The Real Risky

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[riskyrix-blog]

As the notheners of the UK say, I’m in a ‘bad way’ right now

I am a woman, a human woman.

And ofcourse despite my ordeal over the past three/four months I ended up at Asher’s on Sunday.. Its not what you think it was though.. Things are different, its weird.

I was sleeping with his friend before I had ever even met him and i kinda went back there a week after we had broken up..

I think he might know, but at the same time I dont see why he should care.

But.. boys will be boys.

It hurts, but at the time of penetration I was genuinely 1000% sure that I wouldn’t get back with Asher. But somehow his penis accidently fell in my mouth and here I am.

I am a woman, a human woman.

It breaks my heart that he’s treating me this way but its all for the best, He’s not the one. There’s a famous saying, something along the lines of, its not how he makes you feel that matters, its about how he makes you feel about yourself.

I’m the kind of gal that like acknowledgement. I like to be acknowledged more for my positives than my negatives. All Asher has ever done is point out my flaws, from the very first moment I met him to now, that’s all he’s ever done, criticize me for my personality. Making me feeel worthless. 

Ever since he broke up with me a couple weeks ago I’ve been getting my happy back. There’s always a permanent smile on my face at work everyone has noticed the difference. I’m only ever unhappy or angry when I’m around him..

Omg guys, *side note* I had THE BEST day at work ever today. I’ve been working closely with our marketing manager and I spent the day doing everything I’ve ever dreamed of doing. Dealing with creatives, resizing logos, sorting out bag, pen and notebook designs, checking out venues for a corporate event we’re having on Friday.

I think I might end on that note you know, although my heart still yearns for some kind of love, his love isn’t what I need, he hasn’t got the right influence on me. I need to surround myself with people smarter, more motivated and better looking than me lol.

My marketing manager is tensioning a bitch big time, shes so fucking fly, she always looks on point, her weave, her dress sense, her make up and nails. I want to be that girl, I just need fucking money.

I might start paying my nail salon a lump sum. Like 15k just so I dont have to worry about when the next monies is gonna come. Sounds like a plan.

But yeah, things are looking up and my future ooks brighter the longer I stay sober. Hanging around him just makes me want to start blazing again. I need my head to be clear at this critical point in my life.

Eventually I will do a post on my colleagues and how incompetent some of them are. What i love about my marketing manager is the fact that she’s exactly like me!! We think exactly the same and she motivates me to be the best I can be! She’s like a female Juju (my ex- who i will eventually do a post on too!) I’m feeling so fulfilled at work and I just pray God continues to send people like her my way. 

I could really use some support at this point in time of my life and if they help me achieve my goals at the same time then that’s absofuckiinglutely fantabulous. 

I’m not gonna bother reading over this, so apologies for all the grammatical mistakes. I’m off to watch Celebrity Big Brother Muthafuckasssss!

[riskyrix-blog]

Who the fuck is ‘Risky’?

I don’t even know why I bothered asking myself this question because I don’t know the answer. At least not yet anyway.

I started this blog all of ten minutes ago because I’m sad and heartbroken. But not in the traditional sense. But yeah, in the traditional sense lol.

I had been with a man for about 3/4 months, we’ll call him Asher (Spartacus reference). Now for those of you who’ve watched Spartacus, you know that Asher is one of the most manipulative snakes in television history. And that is exactly why the name is a perfect fit.

We officially broke up yesterday, and this morning the first thing I did was google two words: ‘Emotional Abuse’. I don’t know what possessed me to, but as I read through what seemed like never ending horror stories, I realized that I had been living in a horror story of my own over the past 3 months. I went on to type ‘Victims of emotional abuse’ into google images and that’s when I saw it...

A picture of myself, with a big sign on my forehead that read ‘You fucking idiot, how didn’t you see this?’. I bet you’re wondering how all that would fit on my forehead, but I’ve got a pretty fuckin’ big forehead, you should see it, it’s quite impressive.

I am a victim of emotional abuse. I must admit it wasn’t as bad as some of the stories I read on google, in fact its quite pathetic in comparison but fuck it, emotional abuse is emotional abuse (plus, mine involves lots of drugs, sex and alcohol - exciting stuff!) this is my story.

It’s fucking long, so for those of you who actually have time to read this shit sit back and enjoy the ride.

Woah woah woah.

Wait.

Before story-time let me at least attempt to answer my question.

My name is Risky, I’m 23, i’m straight 80% of the time, a stoner 85% of the time and a cokehead+alcoholic 40% of the time. Surprisingly I’m doing alright for myself, I graduated a couple years ago, I’ve got a stable job that i’m very good at. But unfortunately for me over the past year and abit i’m depressed 100% of the time.

Now you know a little bit about me, i’m going to leave you pussies dripping wet and I shall thrust my throbbing cock-story inside you tomorrow. I’ve got work in the morning soz peeps.

Goodnight.