my family - again, for the past idk maybe couple of years now (bad memory, remember) my mom and her sister (my aunt) and my aunt's daughters (and their husbands, apparently?? y? idk??) have been looking for husbands for me. that sounds so gross typing it out lol.
maybe i should tell you about myself, so it's better to understand. THIS should be my biodata! lol jk, i'd scare everyone away... (am i now seeing why my biodata is written the way it was...??) ok, um, i'm not gonna give out too much personal deets bc i don't want my identity known. yet, at least? idk, we'll see lol.
soooo. i've never really cared to be in a relationship. my friends were always enough for me. yeah, friends can't satisfy all my "needs" or whatever lmao, but right now, at least, i'm not looking for that at all?? i've never been the type to watch shows and movies and be all "aww i want that". like, sure, it wouldn't be bad to have that stuff, but i'm literally so fine without it? i say this a lot because i don't think people really believe me lol but it's true. i've had crushes on guys and i don't get too heartbroken when nothing happens - nothing ever does, nobody's ever told me they liked me, but tbf i've never told anyone that, eitherrr, annnnd idc, life goes on? i've never talked to a guy more than my bff or trusted a guy more than my bff, so like, i wasn't really losing anything? lol. plus, i'm not a very optimistic person and i like to think i'm pretty realistic and a lot of my crushes would be guys my parents wouldn't think of marrying me to. like nonmuslim, or they're too young, or idk. so, in my mind, i'm already set up like "i know nothing will actually happen even if they do like me back". so again, not really losing anything. and i'm like *insert shrug emoticon* and moves on.
i like having crushes, don't get me wrong it's fun talking to guys and the emotional rollercoaster and all that - i'm all for it. so in that sense, i guess being in a relationship would be cool, but here's the thinggggggg:
my family finds the most non-compatible seeming people for me!! i say seeming because i always say "no" when they show me a pic and biodata. but i have legit reasons. first, they aren't born in america. yes, i know people who weren't born in america, and were just raised here, and aren't fobby and i'm actually cool with that, BUT if i say /that/ to my family, they'll push their limits and give me someone who was living here for like five years only. it's like when you want someone at your house at 6, so you tell them 5 and you know they'll leave the house at 5:30.
tbh, that's my biggest thing because i'm not desified /a t A L L/. i don't watch the movies, i don't listen to the music, i really despise a lot of the cultural things and mindsets and i cringe being around desis most of the time. it's terrible, but i have to be real - i'm just not about it. i have desi friends! i'm talking about the fobby ones. i'm desi myself, so.
yeah, so the most desi i am is i eat the food and i wear the clothes to some daawats and on eid. but that's about it. oh, i understand urdu, also. i don't speak it, though. bc i sound super white when i try to. yeah, so how tf will i speak to my in laws?? hahahah, idfk.
yeah, so the second thing is their pics. i don't think i'm superficial bc i've always developed crushes on guys that weren't that cute at first until i got to know them or lost interest in (even was really repelled by) guys who were attractive on sight, but turned out to be lame or boring or dickheads. so, i don't solely say "no" to a rishta based off their pics (hell, a lot of my pics don't come out good, soooo i get that). what i do see in their pics is if they're fobby or not!! how to explain..... i'll include some pics that indicate fobby to me. but there are particular poses that scream "fobby" AND OH, pictures of a guy next to a nice car or if he's wearing a belt with a huge buckle indicating the designer brand it is. omg i haaaaaaaaate that. puke. like that is the worst.
also, i think i'm pretty. i'm really not insecure about my looks at all lol. i'm skinny and have a nice butt and i love my hair (i wear hijab tho) and my fashion's on point and i have thick lips and long eyelashes ok i'm gr8 i love me, really. so it's pretty insulting when my family shows me pics of guys not in my league. i'm really not looking for someone super hot - i'm realistic, i swear. but come on?? i don't want to say specifics, just in case. idk i doubt anybody would figure out i'm talking about them or that i would end up talking to them and marrying them and then have this whole secret blog where i was making fun of my husband and never tell him lol but still. let's chill out.
ALSO. i'm in literally NO RUSH to get married? like can we all chill while i finish school which is hard af especially when it's a new school and i'm barely hanging on by a thread. jeeeez. and i still feel like i'm a teenager. my interests and the way i act and idk. i'm 21, btw. and it's not totally my fault, with how overprotective my parents are and not like wanting us (oh, i have a bro) to go into the world and be independent and shit. like yeah, they say that, but they don't mean it. we live at home and commute 45 min every day each way to school and back and they tell us to get a job and then a month into the job, tell us to quit because we're not home enough. lol like make up your minds. but yeah. used to it.
honestly, what is the rush to get rid of me lmao. i know it's not that, i'm just being salty. if it was that, i'd GLADLY live on my own. but married? pls, i've never been on my own so to go from being caged in with parents to being caged in with a husband lmao. so sad. i want some freedom, some me time. all i care about is pleasing my parents and then i'll go straight from that to pleasing my husband lmao. can i do what i want for once? no? ok.
