinks you’re too important to lose