Daily reminder that “Missing Person” posts are a common and often effective method that abusers use to find their victims that have run away from them. Also used to find people in the witness protection program.
If you see a “missing person” post with a number that is not just 911 on it, be very wary. And if you do see someone who is supposedly missing, call the police, NOT the number provided on the post. I trust the police as little as anyone but they’ll at least be able to tell you if that person is actually missing and it has less of a chance of giving information to a possible abuser.
A couple of red flags I’ve noticed:
Abusers claiming their victims are mentally ill or schizophrenic, to explain why they might not want to come back
Abusers giving any excuse to explain why their victims may not come back really
Abusers telling you not to approach their victims if you see them, or limit your communication with them
Abusers telling you not to mention them to their victims at all
Abusers claiming that their victims aren’t safe with their family or friends
Abusers claiming their victims are being threatened away from them
(Feel free to add on)
Add-ons to the list of red flags from my mother, a psychologist who has worked with victims of domestic abuse:
Abusers claiming their victim has a history of self-harm that leaves bruises is always a red flag (except in the case of autistic children, but even then, call 911, not the abuser)
Abusers claiming their (POC) victim doesn’t understand English and so you shouldn’t try to communicate with them/trust anything they say is not uncommon for human traffickers
Abusers claiming their victim has a history of making things up for attention or to get their way, tacitly implying you shouldn’t listen to them when they express fear or disclose their abusive situation to you
Posters lacking a last name are inherently not to be trusted. The lack of a surname is there to keep you from looking the person up in other databases and finding out they’ve been listed as missing by their family/the police.
Posters that put any character smears - mental illness, drug use, etc. - out about the victim are trying to make you predisposed to not communicating with or trusting the victim so you won’t believe anything they say. Treat this as a flashing neon red flag and call the police.
My mother would also like to note that taking a picture of the poster or tearing it down and turning it in to police can be very useful to them when they’re trying to build cases against abusers so if that’s at all possible for you, by all means do it.
As someone who’s always had foster brothers and sisters, this is not only true for adults, but absolutely true for children as well. Sometimes kids are put into ‘secret placement’ in foster care to protect the child and the foster family they’re placed with. We’ve legit had parents find out where we live and turn up on our doorstep with guns. We’ve also had parents simply turn up at school, pick up their kids and flee the country.
If you work in the education system, or some other system that deals with information, be very aware of who you give information to. Are you on the phone? Don’t give out any information unless you can prove with 100% certainty that this person is who they say they are. Even if they are the parent, make sure they’re also the legal guardian. Even if they have a sad story about how they’re never allowed to see the kids through no fault of their own, even if it’s true, don’t give out information. Those rules are there for a reason and that reason is to protect kids from their abusers. This seems ridiculous and tedious and bureaucratic and in most cases it is, but for the sake of that 1 in 10.000th case that it’s true, please be careful.
Red flags:
- Parents who don’t know their child’s address or phone number
- Parents who make degrading remarks about their child’s primary care giver
- Parents who make degrading remarks about their child
- Parents who are looking for more than one of their kids
- Parents who are demanding access to their kid’s email account
- The child is in foster care or lives in a halfway house or similar institution
- The parent paints themselves as a victim.
Yes, not all foster care placement is handled correctly and sometimes mistakes are made, but that decision is not up to you. You don’t know all the facts. Many abusers, parents or otherwise, are clever, charismatic, manipulative assholes that get off on power trips but can come off as completely normal and trustworthy. Far more so than their victims.
Please help protect those victims.
